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I relate to it a lot because, for one,
with all the mud, and people, places,

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and things we carry around with us.

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Until we become aware and conscious
of it, we are just muddying

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up everything in our life.

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Think of it like.

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Today, we're speaking
with Lawrence Harris.

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He is a youth empowerment
speaker and an author.

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Lawrence, could you please introduce
yourself and let people know just

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a little more about you, please?

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Well, firstly, it's fantastic to be here.

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And a little bit about me is, first
of all, I got into speaking when I was

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fifteen years old, and now I'm nineteen.

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So got into it very young simply because
I realized that after overcoming my

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struggles with things like childhood
abuse and complex post-traumatic stress

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disorder, which it's a bit more nuanced
than typical PTSD as people are used to

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hearing it, after overcoming that through
years of therapy, journaling, and having

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to build up that self-worth and self-love
for myself, I realized I can now help

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and inspire other people with this.

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And help them learn what I had
to figure out the hard way,

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but they get the easy way.

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And that's what I've been doing
for the last four years and

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it's truly been a blessing.

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Well, you are very impressive, Lawrence.

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After doing some research on you,
being where you are at the age of

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nineteen, uh, I, I gotta applaud
you and, and good job for taking the

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right steps to get where you are.

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A lot of us, I didn't get
that till I was fifty.

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So you're well advanced in being good
in mindset, and that's what it's about

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is overcoming those past traumas.

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And my first question is, How
did you achieve it so young?

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Well, the way I achieved it so young was
all the stuff we're about to go into.

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It began when I was twelve.

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So prior to that, my childhood
was pretty, pretty standard.

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Um, wasn't in adverse poverty,
but I wasn't in luxury.

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I was in the middle area.

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You know, two parent household for most
of my childhood, even though my mom and

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dad would get into a lot of arguments.

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Up until the age of twelve,
everything seemed pretty normal.

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You know, I got bullied a lot in school
because I was different, but that's,

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that's something that, um, definitely left
an impact too, because I didn't really

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have friends until I was about eleven.

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So most of my formative years,
it was just me and my family.

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Now at the age of twelve though, I'm
sitting on this black couch, and my

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dad would usually make us leave our
phones in his car because at this time

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him and my mom are completely separate,

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he goes off lives his life with his
wife, my mom goes off and lives her life.

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And they have shared custody so me and my
younger siblings are going back and forth.

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But I needed to have my phone
in the house to work on a school

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project, and it's October 13th, 2019.

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I can remember it that specific because
it's my little sister's birthday.

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My mom called my phone to wish my sister
a happy birthday, and his wife sees that

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she's calling and says to my dad, Are you
going to let him talk to her in my house?

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I guess it set something off in him, and
he just looks at me with this look of

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rage, like a frustration, like
as if I'm doing something wrong.

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And then he punched me in my left eye.

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And at first I think
this is just a mistake.

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Is this some sort of frustration?

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Did he not mean to do this?

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Then he does it again, and at
that moment a switch goes off.

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And I was this twelve-year-old with all
these hopes, and ambitions, and dreams

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for the future, and now I am just frozen.

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And it set into me that I have to
protect my younger siblings now.

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Everything related to me and
my wellbeing, out the door.

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Now my number one priority is, keep my
little sister and my little brother safe.

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And through that, it led on to years of
me having to box away my own emotions

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and my own thoughts about myself, to the
point where I just became absolutely numb.

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After about a year, he kicked me out
of his house, but my little siblings

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have to go there because custody laws
are, they're just weird like that.

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Even though the court, I showed them
evidence, I had photo, video, everything.

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Only after a year did they
actually do something.

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And when I was looking into my bathroom
mirror, I started just asking myself, Why?

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Because now me and my siblings were out
of his house, we're living with our mom

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full time, and I'm fifteen at this point.

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And I just looked in my
mirror and I asked myself why?

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Why did he do this?

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Why is it that the person who's
supposed to be there and protect you

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is the same one who hurt you the most?

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Why don't I have that
connection with my dad?

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Why do I feel as if
everyone's out to get me?

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Why does it feel like I
am unworthy and unlovable?

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Just why?

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And my therapist helped
me work through it.

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So the person you see in front of you
now, I had to build this brick by brick.

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And it wasn't just me, it took
a, it took a team of people.

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Because had it not been for my mom
getting me into therapy, had it not

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been for my therapist guiding me, had
it not been for me taking the actions

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I needed, and had it not been for
all the people involved in keeping me

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on a good path, I wouldn't be here.

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So it really came down to, I got into
everything young and got sick and

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tired of being so sick and tired.

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Yeah.

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Yeah, I, I know the feeling.

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You know, uh, about fourteen,
fifteen years old, uh, my stepfather,

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we, we just always clashed and
he used to, uh, beat on me.

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And I, I remember, the big one was,
we were standing on the dock and

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it was on the Clearwater River,
and it's moving pretty quick.

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It was Joe, myself, and
our family friend, Speedy.

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And Joe, my stepfather, thought that I
had taken his wine bottle and he turned

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and asked me, Where did you put my wine?

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I want my wine.

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And I told him, Joe, I
don't have your wine.

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And just outta nowhere, bam, into
the rib cage, uh, cracked four of

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my ribs and I landed in the river
and it started taking me away.

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You know, you can't breathe
because your head's under water

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and your ribs are caved in.

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And Speedy grabbed me and yanked me out
of the river and told Joe, Joe, you left

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your wine in the truck, up at the truck.

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And those are things I went through too.

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So I understand that feeling
and, you know, just for nothing.

