1 00:00:00,480 --> 00:00:05,670 You know, I think it's so crazy that when star athletes, right, when they 2 00:00:05,670 --> 00:00:09,780 wanna join the NBI or they wanna, everyone says to them, Okay, but 3 00:00:09,780 --> 00:00:11,490 you have to have a backup plan. 4 00:00:11,820 --> 00:00:13,380 You know, I know this is your dream. 5 00:00:13,380 --> 00:00:16,260 I know that you're very good at what you do, and I know where this 6 00:00:16,260 --> 00:00:18,740 is, this, your heart is at, but you have to have a backup plan. 7 00:00:19,060 --> 00:00:20,010 We tell athletes 8 00:00:43,780 --> 00:00:44,190 that. 9 00:00:54,400 --> 00:00:57,075 Today, we are speaking with Julie Barth. 10 00:00:57,644 --> 00:01:03,345 She is an author, she is the mother of six, and also she's the founder of a 11 00:01:03,345 --> 00:01:07,035 nonprofit, Colin James Barth Outreach. 12 00:01:07,965 --> 00:01:10,005 Julie, could you please introduce yourself? 13 00:01:10,005 --> 00:01:12,525 Let people know just a little more about you, please. 14 00:01:13,380 --> 00:01:13,740 Sure. 15 00:01:13,770 --> 00:01:18,270 Um, my name again is Julie Barth and, um, I have six children, which 16 00:01:18,270 --> 00:01:20,220 usually defines someone a little bit. 17 00:01:20,640 --> 00:01:27,690 Um, I, um, have a special needs daughter, I am a, I was a very young widow, and, um, 18 00:01:27,690 --> 00:01:30,840 I was, um, in a very abusive relationship. 19 00:01:30,930 --> 00:01:36,600 Um, so I combined all of those experiences and my hope is to, um, 20 00:01:36,750 --> 00:01:40,979 help people everywhere with, um, trauma and grief and, and all these 21 00:01:41,220 --> 00:01:42,990 different experiences I went through. 22 00:01:43,050 --> 00:01:49,289 Um, just in helping, you know, make a community of people who, um, I guess 23 00:01:49,289 --> 00:01:54,600 are kinder to one another and, and put their, um, you know, put their 24 00:01:54,600 --> 00:01:59,009 best face forward, um, and keep, you know, keep trudging along, and 25 00:01:59,280 --> 00:02:00,899 more thrive than survive, I guess. 26 00:02:00,899 --> 00:02:03,750 I feel like sometimes we can all feel like we're just surviving, 27 00:02:03,899 --> 00:02:08,070 um, but we're only here once, so I think thriving is the way to go. 28 00:02:10,829 --> 00:02:11,100 Yeah. 29 00:02:11,100 --> 00:02:15,420 That's hard to do at times, especially in the world, because everybody makes 30 00:02:15,420 --> 00:02:18,420 it feel like such a competition. 31 00:02:18,990 --> 00:02:19,980 So yeah. 32 00:02:20,430 --> 00:02:28,500 When we open up and we invite others in, it really becomes a whole different world. 33 00:02:28,530 --> 00:02:31,290 And I enjoy doing that now. 34 00:02:31,530 --> 00:02:34,680 I, in the past, would avoid that. 35 00:02:35,070 --> 00:02:39,570 So, so often I would flee from a situation like that. 36 00:02:40,110 --> 00:02:46,500 So this is a new thing for me, but it's such a pleasant change for sure. 37 00:02:47,850 --> 00:02:59,370 So my first question to you is, what do they mean when they say abuse prevention? 38 00:03:00,360 --> 00:03:02,825 What is your thought and explanation on that? 39 00:03:05,220 --> 00:03:09,915 Um, well, you know, when someone says abuse prevention, um, I think 40 00:03:09,915 --> 00:03:13,185 that almost might put it back on the victim a little bit more. 41 00:03:13,575 --> 00:03:18,255 That sounds as if you know their every, I get there are signs of it, don't 42 00:03:18,255 --> 00:03:22,545 get me wrong, but it's not like when you're being abused, um, someone comes 43 00:03:22,545 --> 00:03:26,295 right out the gate and says to you, I'm going to act really nice right 44 00:03:26,295 --> 00:03:30,135 now, but then I'm going to lure you in and I'm gonna keep getting meaner. 45 00:03:30,855 --> 00:03:36,135 Um, I guess if there's a positive to abuse prevention, it's to, um, and what 46 00:03:36,135 --> 00:03:41,205 I, what I speak about is like your house has a house alarm, your car has a car 47 00:03:41,205 --> 00:03:43,995 alarm, your brain has a natural alarm. 48 00:03:44,085 --> 00:03:48,450 And when you get those like funny feelings, you know, like something's 49 00:03:48,450 --> 00:03:53,400 not right here, something's not adding up, um, your body tells you when you're 50 00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:58,620 in a, a dangerous situation, a toxic situation, or one that really, you just, 51 00:03:58,710 --> 00:04:03,150 for whatever reason, should flee, get out of, or find a, a different path. 52 00:04:03,750 --> 00:04:07,800 Um, I think it's, prevention would be about learning to listen to what your 53 00:04:07,860 --> 00:04:13,500 inner soul is telling you rather than to make excuses to go with the status quo 54 00:04:13,530 --> 00:04:14,105 'cause it's easier. 55 00:04:15,075 --> 00:04:18,615 Because, you know, I, that old phrase that, The devil you know. 56 00:04:18,915 --> 00:04:21,584 Um, but the devil you know is still the devil. 57 00:04:22,065 --> 00:04:26,265 And, um, unless you can, then it's, it's hard. 58 00:04:26,295 --> 00:04:30,015 I mean, you don't even know you're in these abusive situations, um, 59 00:04:30,855 --> 00:04:32,534 you know, emotionally, I think. 60 00:04:32,925 --> 00:04:37,090 But when you allow to just like sit with yourself and listen to what you're, you 61 00:04:37,090 --> 00:04:40,815 know, you get all of, it, it's not just your brain, it's like your entire body. 62 00:04:40,815 --> 00:04:42,735 I got to the point where I couldn't get out of bed. 63 00:04:42,795 --> 00:04:47,205 I, you know, my muscles were tight, my, everything in my body 64 00:04:47,205 --> 00:04:49,305 was saying like, this is toxic. 65 00:04:49,335 --> 00:04:51,165 You need to do something. 66 00:04:51,615 --> 00:04:56,115 But instead of, um, hearing that alarm and putting action to it, 67 00:04:56,115 --> 00:04:58,335 I heard the alarm and I froze. 68 00:04:58,830 --> 00:05:01,350 And I think that's what we all tend to do is just like freeze. 69 00:05:01,410 --> 00:05:06,810 And alarms aren't meant to make you stop, they are meant to make you act. 70 00:05:07,170 --> 00:05:12,660 So, you know, that's, that's how I see abuse prevention is to, you know, we 71 00:05:12,660 --> 00:05:16,500 teach children about good touches and bad touches and, and I think what we really 72 00:05:16,500 --> 00:05:21,420 need to teach them more is like, listen to what your, your body is telling you, 73 00:05:21,420 --> 00:05:23,100 listen to what your brain is telling you. 74 00:05:23,310 --> 00:05:26,745 If it feels wrong in any situation, get out. 75 00:05:26,775 --> 00:05:29,865 Do something, find safety, you know, move, act. 76 00:05:30,075 --> 00:05:32,685 And I think that's really the crux of all of it. 77 00:05:33,675 --> 00:05:35,715 Yeah, I, I like that a lot. 78 00:05:36,285 --> 00:05:43,305 So another, another big question would be, How do people actually ask for help 79 00:05:43,425 --> 00:05:45,675 when they're in a situation like that? 80 00:05:47,295 --> 00:05:48,135 It's really hard. 81 00:05:48,225 --> 00:05:51,865 Um, because usually when you're in a situation such as mine, you know, 82 00:05:51,865 --> 00:05:53,789 people have sat on the sidelines. 83 00:05:53,789 --> 00:05:57,570 Probably the average woman, it takes 'em seven times to actually leave. 84 00:05:57,659 --> 00:05:59,940 Or actually the average person, I shouldn't, I'm 85 00:05:59,940 --> 00:06:01,260 not excluding this to women. 