1 00:00:03,870 --> 00:00:06,760 Ed Watters: To overcome, you must educate. 2 00:00:08,149 --> 00:00:14,169 Educate not only yourself, but educate anyone seeking to learn. 3 00:00:15,520 --> 00:00:19,550 We are all Dead America, we can all learn something. 4 00:00:20,720 --> 00:00:24,930 To learn, we must challenge what we already understand. 5 00:00:25,980 --> 00:00:29,380 The way we do that is through conversation. 6 00:00:30,819 --> 00:00:37,950 Sometimes we have conversations with others, however, some of the best 7 00:00:38,110 --> 00:00:41,070 conversations happen with ourselves. 8 00:00:42,410 --> 00:00:49,670 Reach out and challenge yourself; let's dive in and learn something new right now. 9 00:00:55,235 --> 00:00:58,375 Today, we are speaking with Rebeccah Silence. 10 00:00:58,475 --> 00:01:04,354 She is an expert in human behavior, an emotional healing coach, she's written 11 00:01:04,355 --> 00:01:07,134 a book called Coming Back to Life. 12 00:01:07,615 --> 00:01:10,914 Rebeccah, could you please introduce yourself, let people know 13 00:01:10,934 --> 00:01:12,645 a little more about you, please? 14 00:01:14,765 --> 00:01:16,985 Rebeccah Silence: Thank you so much for having me, I'm 15 00:01:16,994 --> 00:01:19,235 thrilled and honored to be here. 16 00:01:19,265 --> 00:01:23,825 I'm Rebeccah Silence, and I am a self healing and relationship expert. 17 00:01:24,074 --> 00:01:28,934 And really the space where all healing is possible and my mission 18 00:01:29,214 --> 00:01:30,964 is for kids to have healed parents. 19 00:01:31,254 --> 00:01:35,315 And in 2024, we're helping a million families heal. 20 00:01:35,595 --> 00:01:40,815 So thank you again for having me, and I'm ready for a life changing conversation. 21 00:01:43,395 --> 00:01:45,165 Ed Watters: As always, so am I. 22 00:01:45,465 --> 00:01:51,095 Rebeccah, it's remarkable what I've researched about you, you've went through 23 00:01:51,095 --> 00:01:57,945 some struggles and those struggles brought you here today to share with us. 24 00:01:59,244 --> 00:02:05,235 So living with a dysfunctional alcoholic family, I'm well versed in that. 25 00:02:05,675 --> 00:02:11,454 And it really has upset the apple cart of my life in many 26 00:02:11,454 --> 00:02:15,905 ways, but the same goes for me, 27 00:02:15,935 --> 00:02:20,274 I'm glad I went through the experiences so we can turn around 28 00:02:20,274 --> 00:02:26,454 today and help other people go through similar things without the struggle. 29 00:02:27,784 --> 00:02:37,704 So what was your, uh, episodic periods of alcoholism in your life like? 30 00:02:37,744 --> 00:02:43,004 Because usually it's a roller coaster, sometimes you have good experiences 31 00:02:43,204 --> 00:02:46,054 in life and then it's tragedy. 32 00:02:46,554 --> 00:02:47,834 What was that like for you? 33 00:02:48,404 --> 00:02:51,434 Rebeccah Silence: Well, I think first of all, let me just say, 34 00:02:51,515 --> 00:02:54,075 I am not a positivity coach. 35 00:02:54,415 --> 00:02:59,114 I'm not here to help us find the silver lining or the good in the bad. 36 00:02:59,415 --> 00:03:03,680 I'm here to say that no matter what, possibility still exists. 37 00:03:03,710 --> 00:03:06,970 I don't think life happens to us, I don't think it happens for 38 00:03:06,970 --> 00:03:09,180 us, I think it's just happening. 39 00:03:09,480 --> 00:03:14,139 And what we have power and control over is deciding who we're going to be in the 40 00:03:14,140 --> 00:03:18,780 face of whatever moment we find ourselves in, preferential, non preferential, right? 41 00:03:19,040 --> 00:03:25,110 So with that disclaimer, I guess what I'll say is, you know, I think it's 42 00:03:25,559 --> 00:03:29,939 almost more comfortable and comforting when you've grown up in an alcoholic 43 00:03:30,259 --> 00:03:35,389 addictive, dysfunctional, abusive home when there's an upset apple cart. 44 00:03:35,669 --> 00:03:41,180 It's almost less easy and more upsetting when everything appears to be good. 45 00:03:41,180 --> 00:03:43,870 Like we're good at the apple cart is upset. 46 00:03:44,080 --> 00:03:45,180 Now what, right? 47 00:03:45,450 --> 00:03:51,930 We're not so good at everything seems in order and I trust that, you know? 48 00:03:52,150 --> 00:03:56,550 So one of the things I like to say is, We're not healing the trauma. 49 00:03:56,559 --> 00:04:02,120 We're healing so that we can handle joy, and peace, and fun, and good. 50 00:04:02,320 --> 00:04:05,709 And I want, and I literally have goosebumps as I'm saying this right now to 51 00:04:05,710 --> 00:04:11,834 all of you, life at home to be delicious, to be glorious, to be beautiful. 52 00:04:12,135 --> 00:04:17,634 And for so many of us, life at home as adults is the same levels of 53 00:04:17,634 --> 00:04:23,255 dissatisfaction we had growing up because it's comfortable because it's comforting. 54 00:04:23,544 --> 00:04:28,585 It's not what we want, but we, we know how to navigate survival. 55 00:04:28,915 --> 00:04:31,835 What we don't know how to navigate is alignment. 56 00:04:32,375 --> 00:04:38,630 So my story is one where I grew up just knowing there had to be a better way. 57 00:04:38,810 --> 00:04:40,599 Like, can't we just love each other? 58 00:04:40,620 --> 00:04:42,740 And then that heals us. 59 00:04:42,919 --> 00:04:48,599 Can't, if we love more, if we're more careful with each other and each other's 60 00:04:48,619 --> 00:04:51,870 hearts, can't life at home get good? 61 00:04:51,900 --> 00:04:58,070 And I grew up in the middle of so much trauma and abuse on every level. 