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And so I did not have the team of
specialists to help me through all of

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these navigable things that we have to go
through to overcome what we went through.

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Uh, it's, it's all about turning inward
and understanding yourself, and who

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you are, and why you are lovable.

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That's what you outlined so well,
and you articulate it so well.

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I, I could not even imagine being able
to tell people, how you do, at the age

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I was, and it, it's just overwhelming.

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It, it takes me back and I admire you.

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I, I really do admire you for having
the strength to do what it takes.

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I turned to drugs and alcohol
and that's where I found comfort

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and that's where so many turn.

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So that's why I really was interested
when you showed up on the desk.

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And wow, this from God right here.

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So how, how do we help people understand
it's okay to reach out for help?

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Well, a big thing for me was, even though
when my mom got me into therapy, part of

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me, you know, you have this I don't trust
anybody mentality because the person that

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you trusted the most, hurts you the most.

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So you kind of become like a stray cat.

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Like, have you ever noticed when there's
a stray cat, if you try to feed it,

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it'll hiss at you and claw and run away,
even though it wants you to feed it?

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It's afraid to come close because
people have hurt it before.

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And it thinks, People hurt me, you're
a person, you're going to hurt me,

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or you have the capacity to hurt
me and I'm going to hurt you before

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you get the chance to hurt me.

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We have to first off understand that.

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If you're trying to help somebody and
they're obviously, you know, going

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through something major like abuse or
drug addiction or a traumatic event in

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life, you have to understand most of the
time, at first, they're going to be very

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resistant to you, and it's not personal.

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They're just afraid of what could
happen and you can't judge them.

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Because when we feel the slightest bit
of judgment and we're in that state,

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we say, this person is out to get me.

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They don't love me, and we create
all these things in our head.

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So what we first of all need to
understand when we help them is that

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we can only give as much as they are
willing to accept on the first day.

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You might only be able to tell
them, I hope things get better.

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That might be all they're receptive to.

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So it just come with time and
everyone moves at their own speed

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and you cannot force somebody to
move at the speed you want them to.

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Yeah, that, that's huge.

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So, you know, understanding that, you,
you have to take time and be willing

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to be empathetic with the individual.

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And understand you, you have no clue
what this person has been through.

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Even though you might have been through
something very similar to this, we all

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react and respond differently based on
the surrounding that we were raised in.

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And it, it's interesting, you say
you were kind of in the middle class

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range when you were raised and I,
I was below poverty and it's, it's

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interesting the directions you take.

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So I'm interested in what your
support system was like back then

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and what is it evolved to now?

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Well, back then, so firstly, to chime in
on the aspect of like financial class,

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I recently read about how, depending on
your day-to-day needs, you don't have

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the ability to start thinking about
how your level, ways of getting help.

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Because if your worry is food, water,
shelter, if that's where, it's called,

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Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, if you're
focused on survival, your survival, you're

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not thinking about psychological, up here.

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You're focused on where's your
next meal gonna come from.

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So the thought of therapy, the thought of,
um, self care practices, all the things up

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here, it doesn't cross your mind because
you're focused on the thing down here.

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That's another thing that's important
to know when trying to help somebody.

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They may not have the ability to
think about the higher level ways

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of getting help because they're
focused on right here, right

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now.

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Now to answer your question with
my support system, back then when

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I was twelve, my support system
was just my mom, my, some of my

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family members, and my therapist.

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That was the main people.

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Because they were the only ones I
either talked to it about or the only

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ones who I trusted enough to listen.

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Because the trust was a really,
really tough thing for me.

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It's like you don't want to show people
how you really feel, you don't want them

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to know because you put on this tough
guy mask and this don't get close to me

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persona as a way of protecting yourself.

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But if you keep your hand closed and
tight, you can't receive any help.

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And over the years that support system
has evolved into multiple family

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members who I've opened up to, myself,
friends, relationships, even people

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who I do, um, you know, speaking
events with, or business, or people

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in my close circle in that sense too.

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Sometimes I'll let them know
that, Hey, I need to reschedule

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because I genuinely just don't
have the energy for it right now.

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That, that particular aspect of things
right there is very huge, Lawrence.

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Because if you're not thinking
about yourself first, you

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can't think about others.

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And, and that's very
hard for people to get.

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I didn't mean to interrupt you, sorry.

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Yeah.

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And um, oh, no worries.

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That actually just brought
up another great point.

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In that journey, you know, throughout
what was actually seven years,

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even though I'm nineteen, in
that process, I had to learn that

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self-care and self respect, self-love.

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These things, they're not selfish.

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It's, if you're not full of you, if
you're not full of love for yourself,

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if you're not full of care, if
you're not full of energy in here,

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you can't pour from an empty cup.

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And I had spent years trying
to pour from this empty cup.

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In trying to be, you know, the big
brother hero who keeps his siblings safe.

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It led me to losing me.

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It led me to this feeling that, I
describe it to people like, imagine

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if you're taking a really hot shower
with no skin, or you're running on a

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treadmill and the treadmill is made of
sandpaper, but you can't get off of it.

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Or you're stuck on, you're
stuck in the desert.

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And every time you get water,
it feels good, but then you

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immediately go back to being thirsty.

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Um, and I had to essentially
learn to love myself again.

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But in the process of doing that, I can
reflect and go, I can reflect back on

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and realize that a lot of what I did in
order to learn to love myself was selfish.

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I wouldn't spend time with people, I
wouldn't go hang out with anybody, I

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wouldn't go to parties because I was
trying to figure out what do I like?

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What makes me happy?

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What makes Lawrence feel good?