86 00:06:01,799 --> 00:06:06,810 Um, but it takes you seven times to act and try and leave, and then you go back. 87 00:06:07,469 --> 00:06:10,409 And I think the problem is that you've, you've talked to people, you, you 88 00:06:10,409 --> 00:06:14,940 know, you usually ruminate so much over these situations, but you know, 89 00:06:15,179 --> 00:06:18,690 the minute they step in and they say something, like they try and help 90 00:06:18,690 --> 00:06:20,370 you, you're very defensive about it. 91 00:06:21,150 --> 00:06:24,800 So you do get to a point where you look around and you think, If I 92 00:06:24,940 --> 00:06:26,940 tell, you know, like everybody knows 93 00:06:27,630 --> 00:06:28,560 I've been hiding it. 94 00:06:28,680 --> 00:06:33,000 We've all been playing this like a pretend game where you don't know, I don't know. 95 00:06:33,390 --> 00:06:35,010 Um, so you almost feel ashamed. 96 00:06:35,010 --> 00:06:39,210 And like if I go to someone and I say, I need help, you, you worry about the, 97 00:06:39,450 --> 00:06:41,430 you know, proverbial I told you so. 98 00:06:41,790 --> 00:06:43,590 Um, you're worried you're gonna look stupid. 99 00:06:44,160 --> 00:06:49,800 Um, but in the end, what my philosophy on it is, it doesn't matter. 100 00:06:49,860 --> 00:06:53,190 People think, how you think, what's good for you, and stop worrying so 101 00:06:53,190 --> 00:06:54,810 much about what other people think. 102 00:06:55,445 --> 00:06:59,785 Then you're putting yourself first and you'll find a way, you know, to 103 00:06:59,875 --> 00:07:04,229 find those resources that will help you rather than avoid the ones that 104 00:07:04,229 --> 00:07:07,979 you know are so toxic to you, because they're all just a part of your world. 105 00:07:07,979 --> 00:07:09,510 You just need to break outta that cycle. 106 00:07:09,510 --> 00:07:13,560 So I would say go to a third party, go to somebody who doesn't know 107 00:07:13,560 --> 00:07:14,909 anything about your situation. 108 00:07:15,239 --> 00:07:20,219 And that's kind of what our charity was formed on is, you know, I can't tell 109 00:07:20,219 --> 00:07:21,719 my friends, I can't tell my family. 110 00:07:21,719 --> 00:07:25,650 And I, and you usually leave your family, you leave your friends, um, you've 111 00:07:25,650 --> 00:07:28,530 isolated yourself because you're just so 112 00:07:28,859 --> 00:07:30,419 focused on trying to fix it. 113 00:07:30,869 --> 00:07:34,409 And sometimes just even, you know, going to somebody you don't know 114 00:07:34,409 --> 00:07:36,840 and saying, All right, here's the situation I'm dealing with. 115 00:07:36,840 --> 00:07:37,859 What is your opinion? 116 00:07:37,859 --> 00:07:39,119 What do you think I should do? 117 00:07:39,119 --> 00:07:41,369 And finding someone who's been there before. 118 00:07:41,820 --> 00:07:44,909 Um, and it doesn't matter if they believe you, 'cause that's also a big thing. 119 00:07:44,909 --> 00:07:46,559 Like, well, what if they don't believe you? 120 00:07:47,010 --> 00:07:48,059 It doesn't matter. 121 00:07:48,059 --> 00:07:52,590 If you need help for whatever reason that is, you know, then you find, 122 00:07:52,809 --> 00:07:57,180 someone will help you regardless of whether you're to blame or not. 123 00:07:57,180 --> 00:08:01,800 And don't let those feelings of guilt and shame and blame, um, 124 00:08:01,830 --> 00:08:05,550 stop you from doing what you know you should do in these situations. 125 00:08:06,990 --> 00:08:07,320 Yeah. 126 00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:13,290 Finding comfort in yourself is hard to do at times because I, I think we 127 00:08:13,290 --> 00:08:17,115 measure ourselves on the wrong things. 128 00:08:17,115 --> 00:08:24,705 Society has taught us systematic ways of living instead of our more natural, 129 00:08:25,455 --> 00:08:30,495 caring, loving nature of family tribe. 130 00:08:30,705 --> 00:08:37,710 And, uh, we're, we're definitely in a situation, we're hurting out there. 131 00:08:38,984 --> 00:08:44,234 That's an odd way to start the podcast, but I, I, that's really 132 00:08:44,234 --> 00:08:49,755 been going over my mind since your information came across the desk. 133 00:08:49,755 --> 00:08:59,775 So let's get back into your story now and let's cover, you lost your 134 00:08:59,834 --> 00:09:06,494 first husband and this started you on your journey, I take it. 135 00:09:08,460 --> 00:09:14,160 That must have been overwhelming to lose someone with four 136 00:09:14,160 --> 00:09:18,780 children and then try to restart. 137 00:09:19,110 --> 00:09:20,940 What was that like for you, Julie? 138 00:09:22,020 --> 00:09:26,340 Um, well, just to back up a little, um, it actually started with my daughter. 139 00:09:26,340 --> 00:09:28,380 So I have a twenty-four, she's twenty-four now. 140 00:09:28,410 --> 00:09:33,610 Um, but she has primordial dwarfism, which is a type of dwarfism. 141 00:09:33,610 --> 00:09:38,295 And when she was born, um, we travel, I traveled the country, you know, going 142 00:09:38,295 --> 00:09:40,815 over forty different, um, hospitals. 143 00:09:40,815 --> 00:09:44,655 It wasn't, um, it wasn't a comedy of errors, it was straight up errors. 144 00:09:44,655 --> 00:09:49,305 So whatever had gotten her to, um, the birth circumstances that she 145 00:09:49,305 --> 00:09:54,375 was in, um, was just a cascade of medical malpractice and problems. 146 00:09:54,375 --> 00:09:59,655 And so right as she was starting to get better, um, and we had had, we had 147 00:09:59,655 --> 00:10:02,350 our older child and then we had her two young, that's when Colin fell ill. 148 00:10:03,000 --> 00:10:07,949 So not only was I dealing, you know, we had, the, the youngest was six 149 00:10:07,949 --> 00:10:12,330 months, the oldest was ten, and then the special needs daughter in the middle. 150 00:10:12,330 --> 00:10:18,060 And, um, I was told, you know, he had gone back and forth to the doctor 151 00:10:18,060 --> 00:10:23,490 and, uh, he went to the hospital one day and within two hours of him 152 00:10:23,490 --> 00:10:27,530 being there, I, we found out that he had stage four pancreatic cancer. 153 00:10:28,140 --> 00:10:31,724 And about two, two days later, we were told, He has two weeks to live. 154 00:10:32,175 --> 00:10:34,604 Go take him home, let him say goodbye to his kids. 155 00:10:35,114 --> 00:10:39,354 And I was, you know, when you're in that fight or flight situation and you're, 156 00:10:39,354 --> 00:10:44,535 I was running on adrenaline, truly, and cortisol just from my daughter. 157 00:10:44,864 --> 00:10:49,454 So when I was presented with that, I thought, Well, I'm not gonna, I'm not 158 00:10:49,454 --> 00:10:50,745 going to believe what you're telling me. 159 00:10:50,745 --> 00:10:51,645 He is not gonna go. 160 00:10:52,064 --> 00:10:53,354 You know, we're gonna, we're gonna. 161 00:10:53,805 --> 00:10:55,815 His mother was, had ovarian cancer. 162 00:10:55,815 --> 00:10:56,475 She beat it. 163 00:10:56,475 --> 00:11:00,885 And I was just kind of on autopilot, you know, let's fix this. 164 00:11:00,885 --> 00:11:02,655 Let's, we're gonna find the right guy. 165 00:11:02,715 --> 00:11:07,515 And we, we did, he, he lived sixteen months, which some of them were 166 00:11:07,515 --> 00:11:09,105 a blessing and others a curse. 167 00:11:09,105 --> 00:11:11,895 But it, it was a lot, it was a lot of juggling. 168 00:11:11,895 --> 00:11:13,905 And like I said, I think a lot of autopilot. 