1 00:00:05,649 --> 00:00:08,530 To overcome, you must educate. 2 00:00:09,930 --> 00:00:15,930 Educate not only yourself, but educate anyone seeking to learn. 3 00:00:17,299 --> 00:00:21,349 We are all Dead America, we can all learn something. 4 00:00:22,494 --> 00:00:26,784 To learn, we must challenge what we already understand. 5 00:00:27,755 --> 00:00:31,174 The way we do that is through conversation. 6 00:00:32,595 --> 00:00:39,724 Sometimes we have conversations with others, however, some of the best 7 00:00:39,895 --> 00:00:42,855 conversations happen with ourselves. 8 00:00:44,105 --> 00:00:51,484 Reach out and challenge yourself; let's dive in and learn something new right now. 9 00:00:55,805 --> 00:01:03,125 Today we are speaking with Aiden Gabor, he's the author of Conflicting Loyalties. 10 00:01:04,224 --> 00:01:10,155 Aiden is an ex mob enforcer turned DOJ informant. 11 00:01:10,924 --> 00:01:13,214 Aiden, could you please introduce yourself? 12 00:01:13,214 --> 00:01:15,865 Let people know just a little more about you, please. 13 00:01:16,365 --> 00:01:16,865 How you doing? 14 00:01:16,884 --> 00:01:18,374 My name is Aiden Gabor. 15 00:01:18,464 --> 00:01:24,255 Um, I grew up in a pretty screwed up, uh, my childhood and life. 16 00:01:24,324 --> 00:01:28,934 Um, introduced myself as, you know, I started off with working with a 17 00:01:28,934 --> 00:01:34,624 crew and eventually worked for the DOJ for taking on bad police officers 18 00:01:34,625 --> 00:01:39,584 and politicians and then finding my love and finding my spiritual journey 19 00:01:39,725 --> 00:01:41,274 throughout the process of it all. 20 00:01:42,145 --> 00:01:46,085 Or somebody that was extremely anti religious become religious at the 21 00:01:49,244 --> 00:01:50,115 end. 22 00:01:50,414 --> 00:01:53,714 Yeah, I find your story very interesting. 23 00:01:53,835 --> 00:01:57,114 Let's start off with your early life, Aiden. 24 00:01:57,874 --> 00:02:05,485 It's remarkable how you were young and you were kind of forced into this 25 00:02:05,535 --> 00:02:09,035 by the DOJ to become an informant. 26 00:02:09,345 --> 00:02:12,844 But those early years, what were those like for you? 27 00:02:13,085 --> 00:02:15,405 Um, I'm gonna be honest with you, it was awesome. 28 00:02:15,554 --> 00:02:20,245 Uh, my dad was an associate and with a Capo in hand. 29 00:02:20,245 --> 00:02:26,499 I would start out nine, ten years old, we would have gatherings, just barbecues 30 00:02:26,499 --> 00:02:31,040 without, Our mothers and grandmothers from the old country would come in 31 00:02:31,040 --> 00:02:36,150 and cook and we would have everything and we would, you know, we didn't, 32 00:02:36,169 --> 00:02:38,299 we learned at early age, respect. 33 00:02:38,300 --> 00:02:40,900 If you were asked to get something, get it for them. 34 00:02:41,500 --> 00:02:46,110 Um, you know, I mean, I was, uh, big for my age and I would get in those scuffles 35 00:02:46,510 --> 00:02:50,670 outside with boys that were five, six years older than me and I would beat up a 36 00:02:50,690 --> 00:02:52,550 couple of them or, you know, get beat up. 37 00:02:52,550 --> 00:02:57,010 And in early years of, you know, a couple of times we'd be wrestling or fighting 38 00:02:57,540 --> 00:03:00,769 on this gravel, and, uh, got cut up. 39 00:03:00,830 --> 00:03:03,170 A cop showed up because there had, you know, somebody 40 00:03:03,170 --> 00:03:05,004 complained about kids fighting. 41 00:03:05,435 --> 00:03:08,195 And I'm like, you know, like, you know, Aiden, come on 42 00:03:08,195 --> 00:03:09,445 over, tell us what's going on. 43 00:03:09,445 --> 00:03:11,425 I'm like, Get the hell out of here, we're wrestling. 44 00:03:12,095 --> 00:03:14,215 And I was getting my ass handed to me, I was getting beat up. 45 00:03:14,394 --> 00:03:16,084 And I just told them to get out. 46 00:03:16,654 --> 00:03:19,674 And, uh, they're like, come on now, you know, we know who, I don't know, 47 00:03:19,694 --> 00:03:22,454 and then they leave, and we go inside. 48 00:03:22,534 --> 00:03:26,544 And one day, Eddie, the Capo, he asked me, Hey, can you stop by 49 00:03:27,164 --> 00:03:28,315 uh, my, the shop? 50 00:03:28,375 --> 00:03:32,954 He had a little shop, there was a car, like, you know, a mechanic shop. 51 00:03:33,004 --> 00:03:36,725 There was also like a little social club and stuff they had in there and 52 00:03:36,975 --> 00:03:41,405 eventually I learned later on in life that we had other things going on in there. 53 00:03:41,405 --> 00:03:46,805 And I showed up, I rode my bike, and he's like, Hey, will you take this 54 00:03:46,805 --> 00:03:51,315 package and take it to this place, drop it off, don't talk to anybody, 55 00:03:51,315 --> 00:03:53,905 don't stop, um, and do not look in it. 56 00:03:54,620 --> 00:03:59,320 I said, Yes, sir. And I took the packages and I would bring it to people. 57 00:03:59,320 --> 00:04:03,970 And I, you know, as you, after time, after doing this several times, I come 58 00:04:03,990 --> 00:04:08,269 back, you give me money, twenty, thirty bucks, I would run into the candy 59 00:04:08,269 --> 00:04:10,690 store with my buddies and I'd be king. 60 00:04:11,260 --> 00:04:13,009 You know, we would get thirty dollars worth of candy. 61 00:04:13,010 --> 00:04:15,130 And back then, that was a lot of candy. 62 00:04:15,990 --> 00:04:19,089 And I did this for a while, and eventually, you know, 63 00:04:19,089 --> 00:04:20,810 you recognize these people. 64 00:04:21,029 --> 00:04:23,950 And as I got older, I worked my way up. 65 00:04:23,950 --> 00:04:25,430 Eddie saw something in me. 66 00:04:26,209 --> 00:04:30,319 And I started cleaning in the store, did a little like, um, got to 67 00:04:30,319 --> 00:04:31,219 where I wasn't dropping something. 68 00:04:31,219 --> 00:04:34,079 I'd sweep the store, take garbage out. 69 00:04:34,119 --> 00:04:35,489 You know, I got into a couple scuffles 70 00:04:35,489 --> 00:04:39,080 with a couple guys in there, and, cause they treated me like shit. 71 00:04:39,240 --> 00:04:42,740 And, um, and I wasn't, I was one not to take it. 72 00:04:43,740 --> 00:04:50,080 And so I just worked my way up, and eventually Eddie saw something in me. 73 00:04:50,080 --> 00:04:53,019 So we had a guy there, they put in the book, his name's Nicky. 74 00:04:53,500 --> 00:04:59,410 And Nicky taught me how to use a gun, how to use an ice pick, on how you 75 00:04:59,460 --> 00:05:02,509 put the, I mean, back there, you put this right in the back here, right? 76 00:05:02,509 --> 00:05:07,070 And you can do this, and, and he told me, With an ice pick, you could stab 77 00:05:07,070 --> 00:05:08,890 somebody five or six times really quick. 78 00:05:09,160 --> 00:05:10,980 Run away, leave it in, it doesn't leave prints. 79 00:05:10,990 --> 00:05:12,920 Never more worried about that, you can get away. 80 00:05:13,380 --> 00:05:16,140 And at that time, I'm thinking there's something wrong with this guy. 81 00:05:16,980 --> 00:05:20,730 And taught me how to drive, you know? 82 00:05:21,090 --> 00:05:26,370 Here I am doing all this and they, I, Eddie just saw something in me and, and 83 00:05:27,494 --> 00:05:32,544 eventually I worked my way up to, we go, I learned that we were collecting from like 84 00:05:32,544 --> 00:05:35,755 little mom-pop places and little shops. 85 00:05:35,755 --> 00:05:38,155 I started doing that with a guy named Dominic. 86 00:05:38,535 --> 00:05:41,574 And Dominic and I really cared for each other. 