Can you feel it coming?
Something's waking up inside.
Hearts ablaze, we're standing tall breaking chains of yesterday.
Dead America finds it's voice, in the darkness, we make choice.
Truth and healing lead the way, hearts ablaze, we're here to stay.
Rise from ashes come what may, we're finding hope in disarray.
Today, we're speaking with Jacquie Elliot.
She's a certified life coach, an author, and she came up with the
system, Abusive Brain Chatter, ABCs, which is kind of unique.
So Jacquie, could you please introduce yourself?
And let people know just a little more about you, please.
Well, yes.
Hi, Ed.
Um, yes, I am a certified life, but I'm also a relationship and spiritual coach.
So I do all three of those coachings and I kinda use them in my coaching.
And, um, I, you know, have been spending the last three and a half, four years
writing this book, uh, this, you know, it's, it's The Silent Bully, A Journey
From Abusive Brain Chatter To Self-love.
And that's what, uh, it's due out in November.
So yeah, I, um, have been a coach for about four or five years.
Uh, otherwise I used to mentor people and I used to be a business owner and
I raised money for charities, uh, about fifteen million dollars for charities.
So, um, I have a background in business, but I decided that, uh, this is the path
that I wanted to go on, helping people.
And my own journey kind of framed that, uh, my own journey
with abusive brain chatter.
So that's kind of why I wrote this book.
I felt like at this time in my life, it's really, really important to give back.
Yeah.
Yeah, I, I'm with you all the way with that.
You know, I, I suffer from that still to this day.
However, I've overcome the challenges of understanding what I'm dealing
with when I'm going through those bouts of depressive disorders and
all of these, and it helps me put a lid on those scenarios a lot quicker.
Could you walk us through what abusive brain chatter is in your definition?
Okay, so abusive, you know, we all have chatter in our head and we all have
negative chatter from time to time.
That's normal and it's never gonna stop.
But abusive brain chatter, I call, is that, that voice on steroids and it
becomes abusive when it holds you back.
Um, and the interesting thing about abusive brain chatter is that it
comes from our core beliefs and that, we, it thinks it's helping us.
Um, it's chattering at us in some bizarre way to protect us.
And that's the, the most interesting part that I found is, you know, when I started
doing my book and when I started working with clients, I started to actually
listen to the abusive brain chatter.
It's a process that I do during my coaching, which is to, you know, when a
client will say, Well, I can't do that, uh, I'll say, Okay, well let's talk to
that part of you that can't do that.
And we actually do some dialoguing.
And usually what we find out is that abusive brain
chatter is there to keep you,
hold you back because it doesn't want you to fail because it has these core
beliefs that you were raised with.
Maybe your mother thought you were gonna fail, or your father thought
you were a failure so it doesn't want you to experience that.
So instead it chatters in your brain, you're never gonna be
good enough, you're never gonna do that, and it holds you back.
And that's the difference between just brain chatter and abusive brain chatter.
And the, uh, uh, the, the interesting correlation, and I think what's a
little more, you know, all of, people in the health industry and mental health
industry, you know, talk about this, that, that voice in our head, that inner critic.
It's, it's called many names, monkey mind, all these kinds of things.
But what's interesting, what I, what I tumbled on is that abusive brain
chatter is just that it's abusive.
And so, uh, people tend to normalize it and they tend to think, oh,
you know, it's just, oh God, it's just, I'm not good enough.
That's just the voice in my head.
But if you really break down emotional abusers, emotional abusers belittle
you, they bully you, they gaslight you, they make, they isolate you.
Those are all the things that abusive brain chatter does too.
It does the very same thing, it belittles you, it bullies you, it'll, it'll
isolate you by keeping you home and on, addicted to, to food, to drugs, to tv.
Um, and so once you make that connection that you're living with an emotional
abuser and that emotional abuser is you,
I find that people are more motivated to go, Oh, wow, yeah, no, that's
not a voice I wanna keep in my head.