169 00:11:13,995 --> 00:11:16,695 Um, I, I didn't think, I just did. 170 00:11:16,935 --> 00:11:19,515 You know, there wasn't a point in my day where I was like, you know, I 171 00:11:19,515 --> 00:11:23,985 think I'm going to, it was one thing, and then I forget another thing, and 172 00:11:24,015 --> 00:11:27,105 oh, I gotta get the kids and oh, the laundry and, oh, I forgot about Colin. 173 00:11:27,525 --> 00:11:31,995 Um, so I would say it was probably sixteen months of, um, literally, 174 00:11:31,995 --> 00:11:34,545 I, I remember very little of it. 175 00:11:34,545 --> 00:11:37,185 So if, when people ask me, How did you survive? 176 00:11:37,185 --> 00:11:38,655 I guess my answer was, I just did. 177 00:11:38,715 --> 00:11:41,685 I, I didn't think there was an option not to survive. 178 00:11:41,685 --> 00:11:47,355 So somehow your brain just goes on autopilot and you fix what you can, and 179 00:11:47,415 --> 00:11:49,755 you try and ignore what you can't fix. 180 00:11:51,660 --> 00:11:52,080 Yeah. 181 00:11:52,440 --> 00:11:57,180 This is one of the biggest fears that I have as a husband, is leaving 182 00:11:57,180 --> 00:12:00,570 my wife in a situation like that. 183 00:12:00,660 --> 00:12:08,880 And also, then your story goes into your next marriage and it gets traumatic there. 184 00:12:08,880 --> 00:12:14,910 And it, it's really disturbing that people have to go through 185 00:12:14,910 --> 00:12:16,860 these things, but you did. 186 00:12:17,310 --> 00:12:20,250 So what was that next stage like? 187 00:12:21,375 --> 00:12:25,454 I think that the first stage, you know, when you talk about, um, you're 188 00:12:25,454 --> 00:12:30,704 not opened to other people, I, I think I had lived, you know, four or five 189 00:12:30,704 --> 00:12:35,324 years now with Tatum, um, my daughter with special needs and, and Colin just 190 00:12:35,324 --> 00:12:37,860 being in this bubble of I gotta do it. 191 00:12:37,890 --> 00:12:38,790 I gotta take care of it. 192 00:12:38,850 --> 00:12:42,510 And if I let people in or I let them help, it was all gonna go, you know, 193 00:12:42,510 --> 00:12:44,430 I had to micromanage every little bit. 194 00:12:44,430 --> 00:12:47,370 'Cause if I let any of it fall, then I'd, I'd be in trouble. 195 00:12:47,850 --> 00:12:52,980 So after he passed away, I had let go of all my friends, I had let go of all 196 00:12:52,980 --> 00:12:58,830 my family, I'd really just isolated myself and I didn't want to revisit it. 197 00:12:59,100 --> 00:13:04,380 Um, it was sixteen months of watching, you know, him die every single day. 198 00:13:04,815 --> 00:13:08,415 So people that weren't in the home that didn't have to watch it, their 199 00:13:08,415 --> 00:13:10,635 grieving process started when he died. 200 00:13:10,665 --> 00:13:13,995 And I had already been grieving for, you know, sixteen months 201 00:13:13,995 --> 00:13:18,075 and I was almost like, I'm done grieving when they just started. 202 00:13:18,645 --> 00:13:23,745 So there was a lot of, um, I guess I felt like everyone was looking 203 00:13:23,745 --> 00:13:25,665 at me like, why aren't you sadder? 204 00:13:25,665 --> 00:13:27,315 Like, how are you just moving on? 205 00:13:27,315 --> 00:13:32,055 How are you, you know, why aren't you, you know, basically, why aren't you 206 00:13:32,055 --> 00:13:34,635 just not getting outta bed and so sad? 207 00:13:34,635 --> 00:13:39,945 And I had sat in sadness for so long that I just couldn't do it anymore. 208 00:13:39,945 --> 00:13:45,495 So I kind of just packed him away and thought if I didn't deal with him and 209 00:13:45,495 --> 00:13:49,365 didn't think about it, I could just almost take a vacation or just move 210 00:13:49,365 --> 00:13:51,375 along and not be Julie Barth anymore. 211 00:13:51,959 --> 00:13:55,860 So I think that that was the perfect setup for someone to come into my life 212 00:13:56,250 --> 00:14:02,760 and take advantage of that and use all of those weaknesses and all the grief and, 213 00:14:03,240 --> 00:14:05,410 you know, sadness that I had, against me. 214 00:14:05,910 --> 00:14:08,400 Um, I tend to be a pleaser by nature anyway. 215 00:14:08,700 --> 00:14:12,840 And he didn't wanna know about me, he didn't want to, he didn't 216 00:14:12,840 --> 00:14:15,900 want me to talk about it, which I was just fine not talking about. 217 00:14:16,440 --> 00:14:20,760 Um, but after a certain point, you know, I think that that was a perfect storm for 218 00:14:20,760 --> 00:14:23,340 him to, like I said, take advantage of me. 219 00:14:23,760 --> 00:14:29,055 To use all of that, um, to turn on me and to make me, you 220 00:14:29,055 --> 00:14:31,365 know, to control me, I guess. 221 00:14:31,755 --> 00:14:35,805 So in not taking the time to grieve and, you know, I know everybody 222 00:14:35,805 --> 00:14:38,145 would say that to me, like, You've not even taken the time to grieve. 223 00:14:38,145 --> 00:14:40,875 And it used to bother me 'cause I was like, How do you know what I've done? 224 00:14:41,505 --> 00:14:42,615 Um, did I? 225 00:14:42,944 --> 00:14:43,485 I don't know. 226 00:14:43,574 --> 00:14:44,235 Should I have? 227 00:14:44,535 --> 00:14:45,074 I don't know. 228 00:14:45,464 --> 00:14:47,895 I am where I am, I've been through what I've been through. 229 00:14:47,900 --> 00:14:51,975 Uh, I had two more beautiful daughters and now I am on this mission to make 230 00:14:51,975 --> 00:14:56,055 sure, you know, women aren't put in that position again if I can help it. 231 00:14:56,475 --> 00:15:02,220 So, you know, I, I'm grateful for every decision I made, I don't regret them. 232 00:15:02,220 --> 00:15:04,860 Even if they didn't turn out the way that I wanted them to. 233 00:15:04,920 --> 00:15:08,819 Um, it's made me who I am and I'm, I'm gonna make a positive out of it. 234 00:15:09,300 --> 00:15:13,140 And so I, you know, that's kind of how I dealt with it. 235 00:15:13,170 --> 00:15:16,829 Whether that was right or wrong, it was, I did what I did when I could. 236 00:15:16,890 --> 00:15:20,220 And I think people in my situation, that's kind of my message is 237 00:15:20,610 --> 00:15:21,935 don't beat yourself up, you know? 238 00:15:22,605 --> 00:15:26,265 You do what you do when you're presented with a challenge and 239 00:15:26,475 --> 00:15:27,585 with the best of intentions. 240 00:15:27,645 --> 00:15:31,725 And whether it works out or not, you had the best of intentions to begin with. 241 00:15:33,285 --> 00:15:38,535 Yeah, that's why it's so important to know how to ask for help and 242 00:15:38,535 --> 00:15:40,755 identify when you need the help. 243 00:15:41,205 --> 00:15:45,825 And that's why it's kind of awesome what you're doing out there, providing 244 00:15:45,825 --> 00:15:52,829 that transitional help, if you will, to individuals in need of that. 245 00:15:53,160 --> 00:15:58,980 Could you talk to us about that service that you provide through your nonprofit? 246 00:15:59,400 --> 00:16:02,610 So it started, um, just last year, so we're, it's still evolving. 247 00:16:02,670 --> 00:16:08,670 Um, my, my hope is to find, uh, so I've been in many different situations, you 248 00:16:08,670 --> 00:16:11,910 know, I've been this special needs mom, which comes with its own emotional and 249 00:16:11,910 --> 00:16:16,860 financial burdens, I've been a widow, I've been, um, the caregiver to a terminally 250 00:16:16,860 --> 00:16:22,084 ill husband, I've been, you know, the divorced woman who's, you know, fighting 251 00:16:22,084 --> 00:16:24,005 for custody against a narcissist. 