87 00:05:41,625 --> 00:05:45,114 First time I met Dominic, he pushed me really hard into the 88 00:05:45,114 --> 00:05:47,025 wall to get out of the way. 89 00:05:47,025 --> 00:05:51,855 And I grabbed, uh, a broom handle, I hit him with it, and then he 90 00:05:52,145 --> 00:05:54,015 hit me and he turned with a gun. 91 00:05:54,184 --> 00:05:55,775 And Eddie's like, No, no, stop, 92 00:05:56,815 --> 00:05:59,345 this is, uh, you know, Gabor's kid. 93 00:05:59,554 --> 00:06:00,145 And they're like, Oh. 94 00:06:00,985 --> 00:06:02,035 And he walked away. 95 00:06:02,115 --> 00:06:07,844 And the first time I went with Dominic, we're in the car, and I'm 96 00:06:07,944 --> 00:06:11,665 in the passenger seat, he punches me as hard as he can in the face. 97 00:06:11,875 --> 00:06:16,414 And it was like, you know, you feel the, like blackness, and all that. 98 00:06:16,424 --> 00:06:19,265 He's like, That's for when you hit me, we're not even, but you know, 99 00:06:19,265 --> 00:06:21,174 that's, that's what you get, you know? 100 00:06:21,195 --> 00:06:22,215 Don't start your shit. 101 00:06:23,865 --> 00:06:29,295 Anyway, I learned how to collect, and then I, I, I became an enforcer of people. 102 00:06:29,355 --> 00:06:33,385 Because there's gambling, there's prostitution, I wasn't allowed 103 00:06:33,385 --> 00:06:36,125 to go by the prostitution because I was an adolescent, you know? 104 00:06:36,135 --> 00:06:39,660 With girls, I was learning about girls at the time, and they, yeah, 105 00:06:39,660 --> 00:06:41,994 they didn't want me to go by that. 106 00:06:42,455 --> 00:06:47,645 And so we ran numbers, we loaned money, and we collected. 107 00:06:48,215 --> 00:06:50,455 And then they had a chop shop, that was a big thing. 108 00:06:50,505 --> 00:06:52,705 The biggest thing with Eddie was a chop shop. 109 00:06:53,344 --> 00:06:55,055 And I learned how to steal cars. 110 00:06:55,175 --> 00:06:56,414 And I did that. 111 00:06:56,414 --> 00:06:58,245 My first car I stole, I was fifteen. 112 00:06:59,295 --> 00:07:04,305 And first of all, when the second, or the second time I stole a car, some clown 113 00:07:04,305 --> 00:07:05,995 came up to me to ask me what I was doing. 114 00:07:05,995 --> 00:07:06,975 He's gonna call the cops. 115 00:07:06,975 --> 00:07:11,715 And I kind of tuned him up a little bit and left and never heard anything on that. 116 00:07:11,715 --> 00:07:15,784 And then I, I was enforcing. 117 00:07:15,800 --> 00:07:20,280 And there was a couple of times, I mean, my most remembered time 118 00:07:20,290 --> 00:07:26,635 was we were sitting at a, um, deli outside and this guy is walking 119 00:07:26,635 --> 00:07:30,465 by and Eddie goes, Hey, that, that motherfucker owes me twenty grand. 120 00:07:30,465 --> 00:07:32,154 Or I forget what he said, ten or twenty. 121 00:07:32,225 --> 00:07:36,785 And I just started running and I would go up to the guy and I'm like hitting him. 122 00:07:37,135 --> 00:07:39,045 And I start kicking the crap out of him this time and 123 00:07:39,045 --> 00:07:39,985 he's like, Whoa, whoa, chill. 124 00:07:40,285 --> 00:07:44,075 And then I'm beating him, beating the crap out of him and I'm like, You better 125 00:07:44,075 --> 00:07:45,955 get back or it's going to get worse. 126 00:07:45,975 --> 00:07:49,335 And he looked at me, he goes, You're eating your sandwich. 127 00:07:50,450 --> 00:07:53,570 And I'm looking and I'm going, Yeah, it was a good corned beef, that wasn't a 128 00:07:53,570 --> 00:07:55,450 sandwich, I love, this thing's great. 129 00:07:56,050 --> 00:07:58,959 But you just beat up a guy eating your sandwich, are you kidding me? 130 00:07:58,960 --> 00:08:02,280 He's like, You get the fuck back, Joe, you know, go back there. 131 00:08:02,300 --> 00:08:04,660 And he looked at him and he's telling Eddie this, and he goes, 132 00:08:04,949 --> 00:08:06,630 Well good, we'll call him Sandwich. 133 00:08:07,660 --> 00:08:10,049 And I thought, to this day I hate that name. 134 00:08:10,830 --> 00:08:12,340 I became Aiden Sandwich. 135 00:08:12,680 --> 00:08:15,350 Come on, I hate, I hated that name. 136 00:08:15,860 --> 00:08:18,600 And that's what they gave me and that's what I ran with. 137 00:08:18,810 --> 00:08:20,710 And I did all that. 138 00:08:20,710 --> 00:08:26,870 I did all the way up till I was almost eighteen going on nineteen, actually 139 00:08:26,870 --> 00:08:29,740 nineteen going on twenty I should say, because I was a little late. 140 00:08:30,295 --> 00:08:35,415 And the next thing I know, you know, I was collecting, I, I, I enforced, did 141 00:08:35,434 --> 00:08:40,645 everything I was supposed to do, beat up, I got stabbed a couple times doing this. 142 00:08:40,705 --> 00:08:46,764 Um, I, uh, I, I, all of a sudden, Eddie comes to me and says, Hey, 143 00:08:46,764 --> 00:08:51,585 the FBI just arrested Dominick, they took Nick, Nick, I think Nick 144 00:08:51,595 --> 00:08:52,915 got away, I think Nick took off. 145 00:08:53,545 --> 00:08:57,225 And anyway, he's like, I'm leaving. 146 00:08:57,285 --> 00:08:59,265 You need to, Hey, you've got to change, they're going to arrest you. 147 00:08:59,265 --> 00:09:03,514 And you've got a chance to go play college football, go make something of yourself. 148 00:09:04,540 --> 00:09:10,260 And I'm, I wasn't planning on it and I'm like, uh, Okay. 149 00:09:10,260 --> 00:09:11,820 Cause you gotta go because you have prior offs here. 150 00:09:11,820 --> 00:09:13,850 So basically we're done. 151 00:09:14,649 --> 00:09:19,329 So basically the whole, whole thing went down for that and I, I went to 152 00:09:19,330 --> 00:09:23,150 school and that's, that, that was the end of my first part of my life or 153 00:09:23,179 --> 00:09:27,150 the early part when I worked with, uh, I was running with the crew. 154 00:09:27,310 --> 00:09:32,490 Yeah, that's a lifestyle that many people fear. 155 00:09:32,570 --> 00:09:41,349 But as you live in that lifestyle of crime and that activity, it really, it makes 156 00:09:41,349 --> 00:09:43,989 you a different person that's for sure. 157 00:09:44,520 --> 00:09:52,900 Uh, growing up in the seventies myself, I remember when Rico came out and, you know, 158 00:09:52,900 --> 00:10:00,190 the big cases during the eighties with Rico, uh, everyone was terrified at that 159 00:10:00,190 --> 00:10:02,960 point because it was guilt by association. 160 00:10:03,479 --> 00:10:07,649 And, you know, everybody was friendly at that time and everybody knew 161 00:10:07,649 --> 00:10:10,540 everybody, it was a different time. 162 00:10:11,220 --> 00:10:18,525 And I really think that during that timeframe of fear, things 163 00:10:18,525 --> 00:10:24,944 really shifted in the, not only loyalties, but communities. 164 00:10:25,265 --> 00:10:28,814 They, they buttoned up per se. 165 00:10:29,555 --> 00:10:31,354 What do you think about that, Aiden? 166 00:10:31,714 --> 00:10:32,774 Oh, absolutely. 167 00:10:32,774 --> 00:10:37,244 You know, you know, we had, you know, we worked with the gang, so 168 00:10:37,244 --> 00:10:39,525 there was no, the crime was nothing. 169 00:10:39,885 --> 00:10:44,005 Um, you know, they, like, you know, we were told, Eddie's 170 00:10:44,024 --> 00:10:45,884 like, We don't do drugs. 171 00:10:46,084 --> 00:10:50,374 And I can't say the exact words, but he said, Let the gangs give to 172 00:10:50,374 --> 00:10:52,175 their, their own community, you know? 173 00:10:52,635 --> 00:10:54,665 And, but in different words. 174 00:10:54,735 --> 00:10:58,764 And we worked like, we'd get a percentage and we did something, 175 00:10:58,764 --> 00:11:00,975 we didn't poach, you know? 176 00:11:00,985 --> 00:11:03,415 We, we, we, we worked kind of together. 177 00:11:04,330 --> 00:11:07,990 And it was safe back then, there was no problems. 178 00:11:08,040 --> 00:11:11,750 You know, everything was, you could walk the streets at any 179 00:11:11,750 --> 00:11:15,250 time, um, there was respect. 180 00:11:15,250 --> 00:11:18,170 You know, that was what I loved about it, the respect part of it, you know? 181 00:11:18,800 --> 00:11:22,740 Through everything, you know, I'm going through, yeah, the minute Rico came in, 182 00:11:23,400 --> 00:11:28,865 I was the same time frame, and as soon as that came in, yeah, it changed everything. 