62 00:04:58,330 --> 00:05:03,659 And while I understood it could be better, it didn't matter, the understanding, 63 00:05:03,700 --> 00:05:06,099 I ended up recreating my childhood. 64 00:05:06,100 --> 00:05:11,420 So my real episodic moment was finding myself twenty-five years 65 00:05:11,430 --> 00:05:16,955 old with, you know, a master's degree in process in counseling, 4. 66 00:05:16,955 --> 00:05:21,350 0 GPA, and a two year old, and I'm in a domestic violence marriage. 67 00:05:21,560 --> 00:05:25,870 And I'm realizing just because I understand generational trauma 68 00:05:25,870 --> 00:05:29,609 doesn't have to repeat, I'm still finding myself in it. 69 00:05:29,840 --> 00:05:33,419 So there has to be a next level of work and healing to do because I get it. 70 00:05:33,680 --> 00:05:37,849 I have immersed myself in working at a state psychiatric hospital, 71 00:05:38,090 --> 00:05:41,449 I'm a board certified music therapist, I have a 4. 72 00:05:41,450 --> 00:05:47,380 0 GPA master's degree in counseling, and I am re enacting my childhood with 73 00:05:47,450 --> 00:05:49,580 all of the purest best intentions. 74 00:05:49,810 --> 00:05:51,250 What on earth? 75 00:05:51,340 --> 00:05:56,039 What can I do to learn how to actually break the cycle? 76 00:05:56,039 --> 00:05:57,830 Because the understanding of it isn't enough. 77 00:05:58,149 --> 00:06:01,169 So I ended up getting out of that marriage with my two year old, going 78 00:06:01,179 --> 00:06:05,789 bankrupt, working three jobs, starting my private practice, getting coaching 79 00:06:05,789 --> 00:06:11,945 certifications in addition to my master's degree, and just very much focused 80 00:06:11,945 --> 00:06:18,025 on no generational trauma cycles, absolutely have to heal and they can. 81 00:06:18,245 --> 00:06:21,324 And anybody that wants it, I'm going to be their guiding light. 82 00:06:21,355 --> 00:06:24,535 But I'm going to have to go first, which is exactly what I did. 83 00:06:25,535 --> 00:06:27,919 Ed Watters: That's big right there. 84 00:06:28,180 --> 00:06:32,140 You know, if you don't change yourself first, you can't change anybody else. 85 00:06:32,450 --> 00:06:39,440 And that's the struggle that many people walk every day, it is a true struggle. 86 00:06:39,959 --> 00:06:43,979 I'm in a relationship, a long relationship, I've been with my 87 00:06:43,979 --> 00:06:49,280 wife for forty-one years, we've been married thirty-nine this year. 88 00:06:50,309 --> 00:06:53,830 She's a wonderful woman, I don't know how she did it, you know? 89 00:06:54,000 --> 00:06:58,840 Because I understand the difficult times we both went through. 90 00:06:58,840 --> 00:07:06,969 We suffered these emotional traumas as children, and then we tried to re 91 00:07:07,020 --> 00:07:10,010 invent ourselves going into a marriage. 92 00:07:10,379 --> 00:07:18,199 And we had no clue of what or how, and that dysfunction just crept right back in. 93 00:07:18,849 --> 00:07:24,890 And until you really address the innermost deepest, darkest slime 94 00:07:25,270 --> 00:07:31,860 that's in you and say, I'm better than this, you're not going to get better. 95 00:07:31,869 --> 00:07:35,140 Is that a good take on life? 96 00:07:37,609 --> 00:07:40,859 Rebeccah Silence: I mean, first of all, congratulations for keeping your beautiful 97 00:07:40,859 --> 00:07:42,849 marriage together for four plus decades. 98 00:07:43,439 --> 00:07:49,935 I am in awe and so happy for what you're modeling to every 99 00:07:49,935 --> 00:07:51,764 life you and your wife touch. 100 00:07:51,815 --> 00:07:57,444 And for me, you know, my greatest testimony that healing is truly possible 101 00:07:57,795 --> 00:08:03,315 isn't all of the abuse and violence and I'm a cancer survivor that was 102 00:08:03,325 --> 00:08:04,864 given a five percent chance to live. 103 00:08:05,165 --> 00:08:08,964 It's not all these odds I've beat, it's the marriage I have 104 00:08:09,294 --> 00:08:11,084 and the life at home I have. 105 00:08:11,494 --> 00:08:13,254 So I don't think there's a more 106 00:08:13,580 --> 00:08:19,599 beautiful gift that we can give ourselves, you know, than a healed family life, 107 00:08:19,610 --> 00:08:21,609 regardless of where we come from. 108 00:08:21,870 --> 00:08:26,510 I think that is super important, and I don't think we can ever change 109 00:08:26,510 --> 00:08:30,639 anybody, no matter how healed we are, but we can set the example. 110 00:08:30,889 --> 00:08:35,330 We can model what being emotionally cleared and healed looks like. 111 00:08:35,330 --> 00:08:37,640 Because again, mindset and strategy work. 112 00:08:37,670 --> 00:08:41,760 And understanding, it's not going to be enough ever to heal a trauma, to 113 00:08:41,760 --> 00:08:45,710 break a cycle, or to stop a pattern that no longer serves us, right? 114 00:08:45,940 --> 00:08:52,570 So in marriages, the key is to be aware and self responsible. 115 00:08:52,610 --> 00:08:58,700 I love to say, The mission is healing, the cure is self responsibility for, whether 116 00:08:58,700 --> 00:09:01,190 or not I'm emotionally clear and healed. 117 00:09:01,420 --> 00:09:04,799 That is my responsibility, the other person isn't the source 118 00:09:04,800 --> 00:09:06,499 of my happiness or my pain. 119 00:09:06,769 --> 00:09:10,370 They're not the magic bullet that's all of a sudden going to heal 120 00:09:10,370 --> 00:09:15,440 me and make my life worth it or make my childhood trauma better. 121 00:09:15,700 --> 00:09:20,735 It's up to me to feel how I want to feel and to be the version of 122 00:09:20,735 --> 00:09:25,255 myself that I can be proud of at my best, letting my best be enough. 