221
00:19:10,890 --> 00:19:15,570
But I learned to find more healthier
ways of doing that, I learned to

222
00:19:15,990 --> 00:19:19,260
better integrate myself into community.

223
00:19:20,370 --> 00:19:25,410
Because I had to take such a massive
step back in order to take a step

224
00:19:25,410 --> 00:19:28,110
forward and actually appreciate who I am.

225
00:19:28,620 --> 00:19:30,390
Yeah, that, that's huge.

226
00:19:30,780 --> 00:19:34,890
You know, a couple things
come to mind with that.

227
00:19:35,610 --> 00:19:38,160
Have you heard of the crab
in the bucket syndrome?

228
00:19:39,585 --> 00:19:41,685
Yeah, where people try
to hold you back down.

229
00:19:42,165 --> 00:19:43,395
That's right.

230
00:19:43,395 --> 00:19:49,215
That, I, I encourage people to look
that up if you don't understand

231
00:19:49,274 --> 00:19:54,345
what that is, because that will
help you understand my, my own

232
00:19:54,345 --> 00:19:56,895
personal theory that I came up with.

233
00:19:56,895 --> 00:20:00,195
And I call it the Muddy Shoe Life Theory.

234
00:20:00,794 --> 00:20:10,320
And life is like you're a muddy shoe, and
you're being trekked down a muddy trail.

235
00:20:11,040 --> 00:20:15,090
This muddy trail are
people, places, and things.

236
00:20:16,320 --> 00:20:18,930
That mud gets very heavy.

237
00:20:19,020 --> 00:20:25,235
You've walked down a muddy trail and
that mud just cakes onto your feet.

238
00:20:26,025 --> 00:20:30,690
Well, it gets heavy, so you have to
find a rock and wipe the mud off.

239
00:20:31,380 --> 00:20:38,475
And that allows you to be lighter
and that allows you to keep traveling

240
00:20:38,475 --> 00:20:41,235
down this muddy road of life.

241
00:20:41,565 --> 00:20:46,514
So I, I like to share that with
people because people, places,

242
00:20:46,514 --> 00:20:48,465
and things get very heavy.

243
00:20:49,065 --> 00:20:57,025
And if we learn to just stop and take
a moment and wipe it off, the good mud,

244
00:20:57,815 --> 00:21:02,115
you know, the people that really wanna
be there with us, it's gonna be up in

245
00:21:02,115 --> 00:21:07,995
the tread and it'll keep coming with
us, but all that heavy mud is gone.

246
00:21:08,475 --> 00:21:17,534
And you, you control that by controlling
who you're around, what you put yourself

247
00:21:17,534 --> 00:21:23,534
in, and just a little forethought
about planning your life to what you

248
00:21:23,534 --> 00:21:27,105
want, not what others expect out of it.

249
00:21:27,435 --> 00:21:29,175
What's your thought on that, Lawrence?

250
00:21:30,315 --> 00:21:31,605
I relate to it a lot.

251
00:21:32,024 --> 00:21:36,705
Because for one, with all the mud,
and people, places, and things we

252
00:21:36,705 --> 00:21:42,105
carry around with us, until we become
aware and conscious of it, we are just

253
00:21:43,514 --> 00:21:46,095
muddying up everything in our life.

254
00:21:47,385 --> 00:21:54,195
Think of it like you're carrying
around dirt and you're carrying around

255
00:21:54,345 --> 00:21:56,355
this baggage and luggage with you.

256
00:21:56,355 --> 00:22:00,075
And everywhere you go, you're
bringing that with you.

257
00:22:01,004 --> 00:22:10,230
Into your new friendships, relationships,
um, family dynamics, jobs, everything.

258
00:22:10,610 --> 00:22:14,850
You're bringing you and everything
you're holding onto with you.

259
00:22:15,990 --> 00:22:21,090
And in that process you have to be willing
to let it go, easier said than done.

260
00:22:21,630 --> 00:22:27,000
Because sometimes those people
or family members, you need, you

261
00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:30,450
might need to cut off Aunts, uncle,
nieces, nephews, brothers, sisters,

262
00:22:31,094 --> 00:22:32,564
that might be what you need to do.

263
00:22:33,074 --> 00:22:36,885
Those places could be clubs,
it could be bars, it could

264
00:22:36,885 --> 00:22:39,435
be people's birthday parties,

265
00:22:39,854 --> 00:22:42,375
you might need to stop going
to certain people's birthdays.

266
00:22:43,185 --> 00:22:47,735
It might be a restaurant you
like going to, because the people

267
00:22:47,735 --> 00:22:49,965
that you know you shouldn't be
around, they be hanging there.

268
00:22:49,965 --> 00:22:52,125
You need to stop going to
your favorite restaurant.

269
00:22:53,504 --> 00:22:54,749
The things you need to stop doing.

270
00:22:55,754 --> 00:23:00,645
For me, I used to obsessively play
video games as a way of stress relief.

271
00:23:01,665 --> 00:23:03,435
Like it was just a way to distract myself.

272
00:23:04,545 --> 00:23:10,305
And eventually I realized this, so what I
had to do was take the TV out of my room.

273
00:23:11,085 --> 00:23:13,425
For the last two years,
I have not had a TV.

274
00:23:14,504 --> 00:23:20,235
Because I realized that nothing's
wrong with the TV, but it's like the,

275
00:23:22,725 --> 00:23:26,535
it's like the, uh, trigger point
to doing a really bad habit.

276
00:23:28,515 --> 00:23:30,945
And you have to be willing
to leave it in the past.