183 00:11:28,925 --> 00:11:29,825 That's what happened to us. 184 00:11:29,865 --> 00:11:32,095 You know, FBI just came and cleaned the house. 185 00:11:32,155 --> 00:11:37,035 And they hurt more, I think more communities, yes, where we get money 186 00:11:37,074 --> 00:11:38,704 from the people, but they were safe. 187 00:11:39,824 --> 00:11:43,925 You know, once all that ended, it became a free for all, you know? 188 00:11:43,964 --> 00:11:49,195 Um, and that's because, you know, the government wants it on the table or not. 189 00:11:49,195 --> 00:11:50,524 It's, the government wants their money. 190 00:11:50,524 --> 00:11:52,155 They're not getting money out of this. 191 00:11:52,555 --> 00:11:54,435 And that was the whole thing I'm looking at. 192 00:11:54,435 --> 00:11:56,844 I mean, the crime part, you're going to get that all the time. 193 00:11:57,355 --> 00:12:01,805 But it's the greedy part of the government, and that's my thinking of it. 194 00:12:02,035 --> 00:12:06,755 But, you know, I just, I just, I don't understand. 195 00:12:07,495 --> 00:12:08,474 You know, I mean, you're right. 196 00:12:08,474 --> 00:12:11,675 The RICO law was, you don't have to do anything, you just have to be 197 00:12:11,675 --> 00:12:13,464 associated with somebody and that was it. 198 00:12:15,800 --> 00:12:23,540 Yeah, that, that was a big, big point in, in my history that I remember vividly 199 00:12:23,550 --> 00:12:28,950 because I remember the fear that ran through myself because of my activities. 200 00:12:29,409 --> 00:12:36,489 And it's the same thing, my family believed in taking care of business. 201 00:12:36,489 --> 00:12:43,290 If you wronged, well, you're going to find one of us at your door or in your bedroom. 202 00:12:43,720 --> 00:12:48,999 And, you know, it's just how we handled things. 203 00:12:49,219 --> 00:12:55,739 My brother, you know, that just passed away recently, uh, he, he spent many 204 00:12:55,739 --> 00:13:01,529 years in prison for using a hatchet on somebody instead of the baseball bat. 205 00:13:01,979 --> 00:13:08,899 You know, the severity of these crimes, you know, that fear that came in, 206 00:13:09,379 --> 00:13:15,275 it really did take a lot of that and put it on the back burner, per se. 207 00:13:15,275 --> 00:13:21,594 Because I remember it was pretty open back then, you know, you, 208 00:13:22,055 --> 00:13:26,795 you knew who you were dealing with because they demanded that respect. 209 00:13:27,354 --> 00:13:27,894 And 210 00:13:28,425 --> 00:13:34,835 you talk quite a bit about respect in your interviews and I, I love this 211 00:13:35,165 --> 00:13:40,875 portion because I really think that's what we're lacking today is respect. 212 00:13:41,444 --> 00:13:48,115 My, my mother and my father instilled in us, you, you don't 213 00:13:48,125 --> 00:13:52,235 hit a woman, you respect the woman, you respect your elders. 214 00:13:52,605 --> 00:14:01,035 And, you know, I really miss those times and I think a lot of what 215 00:14:01,035 --> 00:14:07,725 occurred in our legal streams really screwed the family up. 216 00:14:07,785 --> 00:14:14,455 And then, then you got into everyone calling the cops on everyone and it 217 00:14:14,455 --> 00:14:16,685 really divided the families in a way. 218 00:14:16,835 --> 00:14:18,075 Oh yeah, absolutely. 219 00:14:18,345 --> 00:14:21,109 You know, you know, respect growing up, that was it. 220 00:14:21,159 --> 00:14:25,129 You know, um, family respect, that was the way it went. 221 00:14:25,259 --> 00:14:29,909 And nowadays there is no, these kids nowadays have zero respect. 222 00:14:29,909 --> 00:14:34,530 You know, I get in trouble in my old age dealing with these kids nowadays. 223 00:14:34,530 --> 00:14:38,855 They talk their shit and I'm not one, I really didn't take too much crap. 224 00:14:39,724 --> 00:14:41,925 And you're right, we took care of business. 225 00:14:41,944 --> 00:14:47,585 If you, if you wronged family and or close friends, you're 226 00:14:47,585 --> 00:14:49,855 expecting my happy face to show up. 227 00:14:50,415 --> 00:14:53,254 And, and, what I used to say is, I go, Did, Jerry, you beat 228 00:14:53,254 --> 00:14:54,524 up these people, you did this. 229 00:14:54,835 --> 00:14:58,135 You know, yeah, I used a baseball bat, but we weren't kinky. 230 00:14:58,355 --> 00:15:02,315 We weren't rocket scientists, we, we, we used what we had at hand. 231 00:15:02,315 --> 00:15:06,625 And the best thing I learned is have a baseball bat, put a mitt and a 232 00:15:06,625 --> 00:15:10,095 ball in your trunk and you cannot be arrested because you have a 233 00:15:10,415 --> 00:15:11,645 baseball, I am ready to play baseball. 234 00:15:11,654 --> 00:15:11,964 Let me talk. 235 00:15:13,209 --> 00:15:16,999 And I used to, yes, I used a baseball bat, I like hitting the ankles. 236 00:15:17,270 --> 00:15:21,280 Because when you hit those feet, you hit the tires, they go down. 237 00:15:21,659 --> 00:15:22,419 When you hit the knees, 238 00:15:22,419 --> 00:15:24,769 they only kind of, they might be able to get up, it's going to hurt. 239 00:15:24,839 --> 00:15:28,270 Hit them in the ankles, they're on the ground and you got total control. 240 00:15:29,034 --> 00:15:30,724 And that, and it made a different sound. 241 00:15:30,724 --> 00:15:31,444 I liked it. 242 00:15:31,444 --> 00:15:34,304 And that, that was me growing up, I'm going to admit to it. 243 00:15:34,534 --> 00:15:39,655 And, um, you know, I did other things, but you were one of the family. 244 00:15:39,655 --> 00:15:44,134 And most of the time, if you see my happy mug showing up at your place, it wasn't 245 00:15:44,145 --> 00:15:46,304 because I picked you out just randomly. 246 00:15:46,305 --> 00:15:48,624 It's because you did something for me to be here. 247 00:15:48,645 --> 00:15:51,919 You borrowed money and didn't pay it back, you did something, you know? 248 00:15:51,920 --> 00:15:57,819 And everybody talks about different crews, don't, you know, we did violence 249 00:15:57,819 --> 00:16:02,220 mostly against other crews because they're poaching in our territory. 250 00:16:02,730 --> 00:16:05,819 You know, if you're going to go poach in somebody else's territory, do some 251 00:16:05,819 --> 00:16:08,990 business, you better have a good reason or you're going to pay the consequences. 252 00:16:09,900 --> 00:16:13,839 And that's like nowadays, there is no consequences for what you do. 253 00:16:14,089 --> 00:16:15,249 There is no respect. 254 00:16:15,829 --> 00:16:18,950 There is, and that's the way these kids are nowadays, they're little shits. 255 00:16:19,720 --> 00:16:22,550 And I, I, yeah, big respect. 256 00:16:22,550 --> 00:16:25,970 You know, like I say every time, I have never said a word 257 00:16:25,970 --> 00:16:27,329 against anybody I ran with. 258 00:16:27,359 --> 00:16:28,280 Anybody in the crew. 259 00:16:28,280 --> 00:16:29,779 I never did anything against them. 260 00:16:30,579 --> 00:16:32,510 If they were to ask me, I would have told them to get fucked. 261 00:16:32,629 --> 00:16:36,210 But I did things against bad police officers and bad politicians. 262 00:16:36,905 --> 00:16:39,295 That was what, yes, did I inform against them? 263 00:16:39,335 --> 00:16:40,385 Absolutely. 264 00:16:40,665 --> 00:16:44,524 But I grew up seeing these people and they were supposed to be protecting people. 265 00:16:44,954 --> 00:16:49,894 And then in the second part of life, when the DOJ came up and gave me that lovely, I 266 00:16:50,354 --> 00:16:56,394 wouldn't say ultimatum, they had basically a deal I couldn't refuse at the time. 267 00:16:57,444 --> 00:17:02,355 That, yeah, you know, eventually I figured I'm doing good. 268 00:17:03,284 --> 00:17:06,735 You know, but I did miss my younger life. 269 00:17:06,775 --> 00:17:10,355 I enjoyed doing it because we had respect in the neighborhood, 270 00:17:10,425 --> 00:17:11,714 the neighborhoods were safe. 271 00:17:12,385 --> 00:17:14,325 People said, Hey, how you doing? 