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Can you feel it coming?

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Something's waking up inside.

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Hearts ablaze, we're standing
tall breaking chains of yesterday.

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Dead America finds it's voice,
in the darkness, we make choice.

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Truth and healing lead the way,
hearts ablaze, we're here to stay.

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Rise from ashes come what may,
we're finding hope in disarray.

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Today, we're speaking with Bryan Power.

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He is a relationship coach, he teaches
The Integrated Attachment Theory Program,

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he has a website, myrelationshipfail.com.

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Bryan, could you please
introduce yourself?

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Let people know just a
little bit about you, please.

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Hey, Ed.

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Thanks so much for having me on
the show today and, uh, it's a

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pleasure to be here with you guys.

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and I'm gonna share a little bit
about my story and hopefully we can

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help some people today with that.

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And, uh, yeah, a little bit about me,
uh, you know, I, I really was born,

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uh, you know, in 1969 to a single mom.

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Uh, my father, uh, battled some
addiction and stuff and, uh, so my mom

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raised us, you know, my brother and I
through the seventies as a single mom.

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We moved around a lot, a lot of turmoil,
a lot of chaos, a lot of craziness.

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And what I learned is that would
later play out in my life, in my

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relationships, um, and it would play
out in a big way in 2024 when my

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wife and I would go from having what
I would, thought was a pretty good

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relationship, you know, with some issues,

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nothing crazy, to a complete,
you know, relationship, chaos and

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failure, um, to the point where I
had a restraining order against me.

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That was the end of the relationship,
uh, it was over in my opinion.

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Um, but through that experience,
I, I did come across The Integrated

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Attachment Theory Program created
by Thais Gibson out of Canada.

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That program I would credit to, to really
helping me get back on track, learning

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a lot of things about how to have
healthier relationships and, and put my

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relationship back together eventually.

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Um, and, and we use a lot of those
tools today to, to continue to have a

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great relationship with my wife today.

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We were able to kind of fix it, uh,
through some, you know, providence

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here and, uh, you know, things
happen and, and now we're able to

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have a really great relationship.

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And now I like to help others do the
same by teaching them how they can

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overcome some of their issues and
some of their personal stuff that they

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may be dealing with, um, so they can
have a healthy, happy, good life and

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good relationships with other people.

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Bryan, that's why I podcast.

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You know, we, we are of the same
era, I was born in sixty-six.

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And my wife and I, we
got together in 1983.

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We got married in 1985, uh, two
weeks from today's recording is

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our fortieth wedding anniversary.

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And I'll tell you, it's been
a rocky road for many years.

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And these core key elements that
is attached to this program, I

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find very interesting because it
is actually what saved my marriage.

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And believe me, I went through
some rollercoasters, infidelities,

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you know, my wife left me, and
through Providence we, we got back

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together and it, it's all worked
out rather well for what I do today.

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So why do you think that people
should listen to somebody like us?

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Well, they don't have to, right?

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It's your choice.

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But certainly, uh, you
know, I'm an honest guy.

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You know, it sounds like you are too, Ed.

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Right?

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So, you know, we've, we've
had some experiences that have

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obviously shaped our lives.

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Um, the, the challenges that we've
faced, um, we've been able to

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kind of overcome and deal with.

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And I'm not saying we've done them
perfectly, what have you, obviously it's

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been a struggle through that process.

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But, uh, my goal is to reach some
people, especially if I can reach

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them younger, um, you know, to be
able to start doing the work now and,

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and really kind of avoid, uh, a lot
of the things that we went through so

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that you can have a healthier, happier
life starting at, you know, nineteen

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and twenty or something like that and
not have to wait till you're in your

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fifties to, to bring it all together.

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And you can avoid a lot of those,
you know, painful experiences,

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you know, dealing with the,

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you know, it sounds like you and
your wife went through a lot, right?

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Where, you know, you know, we've been
able to overcome them, but let's be

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honest, if we could have avoided these,
you know, and, and done it differently

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and had it happen in a healthier,
happier way, you know, it would've

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been a whole lot better to do that.

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And so that's why I share my story.

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I hope that somebody would connect with
it and, and realize that, you know what?

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I'm just here to help and
that's all my heart is now.

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I, I have a real passion to
learn this stuff, you know?

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Uh, and I've learned a lot from it, and
I just wanna share that knowledge so

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that, um, other people can, can avoid
some of the stuff we've been through.

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So hopefully it'll resonate with somebody.

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Yeah.

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That, I, I call it bridge building
because we're like bridge builders.

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And that's really what my goal is, is to
help those younger people understand it's

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okay, you're going to have these failures.

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And a lot of it surrounds
the impact that we were under

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during our early years in life.

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And we weren't together with our
partner, we, we were with our family.

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And these values that we may not
understand, well, they stick and

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they carry on into the relationship.

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And my family, it, it was nothing
like a family really, it was a clan.

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And it, it was fend for
yourself and get things done.

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So, that's what I expected out of
my wife and I drug that value with

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me and it really caused havoc.

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And, you know, my wife is a very timid
woman and she went through some traumas

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early on and I found that if we're not
going to look inside and find what's

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wrong with us, we're, we're never going
to be able to have a balanced life.

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And if, if we expect to live with
someone, we have to take them for, as

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they are, not as we expect them to be.

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And that's really hard to do at times
because of those early childhood impacts.

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And that's what you're really pushing
in your message today is fighting these

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early behaviors to help develop your
overall behaviors in the present time.

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Is that correct?

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Yeah, absolutely.

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I mean, you know, uh, whether you
come through, uh, a little bit of a

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chaotic childhood or, you know, like
myself and, and possibly you Ed, uh,

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or if you came through a very stable
childhood where you had really, you

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know, pretty healthy parents who did
a pretty good job overall, either way

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we can still develop a lot of trauma.

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And, and that's what I've learned is that
we develop trauma throughout our lives.

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That that becomes our subconscious
perception of how we perceive the

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world, how we perceive relationships,
and how we think others are

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supposed to act and interact with
us, and, and all these things.

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And ninety-nine, you know, ninety-five
to ninety-seven percent of our

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decisions are made by the subconscious.

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And so all these things are
stuck in our subconscious level

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and they're really on auto tape.

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You know, they're just playing
automatically in our lives and we don't

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realize it, uh, what it's doing sometimes.

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And it could be doing a lot of
damage if it's not the right,

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you know, tapes, if you will.

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If it's, if it's, you know, from a
wounded place, a lot of times these

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things are playing out in a negative
way and we just don't even realize

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it because our perception is so
distorted from our own wounds and

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some of the things we've experienced.

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And so it's very, if you can learn this
early and get the awareness where you

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know it's okay to say, I have some issues.

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It's okay to realize like,
okay, I may have some,

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you know, different ways of looking
at this that I can do differently,

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so that I can have a healthier,
happier relationship in life, in my,

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and, and get through these wounds.

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The earlier you can do that, the more
you're gonna set yourself up for success.

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And, and to have a really good, you
know, long-term life where a lot of

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your stress, you know, your, your
health issues can go away because of

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less stress, your financial issues
can go away because of less stress.

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And some of these things, you just
set yourself up so much better.

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So, um, it's a real great
opportunity for anybody to, to

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learn it and, and grow from this.

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And there's so much out there that,
that, you know, and back in our day when

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we were growing up, you know, probably
early on there wasn't as much easy

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access to some of this learning stuff.

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And, um, so, so there is a lot of
opportunity to learn these things today.

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And I was fortunate enough,
again, to come across something

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that really has worked for me.

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So Integrated Attachment Theory,
so that's, that's something

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that I found worked for me
and it's really been helpful.

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So, but it's out there,
there's help if you want it.

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So, so you are actually
certified to teach this theory.

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Could, could you actually go
over some of the steps that the

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program covers to help people?

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Yeah, absolutely.

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So, so Integrated Attachment
Theory was created by Thais Gibson.

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It's based off of attachment
theory, which has been around

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really since the seventies.

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Attachment theory is really
how we attach in relationships.

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Um, just a quick synopsis of
that, there's four categories of,

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uh, of attachments, if you will.

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Number one, you have a healthy,
uh, secure attachment style.

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That's, uh, the people who really
communicate well, have their emotions

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in balance, really kind of set
healthy boundaries, really know

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how to handle things fairly well.

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And, and I figured out, you know,
how to do this thing, if you will.

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And that's really where
we all aspire to be.

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So we can kind of reach that point,
um, the relationships are important to

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them, but again, it's not, you know,
if somebody, if it doesn't work out

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and they end up, you know, breaking
up, they may hurt a little bit, but

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it's not gonna be the end all for them.

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It's just, it's part of the process,
it's part of life, and they,

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and they kind of deal with that.

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Um, and again, that's just
where we all wanna be.

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Unfortunately, for most of us, uh, we're
gonna fall in the other three categories,

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either anxious preoccupied, dismissive
avoidant, or, uh, fearful avoidant.

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And those are the unhealthy ones with
a lot of different types of wounds.

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Um, and just a quick synopsis on that.

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You know, if you're anxious, you're
gonna be somebody who really craves

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closeness, really wants, uh, a lot of
attention, really wants to communicate a

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lot, um, relationship is hyper important.

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Um, a lot of fears of abandonment, a
lot of fear of being alone in there.

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Um, and so that's just, uh, again, we
act in ways that are not really, you

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know, they're unbecoming because we
have some of these underlying fears.

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But we become,

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again, what's called
an anxious preoccupied.

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On the other side, is kind of
what's a dismissive avoidant.

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Typically likes a lot of
space, really, like, kinda

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likes, deals with things alone.

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Hyper, hyper independent, um,
just, you know, uh, not really

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good at communicating verbally.

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They communicate more with their, uh,
with their, uh, actions, if you will.

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Um, can be very difficult to read,
but just very isolated, very hard

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to, you know, they have a hard time
connecting with their own emotions,

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and then they really have a hard time
connecting with others, if you will.

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So that, that becomes an issue for them.

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In the middle of that is what's
called the fearful avoidant,

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these people tend to swing both sides.

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You know, they, they, they, one week
they can, you know, be very anxious,

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and, and connected, and loving, and
kind, and, and everything else and

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then maybe next week they're kind of
breaking up with you for no reason outta

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the blue or, you know, having fights
with you for some, some, no reason.

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Just things are a little
bit more chaotic, right?

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A little more all, all over the board.

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Um, you know, one week they're close, next
week they're distant and stuff like that.