277
00:23:31,725 --> 00:23:37,785
Some people, they can just like
do a little bit and they're fine.

278
00:23:38,115 --> 00:23:39,165
Some people, they can do that.

279
00:23:39,855 --> 00:23:40,545
I'm not.

280
00:23:40,785 --> 00:23:46,485
I'm very, like, I dive
headfirst into things.

281
00:23:47,805 --> 00:23:51,764
Which is really good in terms of
business if I dive head first into

282
00:23:52,205 --> 00:23:55,455
outreaching to people and promoting
myself and doing what I need to do.

283
00:23:56,055 --> 00:24:00,075
But it also can be really bad
if I get into a bad habit.

284
00:24:00,735 --> 00:24:03,435
It's why I don't go to parties
or hang out with certain people.

285
00:24:03,855 --> 00:24:07,965
Because I know if I go to this place
or I do something I know I'm not

286
00:24:07,965 --> 00:24:10,035
supposed to, I'm diving head in.

287
00:24:12,285 --> 00:24:18,390
So that mud analogy is really great
for it because you have to know, what

288
00:24:18,390 --> 00:24:20,040
are you about to stick onto yourself?

289
00:24:21,420 --> 00:24:21,990
That's right.

290
00:24:22,140 --> 00:24:26,530
And, and I love how you added
to that, it, it was great.

291
00:24:27,030 --> 00:24:33,764
Uh, discipline, you know, self-discipline,
it really is the key, moderation.

292
00:24:34,305 --> 00:24:38,145
And if you have that
discipline value, it's easy.

293
00:24:38,415 --> 00:24:44,445
But sometimes it's not easy for people
to have that discipline and changing

294
00:24:44,445 --> 00:24:47,655
habits can be very difficult to do.

295
00:24:48,495 --> 00:24:58,500
So do you have any ideas on how we can
ease that burden of stepping into the

296
00:24:58,500 --> 00:25:02,790
discipline to help gain trust in yourself?

297
00:25:04,410 --> 00:25:10,920
Well, the first thing I would say is make
the barrier to success very, very small.

298
00:25:11,670 --> 00:25:16,720
Because, let's say somebody wanted
to quit drinking, for example.

299
00:25:17,580 --> 00:25:20,970
And every single day, they
drink an entire bottle.

300
00:25:22,800 --> 00:25:27,990
They should set the bar for success at,
how about instead, I only drink half?

301
00:25:29,310 --> 00:25:35,175
Because they know that going from zero
to a hundred percent perfect, people

302
00:25:35,235 --> 00:25:42,120
do it, it's possible, but if you don't
hit that zero to a hundred immediately,

303
00:25:42,389 --> 00:25:47,985
you set the bar so high that you're
going to fail and end up right back,

304
00:25:47,985 --> 00:25:49,035
and now you're back in the cycle.

305
00:25:50,445 --> 00:25:55,545
So what I did was in order to stop playing
so much video games, in order to stop

306
00:25:55,545 --> 00:26:00,885
hanging around people I know I shouldn't
be, in order to improve the habit that

307
00:26:00,885 --> 00:26:04,635
I have, I set the barrier pretty low.

308
00:26:05,625 --> 00:26:08,865
And once I hit the low barrier, you
extend it a little bit more and a

309
00:26:08,865 --> 00:26:10,635
little bit more, and a little bit more.

310
00:26:10,635 --> 00:26:10,725
And

311
00:26:13,020 --> 00:26:16,620
no matter what, there's going to be times
when the thing that you know you shouldn't

312
00:26:16,620 --> 00:26:18,419
do is gonna start calling your name.

313
00:26:19,260 --> 00:26:21,300
It's like a little whisper
in the back of your head.

314
00:26:22,260 --> 00:26:25,950
It's been two years since you did the
thing you know you shouldn't have.

315
00:26:26,220 --> 00:26:30,210
And it just whispers, you know,
like, Hey, a little bit won't hurt.

316
00:26:30,899 --> 00:26:33,720
Come back, you know how
much you enjoyed it.

317
00:26:34,470 --> 00:26:39,030
And you have to run from that thing.

318
00:26:39,780 --> 00:26:40,679
You gotta run.

319
00:26:42,165 --> 00:26:44,355
After a certain point, it gets easier.

320
00:26:44,745 --> 00:26:48,105
After a certain point you can hear
the whisper and you're just like, I'm

321
00:26:48,105 --> 00:26:50,205
not gonna do it, and you won't do it.

322
00:26:50,715 --> 00:26:52,915
That comes once you've
already built a discipline.

323
00:26:53,995 --> 00:27:00,375
But starting out, you have to stop setting
the expectation all the way up here.

324
00:27:00,735 --> 00:27:06,075
Just set it a little bit further
than you were yesterday, and then

325
00:27:06,075 --> 00:27:08,415
a little bit further the next
day, and a little bit further.

326
00:27:09,465 --> 00:27:16,080
Because if you never ran a mile a day
in your life and somebody tells you

327
00:27:16,080 --> 00:27:19,590
that, okay, tomorrow you have to run
a mile, you're going to fail doing it.

328
00:27:20,070 --> 00:27:23,610
But instead, if they say you have
to run a hundred feet, you're like,

329
00:27:23,639 --> 00:27:28,800
Oh, I could run a hundred feet, or
I could run up the staircase, or I

330
00:27:28,800 --> 00:27:30,419
could run to the end of the street.

331
00:27:31,649 --> 00:27:34,050
So stop setting the bar so high.