272 00:17:14,435 --> 00:17:18,144 You know, we, you know, you got a lot of shit free, but you also had, 273 00:17:18,204 --> 00:17:19,484 like I said, the respect thing. 274 00:17:19,714 --> 00:17:21,234 Yeah, I like that a lot. 275 00:17:21,325 --> 00:17:27,065 And it really appealed to me when I seen this come across 276 00:17:27,075 --> 00:17:28,625 the desk for the first time. 277 00:17:29,205 --> 00:17:35,335 Uh, the title of your book, you know, it suggests conflicting loyalties. 278 00:17:36,565 --> 00:17:43,304 Is your loyalty still conflicting or do you have a better grasp on your 279 00:17:43,325 --> 00:17:47,944 ideas and who you are and what you are? 280 00:17:48,300 --> 00:17:50,090 You know, I do now. 281 00:17:50,500 --> 00:17:51,930 I think spiritually helped me. 282 00:17:51,950 --> 00:17:56,350 But when the conflicting loyalties part mostly came in is, you know, when the 283 00:17:56,350 --> 00:18:01,070 DOJ came up and used that Rico thing against me, they're like, This is a new, 284 00:18:01,140 --> 00:18:04,409 you know, when they show me pictures of my mother, my father, you know, when 285 00:18:04,409 --> 00:18:07,820 they show pictures of me and my father with Eddie and a bunch of other guys, 286 00:18:08,259 --> 00:18:09,009 I didn't care. 287 00:18:09,410 --> 00:18:13,040 But when they show me my mother and say my mother's going to go to jail, 288 00:18:13,120 --> 00:18:16,590 if I, unless I did it, that, that hit me because I'm a mama's boy. 289 00:18:16,590 --> 00:18:18,310 I was, my mom is past. 290 00:18:18,969 --> 00:18:23,959 And they said, Hey, have you ever heard this law called RICO? 291 00:18:24,039 --> 00:18:27,749 Well, no, I was young, it's a new law out there. 292 00:18:28,139 --> 00:18:31,069 Because you're a college boy, go look it up in the, in the, 293 00:18:31,069 --> 00:18:32,419 in the library, you know? 294 00:18:32,449 --> 00:18:35,409 Back then, 70s, you didn't have that shit. 295 00:18:36,259 --> 00:18:38,020 So I went and found out what it was. 296 00:18:38,080 --> 00:18:39,930 I'm like, Holy shit. 297 00:18:40,740 --> 00:18:45,629 And that, I'm sorry, that's, that was my, it killed me the first time I said, 298 00:18:45,629 --> 00:18:47,269 Yes, I'll do what you need me to do. 299 00:18:47,269 --> 00:18:52,450 And, you know, these two clowns had me, you know, infiltrate a police 300 00:18:52,450 --> 00:18:54,360 department to find a police officer. 301 00:18:54,380 --> 00:18:56,320 The first one was a hit man. 302 00:18:56,930 --> 00:19:01,470 And what happened with the conflicting loyalties part is, when you become law 303 00:19:01,470 --> 00:19:05,060 enforcement, after I started, you get on the academy, and you go through, 304 00:19:05,590 --> 00:19:09,050 there's a thing called the blue line, as you start going in law enforcement. 305 00:19:09,660 --> 00:19:13,110 And it's this blue line, almost like we had, where you don't talk 306 00:19:13,120 --> 00:19:14,959 about your brothers and sisters. 307 00:19:15,640 --> 00:19:17,899 If you see something, kind of keep it to yourself. 308 00:19:18,310 --> 00:19:19,830 You know, that type of deal. 309 00:19:19,879 --> 00:19:21,480 Unless it's extremely bad. 310 00:19:22,600 --> 00:19:27,800 But my conflicting loyalties part was, as I'm doing all of this, I'm 311 00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:32,510 thinking to myself, Am I betraying my brothers and sisters in blue? 312 00:19:33,230 --> 00:19:36,620 And my first, when I first started doing it, the first one I went after, it took 313 00:19:36,620 --> 00:19:39,380 me over a year and I became a drinker. 314 00:19:39,520 --> 00:19:42,610 And I drank, but I became a gulper, I guess you could say. 315 00:19:42,610 --> 00:19:49,579 That's the way this this, idiot was . And after I put away, when they 316 00:19:49,580 --> 00:19:52,770 got me to work in the department I grew up in, and since I remembered the 317 00:19:52,770 --> 00:19:55,200 politicians, the commissioners, and 318 00:19:55,615 --> 00:20:00,735 the officers that I saw as a kid taking the, taking the money, telling them what's 319 00:20:00,735 --> 00:20:03,775 going on, doing some very bad crimes. 320 00:20:04,295 --> 00:20:09,669 And for, for Eddie that, I thought, you know, like I said, the DOJ came to me. 321 00:20:09,729 --> 00:20:12,779 It wasn't to be undercover, it was just as an informant. 322 00:20:13,250 --> 00:20:17,439 I didn't have backup so I had to do all this and no tell anybody. 323 00:20:17,480 --> 00:20:22,240 Don't you say a word to your parents, don't say a word to your wife or anybody. 324 00:20:22,240 --> 00:20:23,230 Or if you do, you go. 325 00:20:23,360 --> 00:20:23,730 That's it. 326 00:20:23,730 --> 00:20:25,159 The deal's off, you're going to jail. 327 00:20:26,060 --> 00:20:29,660 And, you know, as you become a drinker, it started getting to me. 328 00:20:29,660 --> 00:20:33,150 I started seeing hallucinations of St. Michael with the 329 00:20:33,160 --> 00:20:34,419 flaming sword coming at me. 330 00:20:34,420 --> 00:20:36,779 He said, I betrayed and slicing at me. 331 00:20:37,549 --> 00:20:44,935 And in that time frame, in that time frame, I started becoming an alcoholic. 332 00:20:44,985 --> 00:20:47,745 But then I started getting those benders. 333 00:20:48,354 --> 00:20:53,635 And I remember waking up, and I remember, was I hallucinating about putting a 334 00:20:53,895 --> 00:20:58,725 round in the chamber of 357, spinning it, and putting it to my head, and 335 00:20:58,725 --> 00:21:01,855 pulling the trigger, or putting it underneath my chin, pulling the trigger? 336 00:21:02,370 --> 00:21:05,540 And I know of at least 200 or so times I did it remembering. 337 00:21:05,850 --> 00:21:10,350 And times I wake up with two or three in the, in, in the gun laying on the floor 338 00:21:10,350 --> 00:21:14,570 next to me, thinking I do this over a thousand times, trying to kill myself. 339 00:21:15,240 --> 00:21:21,070 And, you know, later, life I'm learning to God, didn't want me to die. 340 00:21:21,429 --> 00:21:26,420 You know, and my conflicting loyalties part was, I'm conflicting against 341 00:21:26,420 --> 00:21:28,210 my brothers and sisters in blue. 342 00:21:28,820 --> 00:21:31,540 I'm taking note of bad police officers, that was a part. 343 00:21:31,540 --> 00:21:33,229 The politicians, I didn't give a shit. 344 00:21:34,029 --> 00:21:38,299 But going against police officers, am I going against the guys? 345 00:21:38,350 --> 00:21:44,090 Because as you walk in their shoes as a law enforcement, and 346 00:21:44,129 --> 00:21:45,550 you know, I still did the job. 347 00:21:46,320 --> 00:21:51,919 And you get to see, dealing with, what they would deal with every day in life, 348 00:21:52,530 --> 00:21:53,080 you know? 349 00:21:53,720 --> 00:21:57,560 Um, and people don't understand this, let's defund them. 350 00:21:57,560 --> 00:21:58,920 They don't do, are you kidding me? 351 00:21:58,920 --> 00:22:00,770 What these men and women do. 352 00:22:01,150 --> 00:22:04,490 It's like the military, why these people treat the military personnel 353 00:22:04,490 --> 00:22:08,220 the way they do, law enforcement, first responders, you know? 354 00:22:08,230 --> 00:22:09,760 What these men and women do for you. 355 00:22:09,760 --> 00:22:14,774 You know, I always talked, I've talked to many military people and, 356 00:22:15,014 --> 00:22:16,495 you know, this is what they get. 357 00:22:16,824 --> 00:22:20,124 They train, kill, kill, kill, train, kill, kill, kill. 358 00:22:21,125 --> 00:22:24,735 It's all done with go back and be a normal person in society after 359 00:22:24,735 --> 00:22:26,235 you've seen and did what you did. 360 00:22:27,324 --> 00:22:28,074 Seriously? 