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But these, these, you could see could
be very problematic and, uh, and if,

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until you understand that, until you
understand some of your own core wounds,

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it's really hard to understand that.

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But once you understand that, it
really starts to make a lot of sense.

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And so, um, that was
just a quick synopsis.

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If you really get, delve into that
work, you can really understand your

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own attachment style and then see
your, your partner's attachment style.

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And now once you understand both sides,
you, you start to, it starts to make

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more sense and you start to see how we
can work on that and, and improve it.

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And that's what I like about Thais Gibson,
her work improves those attachment styles.

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And the six core elements to the
integrated attachment style are,

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number one, your core wounds.

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Number two, your needs.

219
00:12:28,015 --> 00:12:29,605
Number three, your emotions.

220
00:12:29,745 --> 00:12:31,665
Number four, your boundaries.

221
00:12:31,965 --> 00:12:36,075
Number five, your communication,
and number six, your behaviors.

222
00:12:36,345 --> 00:12:40,665
So when we work on all six of those
elements of the program, we really

223
00:12:40,665 --> 00:12:43,845
begin to change the relationship,
number one to ourselves and then

224
00:12:43,845 --> 00:12:47,565
number two to our spouse, our
family, our friends, everything else.

225
00:12:47,565 --> 00:12:50,085
We learn how to have really
what's, yeah, what we consider

226
00:12:50,085 --> 00:12:51,435
healthy, good relationships.

227
00:12:52,665 --> 00:12:53,985
I, I like it a lot.

228
00:12:54,225 --> 00:13:01,650
You know, those elements there, the,
the big ones for me is the emotions.

229
00:13:02,040 --> 00:13:09,480
Because a lot of dealing with
things like this, emotions are high.

230
00:13:09,660 --> 00:13:15,720
And if, if we don't have that
emotional intelligence, it's hard

231
00:13:15,810 --> 00:13:20,550
to understand what's happening
to us and why we feel this way.

232
00:13:21,090 --> 00:13:28,455
And this shame/guilt can really,
you know, make us suffer a

233
00:13:28,455 --> 00:13:32,685
lot from that emotion swing.

234
00:13:33,405 --> 00:13:36,075
And then another one is boundaries.

235
00:13:36,255 --> 00:13:41,235
I, I love this one, it's the
one that set me free knowing

236
00:13:41,235 --> 00:13:43,785
how to set and hold boundaries.

237
00:13:44,145 --> 00:13:50,655
You know, I always thought boundaries were
rules for people, and that's not the case.

238
00:13:50,685 --> 00:13:57,675
Boundaries are for ourselves and
it's what we allow for ourselves.

239
00:13:58,125 --> 00:14:04,574
So we can't expect someone
to adhere to our boundaries.

240
00:14:04,935 --> 00:14:12,194
We have to know those boundaries we set,
and we have to be able to hold those.

241
00:14:12,525 --> 00:14:16,755
That's very difficult to do in times.

242
00:14:18,135 --> 00:14:24,825
How can we actually set healthy
boundaries and hold those boundaries

243
00:14:24,885 --> 00:14:27,765
without getting lost in emotion?

244
00:14:28,965 --> 00:14:32,355
Yeah, all that work plays, it, it,
it kind of all correlates together.

245
00:14:32,355 --> 00:14:35,625
And so, you know, as we get a little
bit more control of our emotions,

246
00:14:35,685 --> 00:14:37,335
uh, number one, emotions are not bad.

247
00:14:37,335 --> 00:14:38,595
So don't be afraid of emotions.

248
00:14:38,595 --> 00:14:41,805
If you are angry and you're noticing
you're heightened anger, or you're

249
00:14:41,805 --> 00:14:44,925
heightened fear, something like that, or
even heightened on the good side, right?

250
00:14:45,195 --> 00:14:48,885
You know, really happy, you know,
the key is to ask yourself why.

251
00:14:49,185 --> 00:14:52,755
Yeah, what are the thoughts I'm having
that are causing me to feel this way?

252
00:14:53,115 --> 00:14:56,395
That's really what it is, our beliefs
cause our thoughts, our thoughts cause

253
00:14:56,415 --> 00:14:59,355
our emotions, and then our emotions
ultimately lead to our actions.

254
00:14:59,625 --> 00:15:01,935
So belief, thoughts, emotions, actions.

255
00:15:02,175 --> 00:15:05,925
But when I'm feeling emotional,
emotions are just information.

256
00:15:06,295 --> 00:15:09,685
And what I wanna do is understand what
is that information trying to tell me.

257
00:15:09,685 --> 00:15:12,145
What are my thoughts behind
this that I can learn from?

258
00:15:12,295 --> 00:15:13,765
And is that a healthy emotion?

259
00:15:13,765 --> 00:15:14,785
Is that a healthy thought?

260
00:15:14,785 --> 00:15:15,265
Excuse me.

261
00:15:15,265 --> 00:15:16,885
So is that thought proper?

262
00:15:16,885 --> 00:15:17,425
Is it real?

263
00:15:17,425 --> 00:15:18,085
Is it true?

264
00:15:18,385 --> 00:15:20,185
Um, and then begin to
work on the thoughts.

265
00:15:20,185 --> 00:15:22,735
If it's not a healthy thought, then
it's not gonna, it's gonna lead to

266
00:15:22,735 --> 00:15:24,295
an unhealthy, you know, emotion.

267
00:15:24,295 --> 00:15:28,135
So, um, we begin to work on that and,
and, and then as we, you know, begin

268
00:15:28,135 --> 00:15:31,195
to understand our emotions and, and
learn how to, you know, maybe, you

269
00:15:31,195 --> 00:15:35,215
know, deal with those emotions, we,
we've learned how to set boundaries.

270
00:15:35,215 --> 00:15:37,885
We learned what our needs are, we,
we learned how to set the boundaries

271
00:15:37,885 --> 00:15:41,035
to make sure that all these things
are coming together, and, and I

272
00:15:41,035 --> 00:15:42,535
just find them very synergistic.

273
00:15:42,535 --> 00:15:45,835
So I truly believe, though, at the
core of that, is the core wounds.

274
00:15:45,835 --> 00:15:49,255
Though I think until we understand
our core wounds, that subconscious

275
00:15:49,255 --> 00:15:51,715
just plays out sometimes where,
you know, it seems like we're

276
00:15:51,715 --> 00:15:53,665
sabotaging ourselves, our lives.

277
00:15:53,725 --> 00:15:56,605
Uh, we just seem like we're in chaos
sometimes, we're, and we don't know

278
00:15:56,605 --> 00:16:00,250
why because, again, subconsciously, we
just haven't figured out what's really

279
00:16:00,250 --> 00:16:01,660
causing these unhealthy patterns.

280
00:16:01,660 --> 00:16:03,250
So I think we need to discover those.

281
00:16:03,520 --> 00:16:06,430
And we do discover those through,
you know, through asking ourselves

282
00:16:06,459 --> 00:16:08,410
the emotions, the thoughts,
patterns that we're having.

283
00:16:08,800 --> 00:16:10,449
Um, you know, what are the
things that we're dealing with?

284
00:16:10,449 --> 00:16:14,680
So if I'm highly emotional, is my
thought, because, you know, this person's

285
00:16:14,680 --> 00:16:16,209
gonna leave me, they don't love me.

286
00:16:16,540 --> 00:16:19,000
Um, maybe I'm gonna be alone for
the rest of my life, or I'm not

287
00:16:19,000 --> 00:16:20,290
good enough, or I'm feeling shame.

288
00:16:20,290 --> 00:16:23,770
So we start to think about those things
and then we begin to heal those things.

289
00:16:23,770 --> 00:16:26,050
Okay, maybe, maybe that
thought pattern is incorrect.

290
00:16:26,319 --> 00:16:29,260
How can I then, you know, overcome
my, my belief of, you know,

291
00:16:29,260 --> 00:16:30,610
being alone or not good enough?

292
00:16:30,610 --> 00:16:33,910
How can I overcome the idea that
I'm gonna be abandoned and, you

293
00:16:33,910 --> 00:16:35,890
know, and I'm gonna be alone for
the rest of my life, type of thing.

294
00:16:35,890 --> 00:16:39,550
So once I begin to fix that, I
begin to have, you know, a little

295
00:16:39,550 --> 00:16:40,645
bit better emotional stability.

296
00:16:41,345 --> 00:16:45,060
I, I, I can then also work on my
needs, what do I truly need in my life?

297
00:16:45,480 --> 00:16:48,540
Uh, learn how to, you know, handle
number one, discover my needs.

298
00:16:48,540 --> 00:16:52,500
Number two, begin to fix, you know,
uh, fill those needs on my own mostly

299
00:16:52,500 --> 00:16:53,940
so I'm not outsourcing my needs.

300
00:16:53,940 --> 00:16:56,760
I'm gonna, you know, meet my
own needs as much as possible.

301
00:16:57,464 --> 00:17:00,135
And then when I do have outside needs
that need to be met, you know, bring

302
00:17:00,135 --> 00:17:03,015
in the right people that can help, you
know, again, meet those types of needs.

303
00:17:03,015 --> 00:17:06,044
And so, um, communication
is a big one for me.

304
00:17:06,044 --> 00:17:09,435
I've learned how to, you know, number one,
never communicate when you're triggered,

305
00:17:09,494 --> 00:17:10,784
you're at a heightened emotional state.

306
00:17:10,815 --> 00:17:12,944
It's always best to walk
away, give each other space.

307
00:17:12,944 --> 00:17:14,534
But, but, but communicate that.

308
00:17:14,895 --> 00:17:18,194
And that's the key, is not to just walk
away and, and just be mad and walk away.

309
00:17:18,925 --> 00:17:20,185
Communicate and say, Hey, you know what?

310
00:17:20,185 --> 00:17:22,645
I'm not feeling well right now,
I'm heightened emotionally.

311
00:17:22,645 --> 00:17:25,284
I really just wanna get to a better
state of mind, and then I wanna

312
00:17:25,284 --> 00:17:26,845
revisit this conversation with you.

313
00:17:27,175 --> 00:17:29,544
Can you just gimme a couple
hours, maybe even a day or two

314
00:17:29,544 --> 00:17:30,895
until we can kind of get there?

315
00:17:30,895 --> 00:17:33,054
So, but I do wanna discuss
this with you, right?

316
00:17:33,054 --> 00:17:36,385
And so we're not having these arguments
and we don't turn little discussions into,

317
00:17:36,665 --> 00:17:40,024
you know, heightened arguments and stuff
like that, that's been a huge one for me.