123 00:09:25,685 --> 00:09:27,884 And that is, that's my job. 124 00:09:28,115 --> 00:09:29,054 That's my only job. 125 00:09:29,055 --> 00:09:32,354 So in a marriage, when both people are self responsible for, 126 00:09:32,555 --> 00:09:34,304 am I emotionally clear or not? 127 00:09:34,744 --> 00:09:36,745 Am I being my best or not? 128 00:09:37,035 --> 00:09:40,515 And am I a space for, with love and compassion? 129 00:09:40,790 --> 00:09:45,380 Seeing my partner's innocence and letting their best be enough in this moment. 130 00:09:45,610 --> 00:09:48,120 When I'm there, it's a glorious ride. 131 00:09:49,050 --> 00:09:53,250 When I'm not, I'm at the effect of life and I'm in survival. 132 00:09:54,819 --> 00:09:56,680 Ed Watters: Yes, that's huge. 133 00:09:56,770 --> 00:09:59,210 I, I agree a hundred percent with all of that. 134 00:10:00,380 --> 00:10:06,425 One of the big things that I came across when I did my research on you 135 00:10:06,435 --> 00:10:09,905 was high functioning unhappiness. 136 00:10:10,475 --> 00:10:14,764 This is a big statement, and it intrigued me. 137 00:10:14,795 --> 00:10:15,965 I need to know more. 138 00:10:15,975 --> 00:10:18,224 Could you fill us in on that, please? 139 00:10:19,145 --> 00:10:19,545 Rebeccah Silence: Yeah. 140 00:10:19,545 --> 00:10:23,395 Well, what I found over the years is when I talk about generational 141 00:10:23,415 --> 00:10:28,255 trauma can heal, I don't care how bad, how dark, what it is. 142 00:10:28,295 --> 00:10:29,694 I'm an incest survivor. 143 00:10:29,734 --> 00:10:32,044 I mean, there is no trauma that can't heal, right? 144 00:10:32,365 --> 00:10:36,775 Well, when I was talking about, in my messaging, generational trauma and 145 00:10:36,775 --> 00:10:42,305 let's heal our trauma, everybody, you know, runs away as fast as they can, 146 00:10:42,465 --> 00:10:45,454 like, we don't want to go there, right? 147 00:10:45,454 --> 00:10:51,775 We want to leave Pandora's box all tucked in with a bow on it and not deal with it. 148 00:10:52,025 --> 00:10:55,084 When in fact what's in there is running and potentially 149 00:10:55,094 --> 00:10:56,665 even ruining our lives anyway. 150 00:10:56,985 --> 00:11:00,834 You know, so when I was thinking about, okay, messaging for all of the 151 00:11:00,834 --> 00:11:06,505 beautiful hearts and souls that do want to heal and do want to break the cycle. 152 00:11:06,895 --> 00:11:11,564 You know, I thought, Well, actually, actually the solution 153 00:11:11,564 --> 00:11:13,344 is healing generational trauma. 154 00:11:13,725 --> 00:11:19,845 But the real reason to hang out with me is because you're ready to resolve your 155 00:11:19,935 --> 00:11:22,825 unresolved high functioning unhappiness. 156 00:11:23,545 --> 00:11:28,550 I work with generational healers in the family, but what I found is, they 157 00:11:28,550 --> 00:11:31,380 are bad asses, they are executives, 158 00:11:31,380 --> 00:11:34,720 they are entrepreneurs, they are, they are public servants, right? 159 00:11:35,000 --> 00:11:39,000 And they are giving and they are serving at home to their spouse, to 160 00:11:39,000 --> 00:11:44,039 their kids, in their jobs and in their companies, to their teams, and to 161 00:11:44,039 --> 00:11:45,810 their clients, and to their audiences. 162 00:11:46,229 --> 00:11:49,230 And there's this level of dissatisfaction that I found. 163 00:11:49,250 --> 00:11:50,840 I've been in private practice now 164 00:11:51,160 --> 00:11:52,430 almost seventeen years. 165 00:11:52,670 --> 00:11:56,860 I've worked with thousands in my private practice and hundreds of thousands in 166 00:11:56,860 --> 00:12:02,105 my audience and what I see time and time again is they're dissatisfied, they're 167 00:12:02,145 --> 00:12:04,215 unfulfilled, and they don't know why. 168 00:12:04,475 --> 00:12:07,975 And I just gave it a name, I called it high functioning unhappiness. 169 00:12:08,005 --> 00:12:11,274 Because we talk about high functioning depression, we talk about high 170 00:12:11,274 --> 00:12:15,515 functioning addiction, we talk about high functioning autism, nobody's talking 171 00:12:15,524 --> 00:12:17,325 about high functioning unhappiness. 172 00:12:17,605 --> 00:12:22,745 And what I mean by that is you give, and you give, and you give, and you give, and 173 00:12:22,765 --> 00:12:26,255 you are very achievement-wise successful. 174 00:12:27,085 --> 00:12:30,055 And you know it, but are you happy? 175 00:12:30,365 --> 00:12:31,305 Are you fulfilled? 176 00:12:31,365 --> 00:12:32,305 Are you satisfied? 177 00:12:32,595 --> 00:12:37,245 And some signs that you might be dealing with high functioning unhappiness 178 00:12:37,255 --> 00:12:43,264 are just exhaustion, physical, mental, emotional, irritability, 179 00:12:44,015 --> 00:12:46,505 telling yourself, what is my problem? 180 00:12:46,515 --> 00:12:48,994 I should just be more grateful, life looks so good. 181 00:12:49,234 --> 00:12:53,574 Cause see, for so many of you, your life doesn't look like your childhood. 