361 00:22:29,325 --> 00:22:30,725 That's how I look at it. 362 00:22:30,774 --> 00:22:35,855 Why do these people have mental, I mean, I didn't see the carnage they may have seen. 363 00:22:36,125 --> 00:22:37,205 Have I seen carnage? 364 00:22:37,205 --> 00:22:37,804 Yes. 365 00:22:38,324 --> 00:22:40,485 But have I, you know, been involved? 366 00:22:40,495 --> 00:22:41,105 Yes. 367 00:22:41,400 --> 00:22:44,060 But not the same way these guys were, and I was very young 368 00:22:44,060 --> 00:22:45,400 when I did a lot of this stuff. 369 00:22:45,860 --> 00:22:47,380 And in law enforcement, you see it. 370 00:22:47,730 --> 00:22:50,249 You see the abuse, you see the murders, you see everything. 371 00:22:50,920 --> 00:22:55,720 And some people can't take that mentally, and I understand it, but they 372 00:22:55,720 --> 00:22:59,170 want you to be a normal, functioning human being after your shift is 373 00:22:59,170 --> 00:23:01,089 over, or after your tour is over. 374 00:23:01,939 --> 00:23:06,735 And my conflicting, like I said, my conflicting loyalty was that, you know? 375 00:23:06,824 --> 00:23:10,564 And I became a bad alcoholic and my buddy Don and Sam saved 376 00:23:10,564 --> 00:23:12,574 my ass with the alcoholism. 377 00:23:12,934 --> 00:23:15,074 Well, thank God for Don and Sam. 378 00:23:15,415 --> 00:23:20,864 You know, it is, it's interesting you bring this up about law enforcement. 379 00:23:20,994 --> 00:23:26,365 You know, my whole family was criminal to the T. But I,I, 380 00:23:26,385 --> 00:23:29,000 I really don't get into that. 381 00:23:29,000 --> 00:23:37,520 I really looked at what was happening and I kinda got sick because of it. 382 00:23:37,560 --> 00:23:42,550 And then interestingly enough, I met my wife. 383 00:23:43,140 --> 00:23:49,960 I was seventeen years old and she was a Christian and she kind of 384 00:23:49,970 --> 00:23:52,950 stepped in and changed who I was. 385 00:23:53,230 --> 00:23:57,530 And my life hasn't been the same ever since. 386 00:23:57,800 --> 00:24:03,140 And I heard that you found that same type of experience with your 387 00:24:03,169 --> 00:24:04,870 second wife, is that correct? 388 00:24:05,220 --> 00:24:06,050 Yes, yeah. 389 00:24:06,990 --> 00:24:12,000 I was, you know, I was extremely, I mean, I was an asshole. 390 00:24:12,350 --> 00:24:13,490 I was not a great person. 391 00:24:13,650 --> 00:24:15,350 My first wife, I was not a great husband. 392 00:24:15,350 --> 00:24:16,520 I was not a great father. 393 00:24:17,315 --> 00:24:18,695 I didn't believe in religion. 394 00:24:19,085 --> 00:24:21,645 I was, I used to joke, I work for the other guy. 395 00:24:21,965 --> 00:24:22,825 I collect souls. 396 00:24:23,355 --> 00:24:29,325 And I met her and she, she, you know, she looked at me and accepted me. 397 00:24:29,334 --> 00:24:31,655 And then, you know, we would go out. 398 00:24:32,045 --> 00:24:34,184 And the first several days, I, you know, I had a friend of mine 399 00:24:34,184 --> 00:24:35,104 say, Hey, you need to go out. 400 00:24:35,105 --> 00:24:35,934 She wants to go out with you. 401 00:24:35,934 --> 00:24:36,755 I go, Seriously? 402 00:24:37,345 --> 00:24:38,545 Why would she want to go out with me? 403 00:24:38,545 --> 00:24:39,454 He goes, I don't know. 404 00:24:39,455 --> 00:24:40,525 She thinks you're funny. 405 00:24:41,205 --> 00:24:43,225 You know, I joke around with everybody. 406 00:24:43,284 --> 00:24:45,935 And I said, All right, I'll go out with her. 407 00:24:45,995 --> 00:24:49,415 And it was just one of those clicks. 408 00:24:49,725 --> 00:24:52,804 Ed, I'm going to be telling you that this is kind of a funny story 409 00:24:52,804 --> 00:24:57,814 is, we went out, I didn't pay for anything on the first eight dates. 410 00:24:58,834 --> 00:25:02,164 She thought, she probably thought I was some kind of scam. 411 00:25:02,235 --> 00:25:04,695 Like, we joke about this now. 412 00:25:05,245 --> 00:25:07,605 But she said, she liked me, we went out. 413 00:25:07,965 --> 00:25:11,385 I always had an excuse, I was going through a divorce, I was, and you 414 00:25:11,385 --> 00:25:15,735 know, she, cause I felt bad for you, and then eventually you're like a 415 00:25:15,745 --> 00:25:17,915 fungus, I couldn't get rid of you. 416 00:25:17,995 --> 00:25:23,225 And, and, she, she understands, she accepted me for who I 417 00:25:23,225 --> 00:25:24,614 am, and who, what I was. 418 00:25:24,614 --> 00:25:25,034 And, you know, 419 00:25:26,460 --> 00:25:31,010 she may have not gotten me when I was younger in my prime and fit and all this. 420 00:25:31,010 --> 00:25:33,520 You know, I got ALS, I'm, uh, falling apart. 421 00:25:33,870 --> 00:25:35,229 I was shot a couple of times. 422 00:25:35,250 --> 00:25:42,010 I mean, she's getting the, the, the, uh, used car part, and she accepted it. 423 00:25:43,409 --> 00:25:48,739 And, you know, the funniest thing about her is, when I started in law 424 00:25:48,749 --> 00:25:59,149 enforcement, I was a young officer, I arrested a sixteen year old at a bar. 425 00:25:59,949 --> 00:26:01,649 I bring this person to jail. 426 00:26:02,139 --> 00:26:05,639 She's in the backseat, kind of crying, but kind of being a bitch. 427 00:26:06,210 --> 00:26:09,869 And I'm trying to talk to her, she's really not talking to me. 428 00:26:10,350 --> 00:26:13,650 So, at that time, I took her picture, took her prints. 429 00:26:14,010 --> 00:26:18,759 And back then, I was making my extra sentence set for my own files to say, 430 00:26:18,759 --> 00:26:21,780 you know, we get, you know, keep your own files in case something happens and, 431 00:26:22,280 --> 00:26:23,710 you know, kind of like getting trouble. 432 00:26:24,320 --> 00:26:28,970 You know, I arrested her when she was sixteen years old. 433 00:26:30,110 --> 00:26:34,620 And then we met again like fifteen years later. 434 00:26:34,620 --> 00:26:39,610 It's one of those synchro, I didn't realize it till her uncle said 435 00:26:39,610 --> 00:26:46,345 something to me about, Hey, um, hey, I was, she got arrested at that town. 436 00:26:46,735 --> 00:26:47,785 I'm like, Seriously? 437 00:26:48,495 --> 00:26:49,695 She's like, Yeah! 438 00:26:49,965 --> 00:26:52,015 We used to live there years ago! 439 00:26:52,395 --> 00:26:53,455 I remember that! 440 00:26:53,545 --> 00:26:56,105 And, and, and she's explaining it to me, so I looked it up, 441 00:26:56,105 --> 00:26:57,744 and sure enough, it was me! 442 00:26:58,295 --> 00:27:00,385 I was like, so what's that, synchranikra? 443 00:27:00,405 --> 00:27:01,474 Whatever the hell they call it. 444 00:27:01,784 --> 00:27:06,125 Yeah, so, that's where I met her, but she, she just understood me. 445 00:27:07,130 --> 00:27:09,870 And to this day, she accepts me for what I am. 446 00:27:09,889 --> 00:27:13,390 And, you know, we click. 447 00:27:13,390 --> 00:27:17,510 We talk every day, we talk every day, of course, but we talk as much as we can, 448 00:27:17,850 --> 00:27:19,620 and we still say I love you every morning. 449 00:27:19,620 --> 00:27:22,209 And my first wife was like, you know, Satan's daughter. 450 00:27:22,750 --> 00:27:25,090 And that's how I used to joke, I married Satan's daughter. 451 00:27:25,229 --> 00:27:28,190 Because she was, she was just a mean bitch. 452 00:27:29,710 --> 00:27:31,139 But yeah, you're right. 453 00:27:31,310 --> 00:27:32,650 I'm glad yours is like this too. 454 00:27:32,889 --> 00:27:36,679 You know, except for a few quirks, even though you may be, you know, a 455 00:27:36,679 --> 00:27:38,679 little bit out there, they accept you. 456 00:27:38,939 --> 00:27:41,840 It's a beautiful thing when you find the right woman. 457 00:27:42,179 --> 00:27:47,130 And, and it's, it's interesting how they don't really change you, 458 00:27:47,130 --> 00:27:49,309 I think you really change together. 459 00:27:49,870 --> 00:27:51,719 You know, that, that's the big thing. 460 00:27:52,559 --> 00:27:59,010 Writing a book Aiden, you, you talk about it being therapy. 