252 00:16:24,454 --> 00:16:30,155 So our organization was based on the premise, you know, in America 253 00:16:30,425 --> 00:16:35,105 it's almost as if you cannot get help unless you have nothing left. 254 00:16:35,435 --> 00:16:36,214 And I get that. 255 00:16:36,214 --> 00:16:38,495 And I appreciate all those charities out there, I do. 256 00:16:38,495 --> 00:16:39,425 They do great work. 257 00:16:39,425 --> 00:16:43,204 If I need to flee my home, if I, you know, if my house burns down, 258 00:16:43,625 --> 00:16:46,925 there are places that you can go and many great organizations. 259 00:16:47,340 --> 00:16:51,240 But when you're in the situations that I've been in, I was not destitute, I 260 00:16:51,240 --> 00:16:54,060 did not lose my home, but I needed help. 261 00:16:54,150 --> 00:16:59,400 And unless I lost everything, it was almost like, Well, you have a house. 262 00:16:59,730 --> 00:17:01,650 But I couldn't make my mortgage, you know? 263 00:17:01,740 --> 00:17:02,640 Well, you have a car. 264 00:17:02,670 --> 00:17:04,440 Yeah, but I can't make the car payment. 265 00:17:04,890 --> 00:17:09,450 So in a, you know, when, when these divorce situations happen, the average 266 00:17:09,450 --> 00:17:13,619 man's, uh, life, life situation goes down ten percent financially. 267 00:17:13,859 --> 00:17:16,490 The average woman's goes down forty-four percent. 268 00:17:16,800 --> 00:17:18,450 Yes, she typically gets the house. 269 00:17:18,450 --> 00:17:22,079 But when you think about that, she gets the house, she gets the 270 00:17:22,079 --> 00:17:24,030 children, and she gets the mortgage. 271 00:17:24,574 --> 00:17:29,254 So even if he's paying child support, he's getting a $700 rental, she's still 272 00:17:29,254 --> 00:17:33,725 stuck with a $2,500 mortgage and you're not getting compensated for all that. 273 00:17:33,725 --> 00:17:37,445 And if you haven't worked, then you're trying to get a job and everyone's saying, 274 00:17:37,445 --> 00:17:39,335 Well, where's your work experience? 275 00:17:39,395 --> 00:17:42,425 Well, I've been a stay-at-home mom for ten years. 276 00:17:42,425 --> 00:17:45,004 And what, they're like, Well, what have you been doing for ten years? 277 00:17:45,574 --> 00:17:50,780 When I've, I've been devoting my life to, you know, organizing a house, 278 00:17:50,870 --> 00:17:56,330 taking, you know, your counselor, your, your therapist, your, you know, 279 00:17:56,330 --> 00:18:00,020 you're running a home, your finances, you're, you're paying bills, you're 280 00:18:00,020 --> 00:18:03,710 doing all of these things, but you enter the workforce and people look 281 00:18:03,710 --> 00:18:05,330 at you like, Where have you been? 282 00:18:05,330 --> 00:18:08,870 You don't know anything, you're, you don't have any marketable skills, but 283 00:18:08,870 --> 00:18:12,770 you're, you're supposed to go out and get a full-time job to support a family. 284 00:18:13,415 --> 00:18:16,925 You're not being supported anymore, in some cases, you're not getting anything. 285 00:18:17,285 --> 00:18:19,475 And you know, then you're just left to your own device 286 00:18:19,475 --> 00:18:20,735 and there's nowhere to turn. 287 00:18:20,855 --> 00:18:25,895 You know, like I said, I used to show up for certain programs and I 288 00:18:25,895 --> 00:18:29,465 would look around and think, Oh my gosh, I just drove up with my Volvo. 289 00:18:29,525 --> 00:18:30,875 I don't deserve this. 290 00:18:31,205 --> 00:18:34,595 But even though I was driving a Volvo, I could not pay my bills. 291 00:18:34,595 --> 00:18:36,275 I could not protect my children. 292 00:18:36,725 --> 00:18:41,165 So again, our organization is based on the premise that we don't want women to 293 00:18:41,165 --> 00:18:44,340 have to lose everything to get something. 294 00:18:44,640 --> 00:18:49,680 So we're taking women-led households who find themselves at a time of crisis, 295 00:18:49,950 --> 00:18:53,340 whether that means divorce, whether that means, there's many reasons that you 296 00:18:53,340 --> 00:18:55,890 can become head of household suddenly. 297 00:18:56,220 --> 00:19:00,060 Um, your, you know, one, two incomes goes down to one or your 298 00:19:00,330 --> 00:19:02,820 zero income goes down to zero. 299 00:19:03,300 --> 00:19:08,610 And we want to do things to provide a bridge to get them, you know, jobs 300 00:19:08,610 --> 00:19:13,290 that are actually, you know, um, in, in line with their education 301 00:19:13,290 --> 00:19:14,970 and their, and their training. 302 00:19:14,970 --> 00:19:21,120 And, and, and meaningful jobs, not just a, not just a, you know, a weekly pay. 303 00:19:21,330 --> 00:19:23,970 We want them to feel solid and secure and confident. 304 00:19:24,270 --> 00:19:25,770 So we kind of work on all ends. 305 00:19:25,770 --> 00:19:27,270 You know, we take each situation. 306 00:19:27,270 --> 00:19:31,380 If you come to me, oh, you need a bridge loan, you know, until you can 307 00:19:31,380 --> 00:19:36,510 get to a place where, um, you know, you can pick up your, your mortgage. 308 00:19:36,690 --> 00:19:40,770 So we're trying, what we're doing is we're trying to almost not be a cookie 309 00:19:40,770 --> 00:19:45,990 cutter charity where you just, you know, we, we give this, this, or this. 310 00:19:46,260 --> 00:19:49,980 It's more, you come to us, we're almost consultants, I figure out what you need. 311 00:19:49,980 --> 00:19:53,160 'Cause most of the time you don't even know what you need or where to start. 312 00:19:53,520 --> 00:19:56,100 And we kind of say, Okay, well, we're gonna get you a financial 313 00:19:56,100 --> 00:19:57,720 planner, we're gonna get you this. 314 00:19:58,110 --> 00:20:02,910 Um, so that's, we're, and I hate to say like a concierge service, um, but 315 00:20:02,910 --> 00:20:08,280 you know what, like I said, Women work so hard in and out of the home, and 316 00:20:08,280 --> 00:20:13,050 when tragedy happens, there is nothing for them until they lose everything. 317 00:20:13,050 --> 00:20:16,410 And they shouldn't have to work so hard, lose everything, 318 00:20:16,440 --> 00:20:17,730 and then have someone step in. 319 00:20:17,730 --> 00:20:23,520 And as a society, doesn't it make more sense that we stop them from the spiral 320 00:20:23,520 --> 00:20:28,380 into poverty and we help support them so that they are, you know, fully functional 321 00:20:29,090 --> 00:20:30,710 and their children are protected. 322 00:20:30,710 --> 00:20:35,389 I don't understand why our society's like, okay, once you make a vow of poverty 323 00:20:35,389 --> 00:20:37,670 now, we'll give you just this amount. 324 00:20:37,850 --> 00:20:39,590 But we're gonna give you just this amount. 325 00:20:39,590 --> 00:20:42,500 And if you try and make any more money, we're gonna take it all away. 326 00:20:42,860 --> 00:20:46,610 It's, it's set up to keep you submissive, it's set up to put you 327 00:20:46,610 --> 00:20:50,570 in your place, and, and you get stuck and there's no way to get out of it. 328 00:20:50,570 --> 00:20:53,360 It's just a horrible cycle and we're trying to break those cycles. 329 00:20:53,870 --> 00:20:55,070 So, sorry I went on and on. 330 00:20:55,070 --> 00:20:57,110 But I have my soap box, I guess. 331 00:20:58,140 --> 00:21:01,710 No, that's, that's beautiful. 332 00:21:01,950 --> 00:21:07,200 You know, they hit you at your most vulnerable time. 333 00:21:07,950 --> 00:21:13,860 And many women are in that situation. 