332
00:27:34,050 --> 00:27:40,155
I know that we all want to transform
overnight, and we just wanna wake

333
00:27:40,155 --> 00:27:42,255
up tomorrow and be David Goggins.

334
00:27:42,645 --> 00:27:45,375
No, you gotta start step by step.

335
00:27:47,205 --> 00:27:47,775
That's right.

336
00:27:48,585 --> 00:27:50,265
Yeah, I, I agree a hundred percent.

337
00:27:50,265 --> 00:27:57,105
I, I, I call it baby stepping, you
know, but it's that incremental growth.

338
00:27:57,465 --> 00:28:01,755
And, and then you, you have
to reflect on that growth too.

339
00:28:02,535 --> 00:28:05,085
When you have a win, cheer yourself.

340
00:28:05,535 --> 00:28:06,795
I mean, big time.

341
00:28:06,855 --> 00:28:10,155
And make sure you understand, I did that.

342
00:28:10,875 --> 00:28:16,335
Because I think that's very important
to help productivity in our life.

343
00:28:16,935 --> 00:28:17,745
What do you think?

344
00:28:19,425 --> 00:28:21,405
Yeah, very.

345
00:28:21,525 --> 00:28:26,745
Because, uh, our brains are, we have
like a negativity bias, it's just

346
00:28:26,955 --> 00:28:30,225
born in there as a survival mechanism.

347
00:28:30,795 --> 00:28:35,535
Because we still have the same
brains that we had when we

348
00:28:35,535 --> 00:28:36,855
were running around in caves.

349
00:28:38,055 --> 00:28:42,225
Back then, a bad thing was a lot
more important than a good thing.

350
00:28:42,555 --> 00:28:47,025
The bad thing is don't eat those
berries because you're going to die,

351
00:28:47,805 --> 00:28:49,754
a good thing is eat these berries.

352
00:28:50,550 --> 00:28:55,590
Our brains care a lot more about the bad
thing than it does the good thing, because

353
00:28:55,620 --> 00:29:01,500
it's still running on the same hardware as
when doing the bad thing led to immediate

354
00:29:01,500 --> 00:29:04,170
death and the good thing led to tomorrow.

355
00:29:05,700 --> 00:29:10,890
So we have to, first off, become mindful
of that and like you said, reflect on it.

356
00:29:11,370 --> 00:29:16,620
Celebrate the good, find ways to
remind yourself you achieved that

357
00:29:17,010 --> 00:29:19,295
and be proud of what you've done.

358
00:29:20,985 --> 00:29:23,925
I think journaling is a really
great way people can do that.

359
00:29:25,875 --> 00:29:26,205
Yeah.

360
00:29:26,715 --> 00:29:27,615
Yeah, I agree.

361
00:29:27,675 --> 00:29:32,639
Learning to do that, uh, it's
hard to write for some people.

362
00:29:32,639 --> 00:29:38,340
And if, if you don't like to
write, get an audio, uh, dictator.

363
00:29:38,429 --> 00:29:42,689
You know, and dictate your
thoughts to release your thoughts.

364
00:29:42,689 --> 00:29:46,379
Get 'em, get 'em out so
you're not holding on to 'em.

365
00:29:46,379 --> 00:29:53,399
And, uh, find a good friend to talk
it out with just as long as you

366
00:29:53,399 --> 00:29:58,284
can, you know, look back and get
accountability for what you've done.

367
00:29:59,880 --> 00:30:00,480
Yes.

368
00:30:00,810 --> 00:30:05,160
Um, and with that too, I would say
for people that find it hard to write,

369
00:30:05,790 --> 00:30:09,750
assuming that you are physically
and mentally capable of writing,

370
00:30:10,440 --> 00:30:12,030
set a timer for three minutes.

371
00:30:13,260 --> 00:30:17,670
After that three minute timer goes off,
you're going to wanna keep doing it

372
00:30:17,670 --> 00:30:19,860
'cause you don't wanna stop mid-sentence.

373
00:30:21,060 --> 00:30:23,400
You'll think, at least let
me finish this sentence.

374
00:30:23,430 --> 00:30:25,200
And before you know it,
you'll do a bit more.

375
00:30:26,010 --> 00:30:30,705
And after doing it for a long enough
time, it becomes like a rhythm.

376
00:30:32,235 --> 00:30:35,465
Like for me, I've been
journaling since I was fifteen.

377
00:30:36,465 --> 00:30:42,655
And I do miss some days here and
there, but about ninety-eight percent

378
00:30:42,675 --> 00:30:49,305
of the time I do it because after,
I believe it's ninety days of doing

379
00:30:49,305 --> 00:30:53,280
something every single day, it
just becomes a part of the rhythm.

380
00:30:54,330 --> 00:30:58,470
When you wake up, you tie the, your
shoes the same way every single

381
00:30:58,470 --> 00:30:59,850
time without even thinking about it.

382
00:31:00,360 --> 00:31:02,160
You brush your teeth with the same hand.

383
00:31:02,730 --> 00:31:06,030
When you see a pencil, you reach
with it, with the same hand.

384
00:31:06,900 --> 00:31:11,850
You drink cups with the same
hand, you cook food the same way.

385
00:31:12,120 --> 00:31:14,820
It's stuff you don't think
about because you've done it so

386
00:31:14,820 --> 00:31:17,190
much that it's just the rhythm.

387
00:31:17,580 --> 00:31:22,710
Wake up, brush teeth, get dressed,
shower, leave, you don't think about it.