That's, you know, that's not an, that's not a voice that, that
serves me, that's emotional abuse.
And so that's part of the ABCs that, that I talk about in my book is,
the first step, uh, is awareness.
And it's not just awareness of what the voice is saying, because that's
really important, um, to really kind of tap into what your voice is saying.
And I, and I talk about doing it like, um, like a, uh, um, Jane Goodall, you
know, like an anthropologist would be like listening to, Hmm, isn't that interesting?
You know, this chimpanzee does this, this and that.
Well, you kind of do that with your, your brain at first,
your abusive brain chatter.
You kind of go, Ha, this is interesting.
Jacquie's abusive brain chatter is talking about the way she looks and, um, has a lot
of negative things about the way I look.
And, uh, my abusive brain chatter is telling me, um, I can't get another job,
you know, I'm stuck in this dead end job.
And so it's really important to first be aware of what
your abusive brain chatter is.
And of course the second part of that awareness is that awareness
of emotional abuse, you know, keep a list on your computer.
Keep a list somewhere where you can say, Wow, when you start
hearing these things in your head.
You can say, Ah, that's that, oh, that's belittling, oh, that's,
you know, that's criticizing, oh, I, you know, I see what that is,
that's gaslighting, I'm, I'm telling myself not to believe myself.
Um, and so that's the first step is to really, really be aware.
And, you know, the second step is the belief step, and this is
kind of the spiritual portion.
You know, when you said I was a certified life coach, I eventually became a
spiritual coach and a relationship coach because I felt like the clients
I were seeing had such abusive brain chatter and they had no ability to,
um, change that chatter they had.
They, that's all they knew.
And so what I find about abusive brain chatter is that you, you
have to have a higher voice.
You know, you're not gonna change your mind with your mind.
Your abusive brain chatter has been with you for many years.
Mine was with me for forty-two years, it still crops up, it cropped up
a lot as I was writing this book.
You know, the imposter syndrome, how can you do this and, and all of those things.
So it's, it's just, you know, it, it's, like I said, It's always gonna be there.
But the tool, the most important thing is that I have done the work
to find my inner loving voice.
Um, and some people are okay with calling it God, some people call
it a higher power, some people call it intuition, some people call it
mother nature, some people call it, uh, you know, you know, the spirit.
Whatever it is, it's, it's, it's the voice that speaks more gentle and kindly to you.
And that's, uh, the second step is, you know, you have to do
some work to actually find that.
And I take my clients often on a journey to find that voice.
Uh, a lot of people, uh, you know, are so anti-religious that when I say
I'm a spiritual coach, they say, Oh no, no, I don't wanna believe in God.
I, you know, I don't, you know, that was my childhood and I was born Christian,
Catholic, Jewish, and, or whatever it is.
And, uh, no, I don't, I don't wanna, I don't wanna go there.
And so what I often do is I often take them on a gentle journey and that
gentle journey is to find that voice.
And once we find that voice, they can name it whatever they want and they
can access it whenever they want to.
So that when they start belittling themselves, and the third step
that we go to is, challenging that.
They actually have the ability to kind of go, Hmm, let me just tap into myself.
Let me tap into my kinder self and know that, hmm, no, that's not a kind
thing that I wanna say to myself.
You know, I don't, I don't talk to myself that way anymore,
you know?
I, I call it my soul, I, I protect, I protect my soul.
And, you know, so when I'm saying things that are mean to myself,
like, Oh God, you look terrible.
Or especially in aging, Oh my God, look at all your wrinkles
and you're looking terrible.
And I say to myself, you know, I don't wanna, I don't, I
don't wanna hurt that soul.
That's, that's not, something I no longer wanna do, that was
something I did as my younger self.
But as my older self, you know, there, there's no way I want to crush that
soul, uh, I wanna protect that soul.
And so I do that through my beliefs and that, being able to quiet that voice.
And then the third part, of course, a very important part is really challenging
that core belief.
So that's the A, B, C challenge.
And so first you have to understand where your core beliefs come from.