334 00:21:14,100 --> 00:21:21,540 My wife, she really didn't understand how to even run a household, do a 335 00:21:21,540 --> 00:21:24,960 budget, and it caused a lot of problems. 336 00:21:24,960 --> 00:21:32,610 So we've been diligently working on educating her in case I go. 337 00:21:32,774 --> 00:21:37,470 I, I want her secure and to know how to make it in life 338 00:21:37,740 --> 00:21:40,860 without being so vulnerable. 339 00:21:40,860 --> 00:21:48,195 She's gonna be vulnerable enough just under the stress of, you know, the grief. 340 00:21:48,555 --> 00:21:55,200 And, and this, there's so many other situations that put women, and, 341 00:21:55,205 --> 00:22:01,065 and men, you know, we, we all live life, but the vulnerable aspect here 342 00:22:01,095 --> 00:22:03,645 we're highlighting is with women. 343 00:22:04,754 --> 00:22:11,235 And it, it is a critical issue in our society and there needs to be 344 00:22:11,235 --> 00:22:14,835 more people addressing the issue. 345 00:22:14,865 --> 00:22:23,430 And a lot of nonprofits, when they start, they have great intention and somehow 346 00:22:23,430 --> 00:22:29,310 they grow and they get bloated, and then it's all about administrative cost. 347 00:22:29,370 --> 00:22:38,465 And so keeping it smaller and like a concierge service is exactly what we need. 348 00:22:38,465 --> 00:22:44,375 We need people that are like-minded and caring about the individual instead 349 00:22:44,375 --> 00:22:51,750 of how to make the payroll for the bloated nonprofit that they've built. 350 00:22:51,960 --> 00:22:59,010 So there, there are problems with all of that, but there are great nonprofits 351 00:22:59,010 --> 00:23:00,930 out there doing the right thing. 352 00:23:00,990 --> 00:23:07,620 And really it's about doing your homework and educating yourself about the mission 353 00:23:07,860 --> 00:23:10,950 statement and what they're providing. 354 00:23:10,950 --> 00:23:17,160 And then you can actually go deeper into grabbing up financials and seeing 355 00:23:17,160 --> 00:23:20,490 where the money is being placed. 356 00:23:20,790 --> 00:23:25,620 So if, if you really wanna get serious about helping, you have to find the 357 00:23:25,620 --> 00:23:32,970 people that are doing the right things in the right ways so we can actually help. 358 00:23:33,179 --> 00:23:41,865 Because I, I feel that a lot of the systematic approach to these problems 359 00:23:41,865 --> 00:23:50,565 have created a perpetual system driven towards keeping the problem existing. 360 00:23:50,715 --> 00:23:56,715 The same with the medical industry and so many others that we loop into. 361 00:23:56,925 --> 00:23:58,335 Well, they're the experts. 362 00:23:58,365 --> 00:23:59,325 Let 'em do it. 363 00:23:59,445 --> 00:24:01,785 Just give them the money to do it. 364 00:24:03,075 --> 00:24:04,215 You have to be. 365 00:24:05,175 --> 00:24:05,445 Yeah. 366 00:24:05,460 --> 00:24:07,780 If it isn't broken, don't fix it kind of system. 367 00:24:07,889 --> 00:24:08,180 Yeah. 368 00:24:09,465 --> 00:24:10,485 Exactly. 369 00:24:10,760 --> 00:24:15,615 You, you have to hold yourself accountable where you are putting 370 00:24:15,615 --> 00:24:18,045 your time, effort, and money. 371 00:24:18,524 --> 00:24:24,014 And is it really what you expect from your time, effort, and money? 372 00:24:24,345 --> 00:24:25,965 What do you think about all that? 373 00:24:27,580 --> 00:24:29,805 I, I think, uh, you couldn't be more spot on. 374 00:24:29,925 --> 00:24:34,560 Um, you know, and when I say to you that we're an evolving charity, um, 375 00:24:34,800 --> 00:24:41,220 we are evolving because I refuse to really put, you know, put it to good use 376 00:24:41,280 --> 00:24:43,170 until I know exactly what we're doing. 377 00:24:43,590 --> 00:24:45,240 I am not gonna waste resources. 378 00:24:45,240 --> 00:24:48,600 If somebody's out there doing it, then why would I reinvent the wheel? 379 00:24:48,990 --> 00:24:52,740 It is just me literally, and I'm not even kidding about it. 380 00:24:52,770 --> 00:24:55,860 Um, I, you know, got, put the board members together, 381 00:24:55,860 --> 00:24:57,240 but I'm the driving force. 382 00:24:57,270 --> 00:25:00,870 And I keep kind of trying to mold it and where can we 383 00:25:00,870 --> 00:25:02,430 really make a difference here? 384 00:25:02,820 --> 00:25:05,340 And people are, you know, Well, you have to start fundraising. 385 00:25:05,370 --> 00:25:08,130 And I keep telling them, I will not fundraise until I know 386 00:25:08,130 --> 00:25:09,600 where those funds are going. 387 00:25:09,600 --> 00:25:11,370 And right now I don't need them. 388 00:25:11,640 --> 00:25:15,090 Because right now what I need is a plan, I need to make networks, 389 00:25:15,090 --> 00:25:16,290 I need to make connections. 390 00:25:16,650 --> 00:25:20,280 And I am under the belief that the best, best way that I can help 391 00:25:20,280 --> 00:25:25,155 right now is through telling my story, being out there, and making 392 00:25:25,155 --> 00:25:27,945 people aware and being available. 393 00:25:27,945 --> 00:25:32,025 If somebody calls me, I might not be able to provide them with, you 394 00:25:32,025 --> 00:25:34,350 know, money per se, I might not. 395 00:25:34,350 --> 00:25:39,389 But personally, but I, I am that person that believes if, if you do 396 00:25:39,389 --> 00:25:41,490 enough research, you will find it. 397 00:25:41,550 --> 00:25:44,520 Unfortunately, when you hit crisis, you don't have time to 398 00:25:44,520 --> 00:25:46,230 sit around and do the research. 399 00:25:46,620 --> 00:25:48,120 And it's not easy to do. 400 00:25:48,360 --> 00:25:50,689 I mean, there are so many, it's like a scholarship. 401 00:25:50,789 --> 00:25:53,580 You know, you have to have this parameter, you have to have that parameter. 402 00:25:53,580 --> 00:25:55,620 You either, you know, you can't make too much money. 403 00:25:55,620 --> 00:25:57,340 You have to be poverty level and 404 00:25:57,610 --> 00:25:58,999 do all these calculations. 405 00:25:59,015 --> 00:26:01,805 And, you know, all you're doing is like, Hey, I'm just trying to 406 00:26:01,805 --> 00:26:02,795 make it to the end of the day. 407 00:26:02,795 --> 00:26:04,175 I don't have time for that. 408 00:26:04,445 --> 00:26:07,265 So you just move along and you, you know, put it on a credit card 409 00:26:07,265 --> 00:26:11,495 and then the next thing you know, you're $150,000 in, in debt. 410 00:26:11,525 --> 00:26:12,905 And then where do you go? 411 00:26:12,935 --> 00:26:13,565 Okay, great. 412 00:26:13,565 --> 00:26:14,855 Guess what, I'm poor now. 413 00:26:14,885 --> 00:26:15,785 I have nothing. 414 00:26:16,205 --> 00:26:17,735 Oh, thanks for stepping in. 415 00:26:18,155 --> 00:26:19,985 So, you know, it is a cycle. 416 00:26:19,985 --> 00:26:24,005 and, you know, to go back to kind of what you were saying before in like systematic 417 00:26:24,005 --> 00:26:29,534 and how we think about things, you know, I think it's so crazy that when star 418 00:26:29,534 --> 00:26:34,485 athletes, right, when they wanna join the NBI or they wanna, everyone says to them, 419 00:26:34,695 --> 00:26:36,794 Okay, but you have to have a backup plan. 420 00:26:37,125 --> 00:26:38,655 You know, I know this is your dream. 