461 00:27:59,129 --> 00:28:05,104 And I find podcasting therapy because I, I really don't have the 462 00:28:05,104 --> 00:28:10,955 talent yet to finish and complete a book, but I'm, I'm seeking that. 463 00:28:11,915 --> 00:28:18,754 So, so do you, talk to us about the therapy end of releasing 464 00:28:18,754 --> 00:28:23,825 this through a book or even these podcasts that you are doing. 465 00:28:24,185 --> 00:28:27,475 You know, I, I, what happened once, I was having night 466 00:28:27,505 --> 00:28:28,875 terrors and I still have them. 467 00:28:29,315 --> 00:28:32,800 And I was swinging, I was throwing my wife around, I was punching the 468 00:28:32,800 --> 00:28:38,259 wall, I was punching at some, and she called Don and Sam and said, Hey, 469 00:28:38,279 --> 00:28:39,780 you guys, this is what he's doing. 470 00:28:39,800 --> 00:28:42,290 And they came out and they flew down and saw me. 471 00:28:43,149 --> 00:28:47,673 And Don was like, You know, dude, come on, you know? 472 00:28:47,673 --> 00:28:49,299 You need to look at this. 473 00:28:49,890 --> 00:28:52,150 And you need to maybe look at some religion. 474 00:28:52,150 --> 00:28:53,280 I'm like, Go to hell. 475 00:28:53,725 --> 00:28:55,275 And Sam looks at me. 476 00:28:55,305 --> 00:28:58,064 And he goes, You need to listen to Sam, like, read these books. 477 00:28:58,485 --> 00:29:00,325 And Don's like, I gotta go. 478 00:29:00,485 --> 00:29:02,725 We're talking about it, you know, what's going on. 479 00:29:02,735 --> 00:29:04,135 He was here for a couple days. 480 00:29:04,425 --> 00:29:08,094 Sam stayed for a couple weeks and he's like, Read this. 481 00:29:08,094 --> 00:29:11,644 And there was a Ba'b Bahá'í, the Bahá'í faith. 482 00:29:12,215 --> 00:29:15,235 And I'm like, I don't like reading, but okay, I'll read this. 483 00:29:15,705 --> 00:29:19,919 And then we started talking and then, he never knew, you know, I grew up with Sam, 484 00:29:19,949 --> 00:29:22,999 I mean, we grew up in the neighborhood, we grew up, he never knew this shit. 485 00:29:23,100 --> 00:29:26,399 He goes, I always wrote it off, but, but I knew your dad did work 486 00:29:26,439 --> 00:29:28,029 for, I didn't know you were going. 487 00:29:28,110 --> 00:29:29,230 And he's like, Well, no. 488 00:29:29,440 --> 00:29:32,819 And him and I talked about, you know, life, because I knew a lot, he goes, Yeah, 489 00:29:32,829 --> 00:29:36,749 I remember some things happening when we were there, and we were like, Wow. 490 00:29:36,760 --> 00:29:38,350 And he goes, Your life screwed up. 491 00:29:38,360 --> 00:29:39,910 I go, Gee, thanks, I love hearing that. 492 00:29:40,360 --> 00:29:42,340 And he's just like, You need to write a book. 493 00:29:42,340 --> 00:29:44,179 I go, Go to hell. 494 00:29:44,479 --> 00:29:45,719 I ain't writing this book. 495 00:29:46,270 --> 00:29:49,079 I don't want to because if you could therapeutically get it all 496 00:29:49,080 --> 00:29:51,190 out, I go, I'm going nuts now. 497 00:29:51,879 --> 00:29:53,790 He goes, Yeah, but you get it all out. 498 00:29:54,405 --> 00:29:56,955 And yes, I wrote the book. 499 00:29:57,205 --> 00:29:59,725 It took a couple years because it's a memoir. 500 00:29:59,725 --> 00:30:02,575 Oh, I forgot about that, oh, yeah, you know, did I have this? 501 00:30:02,875 --> 00:30:04,635 Oh, you know, we also did that, you know? 502 00:30:05,205 --> 00:30:07,265 You remember little parts here and there. 503 00:30:08,115 --> 00:30:13,845 And yeah, I wrote the book and, and he's like, isn't it 504 00:30:13,845 --> 00:30:14,595 helping you therapeutically? 505 00:30:14,595 --> 00:30:15,705 I'm like, No! 506 00:30:16,370 --> 00:30:17,000 It's not. 507 00:30:17,260 --> 00:30:18,840 But yeah, it is. 508 00:30:19,020 --> 00:30:20,890 You know, it's one of those yes and no's. 509 00:30:21,370 --> 00:30:23,870 And he said, You know, do a podcast. 510 00:30:23,880 --> 00:30:24,950 Yes, it's helping me. 511 00:30:25,330 --> 00:30:27,210 Am I having as many night terrors? 512 00:30:27,500 --> 00:30:31,220 And no, I'm not, which is surprising me because I'm remembering more 513 00:30:31,540 --> 00:30:32,770 and more of the stuff I did. 514 00:30:32,770 --> 00:30:36,590 I didn't want to remember both then being a criminal and 515 00:30:36,590 --> 00:30:38,930 both being in law enforcement. 516 00:30:39,000 --> 00:30:41,860 You know, I always joked that I was in the dark. 517 00:30:41,890 --> 00:30:44,260 I was in the shadows, my young life. 518 00:30:44,765 --> 00:30:47,325 And I was in the medium shadows growing up. 519 00:30:47,325 --> 00:30:51,405 And eventually when I found the Baha'i faith, I came out 520 00:30:51,405 --> 00:30:52,885 of the dark into the light. 521 00:30:53,515 --> 00:30:59,135 And realized, Whoa, you know, the Baha'i faith, men and women are exactly equal. 522 00:30:59,135 --> 00:31:03,550 Where in some Catholic faiths, the men, the woman is subservient 523 00:31:03,560 --> 00:31:07,540 to the man, you know, in the Baptist race, you know, faiths. 524 00:31:07,560 --> 00:31:10,940 And every, I believe everyone's equal, I've always believed that. 525 00:31:11,000 --> 00:31:14,770 And there's a lot of things that Baha'is believe, but I'm like, Well, yeah, 526 00:31:14,830 --> 00:31:19,830 everybody bleeds red, you know, whether they're white, pink, black, purple, green. 527 00:31:20,120 --> 00:31:21,170 We all bleed red. 528 00:31:21,170 --> 00:31:23,260 We bleed a different color, we got some problems. 529 00:31:24,285 --> 00:31:28,655 And that's how I, that's, that's what I believe in. 530 00:31:28,685 --> 00:31:32,715 And Sam looked at me and goes, So you were always a Baha'i your whole life. 531 00:31:32,765 --> 00:31:33,835 You just didn't know it. 532 00:31:34,805 --> 00:31:42,260 And so I started reading and one day I'm sitting outside, you know, and I get this 533 00:31:42,260 --> 00:31:48,710 one, I'm reading Baha'u'llah's writing, and I look up, I get this feeling in me 534 00:31:48,710 --> 00:31:52,100 and I'm like, I'm looking at the sun, it's hot out, and I'm thinking, it's got, it's 535 00:31:52,100 --> 00:31:53,750 gotta be getting sunstroke or something. 536 00:31:53,750 --> 00:31:54,390 I'm going in. 537 00:31:54,400 --> 00:31:57,315 My wife's like, Serena's like, What's going on? 538 00:31:57,315 --> 00:31:57,885 I go, I don't know. 539 00:31:57,885 --> 00:32:01,135 There's something inside me, I'm reading Baha'u'llah's writings. 540 00:32:01,135 --> 00:32:04,095 I got this feeling and all that fucking bullshit, I hate it. 541 00:32:04,525 --> 00:32:06,285 And she's like, You're getting spiritual. 542 00:32:06,285 --> 00:32:07,285 I go, Go to hell. 543 00:32:07,295 --> 00:32:08,605 I'm not getting spiritual here. 544 00:32:09,185 --> 00:32:10,675 This is, I hate this feeling. 545 00:32:10,845 --> 00:32:12,815 Oh, no, that's what you're getting. 546 00:32:13,135 --> 00:32:15,175 And I kept reading, you know? 547 00:32:15,175 --> 00:32:19,365 She's, and then she started, I, I'm not a great reader so she started reading to me. 548 00:32:20,045 --> 00:32:22,975 And she's like, See? 549 00:32:23,355 --> 00:32:27,694 And then the Baha'i faith, there's a thing called Ruhi, a Ruhi 550 00:32:27,715 --> 00:32:29,245 class, which is a Bible class. 551 00:32:30,005 --> 00:32:35,025 So for three years, my wife did these Ruhi classes with me twice a week, one 552 00:32:35,025 --> 00:32:37,885 hour twice a week, two hours a week. 553 00:32:38,175 --> 00:32:38,985 And she did it, 554 00:32:38,995 --> 00:32:41,705 she went through it, read it, did everything with it. 555 00:32:41,765 --> 00:32:46,255 But she never converted from her Catholic or, you know, Christian 556 00:32:46,255 --> 00:32:49,885 beliefs to, you know, a Bahai. 557 00:32:50,295 --> 00:32:52,795 Even though I did. 558 00:32:52,875 --> 00:32:56,915 But she stayed with me to help me read, to help me understand for three years. 