318
00:17:40,175 --> 00:17:43,324
Um, you know, behaviors, learning
how to walk out of the house

319
00:17:43,324 --> 00:17:44,554
sometimes if I'm triggered, right?

320
00:17:44,554 --> 00:17:47,465
Changing my behaviors, um,
doing things that can help me

321
00:17:47,465 --> 00:17:48,875
get emotionally more regulated.

322
00:17:48,875 --> 00:17:52,284
And sometimes I'll just go for a walk
for an hour or two until I feel my

323
00:17:52,284 --> 00:17:56,115
body get more regulated and I feel
emotionally I'm more, you know, relaxed

324
00:17:56,115 --> 00:17:59,835
now and, and that those behavioral
changes can, can make a huge difference.

325
00:17:59,835 --> 00:18:02,295
Um, they're just great, you know,
there's so many wonderful little

326
00:18:02,295 --> 00:18:04,875
things that we can do and tips and,
you know, tips and tricks here.

327
00:18:05,235 --> 00:18:07,305
That when we start doing them all
a little bit here, a little bit

328
00:18:07,305 --> 00:18:09,435
there, a little bit here, a little
bit there, next thing you know we're

329
00:18:09,435 --> 00:18:12,885
really climbing the stairs and we're
on our way to, uh, you know, success.

330
00:18:12,945 --> 00:18:15,795
And we can look back and go, Wow, I,
I'm doing things a whole lot differently

331
00:18:15,795 --> 00:18:16,995
than I did last year, you know?

332
00:18:17,715 --> 00:18:18,075
Yeah.

333
00:18:18,405 --> 00:18:25,500
And that incremental growth, it's,
it, it's needed to reflect on that.

334
00:18:26,100 --> 00:18:27,060
Wow.

335
00:18:27,635 --> 00:18:29,430
I, I came a long ways.

336
00:18:29,760 --> 00:18:35,280
That, that boosts you into
your next, your next success.

337
00:18:35,490 --> 00:18:42,390
And I'll tell you, when, when those
emotions are flaring and you have those

338
00:18:42,450 --> 00:18:49,860
issues, the number one gift is being
able to say, Hey, I'm not gonna discuss

339
00:18:49,860 --> 00:18:57,149
this right now with you because we're
unable to have this discussion right now.

340
00:18:57,600 --> 00:18:59,490
Our emotions are too high.

341
00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:08,250
And when I was able to learn how to
do that, it, it changed our life.

342
00:19:08,790 --> 00:19:12,720
You know, I always feared that
my wife would walk out and leave

343
00:19:12,720 --> 00:19:15,149
me, that fear of the unknown.

344
00:19:15,659 --> 00:19:22,679
You know, because I really love my wife
and I, I really enjoy my relationship.

345
00:19:22,919 --> 00:19:29,159
I don't wanna offend her, but
sometimes we have to offend to

346
00:19:29,159 --> 00:19:32,520
reach that ultimate success.

347
00:19:33,300 --> 00:19:40,740
So if we offend, that's obvious that
they don't realize there's a problem.

348
00:19:41,429 --> 00:19:49,754
And when we can uncover that and pick
that scab off in the right way, it can

349
00:19:49,754 --> 00:19:55,064
heal and become better for us in a way.

350
00:19:55,064 --> 00:19:55,604
Correct?

351
00:19:56,895 --> 00:19:57,615
I mean, absolutely.

352
00:19:57,615 --> 00:20:00,165
We're never, we're not always gonna
agree with our spouse, and there are

353
00:20:00,165 --> 00:20:02,925
gonna be touchy subjects, and there
are gonna be, you know, times where

354
00:20:02,925 --> 00:20:06,195
we, we talk about things and we have
different ideas and thoughts about it,

355
00:20:06,195 --> 00:20:09,075
and sometimes that can frustrate us
and that can get us a little angry.

356
00:20:09,554 --> 00:20:12,405
Um, but, but then again,
how do we deal with that?

357
00:20:12,405 --> 00:20:14,115
And that's the thing,
it's okay to get there.

358
00:20:14,115 --> 00:20:14,835
It's okay to have that.

359
00:20:14,895 --> 00:20:17,655
Our spouse challenges us to be
better and, and learn and grow.

360
00:20:17,655 --> 00:20:19,485
And so that's not necessarily a bad thing.

361
00:20:19,485 --> 00:20:22,325
But, you know, if we get to that
point, then how can I take a little

362
00:20:22,325 --> 00:20:24,355
step back and say, Hey, you know what?

363
00:20:24,355 --> 00:20:25,645
This is an important conversation.

364
00:20:25,665 --> 00:20:28,935
This is stuff I definitely wanna work
through with you, um, but right now,

365
00:20:28,935 --> 00:20:31,875
obviously, maybe this isn't the best
time to do it so let's get ourselves

366
00:20:31,875 --> 00:20:34,395
to a healthier state of mind so
we can come back and revisit this.

367
00:20:34,395 --> 00:20:36,645
I love you, I care about
you, I'm not going anywhere.

368
00:20:37,004 --> 00:20:40,005
Um, and it's, you know, and we're
gonna revisit this at a better time.

369
00:20:40,005 --> 00:20:43,975
Um, so as long as we communicate that
and we, and, and we, it's hard sometimes

370
00:20:43,975 --> 00:20:45,175
because the emotions play out, right?

371
00:20:45,175 --> 00:20:48,175
And sometimes somebody's just doesn't
wanna let it go and doesn't wanna put

372
00:20:48,175 --> 00:20:49,495
it on the shelf for a little while.

373
00:20:49,495 --> 00:20:52,855
But, um, that's where it's very
important if you have both people kind

374
00:20:52,855 --> 00:20:55,735
of learning this and growing together
and, and getting to a healthier spot,

375
00:20:55,735 --> 00:20:56,665
it, it's beneficial.

376
00:20:56,665 --> 00:20:59,730
But even if you are the only one
in that, in that relationship right

377
00:20:59,730 --> 00:21:02,730
now that can do that, maybe you need
to take the lead and be the person

378
00:21:02,730 --> 00:21:05,520
that, that does it and, and kind of
takes that, you know, that lead and

379
00:21:05,520 --> 00:21:06,870
sometimes that other person will follow.

380
00:21:07,230 --> 00:21:10,050
Um, I, I definitely feel like, you
know, two people are better than one,

381
00:21:10,080 --> 00:21:11,639
but one person is better than none.

382
00:21:12,149 --> 00:21:15,555
So if you're learning and growing
and, and doing that, at least

383
00:21:15,555 --> 00:21:18,255
it gives your, your, yourself a
chance, your relationship a chance.

384
00:21:18,255 --> 00:21:20,685
I think if no, if neither person
is doing it, then you're gonna stay

385
00:21:20,685 --> 00:21:23,055
in the chaos, you know, and it's
not really gonna get any better.

386
00:21:23,055 --> 00:21:26,655
So, um, be the person that takes
a step, you know, do the work,

387
00:21:27,135 --> 00:21:29,505
um, hopefully your spouse
will come with you eventually.

388
00:21:29,505 --> 00:21:32,655
Sometimes it takes you doing it for a
couple months before they start to come

389
00:21:32,655 --> 00:21:36,105
along and, and realize, Wow, you know,
this person is changing, this person is

390
00:21:36,105 --> 00:21:39,195
doing some good things, and, and they do
wanna, you know, work with you on that.

391
00:21:39,195 --> 00:21:41,415
And if they love you and they, and
they care, then they, they're gonna

392
00:21:41,415 --> 00:21:42,705
probably, eventually get there.

393
00:21:42,705 --> 00:21:44,355
And, and they're gonna
realize, Oh, you know what?

394
00:21:44,775 --> 00:21:46,935
I want to have this relationship
with this person 'cause I do love

395
00:21:46,935 --> 00:21:48,495
them and, and I wanna grow together.

396
00:21:48,495 --> 00:21:52,065
And, and, uh, I do find that how that
happens a lot, you know, somebody's

397
00:21:52,065 --> 00:21:53,295
gotta start the process, you know?

398
00:21:53,685 --> 00:22:01,095
Yes, that, that might be the most
important thing that we discuss here today

399
00:22:01,095 --> 00:22:04,695
is the importance to take that first step.

400
00:22:05,265 --> 00:22:11,145
And even if it's awkward and hard,
someone has to do it or else you're

401
00:22:11,145 --> 00:22:19,125
going to just keep in that rat
race, in that wheel, that rat cage.

402
00:22:19,425 --> 00:22:25,500
And it, it's no place to be,
it really inhibits growth.

403
00:22:26,280 --> 00:22:33,600
So once you allow yourself to
be honest and, you know, the

404
00:22:33,600 --> 00:22:36,840
communication value there is key.

405
00:22:38,010 --> 00:22:45,670
Once you allow that honesty in your
relationship, that can really help

406
00:22:46,094 --> 00:22:49,695
grow yourself inside.

407
00:22:49,695 --> 00:22:58,965
Because then you can walk together in
your past and help heal those past wounds.

408
00:22:58,965 --> 00:23:07,260
I, I've noticed that with, my wife and I,
each week now we set aside an hour to just

409
00:23:07,260 --> 00:23:14,820
sit and read about topics, and we pick
a book, we go through these things, and

410
00:23:15,000 --> 00:23:21,990
it helps us open up those old wounds and
now we can actually discuss those things.

411
00:23:22,439 --> 00:23:31,460
And I found that time to be one of the
key things to help us grow together.

412
00:23:32,630 --> 00:23:39,530
Setting aside personal time, saying, I
wanna do this because I care about you.

413
00:23:40,575 --> 00:23:42,225
What's your thoughts on that?

414
00:23:43,635 --> 00:23:44,235
Yeah.

415
00:23:44,235 --> 00:23:45,945
I mean, that's great, I love that idea.

416
00:23:45,975 --> 00:23:49,665
Um, you know, I think anytime we
set aside time to actually, you

417
00:23:49,665 --> 00:23:52,605
know, do some work on ourselves
and our spouse, it's a good thing.

418
00:23:52,605 --> 00:23:55,335
It, it does take a little bit of work on
this thing, uh, you know, relationship

419
00:23:55,335 --> 00:23:57,735
taking works, relationships take work.

420
00:23:58,035 --> 00:24:00,525
Um, but I always find that the
relationship to ourself is the first

421
00:24:00,525 --> 00:24:04,215
and foremost one that we need to
work on is, is my relationship to me.