421 00:26:38,655 --> 00:26:41,504 I know that you're very good at what you do, and I know where this 422 00:26:41,504 --> 00:26:44,085 is, this, your heart is at, but you have to have a backup plan. 423 00:26:44,294 --> 00:26:48,215 We tell athletes that, but we don't tell stay at mom, uh, stay at home moms that. 424 00:26:48,314 --> 00:26:49,155 We don't prepare them. 425 00:26:49,155 --> 00:26:51,465 We don't say, all right, I know that you're in a great marriage 426 00:26:51,465 --> 00:26:54,074 right now and, you know, you're earning a whole bunch of money. 427 00:26:54,405 --> 00:26:57,680 You know, young people don't think about the end. 428 00:26:57,740 --> 00:27:00,345 You know, divorce, maybe you never get to divorce. 429 00:27:00,425 --> 00:27:00,665 I never. 430 00:27:01,770 --> 00:27:03,149 Colin was the love of my life. 431 00:27:03,155 --> 00:27:05,310 I, I, I don't believe we would've ever gotten divorced. 432 00:27:05,310 --> 00:27:08,920 But he fell ill when we were thirty-three years old with four kids. 433 00:27:08,920 --> 00:27:11,529 I was not, he was a bordered down on the board of, or trader 434 00:27:11,550 --> 00:27:12,510 down on the board of trade. 435 00:27:12,870 --> 00:27:14,939 I was not expecting him to fall ill. 436 00:27:15,149 --> 00:27:16,679 We did not have savings. 437 00:27:16,679 --> 00:27:18,659 We were in our thirties, you know? 438 00:27:18,659 --> 00:27:21,990 Luckily, we had a great community around us that stepped up to help. 439 00:27:22,500 --> 00:27:24,810 But I was a very fortunate person. 440 00:27:24,810 --> 00:27:29,170 And if I did not have that community, if I had not grown up in that hometown, if 441 00:27:29,170 --> 00:27:33,160 I did not have family, you know, I don't, I don't know where we would've been. 442 00:27:33,250 --> 00:27:37,180 And I, you know, I, I made a video last night that I put out there, because 443 00:27:37,180 --> 00:27:39,700 again, uh, our charity is just evolving. 444 00:27:39,700 --> 00:27:41,230 I'm trying to figure out where I'm at. 445 00:27:41,260 --> 00:27:46,510 And I said that, you know, It's kind of odd when people say, Why is it the CJB, 446 00:27:46,720 --> 00:27:48,790 you know, Outreach because it's for women. 447 00:27:48,850 --> 00:27:50,350 You know, the Colin James Barth. 448 00:27:50,770 --> 00:27:57,075 And I believe that there's no greater way to honor him than to take care of women 449 00:27:57,075 --> 00:27:59,085 because that's what he wanted to do. 450 00:27:59,085 --> 00:28:03,495 He would've, he was so sad that he couldn't take care of his family, of 451 00:28:03,495 --> 00:28:07,545 his wife, put us in a situation of crisis, although he didn't put us there. 452 00:28:07,725 --> 00:28:10,755 And to know that his name is, you know, the name that we're using 453 00:28:11,025 --> 00:28:14,445 to try and find a way to protect families, protect women, to make it 454 00:28:14,445 --> 00:28:16,215 easier for them when he couldn't. 455 00:28:16,380 --> 00:28:20,145 I, I would hope I, I, I know that he would be very honored by that. 456 00:28:21,675 --> 00:28:25,365 Yeah, I, I'm definitely sure he is. 457 00:28:25,665 --> 00:28:32,055 And, you know, that, that takes a strong mentality and it takes 458 00:28:32,145 --> 00:28:38,005 strength to step up against this, whatever it is we're living in. 459 00:28:39,090 --> 00:28:41,850 And it gets confusing at times. 460 00:28:42,390 --> 00:28:48,270 So being a single mother, it, it's difficult. 461 00:28:48,690 --> 00:28:56,460 And what you're doing is going to help a lot of, especially young women, they, 462 00:28:57,690 --> 00:29:08,190 they get emotional when things go wrong a lot of the times and then they feel lost. 463 00:29:08,420 --> 00:29:17,295 And if, if you're more emotionally stabilized during that hard time in 464 00:29:17,295 --> 00:29:22,815 your life by somebody that can just step up and say, Hey, I'm here for you. 465 00:29:23,415 --> 00:29:29,145 It, it doesn't necessarily have to be money and that's the big thing. 466 00:29:29,835 --> 00:29:34,155 Our, our time is that value, is that not correct? 467 00:29:35,250 --> 00:29:35,550 Yeah. 468 00:29:35,550 --> 00:29:38,820 And I think as women, you know, we are pretty much taught to 469 00:29:38,820 --> 00:29:40,380 dig in your heels, get it done. 470 00:29:40,440 --> 00:29:42,840 You know, like no one's going to get it done for you. 471 00:29:42,840 --> 00:29:46,320 We're, we're taught very early, here's what you have to do, get it done. 472 00:29:46,320 --> 00:29:51,570 So when, when you're emotionally, as you said, distraught, you've got children 473 00:29:51,570 --> 00:29:56,429 looking to you, you've got all these things going on, it's very hard to roll 474 00:29:56,429 --> 00:29:58,979 back, make a list and check it off. 475 00:29:59,070 --> 00:30:00,719 You know, you're just in crisis mode. 476 00:30:00,719 --> 00:30:02,159 You're just going, going, going. 477 00:30:02,399 --> 00:30:06,330 But if someone comes to you and says, All right, today, I need you 478 00:30:06,330 --> 00:30:08,850 to call the Social Security Office, I need you to fill out this form. 479 00:30:08,850 --> 00:30:11,129 I need you to, we're gonna get you a financial planner. 480 00:30:11,489 --> 00:30:15,825 You need to take, if someone gives you the steps, you get it done. 481 00:30:15,975 --> 00:30:18,885 Because you're like, Okay, now I know what, and it gives you a 482 00:30:18,885 --> 00:30:20,715 sense of control in the situation. 483 00:30:20,715 --> 00:30:23,655 Like, okay, I can't control that my husband has cancer. 484 00:30:23,955 --> 00:30:26,535 I can't control that my daughter has special needs. 485 00:30:26,745 --> 00:30:31,725 But I can control, you know, when Tatum was in the hospital and I was, you know, 486 00:30:31,875 --> 00:30:36,405 just thirty, um, I, I couldn't get her outta the hospital because she had a 487 00:30:36,405 --> 00:30:38,475 trach and I couldn't get state aid. 488 00:30:38,655 --> 00:30:42,375 And my insurance company was telling me it's not a medical necessity 489 00:30:42,375 --> 00:30:44,775 to have a nurse, but that hospital was telling me you can't get 490 00:30:44,775 --> 00:30:46,215 her out until you have a nurse. 491 00:30:46,605 --> 00:30:50,700 So I ended up on the news and I was like, and I was going after the insurance 492 00:30:50,700 --> 00:30:53,970 company 'cause I was like, How can they say this is not medically necessary? 493 00:30:54,390 --> 00:30:55,620 Well, of course, you know they do. 494 00:30:55,620 --> 00:30:58,440 This whole, um, it was in Chicago. 495 00:30:58,440 --> 00:31:01,140 It was a big deal to me, maybe not to anybody else. 496 00:31:01,140 --> 00:31:04,320 But we went after Blue Cross/Blue Shield and nothing happened. 497 00:31:04,350 --> 00:31:07,920 You know, she came home, I got her home through the grace of God and, you 498 00:31:07,920 --> 00:31:11,550 know, a, a great little organization that I found in, in Chicago. 499 00:31:11,950 --> 00:31:15,185 But I did talk to someone several months later, someone set me up with 500 00:31:15,185 --> 00:31:16,775 her because her son had a trach. 501 00:31:16,805 --> 00:31:19,235 And I remember saying to her, Okay, I know that he is only 502 00:31:19,235 --> 00:31:20,645 like three weeks old right now. 503 00:31:20,645 --> 00:31:24,065 You have to get in, you have to go to this, you know, 504 00:31:24,155 --> 00:31:25,355 needs for special children. 505 00:31:25,685 --> 00:31:28,115 And she said, Oh no, we, we don't have to worry about that. 506 00:31:28,115 --> 00:31:31,865 She's like, some woman was on the news about, you know, six months ago 507 00:31:31,895 --> 00:31:34,805 going after the insurance company and they've changed the policy 508 00:31:34,805 --> 00:31:36,185 now where if a baby has a trach. 