388
00:31:23,625 --> 00:31:30,645
So making it easier to do the good thing
and harder to do the bad thing, after

389
00:31:30,645 --> 00:31:35,235
a long enough time, you just think a
whole lot less about the bad thing and

390
00:31:35,235 --> 00:31:36,885
you think more about the good thing.

391
00:31:37,215 --> 00:31:39,885
And you do more what you should do
and less of what you shouldn't do.

392
00:31:42,539 --> 00:31:43,169
That's right.

393
00:31:43,709 --> 00:31:47,249
Lawrence, you, you are incredible.

394
00:31:47,459 --> 00:31:49,830
So tell us, what is your plans?

395
00:31:49,919 --> 00:31:52,620
Are, are you attending college?

396
00:31:53,040 --> 00:31:55,770
What, what is your future for you?

397
00:31:56,790 --> 00:32:00,780
Well, the future is just continuing
to do what I already have been.

398
00:32:01,290 --> 00:32:04,679
Now far as college goes, I
thought about getting a degree.

399
00:32:04,830 --> 00:32:08,550
Like, I thought about a psychology
degree or something that could be

400
00:32:08,550 --> 00:32:14,010
beneficial in my, uh, speaking, and
my books, and things of that sort.

401
00:32:14,070 --> 00:32:20,610
But after doing some deep thinking on
it, I realized that it really wouldn't

402
00:32:20,610 --> 00:32:22,770
be that beneficial to me specifically.

403
00:32:23,670 --> 00:32:27,930
Since, if I'm in college for
four years, that's four years I

404
00:32:27,930 --> 00:32:29,970
can't be on the road speaking.

405
00:32:31,290 --> 00:32:34,560
And I like to learn best through
experiencing things rather than

406
00:32:34,650 --> 00:32:38,020
sitting there and just having
it told to me from a textbook.

407
00:32:39,420 --> 00:32:43,919
Now as far as my, uh, speaking career,
I've got, uh, great news on that.

408
00:32:44,790 --> 00:32:47,399
Tomorrow, I'm actually
speaking at a conference.

409
00:32:47,729 --> 00:32:52,379
It's called the Northeastern
Pennsylvania, yeah, Northeastern

410
00:32:52,379 --> 00:32:54,239
Pennsylvania Youth Led Conference.

411
00:32:55,530 --> 00:33:01,110
So for three days I'll be out traveling,
speaking at an audience of about a hundred

412
00:33:01,110 --> 00:33:06,909
people, which is the largest I've ever
spoken to, and that'll be fantastic.

413
00:33:07,560 --> 00:33:11,210
And before you know it, you're gonna
see me on, maybe I'll do a TEDx.

414
00:33:13,100 --> 00:33:17,320
So it's big things on the horizon.

415
00:33:18,310 --> 00:33:20,880
Yeah, big things on the horizon.

416
00:33:20,880 --> 00:33:24,150
But at the same time,
I just enjoy each day.

417
00:33:26,400 --> 00:33:27,930
That's a good way to look at it.

418
00:33:28,260 --> 00:33:33,090
You know, life, life can be
very difficult or very simple.

419
00:33:33,090 --> 00:33:40,379
And the simpler we keep our life, it,
it's, it's just easier to live with.

420
00:33:40,649 --> 00:33:46,679
And it's really not about impressing
people, it's about helping yourself first.

421
00:33:47,220 --> 00:33:51,570
And then hopefully along the
way, you're helping millions.

422
00:33:52,230 --> 00:34:02,610
So what, what you're doing is, uh, pretty,
pretty big, and that's self-empowerment.

423
00:34:03,480 --> 00:34:09,780
So we have to be able to love
ourself enough to empower ourself.

424
00:34:10,380 --> 00:34:18,750
And if, if we have a plan and just
tick the boxes as we go, the plan might

425
00:34:18,750 --> 00:34:25,500
not always go as we write it down,
but that's where you learn to adjust

426
00:34:25,500 --> 00:34:28,889
for the hiccups and revise your plan.

427
00:34:29,775 --> 00:34:36,465
So revisement, again, is very,
very productive in a life.

428
00:34:36,705 --> 00:34:40,185
What do you think about revising
your plans if they don't work?

429
00:34:40,755 --> 00:34:42,195
Oh, that's been huge.

430
00:34:42,195 --> 00:34:46,575
Because, uh, when I was younger,
I wanted to be a paleontologist.

431
00:34:47,775 --> 00:34:51,945
I wanted to go dig up dinosaur bones,
I absolutely loved dinosaur terrain.

432
00:34:52,965 --> 00:35:00,360
Then I wanted to be a jeweler, then,
well, technically I am an author, but at

433
00:35:00,360 --> 00:35:06,780
a point in my life I wanted to be, like,
think of Stephen King, Robert Green, that

434
00:35:06,780 --> 00:35:10,860
kind of author where you are an author.

435
00:35:11,730 --> 00:35:16,980
Yeah, you go on stages and speak from time
to time, but your main title is author.

436
00:35:17,820 --> 00:35:21,960
We don't know Stephen King as a speaker,
even though he does do public speaking.

437
00:35:22,530 --> 00:35:25,590
We don't know Robert Green as he's
such a fantastic public speaker,

438
00:35:25,590 --> 00:35:28,259
no, we know him as he writes books.

439
00:35:29,580 --> 00:35:31,770
That's what I would have wanted
to do at a point in my life.

440
00:35:33,420 --> 00:35:37,290
There was another point in my life where
I wanted to be like a fashion designer,

441
00:35:37,290 --> 00:35:39,509
I wanted to make a clothing brand.

442
00:35:40,350 --> 00:35:44,580
And throughout all of those things,
every time I would sit back and

443
00:35:44,580 --> 00:35:48,400
revise it and go, What did this
have in common with everything else?