So I, you know, in my own life I had a core belief that I was, uh,
not, never gonna, that I was not pretty and that I was never gonna
be pretty enough to find a partner.
And that finding a man was the most important thing in life, you know, this
is a core belief that I got from my mother and maybe possibly from my father.
The idea that, you know, back then women get married.
and, and so my mother was constantly trying to fix me and change me, um, and
that was a, a criticism, even though she'd never meant it as a criticism.
My mother loved me dearly, but anytime she would try to change me, the
message I got was, I'm not good enough.
I'm not pretty enough, I'm never gonna find, you know, no
one's ever gonna love me enough.
And so that was a core belief that I carried with me and as a result of that
core belief, I chose a partner, um, based on the fact that he just, he just
wanted me, he was just attracted to me.
I didn't, I didn't really have any criteria for him being the
kind of person that I wanted.
It was more important that I was the kind of person that he wanted,
and so no surprise, I found a narcissist and, you know, somebody
who was emotionally abusive.
Uh, because I, I was drawn to the fact that he immediately was attracted to
me and that started to feed my ego.
But as I got further into the relationship, I realized that,
um, you know, he was just feeding my core belief that I'm not good
enough, and that he's the only one who's gonna love me, and that,
um, uh, you know, for whatever reason and being gas, gaslighted.
I was gaslit a lot in my marriage.
And so I, of course, uh, went into my addiction, which was
food binge, binge uh, eating.
And that's how I coped, which then, of course, fed the fear and
the shame and kept me isolated.
So all of those core beliefs, you know, those core beliefs that I had at, from
childhood really guided my life up until I was about forty-two years old.
And that's when I said, Enough.
That's when I said to myself, Do I wanna live the next forty-two years like
I've lived the past forty-two years?
The past forty-two years of beating myself up, hating myself.
Um, leaving that, uh, emotionally abusive relationship and taking
my emotional abuser with me,
I didn't recognize that.
I thought I left the relationship and so, oh, good for me.
But the reality is, for the next five or ten years, I continue to, um, to, to carry
those beliefs and to say, Oh, you're never gonna find anyone, no one's ever gonna
love you, and you're not pretty enough.
And, you know, and all of those things I, I took with me.
And so that, that day, and, and I know it was a day in June when I was laying
on my bed, I talk about this in my book, you know, a lot how, you know, what, what
that aha moment is, and how I got there.
Um, I was laying on my bed and I said, Um, I can't, I can't breathe.
I was off of work for the day and I had my asthma inhaler,
I had, I had severe asthma, I just couldn't breathe.
And I had my remote control because I was a binge watcher, you know, I would
just watch whatever I could watch.
I, I would watch, you know, Maury Povich, whatever it was.
The TV had to be on because the TV could drown out that chatter, right?
And then I had a big box of cereal in my lap and I was eating the cereal
just, you know, until it was finished, uh, you know, uh, an entire box.
I mean, literally I would open a box and then I would crunch on it.
Um, and crunching would like drown out the noise.
It was a box of, uh, uh, mini frosted wheats, you know, with
the frosting on one side and the shredded wheat on the other side.
So I crunched the, and they're wonderful for binge eaters because, again,
you get that crunch and drowns out all, all of the things in your head.
But we all know what happens when you're finished binge eating.
I mean, there comes your abusive brain chatter going, Oh, God, you're so full.
You're so fat, you're never gonna get thin, never getting off this couch.
And so that, that happened that day and I was like, I can't do this anymore.
I, you know, I can't do this anymore.
And that's when I really had my aha, spiritual awakening.
I knew that I couldn't stop it.
That, you know, I'd been to therapy for fifteen or twenty years,
and not that therapy is bad,
you know, I mean, it, it helped for what it did, but it didn't
stop my abusive brain chatter.
No amount of therapy was gonna stop that.
Um, so I had to find a spiritual answer for me and I did.
That, that day I got some, uh, I got some help, I, I joined a spiritual group.