509 00:31:36,215 --> 00:31:38,760 And I was like, That is the universe, you know, like. 510 00:31:39,210 --> 00:31:43,290 And ever since that moment I remember saying, Okay, maybe this, and if 511 00:31:43,290 --> 00:31:47,580 we could all think like this, maybe that is not going to benefit me like 512 00:31:47,985 --> 00:31:51,685 right now, me, you know, fostering other women who are going through 513 00:31:51,705 --> 00:31:53,715 crisis, that might not benefit me. 514 00:31:53,715 --> 00:31:55,845 I might not make a living out of doing it. 515 00:31:55,845 --> 00:32:00,195 I might not become CEO, like you said, of a huge corporation, and 516 00:32:00,195 --> 00:32:02,145 run it and pay myself a good salary. 517 00:32:02,445 --> 00:32:06,495 But, you know, if I can make a difference in someone else's world to make their 518 00:32:06,495 --> 00:32:10,395 load lighter and it doesn't, you know, it will add to my life because 519 00:32:10,395 --> 00:32:11,985 I know that I'm purpose driven. 520 00:32:11,985 --> 00:32:14,445 I know that I'm making something positive outta something that 521 00:32:14,475 --> 00:32:15,915 was really hard to go through. 522 00:32:16,305 --> 00:32:19,665 Then if we could all be a little bit more like that, then we wouldn't have 523 00:32:19,665 --> 00:32:22,725 to go through all these hurdles all the time with, you know, whether that's 524 00:32:22,725 --> 00:32:24,855 bureaucracy or systematic, whatever. 525 00:32:25,095 --> 00:32:28,425 You know, if some person just stands up and says, you know, This isn't 526 00:32:28,425 --> 00:32:31,515 right, this is not the way it should be, and I'm going to do what I can 527 00:32:31,515 --> 00:32:35,325 to change it, I, I, I can't imagine how quickly the world would change. 528 00:32:35,325 --> 00:32:39,205 Just one, one person every day saying, You know, this doesn't work for me. 529 00:32:39,205 --> 00:32:40,555 I'm gonna find a better system. 530 00:32:40,585 --> 00:32:43,075 I'm gonna find a better way, and I'm gonna resist against it. 531 00:32:43,075 --> 00:32:45,835 And if you don't like me, 'cause that's gonna be a thing, you know, 532 00:32:45,835 --> 00:32:48,715 I'm gonna be a burning feminist, or I'm gonna, you know, be a man 533 00:32:48,715 --> 00:32:50,754 hater, whatever it is, I don't care. 534 00:32:51,655 --> 00:32:57,045 Like I care more about what, what, really, I'm here, what 535 00:32:57,045 --> 00:32:58,485 my purpose here is on earth. 536 00:32:58,485 --> 00:33:00,915 And I believe that's why I've been through all this. 537 00:33:00,915 --> 00:33:04,575 And I'm listening to what my soul is telling me, and 538 00:33:04,575 --> 00:33:05,715 this is what it's telling me. 539 00:33:05,715 --> 00:33:09,225 Just like it did when I got on the news to fight for Tatum's trach and 540 00:33:09,225 --> 00:33:10,425 getting her out of the hospital. 541 00:33:11,534 --> 00:33:13,665 I like that spirit a lot, Julie. 542 00:33:13,935 --> 00:33:21,435 You know, currently right now, we, we have been fighting this system. 543 00:33:21,735 --> 00:33:28,390 And I've been working with my local Congress representative. 544 00:33:28,540 --> 00:33:36,660 And just yesterday, I, I had an extreme long day, but the wins 545 00:33:36,760 --> 00:33:40,390 just went boom, boom, boom, boom. 546 00:33:40,780 --> 00:33:47,710 Because I had the strength to just say, No, this is not right. 547 00:33:47,710 --> 00:33:52,300 You're not going to do this, and I'll take it to the next level. 548 00:33:52,860 --> 00:34:00,870 And it took six months, well, actually nine months, but it's resolved. 549 00:34:01,050 --> 00:34:08,370 And if, if you let the system grind you, it's gonna grind the next person, and 550 00:34:08,370 --> 00:34:10,650 the next person, and the next person. 551 00:34:11,190 --> 00:34:19,515 So, myself, they wanted to close my congressional folder, this case is closed. 552 00:34:19,545 --> 00:34:22,155 I told them, No, I'm not done yet. 553 00:34:22,635 --> 00:34:27,795 Keep that case open because I have a lot more to say and a 554 00:34:27,795 --> 00:34:30,585 lot more to do about this issue. 555 00:34:31,275 --> 00:34:38,505 And now after that stacked up win, that was enough to fuel 556 00:34:38,505 --> 00:34:41,505 my next stage of development. 557 00:34:42,255 --> 00:34:49,134 Because after so many losses and you get just a single win, 558 00:34:49,134 --> 00:34:52,114 it's ah, this great feeling. 559 00:34:52,504 --> 00:34:58,155 But when you get four and five stacked one right on top of the other, that 560 00:34:58,155 --> 00:35:02,115 makes you feel like King Kong and you wanna go for the next round. 561 00:35:02,595 --> 00:35:12,240 And really that's what these broken people that need help can feel like, and it's 562 00:35:12,240 --> 00:35:14,970 because of people that care like you. 563 00:35:15,720 --> 00:35:21,720 So is there anything that you'd like to add to our conversation 564 00:35:21,810 --> 00:35:24,480 that we haven't spoke about today? 565 00:35:25,590 --> 00:35:27,930 Um, I don't think so. 566 00:35:27,930 --> 00:35:31,629 I mean, I just think it's, um, you know, I've never been a feminist 567 00:35:31,629 --> 00:35:35,850 and sometimes I hear myself talk and I'm like, Who is that? 568 00:35:35,850 --> 00:35:39,899 Because I always kind of felt like nobody's gonna keep me down, you know? 569 00:35:39,899 --> 00:35:42,359 And I grew up, you know, I grew up in the seventies. 570 00:35:42,359 --> 00:35:47,520 I, generation X is the first generation of women who were taught that you can do it 571 00:35:47,520 --> 00:35:49,710 all, you can work and you can be at home. 572 00:35:49,890 --> 00:35:52,589 And it sounded like a great idea, I'm sure at the time. 573 00:35:52,980 --> 00:35:55,859 But you know, we were the first generation that it was like, what do you 574 00:35:55,859 --> 00:35:57,270 mean you don't work out of the house? 575 00:35:57,270 --> 00:35:59,069 What do you mean you're just focusing on your kids? 576 00:35:59,069 --> 00:36:00,540 And there was shame in being home. 577 00:36:01,050 --> 00:36:06,870 So, you know, I think that it's a societal, hopefully it's, women should 578 00:36:06,870 --> 00:36:12,810 be able to do what women feel their necessity is and where they feel they 579 00:36:12,810 --> 00:36:16,500 can provide the most, whether that's at home, whether that's in a boardroom, 580 00:36:16,680 --> 00:36:18,750 there should be no shame on either side. 581 00:36:18,750 --> 00:36:22,230 And I just hope that the conversation starts to change, where, you 582 00:36:22,230 --> 00:36:23,970 know, being at home is not lazy. 583 00:36:24,210 --> 00:36:26,060 Going to work is not neglectful. 584 00:36:26,390 --> 00:36:29,475 And women can just do what they're supposed to do in the 585 00:36:29,475 --> 00:36:31,335 world and nobody judges them. 586 00:36:31,395 --> 00:36:35,355 'Cause I feel like we're always so incredibly judged and it, 587 00:36:35,415 --> 00:36:39,315 we, we judge ourselves more harshly probably than anyone. 588 00:36:39,315 --> 00:36:41,565 And you know, that was my experiences. 589 00:36:42,165 --> 00:36:47,025 You know, everything I went through, you know, leaving my family, and I, I, I 590 00:36:47,025 --> 00:36:48,555 thought my friends didn't like me anymore. 591 00:36:48,555 --> 00:36:49,995 I thought that they were judging me. 592 00:36:49,995 --> 00:36:55,125 I thought, but to be quite honest, no one was judging me half as 593 00:36:55,125 --> 00:36:57,645 hardly as, as I was judging myself. 