422
00:24:04,725 --> 00:24:08,565
Um, and as I begin to heal me more,
as I begin to, you know, discover

423
00:24:08,565 --> 00:24:09,685
more about myself, and, and,

424
00:24:10,110 --> 00:24:13,320
feel that confidence, uh, and everything
else, then I'm able to be more vulnerable

425
00:24:13,320 --> 00:24:17,220
and not be afraid as much and, uh,
you know, understand that I can share.

426
00:24:17,220 --> 00:24:20,280
And if most people aren't, but
certainly my spouse isn't, if she

427
00:24:20,280 --> 00:24:22,920
really loves me, she's gonna wanna,
you know, she's not gonna like, uh,

428
00:24:22,980 --> 00:24:26,130
you know, laugh at me in a way that's,
you know, condemning or anything.

429
00:24:26,130 --> 00:24:29,550
No, she's gonna say that, you know, she
actually loves when I'm vulnerable and it,

430
00:24:29,550 --> 00:24:30,870
and it's hard to be vulnerable sometimes.

431
00:24:30,870 --> 00:24:31,560
I'm a guy, right?

432
00:24:31,560 --> 00:24:32,910
I don't wanna be vulnerable, that's weird.

433
00:24:32,915 --> 00:24:33,720
It's, it's tough.

434
00:24:33,720 --> 00:24:36,835
But, you know, if I'm vulnerable,
like, she appreciates vulnerability.

435
00:24:36,860 --> 00:24:38,695
And, and now I can realize,
Wow, wait a second.

436
00:24:38,695 --> 00:24:38,965
You know what?

437
00:24:38,965 --> 00:24:43,135
I can be vulnerable with this person and,
and they're actually going to appreciate

438
00:24:43,135 --> 00:24:46,375
that vulnerability and actually help me
grow through it and, and change through

439
00:24:46,375 --> 00:24:48,745
it and, and, uh, heal through that, right?

440
00:24:48,745 --> 00:24:50,425
And so, uh, yeah, it's just great.

441
00:24:50,425 --> 00:24:53,004
I don't know, for my wife and I, we
hit the wall, you know, things got so

442
00:24:53,004 --> 00:24:56,905
crazy, so ugly that we learned in a hard
way that, you know, we, we had a lot

443
00:24:56,905 --> 00:25:01,254
of our, our own issues and, um, but we
worked through a lot of those issues.

444
00:25:01,480 --> 00:25:04,330
You know, and, and we're able to
come out on this other side of this

445
00:25:04,330 --> 00:25:07,690
thing, and it's just like a totally
much different world that I never

446
00:25:07,690 --> 00:25:08,980
thought, you know, existed here.

447
00:25:08,980 --> 00:25:09,970
But it's pretty amazing.

448
00:25:10,360 --> 00:25:13,330
And you could definitely, you know, see
like, wow, what a difference compared

449
00:25:13,330 --> 00:25:16,210
to what we had even, and even though
I thought it was pretty decent before

450
00:25:16,480 --> 00:25:19,330
I look back and go, Man, it, it's like
not even close to what we have today.

451
00:25:19,330 --> 00:25:23,590
So, uh, so the experience itself
was great for that, but um, it did

452
00:25:23,590 --> 00:25:27,645
start with, number one, the first
thing was accepting our own faults.

453
00:25:27,645 --> 00:25:30,615
Because when she challenged me
to see a therapist, I decided,

454
00:25:30,615 --> 00:25:34,245
okay, I'm willing to go, uh, see a
therapist 'cause, I, I'm like, Okay.

455
00:25:34,335 --> 00:25:36,105
But she thought I had
all the issues, right?

456
00:25:36,105 --> 00:25:37,335
So I was the one with all the issues.

457
00:25:37,335 --> 00:25:38,264
You need to see a therapist.

458
00:25:38,264 --> 00:25:41,235
I'm like, Okay, fair enough, I'll go check
it out and see if I can learn something.

459
00:25:41,565 --> 00:25:43,185
But I also challenge
you to see a therapist.

460
00:25:43,185 --> 00:25:45,980
'Cause in my mind, she was the
one with all the issues, right?

461
00:25:45,980 --> 00:25:48,470
And so, so that's the whole
thing is like, we always think

462
00:25:48,470 --> 00:25:49,760
it's the other person's fault.

463
00:25:49,760 --> 00:25:51,560
We always think they're the
ones that have the issues.

464
00:25:51,560 --> 00:25:53,410
They're the problem, they have
the issues, blah, blah, blah.

465
00:25:53,770 --> 00:25:56,210
When in reality, I have
a lot of issues myself.

466
00:25:56,210 --> 00:25:58,250
I have to look inward and
say, Okay, what can I fix?

467
00:25:58,250 --> 00:25:59,390
What am I doing to this?

468
00:25:59,450 --> 00:26:02,030
You know, you know, how am I
showing up in this that's causing

469
00:26:02,030 --> 00:26:03,050
some of the problems here?

470
00:26:03,470 --> 00:26:06,590
Um, and when we both do that, then it's
a home run then, then we can both kind

471
00:26:06,590 --> 00:26:09,685
of take some ownership, begin to, to
do some work, and change and stuff.

472
00:26:09,685 --> 00:26:14,189
So, uh, you know, unfortunately for both
of us, it had to hit a really dramatically

473
00:26:14,189 --> 00:26:18,689
horrible spot before we were willing to
look at it and then make those changes.

474
00:26:18,689 --> 00:26:22,260
But, uh, hopefully, again, I hope that
somebody doesn't have to get there.

475
00:26:22,260 --> 00:26:25,620
But if, if you do, sometimes, uh,
just, it does happen because, you know,

476
00:26:25,620 --> 00:26:26,939
again, our subconscious can play out.

477
00:26:26,939 --> 00:26:29,879
But if you can become aware of it
before it gets to that point, God

478
00:26:29,879 --> 00:26:31,110
bless, that's, that's the home run.

479
00:26:31,110 --> 00:26:34,770
Because if you can be aware of it and
then say, Oh, wait a second, I don't

480
00:26:34,770 --> 00:26:37,740
want it to get any worse, I wanna work
on this before it gets to that critical

481
00:26:37,740 --> 00:26:39,629
stage, that's the best way to go.

482
00:26:39,689 --> 00:26:39,959
So.

483
00:26:41,345 --> 00:26:48,255
You know, many years ago, uh, I believe
it was in the early nineties, uh, my

484
00:26:48,255 --> 00:26:55,875
wife and I, we just started really
getting into looking for relationship

485
00:26:55,935 --> 00:27:00,585
counseling, you know, trying to
figure out what's going on here.

486
00:27:01,005 --> 00:27:11,190
And we ran across a Christian
counselor that put us in, in this,

487
00:27:11,190 --> 00:27:19,230
uh, program and he gave us some
videotapes of a guy called Gary Smalley.

488
00:27:19,889 --> 00:27:28,679
And he is so excellent, he opened
my eyes to the reality that

489
00:27:28,770 --> 00:27:30,750
men and women are different.

490
00:27:31,304 --> 00:27:37,365
We think different, we act
different, We, we aspire differently.

491
00:27:37,725 --> 00:27:39,855
So, and that's okay.

492
00:27:40,245 --> 00:27:45,855
You know, the, the difference
is what attraction comes out of.

493
00:27:46,395 --> 00:27:54,165
But, you know, for instance,
in the bathroom, you might like

494
00:27:54,375 --> 00:28:00,285
everything in order and she might
just wanna throw something around,

495
00:28:00,465 --> 00:28:01,965
you know, and those little,

496
00:28:02,925 --> 00:28:04,155
Have you been in my bathroom?

497
00:28:04,155 --> 00:28:04,515
Is that,

498
00:28:06,795 --> 00:28:07,995
did you see my bathroom, Ed?

499
00:28:10,065 --> 00:28:16,635
Those little differences can be
overwhelming and cause irritation.

500
00:28:17,115 --> 00:28:21,465
and just because it's really
small like that, we might not

501
00:28:21,525 --> 00:28:23,655
say something and let it go.

502
00:28:23,955 --> 00:28:25,245
But it builds up.

503
00:28:26,235 --> 00:28:32,535
And these differences is
what we have to be aware of.

504
00:28:32,625 --> 00:28:37,875
Men and women are built different,
they act different, they have

505
00:28:37,935 --> 00:28:39,975
different body chemistries.

506
00:28:40,335 --> 00:28:50,550
And sometimes we forget that as males
and females that we are different,

507
00:28:51,120 --> 00:28:53,700
and it's okay to be different.

508
00:28:55,410 --> 00:29:01,050
Sometimes a woman or a man wants
to change their partner after

509
00:29:01,050 --> 00:29:03,600
they get into a relationship.

510
00:29:05,370 --> 00:29:08,250
Why did you fall in love with the person?

511
00:29:08,850 --> 00:29:11,850
And we have to remember that.

512
00:29:13,470 --> 00:29:14,640
People are different.

513
00:29:15,180 --> 00:29:22,020
So if, if we really want to know
somebody, we have to really dive

514
00:29:22,020 --> 00:29:25,200
deep and ask the questions early.

515
00:29:25,800 --> 00:29:32,850
And understand are we going to accept
the differences or do we want to

516
00:29:32,850 --> 00:29:42,300
be rigid and strict and you know,
hold, this is the way it has to be.

517
00:29:42,660 --> 00:29:50,550
Because when we do that,
oftentimes I have found out that's

518
00:29:50,550 --> 00:29:52,920
not the way it works at all.

519
00:29:53,640 --> 00:30:00,000
So, what do you think about the
differences between men and women

520
00:30:00,000 --> 00:30:04,860
and the ability to just let it go?

521
00:30:06,014 --> 00:30:06,225
Yeah.

522
00:30:06,225 --> 00:30:08,415
So I, I mean, you do have the
difference between men and women.

523
00:30:08,415 --> 00:30:12,014
That's obviously, you know, important
and, you know, that's a big factor.

524
00:30:12,014 --> 00:30:15,735
But along with that is you have the
difference in attachment styles and the

525
00:30:15,735 --> 00:30:17,774
wounds, the wounds that are playing out.

526
00:30:17,774 --> 00:30:20,445
So you mentioned that story about,
you know, sometimes, you know,

527
00:30:20,445 --> 00:30:23,804
let's say you're in the, in the
bathroom, I, I like it clean, she, she

528
00:30:23,804 --> 00:30:24,914
doesn't mind a little bit of a mess.

529
00:30:24,914 --> 00:30:26,534
Now, if I say to her, Hey, you know what?