182 00:12:54,324 --> 00:12:56,355 You did break the cycle in many ways. 183 00:12:57,405 --> 00:13:04,680 But if you're feeling the same in your family, in your life, when you're alone 184 00:13:04,680 --> 00:13:09,070 with yourself, as you did growing up, it doesn't matter that on paper it looks 185 00:13:09,070 --> 00:13:11,390 different because it feels the same. 186 00:13:11,640 --> 00:13:17,830 So what we want is to get how you feel under control and in 187 00:13:17,830 --> 00:13:21,180 alignment with the truth of who you are and how you want to feel. 188 00:13:21,530 --> 00:13:25,150 And what we don't want to do is threaten the high functioning part of your life. 189 00:13:25,410 --> 00:13:29,145 And what I realized doing research and just looking at all this clinical 190 00:13:29,145 --> 00:13:34,045 experience I have under my belt is people are afraid to threaten the 191 00:13:34,045 --> 00:13:35,505 high functioning part of their lives. 192 00:13:35,775 --> 00:13:36,915 Because we want to serve, 193 00:13:37,085 --> 00:13:39,894 we want to give, we want to make a difference. 194 00:13:39,955 --> 00:13:43,315 If you are hanging out with me, you are a difference maker. 195 00:13:43,604 --> 00:13:48,825 But the real truth is we have to threaten the unhappiness part of your life. 196 00:13:49,325 --> 00:13:52,495 And if we don't, you're already threatening the high 197 00:13:52,515 --> 00:13:53,804 functioning part of your life. 198 00:13:54,025 --> 00:13:57,235 My work isn't around threatening the high functioning part of your life, 199 00:13:57,235 --> 00:13:59,254 it's about protecting and preserving it. 200 00:13:59,275 --> 00:14:06,165 But we've got to get beyond the fear that happiness doesn't even exist and 201 00:14:06,165 --> 00:14:08,065 we've got to threaten the unhappiness. 202 00:14:08,425 --> 00:14:12,354 If you're going to be as high functioning, and making the biggest difference 203 00:14:12,395 --> 00:14:18,325 and impact you can make in your life, and better than how you grew up, 204 00:14:18,635 --> 00:14:21,264 I'm just going to boldly say isn't good enough for you. 205 00:14:21,644 --> 00:14:27,575 I want you in a world where your life now as an adult is healed, and yours 206 00:14:27,775 --> 00:14:31,965 and on your terms, and you're high functioning, and you're happy and it 207 00:14:31,965 --> 00:14:35,944 doesn't feel like a reenactment of your childhood in any way, shape, or form. 208 00:14:36,235 --> 00:14:40,235 And we're not knocking your family, your parents, where you come from, 209 00:14:40,435 --> 00:14:42,695 they did the best they could with the tools they have. 210 00:14:42,984 --> 00:14:47,815 But every family has a generational healer in it and every family has that 211 00:14:47,815 --> 00:14:51,080 kid that goes, Why aren't we doing better? 212 00:14:51,090 --> 00:14:52,630 There has to be a better way. 213 00:14:52,880 --> 00:14:57,529 But in almost every case that child decides something must be wrong with 214 00:14:57,530 --> 00:14:59,620 me because nobody else seems to get it. 215 00:15:00,490 --> 00:15:03,349 And instead of going, No, the dysfunction is the problem. 216 00:15:03,590 --> 00:15:07,389 That generational healer often decides as a child, I must be the problem 217 00:15:07,590 --> 00:15:09,309 because nobody else sees what I'm seeing. 218 00:15:09,559 --> 00:15:12,830 And I'm here to say to all of you generational healers out there, You're 219 00:15:12,830 --> 00:15:17,020 right and you deserve to be happy. 220 00:15:17,330 --> 00:15:19,590 And it's time to break through high functioning unhappiness. 221 00:15:22,050 --> 00:15:27,470 Ed Watters: So really the target there is what you feel is not who 222 00:15:27,480 --> 00:15:34,540 you are, and you must figure out who you are to find that happiness. 223 00:15:34,969 --> 00:15:41,850 It's a big key in life, and we struggle with many things trying 224 00:15:41,850 --> 00:15:47,530 to figure out, Hey, I don't fit in here, but I want to fit in. 225 00:15:47,740 --> 00:15:52,360 You know, there's a struggle, an emotional intelligence 226 00:15:52,560 --> 00:15:55,629 struggle, an emotional stamina, 227 00:15:56,500 --> 00:15:57,620 the problem, you know? 228 00:15:58,270 --> 00:16:07,679 And we've lost this ability to forgive ourself, and I think we hold that 229 00:16:07,680 --> 00:16:10,120 against ourselves a lot of the time. 230 00:16:11,950 --> 00:16:16,900 If we can't forgive ourselves, the struggle will always continue. 231 00:16:17,724 --> 00:16:24,045 And that, that's, you know, many people go through different things in life 232 00:16:24,045 --> 00:16:29,745 and they feel different things about different situations, and I can't 233 00:16:29,745 --> 00:16:35,434 relate to any of them because I'm not the individual going through them. 234 00:16:35,695 --> 00:16:37,885 All we have is empathy. 235 00:16:38,305 --> 00:16:45,655 And empathy is really tricky to dive into it deep, it's leveled. 236 00:16:47,204 --> 00:16:53,420 We really don't get empathy in our world, what's your take on empathy 237 00:16:53,420 --> 00:17:00,840 and being empathetic towards others without giving them that pity trip? 238 00:17:01,319 --> 00:17:01,779 Rebeccah Silence: Totally! 239 00:17:02,390 --> 00:17:05,749 Okay, you are saying so much here, okay? 240 00:17:05,990 --> 00:17:09,925 So, let's talk about feeling, right? 241 00:17:10,015 --> 00:17:12,735 Cause it, it really, you can't have empathy. 242 00:17:13,065 --> 00:17:17,455 You're talking about feelings, and forgiveness, and empathy. 243 00:17:17,515 --> 00:17:20,415 And, and I want to touch on all of this because it's really important. 244 00:17:20,785 --> 00:17:26,734 So knowing how you want to feel is the gateway to knowing who you are. 245 00:17:27,984 --> 00:17:32,894 Who we became to survive our childhood is not who we are, 246 00:17:34,215 --> 00:17:35,765 that's our survival self. 247 00:17:36,185 --> 00:17:41,105 And we all get to have this moment where we go, Uh uh, something has to give. 248 00:17:41,995 --> 00:17:45,624 But it isn't you wake up one day and you find yourself and you know who you are. 249 00:17:45,625 --> 00:17:48,155 You wake up one day and you go, I don't feel how I want to feel. 250 00:17:48,484 --> 00:17:51,080 And enough with surviving, okay? 251 00:17:51,480 --> 00:17:54,630 And then we design, my last name is Silence. 