1 00:00:00,270 --> 00:00:07,530 Doing that a lot is validation seeking behavior and, uh, it's not masculine 2 00:00:07,860 --> 00:00:09,750 to be constantly seeking validation. 3 00:00:10,230 --> 00:00:14,820 Like, it, it's actually, that's more of a, a, a, a feminine trait to be looking 4 00:00:14,820 --> 00:00:16,620 for validation and attention all the time. 5 00:00:16,860 --> 00:00:22,275 And so if you're that guy, women start looking at that going, I don't know why, 6 00:00:22,275 --> 00:00:26,325 but it, it's unattractive is because it, it goes against the nature, right? 7 00:00:54,070 --> 00:00:56,590 Today, we are speaking with Paul Bauer. 8 00:00:57,460 --> 00:01:01,000 Paul Bauer is the host of Come On Man podcast. 9 00:01:01,360 --> 00:01:08,380 He's also an author of three books and he's a relationship coach. 10 00:01:09,340 --> 00:01:13,300 Paul, could you please introduce yourself and let people know just 11 00:01:13,300 --> 00:01:14,890 a little more about you please? 12 00:01:15,630 --> 00:01:16,259 Yeah. 13 00:01:16,259 --> 00:01:18,450 Ed, thank you for having me on your show today. 14 00:01:18,450 --> 00:01:19,770 I really appreciate it. 15 00:01:19,830 --> 00:01:20,550 Uh, yeah. 16 00:01:20,550 --> 00:01:24,179 A lot of people, when I go on other people's shows, they want to hear, they 17 00:01:24,179 --> 00:01:26,190 want to hear the Batman origin story. 18 00:01:26,220 --> 00:01:27,120 Like, who is this guy? 19 00:01:27,120 --> 00:01:28,860 Why should I care what he has to say? 20 00:01:28,860 --> 00:01:30,120 I, I get it. 21 00:01:30,360 --> 00:01:32,460 Um, well, a little bit about me. 22 00:01:32,460 --> 00:01:37,320 I grew up in, uh, rural Colorado on the eastern slope in the 23 00:01:37,320 --> 00:01:38,759 foothills outside of Denver. 24 00:01:39,179 --> 00:01:43,740 I was always pretty good with women, you know, I would say like when I was 25 00:01:43,740 --> 00:01:45,750 in high school, I always had dates. 26 00:01:46,169 --> 00:01:49,720 Uh, you know, lost my virginity at, at sixteen. 27 00:01:49,859 --> 00:01:54,509 But I was always the kind of guy that had what we call a sniper mentality, 28 00:01:54,869 --> 00:01:58,979 which means the first girl that's nice to you, you go all in on her. 29 00:01:58,979 --> 00:01:59,669 You're immediately 30 00:02:00,915 --> 00:02:04,155 monogamous with her, and you're like, Okay, I'm gonna pursue this girl 31 00:02:04,155 --> 00:02:07,305 and this is, this, she's the one for me, she's my soulmate, or whatever. 32 00:02:07,305 --> 00:02:10,995 And so I had a lot of soulmates, um, early on there. 33 00:02:10,995 --> 00:02:15,105 And, uh, ended up being, I, I ended up leaving for the US Navy. 34 00:02:15,105 --> 00:02:19,465 I'm a, I'm a former sailor and I left for the Navy when I was eighteen. 35 00:02:19,485 --> 00:02:25,215 And two years into my enlistment, I went home on leave and I met my now ex-wife. 36 00:02:25,995 --> 00:02:31,335 And it was the same thing, I met her, uh, through some mutual friends and I 37 00:02:31,335 --> 00:02:36,285 spent that whole week with her when I was on leave, just getting to know her. 38 00:02:36,345 --> 00:02:40,755 And ended up going back to my ship which was in San Diego, she was 39 00:02:40,755 --> 00:02:44,775 here in Colorado, and we had this long distance relationship for 40 00:02:45,055 --> 00:02:49,315 almost a year before I convinced her to move out to San Diego with me. 41 00:02:49,615 --> 00:02:55,015 And so she moved out to San Diego and we only really knew each other in person 42 00:02:55,015 --> 00:03:00,415 for about three months before we ended up eloping, which is a big mistake. 43 00:03:02,155 --> 00:03:06,295 But when you're young and, and you're, you're in love and you're rushing for 44 00:03:06,295 --> 00:03:10,555 that white picket fence, you know, that's, uh, that tends to happen, right? 45 00:03:10,945 --> 00:03:15,945 Well, the problem with, you know, not knowing someone much longer than that 46 00:03:15,945 --> 00:03:20,174 is you overlook red flags, you never really get to see who they truly are. 47 00:03:20,174 --> 00:03:23,745 Because in most relationships, there's a six month to a year 48 00:03:23,745 --> 00:03:26,475 honeymoon phase where everyone's on their best behavior, you know? 49 00:03:27,225 --> 00:03:30,915 Well, but we rushed into that because I was getting ready to 50 00:03:30,915 --> 00:03:33,465 go on a couple of deployments. 