594 00:36:58,125 --> 00:37:01,695 So that's another part of my mission is, like, women, yes, 595 00:37:01,695 --> 00:37:02,925 of course we can do it all. 596 00:37:02,985 --> 00:37:08,025 We are strong, we are independent, we are smart, but we shouldn't have to do it all. 597 00:37:08,055 --> 00:37:10,365 And we shouldn't have to feel like we have to do it all. 598 00:37:10,365 --> 00:37:14,625 So yes, when you start talking about asking for help, it's a 599 00:37:14,625 --> 00:37:16,665 very hard thing for a woman to do. 600 00:37:16,665 --> 00:37:20,055 And I know I'm making a generalization, but I've talked to enough women, 601 00:37:20,265 --> 00:37:25,185 especially in these situations where it is hard to ask for help, but it shouldn't be. 602 00:37:25,455 --> 00:37:31,135 Because when people ask me for help and I'm able to help them, that not only makes 603 00:37:31,135 --> 00:37:33,090 them feel good, it makes me feel good. 604 00:37:33,090 --> 00:37:34,230 It makes me feel fulfilled. 605 00:37:34,230 --> 00:37:37,650 When you talk about these wins that, you know, you've had, when I, 606 00:37:37,710 --> 00:37:41,490 when someone reaches out to me and says, and people I know, you know, 607 00:37:41,490 --> 00:37:44,520 I didn't know this was going on with you, it's going on in my home too. 608 00:37:44,790 --> 00:37:46,260 Like, that feeds me. 609 00:37:46,320 --> 00:37:48,960 That, that heals me, It heals them. 610 00:37:49,050 --> 00:37:52,590 And then we can, you know, two are much stronger than one. 611 00:37:52,830 --> 00:37:56,550 Three are much, you know, and the more you can join with people to 612 00:37:56,550 --> 00:38:00,300 do the right thing, it's so much easier than doing the wrong thing. 613 00:38:01,260 --> 00:38:03,990 You know, a lot of people waste a lot of energy doing the wrong thing. 614 00:38:04,620 --> 00:38:07,110 It takes a lot less energy to just do the right thing. 615 00:38:07,320 --> 00:38:07,620 Yeah. 616 00:38:09,740 --> 00:38:16,230 Well, it, it's like a cornucopia basket, it takes a lot of different 617 00:38:16,230 --> 00:38:21,825 things to go inside that basket to make it look and feel right. 618 00:38:22,424 --> 00:38:27,015 And that's what we are as a society, and we forgot about that. 619 00:38:27,314 --> 00:38:31,935 It's okay to be you, and especially women. 620 00:38:32,415 --> 00:38:38,924 You know, I, I wanna just say it's not a competition against men. 621 00:38:38,924 --> 00:38:45,420 And men if you are feeling that it's a competition, you need to check yourself. 622 00:38:45,930 --> 00:38:53,220 We, we should be supportive of each other and be happy when those wins 623 00:38:53,220 --> 00:38:58,140 come for somebody else, because you'll get those wins yourself. 624 00:38:58,650 --> 00:39:02,370 Just play your part and do your thing. 625 00:39:02,759 --> 00:39:10,470 And most of all, I really feel that everyone has a purpose and a place. 626 00:39:10,890 --> 00:39:15,330 Don't be ashamed to find out who and what you are. 627 00:39:16,080 --> 00:39:23,070 Because there's some intelligent women that could change our world and we need 628 00:39:23,070 --> 00:39:27,570 them to be bold and brave about it. 629 00:39:27,810 --> 00:39:32,700 So I encourage that, I, I think it's much needed. 630 00:39:32,700 --> 00:39:37,685 Because what women are being told they are, I can guarantee it's not. 631 00:39:39,040 --> 00:39:44,685 And, and we really need to take, take a hold of that as a society. 632 00:39:45,915 --> 00:39:46,395 So, 633 00:39:48,524 --> 00:39:48,855 Yeah. 634 00:39:48,855 --> 00:39:55,290 And, and you wanna say that I have two boys and they're amazing and I've seen 635 00:39:55,290 --> 00:39:59,250 them go through some hardships as males that I would not wanna conquer either. 636 00:39:59,250 --> 00:40:02,520 So I am, I would, it is not a comparison. 637 00:40:02,520 --> 00:40:06,420 And men have a whole host of other systematic issues 638 00:40:06,420 --> 00:40:08,190 that are hardships as well. 639 00:40:08,190 --> 00:40:10,200 So I'm not excluding anyone. 640 00:40:10,200 --> 00:40:16,260 I just know my experiences can be better used to help people that are in my shoes, 641 00:40:16,260 --> 00:40:17,790 and I've never been in a man's shoes. 642 00:40:17,790 --> 00:40:20,700 But to be honest, I, I don't want to be. 643 00:40:21,660 --> 00:40:24,600 Not in a bad way, but we all have our hardships. 644 00:40:24,600 --> 00:40:27,210 So I'm glad that you spoke to that because I'm definitely 645 00:40:27,210 --> 00:40:30,360 not alienating the hardships or challenges that men face either. 646 00:40:32,430 --> 00:40:32,850 Right. 647 00:40:32,970 --> 00:40:33,360 Yeah. 648 00:40:33,360 --> 00:40:38,444 You know, and it's, it's good to know where our strengths and our 649 00:40:38,444 --> 00:40:43,714 weaknesses are, and that, that will prevent a lot of those divisions. 650 00:40:44,495 --> 00:40:49,335 So Julie, I could speak with you for hours about this. 651 00:40:49,335 --> 00:40:50,985 You're doing wonderful things. 652 00:40:51,615 --> 00:40:56,865 How can people get in touch with you, work with you, and also do you have 653 00:40:56,865 --> 00:40:58,875 a call to action for our listeners? 654 00:41:00,195 --> 00:41:00,480 I do. 655 00:41:00,480 --> 00:41:05,280 So if you go to my website@juliebarthauthor.net, 656 00:41:05,700 --> 00:41:10,620 um, I have different tabs for our charity, which is the CJB Outreach. 657 00:41:10,830 --> 00:41:13,890 Um, you can also go to the cjboutreach.org. 658 00:41:14,130 --> 00:41:18,540 But again, if you go to juliebarthauthor.net, it has all of the 659 00:41:18,540 --> 00:41:21,090 different things that you can access. 660 00:41:21,330 --> 00:41:24,300 You can get involved, you can reach out to me and I'm the one manning it, 661 00:41:24,330 --> 00:41:26,070 again, I'm a one man team right now. 662 00:41:26,070 --> 00:41:30,210 So if you need help, again, I don't know if I can provide you the exact resources 663 00:41:30,210 --> 00:41:32,040 myself, but I will find out who can. 664 00:41:32,040 --> 00:41:33,180 And that's my job. 665 00:41:33,720 --> 00:41:37,710 Um, the other thing is that my daughter, the one that's special needs, she sells 666 00:41:37,710 --> 00:41:42,240 her art online and the proceeds from her art go to fuel the CJB outreach. 667 00:41:42,240 --> 00:41:45,779 So if you see something you like, um, you know, you can put it on 668 00:41:45,779 --> 00:41:47,669 any t-shirt or, you know, whatever. 669 00:41:48,060 --> 00:41:51,180 Uh, so if you'd like to support us, there are many ways you can. 670 00:41:51,180 --> 00:41:53,339 And again, if you need help, do not hesitate. 671 00:41:53,339 --> 00:41:54,450 Please reach out to us. 672 00:41:55,649 --> 00:41:57,930 It's been a pleasure speaking with you, Julie. 673 00:41:57,930 --> 00:42:01,410 And I wanna say one more time, thank you for what you're doing. 674 00:42:02,100 --> 00:42:02,700 Well, thank you. 675 00:42:02,700 --> 00:42:06,970 Thank you for having me. 676 00:42:07,095 --> 00:42:08,775 Thank you for joining us today. 677 00:42:09,435 --> 00:42:15,645 If you found this podcast enlightening, entertaining, educational in any way, 678 00:42:16,425 --> 00:42:22,845 please share, like, subscribe, and join us right back here next week for another 679 00:42:22,845 --> 00:42:26,235 great episode of the Dead America Podcast. 680 00:42:26,535 --> 00:42:32,030 I'm Ed Watters, your host, enjoy your afternoon wherever you might be.