252 00:17:54,970 --> 00:17:58,400 The first marriage I had, I married a guy with the last name Silence. 253 00:17:58,400 --> 00:18:01,790 I was meek, I was shut down, I really was at the time. 254 00:18:02,050 --> 00:18:05,409 And then I just loved who I became as Rebeccah Silence. 255 00:18:05,710 --> 00:18:09,420 And my mission was to break the chains and the cycles and to be a 256 00:18:09,420 --> 00:18:11,210 mom my little girl could be proud of. 257 00:18:11,440 --> 00:18:15,390 And at first I didn't have the self worth or the confidence to do any of the work 258 00:18:15,390 --> 00:18:17,550 for me, but I was going to be God damned 259 00:18:17,580 --> 00:18:19,100 if I was going to repeat history. 260 00:18:19,395 --> 00:18:24,965 And be aware that I was doing that with this little girl in tow, right? 261 00:18:25,275 --> 00:18:30,925 So you, you start by knowing the difference between your feelings 262 00:18:31,085 --> 00:18:35,504 about what's going on around you and the emotions you need 263 00:18:35,515 --> 00:18:37,980 to feel, they're very different. 264 00:18:38,250 --> 00:18:42,810 So we can't need the external to be different to give us permission 265 00:18:42,810 --> 00:18:45,810 to feel how we want to feel and to be internally resolved. 266 00:18:46,149 --> 00:18:50,359 You needing the external to change is just a dead end, right? 267 00:18:50,360 --> 00:18:53,180 As my coach would say, It's a journey of seek and do not find. 268 00:18:53,499 --> 00:18:57,060 So what I teach are five emotions, five. 269 00:18:57,090 --> 00:18:57,690 That's it. 270 00:18:58,090 --> 00:19:01,860 Anger, fear, grief, joy, excitement. 271 00:19:02,280 --> 00:19:07,320 Anger, fear, grief, joy, excitement, everything else is learned. 272 00:19:07,550 --> 00:19:12,650 Rejection, jealousy, abuse, abandonment, anxiety, depression, 273 00:19:12,889 --> 00:19:17,149 these are all our feelings about what's going on that are, how 274 00:19:17,149 --> 00:19:19,290 we're coping with what's going on. 275 00:19:19,510 --> 00:19:23,850 But underneath all of our feelings about what's happening around us is a 276 00:19:23,890 --> 00:19:29,030 core naturally occurring human emotion that we need to feel just like a baby. 277 00:19:29,190 --> 00:19:32,530 We've all been around a baby that could go through anger, fear, grief, 278 00:19:32,530 --> 00:19:34,230 joy, excitement in 10 seconds. 279 00:19:35,060 --> 00:19:38,880 And there's no resistance, they're happy as a clam, right? 280 00:19:38,880 --> 00:19:44,120 And to me, my definition of happiness is a healthy relationship with 281 00:19:44,169 --> 00:19:46,170 anger, fear, grief, joy, excitement. 282 00:19:46,550 --> 00:19:48,380 So now let's talk about forgiveness. 283 00:19:48,810 --> 00:19:57,180 Forgiveness is loving as much as you can, as much as you did, before got hurt. 284 00:19:58,270 --> 00:20:01,160 So until we know better, we can't do better. 285 00:20:01,420 --> 00:20:05,299 And where we haven't forgiven ourselves enough is for being human. 286 00:20:05,909 --> 00:20:12,720 And for being willing to have compassion for our humanity, especially emotionally. 287 00:20:13,000 --> 00:20:15,470 Giving ourselves permission to know we did the best we could 288 00:20:15,750 --> 00:20:19,490 from the level of awareness we were at with the tools we have. 289 00:20:19,920 --> 00:20:23,360 And when we're not giving ourselves permission to fully 290 00:20:23,360 --> 00:20:28,960 emotionally express and to be fully emotionally clear, that hurts. 291 00:20:29,770 --> 00:20:35,725 And it's okay to have grief, and anger, and fear, and joy, and excitement. 292 00:20:35,955 --> 00:20:41,215 And anytime you're taking your emotions out on anyone or anything, or blaming your 293 00:20:41,215 --> 00:20:45,405 emotions on what's going on externally, you can't be in a place of forgiveness. 294 00:20:45,625 --> 00:20:49,175 Which means you have no empathy towards yourself, which means you can't have 295 00:20:49,175 --> 00:20:50,525 any empathy towards anybody else. 296 00:20:51,840 --> 00:20:55,949 So my book, Coming Back To Life A Roadmap To Heal From Pain To 297 00:20:55,949 --> 00:20:59,219 Create The Life You Want, has a beautiful chapter on forgiveness. 298 00:20:59,219 --> 00:21:04,489 And I actually recently got an email from a woman, in her therapist's book club, I 299 00:21:04,489 --> 00:21:08,659 don't know this therapist, but a therapist has been using my book for a book club 300 00:21:08,919 --> 00:21:13,899 with his clients, and they spent an entire month on my forgiveness chapter. 301 00:21:14,100 --> 00:21:17,100 And this woman wrote me an email just saying how powerful it was for all of 302 00:21:17,129 --> 00:21:19,080 these women going through the book club. 303 00:21:19,309 --> 00:21:22,499 The book is worth it just for the forgiveness chapter alone. 304 00:21:22,830 --> 00:21:27,739 But it's really about having compassion and empathy for you as a human 305 00:21:27,739 --> 00:21:31,289 with emotions and getting back to the place where you give yourself 306 00:21:31,289 --> 00:21:33,590 permission to love as much as you did 307 00:21:33,875 --> 00:21:35,024 before you got hurt. 308 00:21:35,284 --> 00:21:40,024 And when you're emotionally clear and when you've forgiven yourself, especially 309 00:21:40,024 --> 00:21:45,314 for your humanity, you can be such a different empowered space for the 310 00:21:45,324 --> 00:21:47,915 people around you that are also human. 