530
00:30:26,534 --> 00:30:28,215
This is really messy,
you gotta clean this up.

531
00:30:28,215 --> 00:30:30,195
It's really, you know,
I, I can't stand this.

532
00:30:30,195 --> 00:30:30,774
You gotta do this.

533
00:30:31,235 --> 00:30:34,620
In her brain she might be like, you
know, Hey, I'm perfectly okay with this.

534
00:30:34,620 --> 00:30:36,300
Why are you giving me such a hard time?

535
00:30:36,690 --> 00:30:39,120
You know, she may be not feeling
loved, like, oh, you don't love me

536
00:30:39,120 --> 00:30:40,440
enough to just be okay with this?

537
00:30:40,440 --> 00:30:41,040
And, you know what I mean?

538
00:30:41,040 --> 00:30:44,130
So, but in my mind I'm like, Well,
if you can't clean that, maybe you,

539
00:30:44,130 --> 00:30:45,360
you know, you're not respecting me.

540
00:30:45,360 --> 00:30:45,840
You're not, you know?

541
00:30:45,840 --> 00:30:48,149
So these are the wounds
that we're playing, right?

542
00:30:48,149 --> 00:30:51,389
So we have, we make it beliefs,
we, we think it's totally something

543
00:30:51,389 --> 00:30:53,760
different, we make it out to be
more than what it actually is.

544
00:30:53,760 --> 00:30:56,129
So it's not really the mess
that's there, you know?

545
00:30:56,129 --> 00:30:59,310
And Thais Gibson tells a story about that
where, like the husband and wife, where,

546
00:30:59,550 --> 00:31:02,189
you know, the, the, the, the, the clothes
were being left on the floor, right?

547
00:31:02,189 --> 00:31:04,949
And so, um, the, the, you know, the
husband was leaving the clothes on the

548
00:31:04,949 --> 00:31:07,350
floor, the wife was like, Hey, you know,
I would appreciate you picking it up.

549
00:31:07,350 --> 00:31:10,290
And ultimately they were, end
up in, in counseling for this.

550
00:31:10,290 --> 00:31:13,469
And, and, but the whole thing was
like, well, what do you make it mean?

551
00:31:13,545 --> 00:31:13,845
Okay.

552
00:31:13,845 --> 00:31:15,795
When, when that person doesn't
pick up the clothes off the

553
00:31:15,795 --> 00:31:18,135
floor, I feel disrespected.

554
00:31:18,345 --> 00:31:19,755
And that's why they're, Oh, okay.

555
00:31:19,755 --> 00:31:21,075
So that's the story I'm telling you.

556
00:31:21,075 --> 00:31:25,785
It's not this mess itself, it's the
story I'm telling myself about the mess.

557
00:31:25,845 --> 00:31:28,695
The other, the husband was saying,
Well, if she wants, if, if it means

558
00:31:28,695 --> 00:31:31,905
that much to her to, for me to
pick this up, she must not love me.

559
00:31:31,965 --> 00:31:34,545
Because if it's that important and
she's getting mad at me for not

560
00:31:34,545 --> 00:31:36,555
picking it up, she doesn't love me.

561
00:31:36,555 --> 00:31:37,335
She doesn't care about me.

562
00:31:37,845 --> 00:31:38,865
But that's not true, right?

563
00:31:38,925 --> 00:31:41,925
Those are totally wrong because
the wife is feeling disrespected.

564
00:31:41,925 --> 00:31:45,254
Now the wife is acting off of feeling
disrespected, she's acting in ways

565
00:31:45,254 --> 00:31:48,254
that make her, you know, obviously
going off of that information.

566
00:31:49,185 --> 00:31:51,045
Completely false, You know,
the husband loves her.

567
00:31:51,045 --> 00:31:52,875
He does respect her in so many ways.

568
00:31:52,875 --> 00:31:55,425
It's just one of those things
that he wasn't doing properly,

569
00:31:55,425 --> 00:31:56,655
and maybe he grew up that way.

570
00:31:56,655 --> 00:31:57,375
It's just a pattern.

571
00:31:57,375 --> 00:31:59,565
Not saying he can't work on that,
obviously, that, that's something

572
00:31:59,565 --> 00:32:01,275
we can work together and change
and say, Hey, you know what?

573
00:32:01,575 --> 00:32:02,685
Maybe we can find some balance,

574
00:32:02,685 --> 00:32:05,055
you know, this is my wife and I, my wife
likes to leave the clothes on the floor.

575
00:32:05,055 --> 00:32:07,919
But at the end of the day, you know,
is it gonna be that, is it, is it

576
00:32:08,100 --> 00:32:09,360
worth losing the relationship over?

577
00:32:09,360 --> 00:32:11,879
Is it that important so that we
can't figure this out a little bit?

578
00:32:12,240 --> 00:32:13,770
Um, we have to meet in the
middle a little bit, you know,

579
00:32:13,770 --> 00:32:15,270
Hey, how can we do a better job?

580
00:32:15,510 --> 00:32:18,810
I see that it's important to you, I
do respect you, I want to fix that,

581
00:32:19,169 --> 00:32:20,760
and I, and, and, and vice versa.

582
00:32:20,760 --> 00:32:23,550
So I don't wanna make it so
important that, yeah, I lose you.

583
00:32:23,550 --> 00:32:25,919
Of course not, that's not,
that's ridiculous, you know?

584
00:32:25,919 --> 00:32:27,360
But, but we have to meet
in the middle a little bit.

585
00:32:27,360 --> 00:32:28,949
But yeah, our differences can play out.

586
00:32:29,219 --> 00:32:31,560
The key is to figure out, what
are we telling ourselves about

587
00:32:31,620 --> 00:32:32,814
the differences and those things?

588
00:32:33,400 --> 00:32:36,550
And if they are elevating to a point
where the emotional state, now we're

589
00:32:36,550 --> 00:32:40,090
getting triggered off of that, we're
triggered because of the stories that

590
00:32:40,090 --> 00:32:43,750
we're telling ourselves subconsciously,
um, as to really what's going on here.

591
00:32:43,750 --> 00:32:47,920
So that's the key on that, is to
understand what is really my thought

592
00:32:47,920 --> 00:32:52,000
patterns as to why this situation is
triggering me emotionally so much.

593
00:32:52,350 --> 00:32:54,870
And then, and then be able to figure
that out and then communicate it

594
00:32:54,870 --> 00:32:55,800
differently and meet in the middle.

595
00:32:56,610 --> 00:33:00,810
Sometimes I even tell my
wife, Hey, I'm not your enemy.

596
00:33:01,254 --> 00:33:04,919
I, I really love you and it's okay.

597
00:33:05,625 --> 00:33:13,005
You know, and just bringing back that
awareness because those old wounds can

598
00:33:13,005 --> 00:33:19,005
actually spark things subconsciously,
and we don't even realize we're there.

599
00:33:19,005 --> 00:33:25,275
And now, now it can help
bring her back to, Oh, yeah.

600
00:33:25,815 --> 00:33:26,355
Okay.

601
00:33:27,450 --> 00:33:30,030
We can resume our conversation.

602
00:33:30,390 --> 00:33:39,510
And that was so hard for so many years
because we did not know how to bring

603
00:33:39,510 --> 00:33:43,890
that accountability to our conversation.

604
00:33:44,370 --> 00:33:46,665
It's really big.

605
00:33:47,115 --> 00:33:52,245
So being different, you know, and
that doesn't just mean man and wife.

606
00:33:52,245 --> 00:33:54,525
That means everybody, we're different.

607
00:33:54,525 --> 00:34:00,405
So that plays out in our relationships
in the world also, those little

608
00:34:00,405 --> 00:34:06,555
minute differences that we all kind
of get oh, so mad about, you know?

609
00:34:06,555 --> 00:34:11,090
So just awareness of these
things can help a lot.

610
00:34:13,620 --> 00:34:18,779
Talk to us about some of the
things that you work with people

611
00:34:18,779 --> 00:34:26,040
about and how you bring them into
a discovery call type atmosphere.

612
00:34:28,740 --> 00:34:29,070
Yeah.

613
00:34:29,070 --> 00:34:33,300
I mean, uh, I, I like to, uh, guide
people to my website, first and

614
00:34:33,300 --> 00:34:36,660
foremost, if you go to my website,
makeyourrelationshipfail.com or

615
00:34:36,660 --> 00:34:40,740
myrelationshipfail.com, I like to talk
about how, you know, using failure,

616
00:34:40,830 --> 00:34:42,540
uh, as a launching pad to success.

617
00:34:42,540 --> 00:34:44,430
You know, when we're struggling,
when we're, you know, having these

618
00:34:44,430 --> 00:34:48,270
issues, sometimes unfortunately it
reaches a critical stage, uh, that

619
00:34:48,270 --> 00:34:49,920
critical stage can turn around.

620
00:34:49,920 --> 00:34:52,080
Though I want you to understand you're
not being punished, you're, you're

621
00:34:52,080 --> 00:34:53,910
being given a chance to change it.

622
00:34:53,910 --> 00:34:57,905
You're being given a chance to be aware
of it and, and then do something about it.

623
00:34:57,905 --> 00:35:01,175
And so, um, I don't care where your
relationship is, I don't care what

624
00:35:01,175 --> 00:35:03,815
your spouse has done at this point,
you know, they've left you, outta

625
00:35:03,815 --> 00:35:06,785
the house, all these other things,
the relationship can be fixed.

626
00:35:06,785 --> 00:35:07,775
But you gotta fix yourself.

627
00:35:07,775 --> 00:35:10,560
You, first thing you gotta do is you
gotta say, Okay, I gotta accept where

628
00:35:10,560 --> 00:35:13,680
we're at in life, and I've gotta be
willing to do some work so that I

629
00:35:13,680 --> 00:35:17,160
can begin to be healthier myself so
that I can hopefully attract that,

630
00:35:17,160 --> 00:35:18,810
a healthy relationship into my life.

631
00:35:18,810 --> 00:35:21,720
And whether it's that, with that
person coming back into your life and

632
00:35:21,720 --> 00:35:25,380
now you're able to both, you know,
operate at a higher level, um, or

633
00:35:25,380 --> 00:35:28,290
eventually if that, unfortunately that
relationship does end, at least you

634
00:35:28,290 --> 00:35:31,800
can then begin a new relationship with
some new tools that you can now, you

635
00:35:31,800 --> 00:35:34,290
know, bring into a new relationship
that will allow you to do that.