I, uh, I called a therapist at the, you know, and I literally just got down on
my knees and I said, I'm surrendering.
Uh, some, you know, you gotta show me the way, you gotta help me now.
Whoever you are or wherever you are, you have to, you have to, just shout at me,
you have to tap me on the shoulder and you have to take me the rest of this journey
because I can't, I can't go there alone.
And, um, and that was really the turning point in my life.
I mean, it took many years to untangle all of that.
But the key was, I think the initial key was understanding that I had
a loving voice in me somewhere.
And the key then became challenging it.
And, you know, the first thing I had to do was make an amends to myself for,
um, always beating up on myself for doing things that were destructive.
I did a lot of destructive behavior in my life and I had to, I had
to quiet the shame, I had to just start letting go of things.
You know, letting go of shame, shame doesn't fit in my life anymore.
Um, if I start behaving differently, I have nothing to shame.
So I had to start eating differently so that I,
so that I could quiet that shame voice.
I had to start exercising, I had to start, uh, showing up for myself
and, um, then I had to, like I said, challenge those core beliefs.
And in my book, I write about the process.
There were different core beliefs I had to challenge, I had to challenge
a core belief that I was weak.
And, uh, my asthma, that my, you know, because I was always, you know, when
you, when you watch a movie, I always say this, you know, you watch a movie
with kids, um, you know, the nerd is the one who has the asthma inhaler, right?
You know, that's the one who's the, the nerdy one, the one that's, you know,
that people laugh at, or the weak one is the one with the asthma inhaler.
So I had to fight that.
That belief that, uh, I was the nerdy one, I was the weak one.
And of course, as I started eating better, and I started exercising, and
I started just letting go of all the things that I was just holding, you know,
that I was, that I stopped breathing, you know, um, my asthma improved.
Just surprise, you know?
And so I had to do that.
And another thing I did was I, I ran a, I did a five, uh, a triathlon.
Well, I came in last, but I did a triathlon.
You know, somebody who's told they can't exercise, they're, they're not strong.
Yeah.
And, you know, and, and I even had to be pulled out of the water by the,
the thing, but I, I'd finished it.
And what I learned at that moment is I can challenge any core belief,
it doesn't have to be perfect.
I don't have, I didn't have to come in first.
I can challenge it and I can step by step start changing those
beliefs and that's what I did.
And, you know, in terms of my relationships and dating, instead of
going out dating and saying, Pick me, pick me, pick me, I went out and went,
Hmm, let me sit for a little while and see if this man interests me.
And if he does, then I'll, you know, and we fit, then I'll go out on another date.
But it was no longer, Oh, I, I'll be, I'll be whatever you need me to be.
I, I suddenly had a core, I, I was who I wanted to be.
And then of course, as a result of that, I found a partner that
fit just perfectly with who I was.
And so, um, that was really, you know, the, the start of it.
And after that, I, I quit my job, uh, a few years later and I went out on my own.
You know, I used to work sixty hours to get paid for forty hours
'cause I thought I wasn't worth, I wasn't a worthy employee.
Well, I learned also, I learned that that was wrong, that I had a lot of value.
And, uh, as a result I felt confident to go out and open my own business and
become the CEO of my own business with, uh, you know, five or six employees.
And then I had the courage to go back to school, I wanted to
get my degree in psychology.
And so I went back to school for three or four years before realizing that, um,
at my age, it was gonna just take me too long to finish that degree, and I wanted
to start helping people right away.
So I went back and got my certificate in coaching, and then life coaching, and then
I went, and then I realized I need more information, more knowledge, and I went
and got my certificate in relationship coaching and spiritual coaching.
And as a result, I, I started to really hear that abusive brain chatter in others.
And I said, No, this, this has gotta stop and I have the tools now to help people.
That's the first thing I do when I, you know, when, when a client comes
to me is, you know, we, we set goals.
Of course, as a life coach, that's what we do.
We move forward.
But, but the thing is, why aren't you reaching your goals?
What's, what are your blocks?