444
00:35:49,665 --> 00:35:53,475
The underlying theme was I
wanted to create something

445
00:35:53,775 --> 00:35:56,055
that people will benefit from.

446
00:35:57,285 --> 00:36:01,905
And the one thing I've always loved
doing throughout my entire life, from

447
00:36:03,105 --> 00:36:08,895
even being a baby, I started speaking
full sentences at eighteen months.

448
00:36:09,615 --> 00:36:14,325
Not like goo-goo, ga-ga, feed
me, I'm hungry, mom sentences,

449
00:36:14,325 --> 00:36:17,535
no fully articulate sentences,

450
00:36:19,215 --> 00:36:21,465
um, since I was eighteen months.

451
00:36:22,905 --> 00:36:29,295
And as I got older, I just fell in
love with the idea of putting myself

452
00:36:29,295 --> 00:36:34,635
out there, making YouTube videos,
and TikTok clips, and all of that.

453
00:36:35,595 --> 00:36:40,095
And that's where after revising,
and revising, and revising,

454
00:36:41,115 --> 00:36:42,735
I found what I truly love.

455
00:36:43,455 --> 00:36:47,265
I love talking, I love helping people.

456
00:36:48,090 --> 00:36:51,870
And as an empowerment
speaker, I get to do both.

457
00:36:52,500 --> 00:36:57,150
Because people often ask me about
the difference between empowerment

458
00:36:57,150 --> 00:36:58,620
speaker and motivational speaker.

459
00:36:59,400 --> 00:37:05,279
They're similar, but motivation is focused
on how I make you feel and how you get up.

460
00:37:05,310 --> 00:37:06,900
You lead the event and you're hyped up.

461
00:37:06,900 --> 00:37:09,900
You're like, Yeah, I'm gonna
go work out for five hours.

462
00:37:10,230 --> 00:37:12,180
I'm gonna go climb Mount Everest.

463
00:37:12,570 --> 00:37:13,440
That's motivation.

464
00:37:14,310 --> 00:37:19,170
Empowerment is you still get
motivated, but the key point

465
00:37:19,170 --> 00:37:20,760
isn't how you feel right now.

466
00:37:21,150 --> 00:37:26,550
It's giving you the mental toolkit
for, okay, here's how to feel

467
00:37:26,550 --> 00:37:29,640
better over a long span of time.

468
00:37:30,000 --> 00:37:34,740
And if you follow the recipe,
you will bake the cake.

469
00:37:34,800 --> 00:37:35,970
That is your goal.

470
00:37:36,870 --> 00:37:44,250
It might not feel good, but you will
love it a lot more than the motivation.

471
00:37:45,960 --> 00:37:50,370
So putting all that together,
my life's just helped me to

472
00:37:52,440 --> 00:38:00,540
find a passion that lights me
on fire and helps them to grow.

473
00:38:00,629 --> 00:38:01,444
And it is beautiful.

474
00:38:03,915 --> 00:38:04,365
Yeah.

475
00:38:04,484 --> 00:38:07,185
And, and passion is a big part of it.

476
00:38:07,185 --> 00:38:11,745
If, if you have a passion, you're
gonna make things happen in your life.

477
00:38:12,044 --> 00:38:15,495
So follow that passion, that,
that's good advice for me.

478
00:38:17,145 --> 00:38:22,335
Uh, is there anything else you would
like to share with our listeners

479
00:38:22,484 --> 00:38:25,185
before we get finished up here?

480
00:38:25,845 --> 00:38:29,745
I would say one of the best piece
of advice I've learned through

481
00:38:29,745 --> 00:38:34,470
my life is, it doesn't have to
make sense to everyone else.

482
00:38:36,270 --> 00:38:44,040
We often think of our goals as needing
it to make sense to other people.

483
00:38:44,400 --> 00:38:45,450
And here's what I mean.

484
00:38:45,690 --> 00:38:52,680
When I started speaking, I just
had a smartphone, no microphone,

485
00:38:52,680 --> 00:38:56,230
no camera, no lighting, I just
had my iPhone and I had YouTube.

486
00:38:57,110 --> 00:39:01,230
And I would just put my phone
down up against the wall 'cause

487
00:39:01,230 --> 00:39:02,670
I didn't even have a tripod.

488
00:39:03,240 --> 00:39:07,140
I would just set it up against a wall,
or a rock, or a water bottle, and

489
00:39:07,140 --> 00:39:11,580
I would record myself talking about
what I'm going through in my life.

490
00:39:12,180 --> 00:39:17,730
Giving motivational messages, giving
step by step understanding of how

491
00:39:17,730 --> 00:39:19,620
to build self love and confidence.

492
00:39:19,620 --> 00:39:25,455
And if you go back, there's a lot
of ah, um, like, yeah, there's

493
00:39:25,455 --> 00:39:26,655
a lot of filler words in there.

494
00:39:27,255 --> 00:39:29,895
But the underlying message is really good.

495
00:39:31,935 --> 00:39:34,695
But it didn't make sense to
everybody else because they're like,

496
00:39:34,755 --> 00:39:36,345
Why should I listen to this kid?

497
00:39:37,035 --> 00:39:38,475
What, what does he have to tell me?

498
00:39:40,665 --> 00:39:46,035
But over time, people who understand
what I do and the message I'm

499
00:39:46,035 --> 00:39:49,245
trying to give and the mission
I'm on, they resonated with it.