636
00:35:34,290 --> 00:35:37,800
So I work with people trying to,
number one, you know, handle their

637
00:35:37,800 --> 00:35:41,280
situation first and foremost, and, and
start to change our mindset so that

638
00:35:41,280 --> 00:35:44,070
we can take this approach of, Hey,
we're gonna use this to our advantage.

639
00:35:44,070 --> 00:35:46,560
I always talk about a super
ball, the harder and faster a

640
00:35:46,560 --> 00:35:48,660
super ball hits the ground, the
higher that thing's gonna bounce.

641
00:35:48,660 --> 00:35:51,060
So we wanna think of ourselves
like super balls, right?

642
00:35:51,060 --> 00:35:53,760
So, um, if you're hitting the ground
real hard right now, that's okay,

643
00:35:53,760 --> 00:35:54,810
we're gonna turn this thing around.

644
00:35:54,810 --> 00:35:57,330
And we're gonna start doing the
work, we're gonna start, you

645
00:35:57,330 --> 00:35:59,430
know, doing the work on those
six core elements of the program.

646
00:35:59,460 --> 00:36:03,029
We wanna start discovering our, our,
our wounds and, you know, what are the

647
00:36:03,029 --> 00:36:05,759
thought patterns we're having behind that,
that are really causing the problems.

648
00:36:06,120 --> 00:36:07,770
I really feel like that's
the root of it all.

649
00:36:08,009 --> 00:36:10,680
Um, there's some really great
workbooks in the personal development

650
00:36:10,680 --> 00:36:13,630
school that I have people join, um,
which is the Thais Gibson School,

651
00:36:13,650 --> 00:36:14,819
but I coach them through that.

652
00:36:14,819 --> 00:36:17,790
So when you join that personal development
school through my website you're

653
00:36:17,790 --> 00:36:19,055
gonna get, number one, the best price.

654
00:36:19,055 --> 00:36:21,035
Number two, you're gonna
get a free session with me.

655
00:36:21,035 --> 00:36:23,315
So I'm gonna talk to you about your
situation, we're gonna see if we can

656
00:36:23,315 --> 00:36:25,985
point you in the right direction,
get some ideas as, as to what we

657
00:36:25,985 --> 00:36:28,115
can do to kind of, you know, get
you in the right direction on that.

658
00:36:28,115 --> 00:36:30,905
And then, uh, if you wanna work with
me on the regular basis, we'll do that.

659
00:36:30,905 --> 00:36:33,925
But I'm gonna take you through the
six core elements, begin to start

660
00:36:34,195 --> 00:36:36,905
working on your core wounds, do some
work on your needs, discover your

661
00:36:36,905 --> 00:36:39,795
needs more, really begin to, you
know, figure out what those are.

662
00:36:39,795 --> 00:36:42,845
How do, how can you get some
strategies to start, you know, uh,

663
00:36:42,875 --> 00:36:45,485
fulfilling your needs on your own
mostly so you're not outsourcing

664
00:36:45,605 --> 00:36:47,360
them, uh, as little as possible?

665
00:36:47,690 --> 00:36:50,780
Um, we wanna start figuring out our,
our emotions again, what kind of

666
00:36:50,780 --> 00:36:54,110
information, uh, uh, can we gather
from our emotions when we're triggered?

667
00:36:54,620 --> 00:36:56,360
Um, to get, to really
understand that better.

668
00:36:56,720 --> 00:36:58,580
We wanna start figuring out
how to do those boundaries.

669
00:36:58,580 --> 00:36:59,630
How do I set some boundaries?

670
00:36:59,630 --> 00:37:00,620
What are healthy boundaries?

671
00:37:00,620 --> 00:37:03,620
You know, so maybe I'm setting
completely unhealthy boundaries.

672
00:37:03,620 --> 00:37:07,040
Maybe they're just outrageous, um,
or maybe I'm boundaryless, you know?

673
00:37:07,040 --> 00:37:09,680
So how do I meet in the middle
on the boundaries where it's like

674
00:37:09,680 --> 00:37:11,300
reasonable, healthy, good boundaries?

675
00:37:11,570 --> 00:37:13,130
And then, yeah, how do
I communicate those?

676
00:37:13,130 --> 00:37:16,185
And then how do I make sure those are
kind of enforced, if you will, right?

677
00:37:16,185 --> 00:37:17,865
So that is, uh, very important.

678
00:37:17,865 --> 00:37:19,845
Then, uh, my communication,
that's a big one.

679
00:37:19,845 --> 00:37:22,785
I really like to help people
get better communication skills,

680
00:37:22,785 --> 00:37:23,745
understanding our communication.

681
00:37:24,465 --> 00:37:26,925
The way our partner communicates
sometimes is completely different.

682
00:37:27,315 --> 00:37:29,535
I would say a lot of times we're,
we're trying to communicate the

683
00:37:29,535 --> 00:37:32,565
same thing, but because I'm talking
English and maybe the other person's

684
00:37:32,565 --> 00:37:35,715
talking Chinese, let's say, we may
not be able to understand each other

685
00:37:35,715 --> 00:37:36,705
and that happens a lot.

686
00:37:36,915 --> 00:37:39,765
Number one, because men and women,
um, but number two, or sometimes our

687
00:37:39,765 --> 00:37:42,405
attachment style plays out and, and
the way we perceive the information

688
00:37:42,405 --> 00:37:45,075
that we're hearing comes into our
brains a little bit differently.

689
00:37:45,075 --> 00:37:48,135
So even though we're trying to
say something good and healthy and

690
00:37:48,135 --> 00:37:50,655
positive to each other we're just
saying it the wrong way, we're,

691
00:37:50,655 --> 00:37:54,285
we're kind of perceiving it the wrong
way and that becomes a real mess.

692
00:37:54,555 --> 00:37:56,985
And then last but not least, our
behaviors, you know, how do I, how can

693
00:37:56,985 --> 00:38:00,405
I really start, begin to change some
of my behaviors so I can act like a

694
00:38:00,405 --> 00:38:03,555
real man and, and, and somebody that,
you know, knows how to handle these

695
00:38:03,555 --> 00:38:05,655
emotions and kind of commands respect.

696
00:38:05,685 --> 00:38:09,375
Not because I tell you to respect
me, but simply because you respect me

697
00:38:09,375 --> 00:38:12,465
because of the way I do things and the
way I kind of handle my life and, and,

698
00:38:12,465 --> 00:38:15,615
uh, and I am doing things on a, on a
healthier version so I'm not destroying

699
00:38:15,615 --> 00:38:17,445
myself with, you know, poor behaviors.

700
00:38:17,445 --> 00:38:20,265
You know, I'm not going out there doing
negative things that are gonna actually

701
00:38:20,265 --> 00:38:21,955
add fuel to the fire in a negative way.

702
00:38:22,045 --> 00:38:25,290
I'm gonna start, you know, changing my
behaviors that are gonna be positive.

703
00:38:25,290 --> 00:38:28,170
And so I coach people through that
and, and we kind of work together,

704
00:38:28,590 --> 00:38:31,950
um, to kind of, you know, build off
of that and, and, uh, take you through

705
00:38:31,950 --> 00:38:34,320
this whole step so that, you know,
we can get you a little bit faster.

706
00:38:34,770 --> 00:38:36,960
Uh, you know, if you wanna move the
needle a little bit faster, then

707
00:38:36,960 --> 00:38:37,980
I'll, I'll coach you through that.

708
00:38:37,980 --> 00:38:40,740
If you, if you're okay taking
more time, then I have you just

709
00:38:40,740 --> 00:38:43,260
join the, the personal development
school through my website and

710
00:38:43,260 --> 00:38:44,310
start doing the work on your own.

711
00:38:44,490 --> 00:38:47,055
And it's a great community, uh,
within that, that group, it's a really

712
00:38:47,360 --> 00:38:49,220
great community on a daily basis.

713
00:38:49,580 --> 00:38:52,490
Great webinars, great, great
community, community where you can

714
00:38:52,490 --> 00:38:55,730
talk afterwards and share, share some
thoughts and feelings with people

715
00:38:55,730 --> 00:38:58,310
who are dealing with the same things
that we are, uh, different attachment

716
00:38:58,310 --> 00:38:59,960
styles and, and stuff like that.

717
00:38:59,960 --> 00:39:01,310
And, and it, it's just
a really great group.

718
00:39:01,310 --> 00:39:03,770
But that's another thing I think is very
important, have a good support group

719
00:39:03,770 --> 00:39:07,620
that if you are dealing with some really
tough situations here it's, it's really

720
00:39:07,620 --> 00:39:11,010
good to have a, a good group that you
can, uh, you know, bounce ideas off

721
00:39:11,010 --> 00:39:14,520
of and, and that you know you're gonna
be heard and validated along the way.

722
00:39:14,520 --> 00:39:17,700
And so, uh, you begin to see, get a
little bit more hope and realize that,

723
00:39:17,760 --> 00:39:20,820
Okay, somebody's been through this and
they're, you know, they're now a year or

724
00:39:20,820 --> 00:39:24,240
two in and they're totally different and
they have some positive stories to tell.

725
00:39:24,240 --> 00:39:25,500
My story's just one of many.

726
00:39:25,500 --> 00:39:28,650
So, but yeah, that's kinda my
approach as far as how I begin to

727
00:39:28,650 --> 00:39:31,710
try to help people and guide them
to, you know, start doing some work.

728
00:39:32,850 --> 00:39:34,350
Yeah, I like that a lot.

729
00:39:34,590 --> 00:39:39,720
And you mentioned support, you know,
it's so important to have support.

730
00:39:40,410 --> 00:39:45,000
And we can find that support in
so many different ways, especially

731
00:39:45,000 --> 00:39:50,330
nowadays, we have online and we
can find people like you, Bryan.

732
00:39:50,670 --> 00:39:59,940
And, uh, we can actually, you know, reach
out and get these people involved in our

733
00:39:59,940 --> 00:40:03,030
lives in ways that we never could before.

734
00:40:03,090 --> 00:40:11,070
And if we are interested in a good,
healthy relationship, which means we're

735
00:40:11,550 --> 00:40:19,050
really interested in a good, healthy,
balanced life, we need people in our life.

736
00:40:19,710 --> 00:40:21,960
How do we find the right support?

737
00:40:22,290 --> 00:40:28,650
You know, because there are support
systems out there that might

738
00:40:28,650 --> 00:40:31,440
not be the best support system.

739
00:40:31,440 --> 00:40:33,870
So what's your recommendations on that?