And we start looking at those blocks and often the blocks are
abusive brain chatter, right?
So we, we start addressing that and I start listening to it.
And then I started saying, No, no, I got, I gotta write a book
about this or, or do a TED talk.
That was my goal, I wanted to do a TED talk.
But I realized, first I have to get really clear with what I, what my message is.
So I just finished this book and it's due out in November, and so that's my journey.
And, you know, it's, it's ongoing, it's completely, like I said, it's ongoing.
You know, if anybody out there has abusive brain chatter, you're gonna hear it.
You're gonna hear it.
But, you know, the tips are to pause, be aware of it, categorize it and
say, Yeah, yeah, that's abusive.
Okay.
And then tap into yourself and say, No, I need, I need, I
need to be guided out of this.
I need a higher voice to help me with this, with abusive brain chatter.
And is that really true?
Do I really have to be beautiful to get married?
Is that really true?
Am I not good enough?
You know, here I've got my degrees, I've got my this, I've got my, that, I've
got a good paying job, I've got a, you know, is, is all of that really true?
Am I really not enough?
And if I feel like I'm not enough, what steps do I need
to make me feel like I'm enough?
What goals do I need to set?
What's holding me back?
Uh, if, if it's because I think, like the imposter syndrome, maybe I don't
have enough, enough degrees, or I don't have enough training, well, then what
steps do I need to take to go train?
Just like I realized when I was coaching that I needed more
information, I needed more education.
And so instead of just saying, Oh no, this life coaching isn't for me,
I, I just don't feel like I have it.
I just, I said, Okay, what more information do I need to
be a really good life coach?
And then I took the steps to do it.
Augment yourself with all of these tools, yeah.
Exactly.
That's, that's the, uh, that's the A, B, C method.
Yeah.
Uh, I like it a lot.
You know, and very interesting going back to the beginning, you,
you kind of touched on it, where
our framing of our past really is who we are.
And if we don't recognize that, the behavior will
continue, continue, continue.
I was lucky enough to find a good woman and she set me straight and
she was strong enough to put up with, uh, an immature adolescent.
You know, we got together at seventeen and, you know, here in a couple
weeks, uh, we've been married forty years, uh, together forty-two.
So forty-two years with a woman that has
helped me grow.
And at the same time, I've helped her grow by understanding that
we need each other to grow and the rest is just ups and downs.
So a lot of life comes with, you know, just doing it.
And that fear that holds you back from just doing it, it
can really devastate your life.
And that, that chatter that you talk about that tells you I'm not
good enough, I'm an imposter, all of these mandate that you be this way.
You've gotta toss that book aside and be a cornucopia, be who you
truly want to be, not who somebody else thinks you should be.
And if, if you truly find that gift, it is a blessing
in many ways.
I am a believer of Christ myself and to many people, you know, that's
disturbing but I find comfort in it and I'm solid in my belief.
But I can be challenged without behaving erratic because I
am so solid in my belief.
So it's okay to be challenged and you should challenge what you believe.
And I like that last C is challenge that, reflection is big.
You know, all, all of this A, B, C of what you've laid out is very
important for a stabilized life.
And, you know, you, you said what?
forty-five?
You started to get it and click, or forty, it didn't hit me until fifty.
And, you know, that, now I'm on a good roll with it and I'm about to turn sixty.
So now I'm having fun in life, even though I have a lot of different misery,
and pain, and suffering all around me, in myself, but yet I understand that
that's okay and tomorrow's gonna be tomorrow no matter how I perceive the day.
So if we can encourage ourself to look for the good in all of the bad
that surrounds us, you'll find it.
Flowers grow in the crack of concrete, and if you're able to
spot that, that's where beauty lies.
Yeah.
I, I loved what you said, that, you know, you're a follower of Christ.
And, um, everybody has their own path and that's really, that is every, but,
but what I say is that if your path isn't taking you to love, you know,
Jesus was a, a, a person of love.
He, he preached love, and kindness, and tolerance, and all of those things.