500
00:39:50,234 --> 00:39:54,825
So if you're somebody who you wanna
start your own business, or you wanna

501
00:39:54,825 --> 00:39:59,895
get into the gym, or even as simple
as you wanna quit a bad habit, there's

502
00:39:59,895 --> 00:40:03,524
going to be people who are going to
judge and say, why are you doing that?

503
00:40:03,884 --> 00:40:04,935
Why are you changing up?

504
00:40:05,325 --> 00:40:08,234
Why are you not going out with us anymore?

505
00:40:08,504 --> 00:40:10,575
Why are you always making those videos?

506
00:40:10,575 --> 00:40:14,055
Why are you always sending emails?

507
00:40:14,055 --> 00:40:15,080
Why are you doing that?

508
00:40:16,379 --> 00:40:20,910
You have to learn to not listen
to the doubt and the naysayers,

509
00:40:22,200 --> 00:40:26,580
but also understand that sometimes
they could be giving useful advice.

510
00:40:26,580 --> 00:40:29,430
It's very, it's very case by case there.

511
00:40:30,270 --> 00:40:33,960
But inevitably there are going
to be people who understand you

512
00:40:33,960 --> 00:40:34,980
and what you're trying to do.

513
00:40:35,609 --> 00:40:40,020
Not everybody speaks like Tony
Robbins, not everybody is Les Brown.

514
00:40:40,379 --> 00:40:43,200
I'm Lars, Lars has his way of doing it.

515
00:40:43,649 --> 00:40:49,920
There are chefs out there who, some people
love Jamaican food, other people hate it.

516
00:40:50,580 --> 00:40:55,020
The people who like what you do are going
to find you and those are your customers.

517
00:40:55,380 --> 00:40:58,890
The people who don't like you, you
don't have to make them like you.

518
00:40:59,640 --> 00:41:03,450
And that applies to friendships,
relationships, business

519
00:41:03,450 --> 00:41:07,060
opportunities, jobs, everything.

520
00:41:07,640 --> 00:41:11,190
The people who like you, like
you, the ones who don't, don't.

521
00:41:11,340 --> 00:41:13,980
And it, you don't have to
make sense to everybody else.

522
00:41:14,879 --> 00:41:18,660
The last thing too is, just
remember, always love yourself.

523
00:41:19,799 --> 00:41:25,230
Because it's very easy to lose
yourself in comparison on social media.

524
00:41:25,230 --> 00:41:29,069
And this person's car is faster than
mine, and this person has more money

525
00:41:29,069 --> 00:41:32,970
than me, and they're taller than me, and
their life look so fantastic and amazing.

526
00:41:33,540 --> 00:41:37,470
Nobody shows you the bad parts,
nobody showed the bad parts.

527
00:41:37,680 --> 00:41:40,920
So just love yourself
and remember you matter.

528
00:41:41,820 --> 00:41:44,760
Even if you don't have the car, or
the money, or the height, or the

529
00:41:44,760 --> 00:41:49,970
status, or whatever, you matter because
you're human and whatever, you're a

530
00:41:49,970 --> 00:41:51,750
child of whatever God you believe in.

531
00:41:53,610 --> 00:41:54,480
That's right.

532
00:41:54,870 --> 00:42:00,700
And, and you do have something to
offer other people, you just have to

533
00:42:00,700 --> 00:42:04,320
be willing to step into that position.

534
00:42:04,935 --> 00:42:08,325
And, and take the baby
steps and build it up.

535
00:42:09,105 --> 00:42:12,015
Lawrence, you've been a
fantastic guest today.

536
00:42:12,015 --> 00:42:15,105
How can people reach out
and get involved with you?

537
00:42:15,645 --> 00:42:19,305
You can get in contact with
me through my social media.

538
00:42:19,305 --> 00:42:26,955
All of them are Lawrence C Empowers,
L-A-W-R-E-N-C-E, letter C dot

539
00:42:27,035 --> 00:42:32,705
Empowers, E-M-P-W-O, E-M-P-O-W-E-R-S.

540
00:42:32,705 --> 00:42:33,654
Yeah, Empowers.

541
00:42:34,154 --> 00:42:34,745
Okay,

542
00:42:37,795 --> 00:42:39,029
make sure I spelled that right.

543
00:42:40,109 --> 00:42:43,520
You could also find me on my
website, lawrencecharris.com,

544
00:42:44,700 --> 00:42:48,549
and my books are available on
Amazon under lawrencecharris.com.

545
00:42:49,230 --> 00:42:55,220
You could just Google my name,
everything that I have out, Lawrence

546
00:42:55,220 --> 00:42:58,109
C. Harris, or Lawrence C Empowers.

547
00:42:59,205 --> 00:43:00,645
Very easy to find me.

548
00:43:01,875 --> 00:43:04,905
We will collect it all and
put it in the show notes.

549
00:43:05,175 --> 00:43:09,675
And I wanna say thank you,
Lawrence for a fantastic voyage

550
00:43:09,915 --> 00:43:11,445
in a great conversation today.

551
00:43:13,529 --> 00:43:15,150
Thank you, I appreciate being here.

552
00:43:18,960 --> 00:43:20,640
Thank you for joining us today.

553
00:43:21,270 --> 00:43:27,480
If you found this podcast enlightening,
entertaining, educational in any way,

554
00:43:28,259 --> 00:43:34,650
please share, like, subscribe, and join
us right back here next week for another

555
00:43:34,650 --> 00:43:38,100
great episode of the Dead America Podcast.

556
00:43:38,370 --> 00:43:43,900
I'm Ed Watters, your host, enjoy
your afternoon wherever you might be.