311 00:21:48,815 --> 00:21:50,964 Without pity, like you were talking about earlier. 312 00:21:51,335 --> 00:21:53,315 And I think the more vulnerable and human 313 00:21:53,850 --> 00:21:57,410 we are, the more attractive and sexy and magnificent we are. 314 00:21:57,710 --> 00:22:03,680 And it's okay to let yourself not feel sorry for yourself, to 315 00:22:03,680 --> 00:22:09,400 not need to run from or shut down on any part of your humanity. 316 00:22:09,420 --> 00:22:13,170 And when you've mastered that, what a gift you are to every life you touch. 317 00:22:14,555 --> 00:22:15,065 Ed Watters: Amen. 318 00:22:15,315 --> 00:22:16,505 I like that a lot. 319 00:22:16,975 --> 00:22:21,285 Let's, let's talk more about your book because, you know, you talk 320 00:22:21,295 --> 00:22:23,195 about it being used as a workbook. 321 00:22:24,065 --> 00:22:29,974 My wife and myself, every Saturday, we spend some time reading a portion 322 00:22:29,975 --> 00:22:34,605 of a book each week, and then we discuss it and we think about it. 323 00:22:34,945 --> 00:22:42,135 And that's really helping us heal our journey that we had in the trash can. 324 00:22:42,135 --> 00:22:47,655 But I really like it when people write books that you can actually go through 325 00:22:47,655 --> 00:22:50,075 and read and discuss like a workbook. 326 00:22:51,755 --> 00:22:53,804 What, what brought on the book? 327 00:22:54,175 --> 00:23:02,354 Of course we kind of get an idea of that, but who's this targeted for mainly and why 328 00:23:02,354 --> 00:23:04,464 should somebody pick it up and read it? 329 00:23:05,904 --> 00:23:06,234 Rebeccah Silence: Yeah. 330 00:23:06,604 --> 00:23:09,925 So if you want to be free, if you want to be happy, if you want 331 00:23:09,925 --> 00:23:14,135 to get the most out of your one precious life, this book is for you. 332 00:23:14,485 --> 00:23:19,624 And the, the book was born when I came out of cancer. 333 00:23:19,625 --> 00:23:26,170 I had my crazy childhood and first marriage, and I was experiencing 334 00:23:26,420 --> 00:23:31,090 so much self abuse, abusing alcohol, eating disorder behavior. 335 00:23:31,380 --> 00:23:35,799 And, you know, I did all this work to become somebody I could be proud of. 336 00:23:35,870 --> 00:23:39,489 I got married again, I started my business, I got on the radio talking 337 00:23:39,490 --> 00:23:42,620 to hundreds of thousands of people a week in the community I grew up 338 00:23:42,620 --> 00:23:44,190 in, where I was so traumatized. 339 00:23:44,530 --> 00:23:48,540 I thought I had beat my past, and then I was coaching a 340 00:23:48,540 --> 00:23:50,020 plastic surgeon and his wife 341 00:23:50,820 --> 00:23:54,850 and they stopped me and said, You're here to save our marriage and you are, 342 00:23:54,850 --> 00:23:59,320 and you have, but will you come to the office tomorrow morning at 7am so we 343 00:23:59,320 --> 00:24:01,040 can take this mole off of your arm? 344 00:24:01,529 --> 00:24:05,100 I was pregnant with my second baby, on top of the world, 345 00:24:05,450 --> 00:24:08,799 and it was malignant melanoma. 346 00:24:09,049 --> 00:24:12,230 Turns out it was already in my lymph nodes at the time. 347 00:24:12,840 --> 00:24:18,560 I was diagnosed at the very end of 2014, I was thirty- four and the melanoma 348 00:24:18,570 --> 00:24:24,210 treatment was still not as researched as some of the other forms of cancer. 349 00:24:24,210 --> 00:24:27,500 So there really wasn't a lot that could be done. 350 00:24:27,970 --> 00:24:33,040 I was given a five percent chance to live and I beat the odds. 351 00:24:33,109 --> 00:24:39,024 And the book was me showcasing, here's my story and how I used trauma 352 00:24:39,024 --> 00:24:40,754 to my advantage to save my life. 353 00:24:40,985 --> 00:24:44,294 And there's no trauma that can't be used to your advantage and I'm 354 00:24:44,294 --> 00:24:46,975 going to give you a masterclass on how to use trauma to your advantage. 355 00:24:47,264 --> 00:24:51,444 Because what I had realized was, at first, with the cancer journey, 356 00:24:51,905 --> 00:24:55,685 it felt very similar to, especially in my childhood, sexual abuse. 357 00:24:56,035 --> 00:24:59,205 I'm stuck in a bed, I feel like I'm going to die, 358 00:24:59,215 --> 00:25:04,035 like somebody is trying to kill me, I'm in so much pain, nobody gets it. 359 00:25:04,360 --> 00:25:05,190 Oh my God. 360 00:25:05,460 --> 00:25:10,690 And what I realized very quickly was the healed Rebeccah, because I had beat 361 00:25:10,690 --> 00:25:16,440 my childhood trauma, was equipped to heal through this experience of cancer. 362 00:25:16,600 --> 00:25:20,510 I never identified as sick or dying, I never called it my cancer. 363 00:25:20,860 --> 00:25:23,340 It's a cancer diagnosis. 364 00:25:23,590 --> 00:25:27,860 There really is cancer going on in my body, but I focused on, all right, 365 00:25:27,880 --> 00:25:32,370 as they healed me, I know how to have a clear mind, how to have a clear 366 00:25:32,370 --> 00:25:36,480 open heart, how to connect to my body so that I can connect to my spirit. 367 00:25:36,710 --> 00:25:41,610 And I practiced what I call the practice of emotional healing all throughout 368 00:25:41,860 --> 00:25:46,690 my initial year and a half of going through cancer, twenty surgeries, chemo. 