559 00:32:56,915 --> 00:33:00,655 She never, and after we talked about our wives understanding us and helping 560 00:33:00,655 --> 00:33:05,225 us, um, that right there showed a lot. 561 00:33:05,365 --> 00:33:09,445 And then me learning spiritually, you know, and I always joke that, you 562 00:33:09,445 --> 00:33:12,015 know, God never let me kill myself. 563 00:33:12,405 --> 00:33:14,085 I tried, as many times. 564 00:33:14,085 --> 00:33:14,685 I got stabbed. 565 00:33:14,685 --> 00:33:15,365 I got shot. 566 00:33:15,395 --> 00:33:16,815 God said, Yeah, you ain't dying. 567 00:33:17,385 --> 00:33:19,435 But God's got a sense of humor. 568 00:33:19,975 --> 00:33:23,705 Because I went through all this shit, and now I got, and now I got ALS. 569 00:33:24,955 --> 00:33:27,885 So He's like, Yeah, guess what, sunshine? 570 00:33:28,235 --> 00:33:30,285 The best is yet to come for you. 571 00:33:30,615 --> 00:33:32,405 So, I get it. 572 00:33:32,825 --> 00:33:37,795 You know, He's got a sense of humor, and, and, and I accept it. 573 00:33:39,135 --> 00:33:41,035 And I used to be, I didn't care if I died. 574 00:33:41,055 --> 00:33:43,595 I didn't care if I died, at all. 575 00:33:43,925 --> 00:33:46,205 Now I want to live because I've learned to help people. 576 00:33:46,345 --> 00:33:49,795 I've actually, which I never thought in a million years, I 577 00:33:49,795 --> 00:33:51,475 do a lot with Special Olympics. 578 00:33:51,705 --> 00:33:53,975 With these special needs men and women. 579 00:33:54,045 --> 00:33:55,905 I mean, they're not kids, they're men and women. 580 00:33:56,215 --> 00:33:59,505 But my God, if the world can see through their eyes, because 581 00:33:59,505 --> 00:34:00,515 they just want to hug you. 582 00:34:00,775 --> 00:34:01,645 Oh, there's Aiden. 583 00:34:01,735 --> 00:34:02,845 Oh, there's my friend. 584 00:34:03,095 --> 00:34:07,215 And they come up, Aiden, oh, they don't care about what I did as a living. 585 00:34:07,740 --> 00:34:08,320 They just care. 586 00:34:08,320 --> 00:34:09,430 I'm their, their friend. 587 00:34:09,440 --> 00:34:13,100 You know, they understand if you hurt that man, that person hurt me, 588 00:34:13,100 --> 00:34:13,750 I don't like them. 589 00:34:14,150 --> 00:34:15,600 They understand when they get hurt. 590 00:34:15,600 --> 00:34:17,490 But they understand, Hey, this is a nice person. 591 00:34:17,490 --> 00:34:17,800 I like them. 592 00:34:18,780 --> 00:34:19,710 And I love that. 593 00:34:19,710 --> 00:34:23,800 It's like, you know, it's just a warmth I get. 594 00:34:24,090 --> 00:34:27,180 And I love helping and I love doing the Special Olympics and seeing, 595 00:34:27,670 --> 00:34:31,580 these kids are never going to be Olympians, but yes, they are. 596 00:34:31,730 --> 00:34:35,250 In my, in my, in their heart they are because they're so, they're so 597 00:34:35,620 --> 00:34:37,800 awesome when they get that excitement. 598 00:34:37,830 --> 00:34:40,790 They don't care if they came in last, they came in first. 599 00:34:41,240 --> 00:34:42,430 I like that a lot. 600 00:34:42,470 --> 00:34:48,600 You know, it was one of my most fulfilling experiences in life to be able to 601 00:34:48,930 --> 00:34:51,060 work with the mentally handicapped. 602 00:34:51,320 --> 00:34:58,220 And I worked with an agency, through a work program in high school, 603 00:34:58,290 --> 00:35:01,140 and it was called The Star of Hope. 604 00:35:01,790 --> 00:35:07,870 And, and I learned so much because of working with those individuals, 605 00:35:08,340 --> 00:35:11,010 it really taught me a lot. 606 00:35:11,290 --> 00:35:12,220 I like it. 607 00:35:13,000 --> 00:35:19,150 So now that you've written a book and you're still currently 608 00:35:19,150 --> 00:35:21,310 in law enforcement, I believe. 609 00:35:21,510 --> 00:35:29,090 Do you have plans to write another book with, you know, a theme for 610 00:35:29,100 --> 00:35:33,470 the boys in blue in some form? 611 00:35:33,880 --> 00:35:36,610 You know, I'm, I'm really, I'm not in law enforcement. 612 00:35:36,610 --> 00:35:41,080 I, I retired after seventeen years. 613 00:35:41,640 --> 00:35:47,310 Um, you know, I, I, I wonder, I always thought of writing something that would 614 00:35:47,320 --> 00:35:52,180 be like, but you know, right now I would love to write something to show 615 00:35:52,180 --> 00:35:54,230 the positive side of law enforcement. 616 00:35:54,695 --> 00:35:58,905 But the problem is the positive side that they do, people don't care. 617 00:35:59,125 --> 00:35:59,625 I mean, 618 00:36:02,165 --> 00:36:05,175 it's the blood and guts that they care about. 619 00:36:05,255 --> 00:36:07,875 And I've already done something kind of like that. 620 00:36:07,895 --> 00:36:11,525 So I'm not sure how I would approach that. 621 00:36:11,555 --> 00:36:12,295 Do I want to write? 622 00:36:12,485 --> 00:36:13,195 Yes, I do. 623 00:36:13,505 --> 00:36:17,725 I mean, my book, I can write more stories on what I did. 624 00:36:17,745 --> 00:36:23,070 I'd only put a fraction of what I did my early years, I only put a fraction 625 00:36:23,070 --> 00:36:26,230 of what I did in law enforcement, and I've only done a fraction of 626 00:36:26,680 --> 00:36:30,700 my finding my true love, and the same thing with the Baha'i faith. 627 00:36:31,200 --> 00:36:33,520 Um, I don't know. 628 00:36:33,550 --> 00:36:38,100 I was, I would love to write another book, but I haven't decided what I would do. 629 00:36:38,630 --> 00:36:44,390 Um, you know, I learned a long time ago, you know, my mom and dad 630 00:36:44,390 --> 00:36:46,610 were partisans during World War II. 631 00:36:47,420 --> 00:36:50,900 And for, they were in Budapest, Hungary, so they went through the 632 00:36:51,350 --> 00:36:55,820 Russians, the, the, the Nazis, and then they went through, you 633 00:36:55,820 --> 00:36:59,150 know, the '56, the Revolution. 634 00:37:00,120 --> 00:37:04,270 And my dad, a couple years ago, my dad and I didn't talk when he 635 00:37:04,270 --> 00:37:05,470 found out I became a flatfoot. 636 00:37:06,010 --> 00:37:07,630 He didn't talk to me for ten years. 637 00:37:08,270 --> 00:37:11,390 He's like, You're being a fucking flatfoot, get out of my house. 638 00:37:11,580 --> 00:37:13,570 That was the last words for ten years. 639 00:37:13,890 --> 00:37:16,200 We finally talked again, we met someplace. 640 00:37:16,480 --> 00:37:20,240 And him and I had a chat and he goes, You know, You know, did your 641 00:37:20,250 --> 00:37:21,930 mother ever scare you growing up? 642 00:37:21,950 --> 00:37:22,710 I go, What do you mean? 643 00:37:23,120 --> 00:37:25,860 She scared the hell out of me my whole life, there was 644 00:37:25,860 --> 00:37:26,980 usually something about her. 645 00:37:27,120 --> 00:37:29,620 And I'm like, Yeah, there's always something about my mom. 646 00:37:29,620 --> 00:37:32,030 You know, I've only two people that scared me my whole life. 647 00:37:32,030 --> 00:37:33,030 I'm not scared of no man. 648 00:37:33,360 --> 00:37:35,710 I'm scared of my mother, I'm scared of my current wife. 649 00:37:36,520 --> 00:37:39,170 And those two are the only two people scared the shit out of me. 650 00:37:40,260 --> 00:37:42,410 And I'm like, Why? 651 00:37:42,660 --> 00:37:47,000 And my dad's like, Yeah, you know, we went against Nazis, you know, 652 00:37:47,010 --> 00:37:48,220 when the Germans were in there. 653 00:37:48,580 --> 00:37:53,760 We went against the Russians when they invaded in, you know, the '45. 654 00:37:53,760 --> 00:37:57,540 He said, your father, when the Russians, or your mother, when the Russians 655 00:37:57,560 --> 00:38:03,170 came in to her and her sisters, what they did to them, um, never left her. 656 00:38:03,200 --> 00:38:06,560 She was always with her, she was always haunting her. 657 00:38:06,590 --> 00:38:09,435 Because she always, when storms came, the Russians would come and 658 00:38:09,465 --> 00:38:11,055 they're going to do this again to us. 659 00:38:12,065 --> 00:38:16,975 Your mother was so much, that at ten, eleven years old, she would go out 660 00:38:16,975 --> 00:38:18,735 there and walk out there at night. 