740
00:40:34,620 --> 00:40:35,550
Yeah, that's a good question.

741
00:40:35,550 --> 00:40:38,970
I mean, uh, I think that really comes
back to having some discernment, you

742
00:40:38,970 --> 00:40:42,750
know, and, and, and kind of feeling out
like, you know, who's really, you know,

743
00:40:42,750 --> 00:40:46,680
who's really giving me the truth, who's
really sharing, you know, you know,

744
00:40:46,680 --> 00:40:50,520
openly, and, and not trying to manipulate
me in any way for financial gain or any

745
00:40:50,520 --> 00:40:52,259
other reason simply just to help me.

746
00:40:52,800 --> 00:40:54,420
Um, I think that's a good start, right?

747
00:40:54,420 --> 00:40:57,420
If, 'cause if there's an ulterior motive,
sometimes if somebody's trying to reach

748
00:40:57,420 --> 00:41:01,110
out to you, uh, then, then they may not
give you all the, the exact information

749
00:41:01,110 --> 00:41:02,670
that they're, that you need to hear.

750
00:41:02,790 --> 00:41:04,390
Um, but, but you'll feel it out.

751
00:41:04,390 --> 00:41:07,450
Sometimes we, we have to, unfortunately,
join a, a group that doesn't work for us.

752
00:41:07,450 --> 00:41:11,020
Maybe it works short term and a month
or two later we realize, Yeah, that's

753
00:41:11,020 --> 00:41:14,080
maybe not the right group and, and
need to move on and, and figure it out.

754
00:41:14,080 --> 00:41:16,480
But, um, it takes a little time for that.

755
00:41:16,480 --> 00:41:17,710
For me, I've been very fortunate.

756
00:41:17,770 --> 00:41:20,230
I, I'm a, personally, I'm a bible
believing guy so I think a good

757
00:41:20,230 --> 00:41:21,700
church can be a great place to start.

758
00:41:21,700 --> 00:41:25,089
You can find some good people there
that are going through similar things.

759
00:41:25,089 --> 00:41:27,190
Not perfect, people in church
are not perfect they're

760
00:41:27,220 --> 00:41:28,600
struggling with their own stuff.

761
00:41:28,935 --> 00:41:31,065
Um, but there could be some
really good people in there that

762
00:41:31,065 --> 00:41:32,145
are heading in that direction.

763
00:41:32,145 --> 00:41:34,185
And start asking questions,
you know, like, Hey, is there

764
00:41:34,185 --> 00:41:35,865
anybody who can help me with this?

765
00:41:35,865 --> 00:41:38,445
This is something I'm struggling
with and, and do you have, you know,

766
00:41:38,445 --> 00:41:40,755
some different, uh, places to go?

767
00:41:40,755 --> 00:41:44,025
I've been fortunate, again, I was very
fortunate to find and come across the

768
00:41:44,025 --> 00:41:47,405
integrated attachment theory and that
program, the personal development school.

769
00:41:47,825 --> 00:41:51,495
And I feel like that's a great group if
you're trying to figure out relationships

770
00:41:51,515 --> 00:41:54,755
and, and trying to understand how to have
healthier, happier, better relationships.

771
00:41:55,145 --> 00:41:58,595
I feel like it's an incredible, uh,
group, lots, a treasure trove of

772
00:41:58,595 --> 00:42:00,275
information here that we can work through.

773
00:42:00,665 --> 00:42:03,815
Um, just constantly something
to do and something to work on

774
00:42:03,815 --> 00:42:07,235
that you can get information on,
learn from, um, great people that

775
00:42:07,235 --> 00:42:08,135
are going in the same direction.

776
00:42:08,135 --> 00:42:10,325
I think that's the key sometimes
is we wanna find people that

777
00:42:10,325 --> 00:42:11,650
are like-minded that we kind of

778
00:42:12,115 --> 00:42:15,775
connect with a little bit and that can,
we can kind of relate to and then, uh,

779
00:42:15,775 --> 00:42:18,535
you know, learn from them if they've
been in the game a little bit longer

780
00:42:18,535 --> 00:42:21,355
than us maybe we can trust them and
find a good mentor type of guy, right?

781
00:42:21,355 --> 00:42:23,065
So somebody who can say,
like yourself, Ed, right?

782
00:42:23,395 --> 00:42:25,585
Hey, you've got a lot of experience
it seems like you've been through

783
00:42:25,585 --> 00:42:27,295
this, you know, can you help me?

784
00:42:27,355 --> 00:42:29,305
You know, can you help me get
through this and, and maybe help,

785
00:42:29,575 --> 00:42:32,605
you know, help me avoid some of the
pitfalls that, that you went through?

786
00:42:32,605 --> 00:42:35,765
So, and, and that's it, you, you just
have to trust, you know, that person.

787
00:42:35,765 --> 00:42:37,575
And, and that's, you know,
something, I think that's the

788
00:42:37,575 --> 00:42:39,465
key is, you know, who do I trust?

789
00:42:39,465 --> 00:42:41,465
Who do I, who, who can
I trust in this regard?

790
00:42:41,795 --> 00:42:44,045
And that, uh, hopefully you can
figure that out a little bit but,

791
00:42:44,495 --> 00:42:45,875
uh, that does take a little time.

792
00:42:45,875 --> 00:42:49,775
And, you know, I, I like to think of
myself as trustworthy, but trust is built.

793
00:42:49,805 --> 00:42:52,685
Trust is earned sometimes and, you
know, so, uh, it's just something,

794
00:42:52,715 --> 00:42:54,665
something we just have to go through
a little bit sometimes to figure

795
00:42:54,665 --> 00:42:57,215
out, you know, who, who, who can I
really stick with and work through?

796
00:42:57,660 --> 00:43:00,450
And, uh, and if it doesn't feel right,
you, you get with somebody, if it

797
00:43:00,450 --> 00:43:03,089
doesn't feel right after a little
while, then it's okay to walk, walk

798
00:43:03,089 --> 00:43:06,569
away and move to the next person
and, and, and grab onto somebody, you

799
00:43:06,569 --> 00:43:07,649
know, the, the next thing you know?

800
00:43:07,649 --> 00:43:10,319
So, uh, don't feel like you have
to stay with somebody because you

801
00:43:10,319 --> 00:43:12,810
started with them if, if it doesn't
feel right after a little while,

802
00:43:13,140 --> 00:43:16,440
it's okay to say, This person isn't
working out for me I'm moving on.

803
00:43:16,500 --> 00:43:19,710
And move to the next one, don't get
stuck with the wrong, you know, coach,

804
00:43:19,710 --> 00:43:24,089
or trainer, or whatever it is, you know,
therapist, if it's not working for you.

805
00:43:24,420 --> 00:43:25,799
It's okay to say it's not working for you.

806
00:43:25,799 --> 00:43:27,330
I need to find a different situation.

807
00:43:28,515 --> 00:43:29,655
Yeah, I like that a lot.

808
00:43:30,735 --> 00:43:35,175
So Bryan, is there anything that
you wanna add to our conversation

809
00:43:35,175 --> 00:43:40,875
before we wrap this up that you
want people to really understand?

810
00:43:42,030 --> 00:43:42,210
Yeah.

811
00:43:42,210 --> 00:43:45,210
I mean, I always like to end with, uh,
giving a little bit of a positive note.

812
00:43:45,300 --> 00:43:48,030
Uh, and I like to hopefully give you a
little bit of hope because that's really

813
00:43:48,030 --> 00:43:52,050
what I went through, I went through a
crazy experience and at the time where it

814
00:43:52,050 --> 00:43:56,670
felt the most critical, the most awful,
the, the most desperate, um, it, it

815
00:43:56,670 --> 00:44:00,330
actually was working out in my favor to be
the best thing that ever happened to me.

816
00:44:00,330 --> 00:44:05,070
So, um, the key is to take that,
is to take that situation, don't

817
00:44:05,070 --> 00:44:06,210
think you're being punished.

818
00:44:06,615 --> 00:44:08,835
I look at that as a blessing now, right?

819
00:44:08,835 --> 00:44:10,335
I'm being refined, okay?

820
00:44:10,335 --> 00:44:13,215
When I'm going through difficulties,
when I'm going through these

821
00:44:13,485 --> 00:44:17,145
horrible situations, I'm learning
and I'm growing and I'm building

822
00:44:17,145 --> 00:44:18,885
muscle, you know, if you will.

823
00:44:18,885 --> 00:44:21,885
I, I'm building strength here that
I'm gonna be able to get through

824
00:44:21,885 --> 00:44:23,175
these things, I'm learning things.

825
00:44:23,475 --> 00:44:26,530
You know, a, a great sailor
is only great because he's

826
00:44:26,550 --> 00:44:28,140
been through the storms, okay?

827
00:44:28,140 --> 00:44:31,500
And so if you wanna be a great sailor, you
have to be able to go through the storms.

828
00:44:31,500 --> 00:44:33,600
And the only way to learn how
to navigate through the storms

829
00:44:33,600 --> 00:44:34,800
is to go through them sometimes.

830
00:44:35,220 --> 00:44:37,530
Um, so, so hold your head
up high, have some hope,

831
00:44:37,950 --> 00:44:41,130
learn from this, take this experience
and, and use it to your advantage.

832
00:44:41,130 --> 00:44:43,140
And tell yourself, I'm going
to make this the greatest

833
00:44:43,140 --> 00:44:43,890
thing that ever happened to me.

834
00:44:43,890 --> 00:44:47,340
If my spouse has left me, if I'm broken,
if I'm having horrible relationships,

835
00:44:47,340 --> 00:44:51,270
I'm dealing with some chaos, some
craziness, okay, catch your breath.

836
00:44:51,930 --> 00:44:54,870
Let's start doing the work, let's begin
the healing, let's use this to our

837
00:44:54,870 --> 00:44:58,770
advantage in a way that's gonna benefit
me and ultimately, you know, benefit

838
00:44:58,830 --> 00:45:01,620
others so I can turn that and, and,
and maybe even help others with that.

839
00:45:01,620 --> 00:45:04,620
I always say they call it a
breakup not a breakdown, okay?

840
00:45:04,620 --> 00:45:06,390
So if your spouse has left
you, we're gonna break up,

841
00:45:06,390 --> 00:45:07,440
we're not breaking down.

842
00:45:07,800 --> 00:45:10,020
We're gonna move up the
level, we're moving up here.

843
00:45:10,020 --> 00:45:12,150
This is, this is a good thing, okay?