369 00:25:46,730 --> 00:25:49,719 I eventually quit chemo, which I think saved my life. 370 00:25:49,810 --> 00:25:52,499 I never recommend that to anybody else, but I know your 371 00:25:52,499 --> 00:25:53,800 spirit will guide you home. 372 00:25:54,070 --> 00:25:59,085 So here I am vibrant, well, alive, and I just came out of cancer and I 373 00:25:59,085 --> 00:26:00,635 couldn't start writing fast enough. 374 00:26:00,835 --> 00:26:01,975 What just happened? 375 00:26:02,015 --> 00:26:03,105 What did I just do? 376 00:26:03,365 --> 00:26:09,305 Because it makes no sense I'm still here, except it's my destiny. 377 00:26:09,335 --> 00:26:12,254 And I have a divine assignment to teach the planet the practice 378 00:26:12,254 --> 00:26:15,894 of emotional healing and how to be the best of themselves, as 379 00:26:15,895 --> 00:26:17,645 emotionally clear as possible. 380 00:26:17,945 --> 00:26:20,270 So that's where the book came from. 381 00:26:24,190 --> 00:26:26,140 Ed Watters: Very powerful. 382 00:26:26,690 --> 00:26:36,010 You know, in those words I heard my wife, and identical words coming out of your 383 00:26:36,010 --> 00:26:43,490 mouth, from not only the sexual abuse, but the physical abuse from her father. 384 00:26:43,490 --> 00:26:52,870 And, you know, It's like, it's a commonality between survivors and 385 00:26:52,870 --> 00:26:55,110 these traumas, they can be healed. 386 00:26:55,140 --> 00:27:00,450 And strong people like you are bringing it to the forefront. 387 00:27:00,780 --> 00:27:02,859 My wife will love this. 388 00:27:03,150 --> 00:27:10,520 And I particularly love this because this is what our focus is truly 389 00:27:10,520 --> 00:27:13,010 on, is these types of traumas. 390 00:27:13,450 --> 00:27:18,545 And I think bringing it out and helping people is so important. 391 00:27:18,615 --> 00:27:26,995 So we thank you from, from the get go and we cheer you on to the very end. 392 00:27:28,445 --> 00:27:34,654 Do you have anything you want to add to the conversation before 393 00:27:34,844 --> 00:27:36,935 we end our conversation today? 394 00:27:38,960 --> 00:27:42,240 Rebeccah Silence: Well, I do recommend my book. 395 00:27:42,250 --> 00:27:45,620 I think it came through me, but it's not even mine. 396 00:27:45,650 --> 00:27:51,570 I think it is for all the hearts out there that really do need and want a roadmap 397 00:27:51,849 --> 00:27:54,929 to be the best version of themselves. 398 00:27:54,940 --> 00:27:58,810 And I'll just say, There's nothing to do, there's who you want to be and 399 00:27:58,810 --> 00:28:03,710 how you want to feel, that there is a way to connect to that information 400 00:28:04,145 --> 00:28:06,275 and plug it into your spiritual GPS. 401 00:28:06,545 --> 00:28:08,475 Regardless of what you're facing. 402 00:28:08,715 --> 00:28:12,694 And there is absolutely nothing outside of you more powerful than you. 403 00:28:13,175 --> 00:28:18,845 No circumstance, or abuse, or diagnosis, or setback is more powerful 404 00:28:19,015 --> 00:28:20,994 than the essence of who you are. 405 00:28:21,284 --> 00:28:25,750 And you're the strongest when you're the softest, most relaxed 406 00:28:25,790 --> 00:28:27,960 into the truth of who you are. 407 00:28:28,240 --> 00:28:32,720 And this book is here to challenge you and to quantum leap you 408 00:28:32,940 --> 00:28:34,700 into a next level identity. 409 00:28:35,095 --> 00:28:37,965 That's all you need to have and create anything you want. 410 00:28:38,245 --> 00:28:43,105 And each question at the end of every chapter is designed in such a way where 411 00:28:43,105 --> 00:28:47,275 you can ask yourself, but if you are going to do, you know, this book with 412 00:28:47,275 --> 00:28:51,185 the best friend or with a spouse, or even with one of your children, ask the 413 00:28:51,185 --> 00:28:56,284 questions each as individuals, but then answer the question for your relationship. 414 00:28:58,374 --> 00:29:02,195 It's, it's next level to go, There's me, there's you, there's us. 415 00:29:02,610 --> 00:29:03,430 What's important to me? 416 00:29:03,430 --> 00:29:04,220 What's important to you? 417 00:29:04,240 --> 00:29:05,910 Now, how do we answer this together? 418 00:29:06,190 --> 00:29:10,430 So I would just give you that nugget to consider as you buy the book. 419 00:29:10,690 --> 00:29:13,320 Um, if you love it, we would so appreciate reviews. 420 00:29:13,580 --> 00:29:17,860 But yeah, I want the planet to experience this book because you 421 00:29:17,869 --> 00:29:22,120 are the medicine you've been waiting for, and we need you making your 422 00:29:22,120 --> 00:29:24,060 most healed impact on the world. 423 00:29:24,300 --> 00:29:29,220 And this is an empowered experience of liberation. 424 00:29:29,240 --> 00:29:32,490 The trauma conversation shouldn't be so disempowering so I wrote 425 00:29:32,490 --> 00:29:33,620 this book to empower you. 426 00:29:34,405 --> 00:29:34,935 Ed Watters: Awesome. 427 00:29:35,225 --> 00:29:40,045 You know, my wife and I, we will pick that book up to read it. 428 00:29:40,405 --> 00:29:46,175 We had that very conversation about an hour before I got on with you. 429 00:29:46,215 --> 00:29:51,985 You know, it is about empowering yourself, not living in your trauma. 430 00:29:52,235 --> 00:29:55,515 You can help somebody and it is important. 431 00:29:55,575 --> 00:29:58,225 There's so many out there suffering. 432 00:29:58,495 --> 00:30:03,015 There's young women out there suffering, it's your daughter, 433 00:30:03,770 --> 00:30:06,340 it's your wife, it's your mother. 