661 00:38:18,735 --> 00:38:21,205 There were a couple Russian soldiers who were like, Come here little 662 00:38:21,205 --> 00:38:22,445 girl, what are you doing out here? 663 00:38:22,455 --> 00:38:25,885 And they were doing, and she would carry this long spear. 664 00:38:26,275 --> 00:38:28,785 As they talked, she stabbed them through the neck real fast, both 665 00:38:28,845 --> 00:38:30,015 of them, and take off running. 666 00:38:30,625 --> 00:38:32,995 And if there's one crawling, she stabbed him again until he 667 00:38:32,995 --> 00:38:34,195 stopped crawling and run away. 668 00:38:34,945 --> 00:38:36,895 So he said, Your mother used to do that. 669 00:38:36,895 --> 00:38:39,895 I, I can't remember, a couple hundred times she just stabbed 670 00:38:39,895 --> 00:38:40,815 these Russian soldiers. 671 00:38:41,195 --> 00:38:44,695 Or she'd take a, and go right up to a tank and throw a molotov cocktail 672 00:38:44,695 --> 00:38:46,845 into the roof of a tank and jump off. 673 00:38:47,105 --> 00:38:50,085 Where everybody else would run and throw it from twenty feet away. 674 00:38:50,435 --> 00:38:52,605 She didn't care, she wanted to see them suffer. 675 00:38:53,345 --> 00:38:54,725 And your mother had that. 676 00:38:54,725 --> 00:39:00,935 And I remember a long time ago that you could have that where what your parents 677 00:39:00,935 --> 00:39:06,635 did at a young age can be hereditary for you at a young age growing up, you know? 678 00:39:06,675 --> 00:39:11,455 And I'm going to be honest, where, I went through psychological, you know, 679 00:39:11,505 --> 00:39:16,635 evaluation and it came back to, I have no empathy for people, I really don't. 680 00:39:17,255 --> 00:39:19,905 And I'm a borderline sociopath. 681 00:39:20,635 --> 00:39:24,675 And, you know, that's growing up in the environment I grew up in and, but 682 00:39:25,055 --> 00:39:28,680 no empathy, they can't figure it out. 683 00:39:28,680 --> 00:39:31,070 To this day, I, I fight bad with it. 684 00:39:31,070 --> 00:39:35,130 When somebody gets hurt, I, I, I don't, my, my wife and I can't watch horror 685 00:39:35,130 --> 00:39:36,730 movies or bad movies because I laugh. 686 00:39:37,090 --> 00:39:40,150 To me, when somebody's head is getting snapped off, their arm breaking, 687 00:39:40,150 --> 00:39:41,590 they're torturing them, I laugh. 688 00:39:41,680 --> 00:39:44,000 I think it's funny and I don't know why. 689 00:39:44,410 --> 00:39:46,420 My wife said, I can't watch this movie with you. 690 00:39:46,700 --> 00:39:48,779 What do you think, it's a comedy? 691 00:39:48,780 --> 00:39:49,920 You're a fucking ass. 692 00:39:50,230 --> 00:39:51,230 And walk away. 693 00:39:51,890 --> 00:39:55,320 And, um, if I see something, Now that's not how you break a leg. 694 00:39:55,330 --> 00:39:56,260 Let me tell you what it sounds like. 695 00:39:56,410 --> 00:39:57,870 I'm not listening to your shit. 696 00:39:58,200 --> 00:39:58,940 And walk away. 697 00:39:59,430 --> 00:40:00,830 And I had that. 698 00:40:00,880 --> 00:40:03,330 You know, you were talking about maybe a book. 699 00:40:04,110 --> 00:40:07,080 I might do something on partisans growing up. 700 00:40:07,240 --> 00:40:10,410 What my dad, who's still alive, could find out more. 701 00:40:10,840 --> 00:40:14,350 Because I asked a friend, I didn't believe my dad, I thought he was full of shit. 702 00:40:14,400 --> 00:40:17,120 So I called a friend of theirs that lives in New York, and I 703 00:40:17,120 --> 00:40:19,330 asked him, he's like, Who told you? 704 00:40:19,810 --> 00:40:20,830 He goes, your father did. 705 00:40:20,890 --> 00:40:21,230 I go, Yeah. 706 00:40:21,230 --> 00:40:23,780 He goes, Oh, she did, that's what, she was crazy. 707 00:40:23,780 --> 00:40:27,970 He said, that was one of the craziest women's I ever met, you know? 708 00:40:28,050 --> 00:40:29,260 And he kind of laughed. 709 00:40:29,430 --> 00:40:33,560 Before he passed, he told me all about, Yeah, yeah, it's true, 710 00:40:33,710 --> 00:40:35,140 and your dad's not shitting you. 711 00:40:35,140 --> 00:40:36,810 But besides that, your dad's still alive? 712 00:40:37,410 --> 00:40:38,810 I'm like, Yeah, he's still kicking. 713 00:40:38,850 --> 00:40:39,390 Alright. 714 00:40:39,740 --> 00:40:41,570 And that, that was, that was it. 715 00:40:41,570 --> 00:40:46,920 You know, I'm like, Oh my God, you know, this explains a little bit. 716 00:40:47,080 --> 00:40:49,930 But you know, my mom, growing up, I think knew what I was 717 00:40:49,930 --> 00:40:51,190 doing, but didn't give a shit. 718 00:40:53,310 --> 00:40:58,340 So I mean, I'm, I'm thinking about it, but I'm not sure what. 719 00:40:58,440 --> 00:40:59,320 Yeah, yeah. 720 00:40:59,320 --> 00:41:02,565 I think you have a few more in you with all that you've 721 00:41:02,565 --> 00:41:04,395 been through, that's for sure. 722 00:41:05,125 --> 00:41:08,605 And they say, once you write one, you have to write another. 723 00:41:09,035 --> 00:41:14,925 So I'm, I would be very interested in seeing more come from you. 724 00:41:16,115 --> 00:41:18,825 Could you tell people how to get the book? 725 00:41:18,975 --> 00:41:19,715 Absolutely. 726 00:41:19,715 --> 00:41:23,025 You can get it on conflictingloyalties.com, 727 00:41:23,495 --> 00:41:24,805 we have everything on there. 728 00:41:24,835 --> 00:41:28,985 Conflictingloyalties.com tells you every market you get it from, we'll send you 729 00:41:28,985 --> 00:41:32,625 to it, and that's your best place to get it, rather than scrolling through 730 00:41:32,625 --> 00:41:33,945 everything in Amazon and all that. 731 00:41:34,295 --> 00:41:38,465 But in conflictingloyalties.com, it'll get you, get on Amazon, it'll tell you right 732 00:41:38,465 --> 00:41:39,935 there, and it tells you how to get to it. 733 00:41:40,625 --> 00:41:43,845 Aiden, I think you're doing marvelous things. 734 00:41:43,905 --> 00:41:49,355 I call people like you bridge builders, because you're bridging that 735 00:41:49,395 --> 00:41:52,165 chasm that people need to get over. 736 00:41:52,395 --> 00:41:56,765 And those younger people, you can help a lot. 737 00:41:56,875 --> 00:42:02,635 And I appreciate a lot what you're doing, taking the time to come on 738 00:42:02,645 --> 00:42:05,005 these podcasts and write a book. 739 00:42:05,245 --> 00:42:08,595 It's all about helping people grow. 740 00:42:08,915 --> 00:42:13,295 And I really find that very unique about you. 741 00:42:13,825 --> 00:42:18,085 Thank you for being part of the Dead America Podcast with us here today. 742 00:42:18,945 --> 00:42:20,795 Ed, Thank you so much for having me. 743 00:42:21,105 --> 00:42:23,975 And you know, if you ever need anything else, let me know, sir. And I'll let 744 00:42:23,975 --> 00:42:25,435 you know if I write another book. 745 00:42:27,365 --> 00:42:29,835 I would be very excited to talk to you about it. 746 00:42:30,235 --> 00:42:32,505 And thank you once again, Aiden. 747 00:42:33,575 --> 00:42:34,085 Thank you again, Ed. 748 00:42:34,085 --> 00:42:36,195 You have a great day and be safe, sir. 749 00:42:37,505 --> 00:42:38,405 You also, sir. 750 00:42:41,905 --> 00:42:43,645 Thank you for joining us today. 751 00:42:44,245 --> 00:42:50,495 If you found this podcast enlightening, entertaining, educational in any way, 752 00:42:51,255 --> 00:42:57,635 please share, like, subscribe, and join us right back here next week for another 753 00:42:57,665 --> 00:43:00,965 great episode of the Dead America Podcast. 754 00:43:01,365 --> 00:43:06,725 I'm Ed Watters, your host, enjoy your afternoon wherever you might be.