And so what I say to people when I help them find their spiritual center
is that if you haven't found a loving kind, God, if you have found a punishing
voice inside of you, you haven't found the spirit, you haven't found it yet.
Because, uh, and that's why it's okay whatever you believe.
You know, Buddha, uh, Jesus, you know, we're all on our own path, but our, our
goal is to be our best selves, to be our authentic selves, to be our truest self.
And whoever leads us to that is okay, I, I respect that.
I think that's, that's wonderful, I have complete respect for that.
And, um, the other thing I wanted to say was that, you know, you mentioned
that at fifty you found that, and a lot of people do come to, you know, part
in their life where they're getting older and, you know, I haven't got time
for the pain as, uh, Carly Simon said.
I, you know, 'cause tick-tock, tick-tock is what I always say.
tick-tock, tick-tock, do I wanna spend the next ten years beating myself up, right?
But there's still a lot of people I, I know and I work with who are in their
sixties and seventies who are still doing it, they haven't learned that.
And I find that really sad because I think to myself, Wow, you know, I'm
seventy-three and so, you know, I don't know how many more years I have left.
Maybe I have ten, maybe I have fifteen, but, you know, I had a bad
health scare this year that reminded me that, I could have tomorrow.
And so it's even more important as we age to really, um, know who
that voice is and, and let it go.
And it's going to keep screaming at you until you find those tools.
I, I don't know if you ever watch, um, uh, was it, uh, Family Guy?
Yeah.
Well, there's this little character on it named Stewie, and there's this, this
little bit that he did where he was going, mom, mommy, mommy, mom, mom, mom.
And he did that for about, you know, fifteen or twenty-five
seconds just pulling at, at, uh, Lois's, his mother's apron strings.
And I just, I think that's hilarious because, to me, that's
what abusive brain chatter is.
It's trying to get your attention and if you don't turn around and
face it, it's just gonna keep going, Jacquie, Jacquie, Jacquie, Jacquie,
Jacquie, Jacquie, danger, danger.
Oh, the danger.
Danger.
And, you know, I do my, my Instagram and my Instagram posts now, I do a bit where I
am actually the abusive brain chatter and myself, so that I, I teach people how to
talk to abusive brain chatter, you know?
And, and the abusive brain, I'll look in the mirror, like I did one
where I'm looking on Zoom and then my abusive brain chatter comes and
says, Oh my God, you look terrible.
You know, put a filter on you look awful.
You know, this, you should have gotten your facelift.
Oh my God, you know?
And, um, and so I teach people how to talk to it.
Like, well, you know what?
No, I'm not gonna hide my face from the world, you know, I'm turning on my camera.
Uh, people need to, you know, it's okay for people to see me.
And what you think of me is none of my business you know?
I did one in a bathing suit where I was looking in the mirror in a bathing suit.
Well, that's pretty hard at my age, right?
But I realized I gotta talk to that abusive brain chatter and say, No, I'm
not gonna not go swimming just because you say I look terrible in a bathing suit.
You know, I'm gonna go to the beach.
I'm gonna go swimming.
So, so I teach people how to do that in a kind of a funny way.
Yep.
Yeah.
You know, you, you mentioned that, that self-doubt and being
okay with who you are, it's great to feel okay with yourself.
My wife had to come in before I started this chat with you today
because I was out doing some things and I had my hat on and I don't think
too much about what I look like.
I just go and she, Oh, you've got to take that hat off and combs
my hair for me and all that.
And, you know, I, it's because it, it doesn't matter to me.
And I do understand that I should try to appear pleasant and all of that,
but I wanna be real with people.
And the, the more I can do that naturally, the better person I
become because then I can treat others with that same expectation.
And you don't have to look like a, a Sports Illustrated model to get my
attention, my attention comes from who you are and what you have to offer the world.
It's not about me.
You know, and we were talking about that earlier, about that self-centered life.
You have to tear that down and really open up to that there's
something higher than me.