434 00:30:07,120 --> 00:30:11,420 You know, and it goes the other way, it's your son, it's your father, it's 435 00:30:11,420 --> 00:30:13,600 your uncle, it's your grandfather. 436 00:30:14,760 --> 00:30:20,850 We need humanity back and I think this is one of the big things. 437 00:30:20,850 --> 00:30:25,740 You know, we need each other and we are social 438 00:30:25,850 --> 00:30:28,170 so we need to learn to be social. 439 00:30:28,720 --> 00:30:30,630 And that's what this journey's about. 440 00:30:30,880 --> 00:30:35,990 If we can learn to be social, we can learn to be loving people. 441 00:30:36,500 --> 00:30:42,010 And that's the mindset and the journey we're on at the Dead America Podcast. 442 00:30:42,600 --> 00:30:46,560 We're so thankful that you came here today to share your 443 00:30:46,560 --> 00:30:49,020 journey, your experience with us. 444 00:30:49,630 --> 00:30:54,760 Because it's so empowering and don't be a victim, be a hero. 445 00:30:55,150 --> 00:31:01,520 And you, Rebeccah, are a hero for being out there doing it and showing 446 00:31:01,560 --> 00:31:05,020 others there's a path to victory. 447 00:31:05,520 --> 00:31:13,675 And you don't have to be that whatever it is, be a victorious person and shine. 448 00:31:15,305 --> 00:31:21,355 How can people get ahold of you, grab your book, and know a little more about you? 449 00:31:21,785 --> 00:31:22,245 Rebeccah Silence: Thank you. 450 00:31:22,275 --> 00:31:25,395 And thank you for that reflection, I fully receive it. 451 00:31:25,685 --> 00:31:28,915 You can visit me at rebeccahsilence.com. 452 00:31:28,935 --> 00:31:35,720 Rebecca has an H, R, E, B, E, C, C, A, H silence.com I've got a free masterclass 453 00:31:35,720 --> 00:31:37,740 available, if you want to experience me. 454 00:31:37,790 --> 00:31:41,080 Right when you get to the homepage, the three must know secrets 455 00:31:41,080 --> 00:31:42,280 to heal and save your family. 456 00:31:42,480 --> 00:31:46,920 You can also get access to the book from the website and information about 457 00:31:46,980 --> 00:31:49,610 my courses and my private coaching. 458 00:31:49,940 --> 00:31:52,050 You can check me out on YouTube there. 459 00:31:52,060 --> 00:31:55,030 You wouldn't be able to get through all the videos like Disneyland, if 460 00:31:55,030 --> 00:31:58,390 you tried, but there is for sure something for you there as well. 461 00:31:58,700 --> 00:32:02,235 If you are interested in finding me on YouTube, subscribe, please. 462 00:32:02,505 --> 00:32:06,135 And you can get all my newest, latest material there. 463 00:32:06,465 --> 00:32:12,475 Um, but just know that we can be more careful with each 464 00:32:12,475 --> 00:32:14,545 other's hearts and we should be. 465 00:32:14,585 --> 00:32:19,085 And you doing this work, you're not going to guarantee that everybody you 466 00:32:19,095 --> 00:32:23,665 love that you know needs healing is going to follow in your footsteps. 467 00:32:23,925 --> 00:32:27,175 But you can know you showed up and you modeled that possibility. 468 00:32:27,225 --> 00:32:28,905 Everybody has free will and agency. 469 00:32:29,370 --> 00:32:33,930 Your job is to have your life magically delicious and the world 470 00:32:33,930 --> 00:32:35,980 experiencing the best of you. 471 00:32:36,280 --> 00:32:38,220 And my work will guide you there. 472 00:32:38,450 --> 00:32:40,230 You are the hero in your story. 473 00:32:40,450 --> 00:32:43,210 I'm just here to say, Come on, it's possible. 474 00:32:43,210 --> 00:32:44,630 If I can do it, you can do it. 475 00:32:44,830 --> 00:32:46,660 I guarantee. 476 00:32:47,035 --> 00:32:49,875 And there's never been a case in my private practice 477 00:32:49,875 --> 00:32:50,695 I haven't cracked. 478 00:32:50,915 --> 00:32:54,175 There's not one case that hasn't been a success story. 479 00:32:54,405 --> 00:32:58,455 And this work, this material, whether you experienced the book, 480 00:32:58,515 --> 00:33:02,805 my masterclass, my course, my coaching, it'll change your life. 481 00:33:03,195 --> 00:33:07,975 And it's okay to let yourself know joy is supposed to be your 482 00:33:07,975 --> 00:33:09,505 default, the rule you live by. 483 00:33:09,655 --> 00:33:12,865 And you're allowed, even if people around you don't get that, 484 00:33:13,045 --> 00:33:14,925 don't want that, you can have it. 485 00:33:15,295 --> 00:33:18,820 And that's my wish for you is that you get as much joy and love 486 00:33:18,820 --> 00:33:20,180 as possible in this lifetime. 487 00:33:21,710 --> 00:33:22,810 Ed Watters: Yeah, that's right. 488 00:33:23,080 --> 00:33:25,620 Find the joy, put yourself there. 489 00:33:25,840 --> 00:33:30,310 It's a simple thing to do, but so many struggle with it. 490 00:33:31,140 --> 00:33:34,790 Thank you for being part of the show today, Rebeccah, and I wish 491 00:33:34,790 --> 00:33:37,370 you so many blessings in life. 492 00:33:39,690 --> 00:33:41,010 Rebeccah Silence: And right back at you. 493 00:33:41,300 --> 00:33:42,390 Love you all. 494 00:33:42,400 --> 00:33:45,320 Reach out and again, thank you so much for having me. 495 00:33:49,300 --> 00:33:50,680 Ed Watters: Thank you for joining us today. 496 00:33:51,060 --> 00:33:57,200 If you found this podcast enlightening, entertaining, educational in any way, 497 00:33:57,710 --> 00:34:03,430 please share, like, subscribe, and join us right back here next week for another 498 00:34:03,430 --> 00:34:06,480 great episode of Dead America Podcast. 499 00:34:06,710 --> 00:34:11,540 I'm Ed Watters, your host, enjoy your afternoon wherever you may be.