844
00:45:12,180 --> 00:45:15,300
Um, it's also called a heartbreak,
we're gonna give our heart a break.

845
00:45:15,570 --> 00:45:18,629
Sometimes our hearts need a little
break and so, you know what I mean?

846
00:45:18,629 --> 00:45:21,270
So, so sometimes it's just that,
that, that time where we just

847
00:45:21,270 --> 00:45:24,960
need to work on ourselves a
little bit, let that situation go.

848
00:45:25,410 --> 00:45:27,930
We don't know what's gonna happen
there, sometimes we don't know.

849
00:45:27,930 --> 00:45:29,549
And that's the best thing we
could do is, that's what I had

850
00:45:29,549 --> 00:45:30,569
to do, I I had to let it go.

851
00:45:30,569 --> 00:45:34,440
And as I let that go, um, that's really
when my, my wife and I began to come

852
00:45:34,440 --> 00:45:36,130
back around and things began to work out.

853
00:45:37,105 --> 00:45:40,525
And ultimately when we were able to
come back together, we had new tools,

854
00:45:40,525 --> 00:45:43,525
we had some awesome new tools that
we're able to utilize, and we had

855
00:45:43,525 --> 00:45:45,805
a lot of new knowledge that we're
able to apply to our relationship.

856
00:45:45,805 --> 00:45:49,495
And it, and, and that's been the,
the blessing here is that, you know,

857
00:45:49,495 --> 00:45:53,305
that the worst case situation, this
craziness, this horrible situation,

858
00:45:53,725 --> 00:45:56,545
um, turned out to be the best thing
ever for us and our relationship.

859
00:45:56,545 --> 00:45:57,895
So, and it's not your fault.

860
00:45:57,895 --> 00:46:00,205
Sometimes, again, we go through
these things because we had, you

861
00:46:00,205 --> 00:46:03,785
know, difficult parenting, you know,
this is sometimes generational.

862
00:46:03,895 --> 00:46:06,464
You know, my wife and I are trying
to break generational stuff, right?

863
00:46:06,464 --> 00:46:09,345
It's stuff that's been in our families
for years, it's really broken us.

864
00:46:09,345 --> 00:46:13,515
And so it can be hard, um, but here
we are, like we, we wanna do the work.

865
00:46:13,515 --> 00:46:16,395
We don't wanna pass this on to our
children so it's very important for

866
00:46:16,395 --> 00:46:19,665
us to do as much work as possible so
that they don't have to experience

867
00:46:19,665 --> 00:46:21,705
some of the pain and, and some
of the struggles that we did.

868
00:46:21,705 --> 00:46:24,855
So, uh, but yeah, give yourself
a break and it's gonna be okay.

869
00:46:24,884 --> 00:46:26,355
Everything's gonna be
okay, it's gonna work out.

870
00:46:27,285 --> 00:46:28,884
I, I like it a lot, Bryan.

871
00:46:29,265 --> 00:46:35,339
You know, uh, just by speaking
with you, I can tell you will do

872
00:46:35,580 --> 00:46:37,680
a lot of good things for people.

873
00:46:37,980 --> 00:46:45,270
Just a good conversation can help
somebody grow in so many ways and

874
00:46:45,270 --> 00:46:47,160
I like what you're doing out there.

875
00:46:47,580 --> 00:46:52,379
Uh, could you tell people how to
reach out and get in touch with you,

876
00:46:52,410 --> 00:46:53,730
get involved with what you're doing?

877
00:46:55,470 --> 00:46:58,290
Yeah, the best way to get, get in touch
with me is literally just go to my

878
00:46:58,290 --> 00:47:01,000
website at makeyourrelationshipfail.com.

879
00:47:01,020 --> 00:47:03,600
You can spell that out, Make
Your Relationship Fail, or my,

880
00:47:03,730 --> 00:47:06,180
M,Y, myrelationshipfail.com.

881
00:47:06,450 --> 00:47:08,040
It's gonna take you to the same website.

882
00:47:08,070 --> 00:47:11,070
I've got all my information there, I've
got some links, social links in there

883
00:47:11,130 --> 00:47:14,250
you can link up with me socially on
Instagram, Facebook, stuff like that.

884
00:47:14,610 --> 00:47:17,820
Um, and then I always challenge
people when you go there, you

885
00:47:17,820 --> 00:47:20,340
know, if you really wanna begin
the work, please join the Personal

886
00:47:20,340 --> 00:47:22,800
Development School from my website.

887
00:47:23,025 --> 00:47:25,305
When you join from my website,
you'll get the best price.

888
00:47:25,305 --> 00:47:27,975
You could pay monthly, you could
pay three months, yearly, whatever

889
00:47:27,975 --> 00:47:28,965
you wanna do, it's up to you.

890
00:47:28,965 --> 00:47:31,935
Start off small, get involved,
see if you like it, you know, so

891
00:47:31,935 --> 00:47:32,985
maybe do a month or two, right?

892
00:47:32,985 --> 00:47:34,335
And then, and just start off there.

893
00:47:34,725 --> 00:47:37,545
And when you do that through my website,
again, I'm gonna give you a free session.

894
00:47:37,575 --> 00:47:40,095
I'd love to talk with you, I love
helping people, I wanna hear your

895
00:47:40,095 --> 00:47:42,405
story, share, you know, you can
share with me where you're at.

896
00:47:42,765 --> 00:47:45,165
And then I can give you some
pointers, maybe some tips, uh,

897
00:47:45,225 --> 00:47:47,505
and maybe some things you need to
work on maybe more immediately.

898
00:47:47,505 --> 00:47:50,140
And then maybe set a plan for you so
that we can kind of, you know, have

899
00:47:50,140 --> 00:47:52,839
a long-term goal as to where maybe
you wanna be in the next month, two

900
00:47:52,839 --> 00:47:53,920
months, three months, type of thing.

901
00:47:54,370 --> 00:47:56,589
Um, and so that's the best
place to get in touch with me.

902
00:47:56,830 --> 00:47:58,690
Let's connect, I'm, I love
connecting with people.

903
00:47:58,690 --> 00:48:01,240
I've got a YouTube channel I'm
starting to build, um, and I just

904
00:48:01,240 --> 00:48:02,470
wanna, yeah, I just wanna help people.

905
00:48:02,470 --> 00:48:05,230
I wanna share this information
and so I'm just trying to, uh,

906
00:48:05,259 --> 00:48:06,460
help as many people as possible.

907
00:48:06,520 --> 00:48:09,620
But yeah, get with me through my
website, makeyourrelationshipfail.com

908
00:48:09,640 --> 00:48:11,009
or myrelationshipfail.com.

909
00:48:12,180 --> 00:48:13,860
I like what you're doing a lot.

910
00:48:14,310 --> 00:48:19,590
We need a lot of people out there doing
this, these conversations help people.

911
00:48:19,890 --> 00:48:26,370
And I've noticed there's a shift
and there's a change in the attitude

912
00:48:26,670 --> 00:48:33,330
about the people, and they are
hungry for change that yourself

913
00:48:33,330 --> 00:48:37,245
and I are out there giving people.

914
00:48:37,425 --> 00:48:41,475
So please keep doing what you're
doing, Bryan, and thank you for sharing

915
00:48:41,805 --> 00:48:44,265
with us here today on the podcast.

916
00:48:45,375 --> 00:48:46,275
Ed, thank you so much.

917
00:48:46,275 --> 00:48:48,525
This is an honor to be here and
a pleasure to speak with you,

918
00:48:48,525 --> 00:48:49,575
you're doing great stuff too.

919
00:48:49,575 --> 00:48:50,805
So keep up the great work, man.

920
00:48:51,745 --> 00:48:52,335
Thank you, sir.

921
00:49:07,475 --> 00:49:13,080
We almost didn't make it here,
I pushed you out to disappear.

922
00:49:14,549 --> 00:49:21,930
The space between us turning miles,
couldn't face you, couldn't smile.

923
00:49:21,930 --> 00:49:32,319
Both of us bleeding, holding on
to try, couldn't see a way to

924
00:49:34,529 --> 00:49:37,169
turn the tide.

925
00:49:37,169 --> 00:49:42,714
Rock bottom to the highest peak,
restraining order made us weak.

926
00:49:42,714 --> 00:49:51,995
But we climb back, we found the truth,
from broken trust to, to deeper us.

927
00:49:53,805 --> 00:49:56,744
Standing on

928
00:50:00,974 --> 00:50:02,214
faith, yeah,

929
00:50:04,414 --> 00:50:04,654
shows the

930
00:50:07,724 --> 00:50:16,884
way, now stronger love
lives every day, every day.

931
00:50:16,884 --> 00:50:21,105
I learned why I would run and hide,
learned what you kept locked inside.

932
00:50:22,605 --> 00:50:28,385
The patterns that we couldn't see,
chains that wouldn't let us breathe.

933
00:50:28,385 --> 00:50:40,615
We chose to do the work to understand,
reaching out to hold each others

934
00:50:43,505 --> 00:50:44,815
hands.

935
00:50:44,815 --> 00:50:50,845
Rock bottom to the highest peak,
restraining order made us weak.

936
00:50:50,845 --> 00:50:59,845
But we climb back, we found the truth,
from broken trust to deep, to deeper us.

937
00:50:59,984 --> 00:51:05,464
Standing on faith, yeah, shows

938
00:51:07,604 --> 00:51:15,684
the way, now stronger love
lives every day, every day.

939
00:51:15,924 --> 00:51:19,730
They said we'd never last,
too much hurt in our past.

940
00:51:19,730 --> 00:51:22,870
But we proved them wrong,
made each other strong.

941
00:51:23,080 --> 00:51:28,930
This wasn't easy love,
but it's the realest love.

942
00:51:28,930 --> 00:51:30,749
With every tear

943
00:51:34,790 --> 00:51:38,989
we cried, but we paid to get it right.

944
00:51:38,989 --> 00:51:44,595
Rock bottom to the highest peak,
restraining order made us weak.

945
00:51:44,595 --> 00:51:52,675
But we climb back, we found the

946
00:52:06,775 --> 00:52:09,085
truth, from

947
00:52:15,335 --> 00:52:18,795
broken trust to deeper us.

948
00:52:18,985 --> 00:52:25,955
Standing on faith, yeah, shows the
way, now stronger love lives every day.

949
00:52:25,955 --> 00:52:26,865
Now stronger love lives
every day, yeah, every day.

950
00:52:26,914 --> 00:52:27,334
Strong now, me and you.