And when you find that B belief, boy, it opens up doorways.
I, I love that it's in your ABCs.
Yes.
And, you know, uh, one of the meditations I take people through is
actually unzipping your earth suit.
I call it your earth suit.
Because when you look at it like your earth suit, you know, I came to
earth with this, you know, um, uh, with these legs, uh, my thighs, I,
that's the way they were, you know, I got short arms, you know, I've
got, I, this is how my, my earth suit is and I can't take credit for it.
You know, it's like the only thing I can do, and I say is
that, Yeah, you care for it.
You're responsible for caring for it, so you're responsible for keeping
it healthy and groomed, right?
Those are the two things that you're, otherwise, when you, and what happens
when you unzip your earth suit is that you feel this white light, the,
the who you are, you free yourself from who you are on the outside.
And so suddenly your light gets brighter and I'm like you, I mean, I, I love
to see people whose lights shine.
I think aging is so beautiful because I see so many people who are, are aging
and, uh, with such grace and acceptance.
And I look into their, their faces and I look into all that
they've been through and all that.
You know, as we age, we can give back so much more.
You know, and we wanna give back so much more.
So the souls are what I look, I look for.
And, um, and so I, you know, you hit the nail on the head it's not about how
we look, that's just our earth suit.
It's, it's about who we are.
And we can't be who we are if we're doing this to ourselves.
So I say, Free yourself from this body and go explore how large you
can make that inner white light.
That's right.
You know, and the quicker we can do that, the quicker we can
become our natural, who we are.
And, and it's okay to be that, I, I guarantee.
And don't let pressures surround you to the point where you succumb to the
pressure, it's, it's just not worth it.
And setting boundaries in your life is the key to that.
And understanding boundaries are for yourself not for other people.
So if it offends other people, that's okay because if, if it offends other
people, they're not really considering who you are, what you are, and most
importantly, what you want around you.
So they're not part of it.
And I, I wanna share my muddy shoe, uh, little thing here.
Life is like a muddy shoe and we're walking down a muddy trail.
The people, places, and things are the mud in our life.
And, you know, you've walked down those muddy trails and there's
different variations of mud.
There's light mud, and then there's that cling on heavy mud.
You wanna get rid of that cling on heavy mud because it's gonna make you
tire, it's going to make you give up.
And find the first rock and free yourself from heavy mud.
And the really liquidy mud, it's gonna soak up into the fibers of
your shoe and be with you for life.
And if we can learn to shake off the heavy, we can really get
down the trail a lot further with a lot less stress in our life.
And that's by setting those boundaries that we talked about.
I love that.
I love that, I'm a big, uh, analogy person and I love that analogy.
Yeah.
That, you know, I, I like to see that.
And, yes.
And, um, I, there's also a great expression that I say a lot to
myself is, If one of us is going to be angry, it might as well be you.
So I'm gonna set my boundary, right?
Because otherwise I'm gonna hold a resentment.
If I haven't, if I, if I've allowed you to trample my boundary,
I'm gonna hold a resentment.
And that's just like poison for me.
So if one of us has gotta be mad, let it be you.
That's right.
And, and that's okay because that's how we clarify who we're around
in our, and, and our life is so important, that clarification.
The quicker we can become who we are, it's by recognizing who we're
around, and that's what we become.
And I'll tell you, it's not too hard once you get that formulation
to become a decent, happy person.
You might not be the richest person, you might not be the prettiest
person, you very well might not be the popular person in the room, but
you're gonna be happy with yourself.
And that's what's really important.
You know, um, one of the things that I'll, I'll share with, with your, uh,
listeners is that, uh, it's really important to live within your values,
and I think we forget that along the way.
It sounds like you're a man who lives within your values and your values,
sounds like they're love, they're kindness, they're teaching, you
know, tolerance, all of those things.
And so what I say to people, in fact, I even have a little, uh, I, I
have one of these little, uh, it's, it's a, uh, thing I give out to my
clients, it's what do you value?
It's a post-it note.
And so what you do is you take the post-it note, you peel off, you know, you peel off
about five or six of 'em, and you write on there what, on each one, what you value.
And, um, and then you start moving them around.
Do I value this over this?
Do I value this over this until you come to, you know, really core values.
And then you ask yourself, you do the work and you ask yourself,
Am I living within those values?
I see so many people right now in our country and, and in the,
not living within their values.
And it's like you say you value this,
you say you value love, but are you living within that?
Are you talking within that?
Are you, um, are you treating people within those values?
And so it's a really, really good exercise.
And if you're not, then you have to go back and you have to say, Either these
aren't my values, or, you know, write down how can I live within my values?
What do I need to change so that you know my values?
I, I now know who my value, what my values are, because I've done that work
to go find it, to go soul searching, to understand what my soul was meant to do
on this earth, to be my authentic soul.
And, um, and from time to time, I have to go back and remind myself of that very
same thing 'cause I get all wrapped up in stuff and I can get these thoughts in my
head and I have to go back and go, Wait a minute, you value kindness, you, you
value loving, you value tolerance, let's go back and see, see what you're doing
that's not in alignment with who you are.
And then it's easier to love yourself, right?
Yep, that's right.
And, and it's truly a gift when you start that cycle, review, and
sift, and become, it's beautiful.
Jacquie, I could speak with you for hours.
I got lost and our time's already up, uh, is there anything you want our listeners
to understand before I let you go?
And also could you let them know how to get your book and how to reach out to you?
Yes.
Um, well, I just, I really, really, my heart hurts when I
hear people demean themselves.
It just, it's painful.
It's, it's, it's not pleasant to be around people who don't like themselves.
So if you aren't there yet, go on that journey.
Go on that, that spiritual journey, you know, uh, find the tools, um, pick up
my book and, you know, I have exercises in there that walk you through that.
And my book is again called The Silent Bully, uh, Journey From
Abusive Brain Chatter to Self-Love.
And I'll take you right through that.
And the other thing is, if you wanna reach me, um, I think my
Linktree is, uh, Jacquie Elliott, which is J-A-C-Q-U-I-E-E-L-L-I-O-T-T
and that's through Linktree.
And you can find all of my Instagrams, you can follow me and get tips,
and, you know, and write to me.
Um, my website, healingabc.
Healing, uh, you know, all one word, healingabc.
And Ed, thank you for having me.
I love what you're, the message you're spreading.
Uh, you know, it, it's a pleasure having somebody like you, Jacquie.
It, it really shows that if we come together, we can accomplish something
even if it's a little something.
Uh, a little bit here, a little bit there, adds up.
And the more people that climb on the bandwagon and say, I'm going to give back.
That's the key, you said it earlier.
Thank you for being here and being part of the family.
Thank you.
Thanks again.
Bye.
Used to run for my reflection, searching for somebody else's affection.
Thought the mirror was my enemy,
till I learned to set myself free.
Every voice that tried to break me down, was just my own fear wearing a crown.
Now I'm dancing in the truth I found, purple lights surround.
Silent bully screams inside, till self-love becomes the guide.
Jacquie shows the way to peace, inner critic finds release.
You are enough just as, as you are, you are the sun, you are the star.
Colors change
when you see clear,
red becomes desire not fear.
All the judgment melts away,
when you choose to love today.
Every voice that tried to break me down, was just my own fear wearing a crown.
Now I'm dancing in the truth I found, purple lights surround.
Silent bully screams inside, till self-love becomes the guide.
Jacquie shows the way to peace, inner critic finds release.
You are enough just as, as you are, you are the sun, you
are the star.
I'm the temple and the prayer, I'm the question
and the answer there.
Sacred body, whole in mind, leave the poisoned world behind.
Far behind.
Silent bully screams inside, till self-love becomes the guide.
Jacquie shows the way to peace, inner critic finds release.
You
are enough just
as, as you are,
you
are the sun, you are the star.
You are enough just as you are.
You are enough.