51 00:03:33,465 --> 00:03:38,235 A three month training deployment, uh, out in Hawaii, and then come back for a month, 52 00:03:38,235 --> 00:03:41,715 and then I was gonna be gone for six months on a real deployment 53 00:03:41,745 --> 00:03:42,735 out in the Middle East. 54 00:03:42,735 --> 00:03:46,065 And so I wanted to make sure that she was taken care of because 55 00:03:46,065 --> 00:03:47,715 that's your job as a man, right? 56 00:03:47,715 --> 00:03:52,035 You have to protect and provide and I wanted to make sure that she was okay. 57 00:03:52,035 --> 00:03:56,235 And so she had insurance and, you know, if I, if something happened to me, 58 00:03:56,505 --> 00:03:58,275 she would get my my life insurance. 59 00:03:58,275 --> 00:04:01,395 Because by God, I was in love, Ed, and I wanted to make sure 60 00:04:01,395 --> 00:04:02,385 she was taken care of, right? 61 00:04:02,745 --> 00:04:10,455 Well, we get married and luckily we did get along very well, at least 62 00:04:10,455 --> 00:04:15,584 in the beginning, and we ended up being married for fourteen years. 63 00:04:16,094 --> 00:04:19,125 And that first, the first seven years were actually pretty good 64 00:04:19,305 --> 00:04:23,415 and we had, uh, we ended up having two wonderful children out of it. 65 00:04:23,445 --> 00:04:26,505 My, my daughter's now twenty, she's off in college now. 66 00:04:26,505 --> 00:04:29,205 And my son, he's turning sixteen at the end of the month. 67 00:04:29,205 --> 00:04:32,265 He's, he's, uh, a sophomore in high school and he's getting 68 00:04:32,265 --> 00:04:33,555 ready to get his driver's license. 69 00:04:33,585 --> 00:04:34,365 Great kids. 70 00:04:34,935 --> 00:04:40,725 But man, after that seven year mark, uh, things started really going downhill. 71 00:04:40,784 --> 00:04:45,720 And man, I just, I, I, we got to a place in the relationship 72 00:04:45,720 --> 00:04:50,820 where I would work like seventeen hour days just to avoid her. 73 00:04:51,270 --> 00:04:55,980 I, because I knew, Ed, that when I got home, I was gonna get an earful about how 74 00:04:55,980 --> 00:04:59,760 I wasn't doing things good enough, and everything was wrong, and that she had a 75 00:04:59,760 --> 00:05:02,610 million, you know, honeydo chores for me. 76 00:05:02,610 --> 00:05:05,490 And, and I was just like, I'm not dealing with this. 77 00:05:05,490 --> 00:05:07,680 I, I'm going to, I'm just gonna focus on work. 78 00:05:07,680 --> 00:05:11,215 So I'd work late hours, come home, go to bed. 79 00:05:11,215 --> 00:05:16,705 There was nights where I, I didn't like her so much that instead of, I didn't 80 00:05:16,705 --> 00:05:18,535 even wanna sleep in the same room as her. 81 00:05:18,535 --> 00:05:22,255 I would go out to my garage, I would grab a cot, I'd go sleep in my office. 82 00:05:22,255 --> 00:05:24,265 I was like, I, I don't even wanna be, be around you, you know? 83 00:05:24,835 --> 00:05:29,235 But I was also the kind of guy who was raised that, you know, vows 84 00:05:29,235 --> 00:05:31,915 are, vows mean something, you know? 85 00:05:31,915 --> 00:05:35,875 so I was never gonna divorce her, I was never gonna give up, I was just 86 00:05:36,480 --> 00:05:40,950 resolved to be miserable in this relationship until the end of life. 87 00:05:40,950 --> 00:05:42,840 Because that's how my dad does it, right? 88 00:05:42,840 --> 00:05:46,170 My dad's, my dad and my mom are still together, they're, they're coming up 89 00:05:46,170 --> 00:05:47,640 on their fiftieth wedding anniversary. 90 00:05:47,640 --> 00:05:48,480 They hate each other. 91 00:05:48,810 --> 00:05:53,130 They, they're together at this point just to spite each other, you know? 92 00:05:53,190 --> 00:05:57,300 And, um, my grand, my, my, both sets of grandparents never got divorced. 93 00:05:57,570 --> 00:06:00,345 So I was like, This is just how life is. 94 00:06:00,345 --> 00:06:04,095 I, I developed this paradigm that, yeah, you, you're happy in the 95 00:06:04,095 --> 00:06:06,405 beginning, you have a couple kids and then you're supposed to be 96 00:06:06,405 --> 00:06:10,335 miserable, a miserable workhorse for the rest of your life, you know? 97 00:06:10,935 --> 00:06:16,665 And bless her heart, you know, after fourteen years, she, she had enough of it. 98 00:06:16,725 --> 00:06:22,125 And she, her, her, she wasn't raised the same way, her, her mom and dad split, you 99 00:06:22,125 --> 00:06:24,645 know, when she was, uh, you know, young. 100 00:06:24,645 --> 00:06:30,045 And so she didn't have the same qualms about going and filing for divorce, and, 101 00:06:30,045 --> 00:06:31,845 uh, she ended up filing for divorce. 102 00:06:31,850 --> 00:06:36,045 And, and honestly, for me, it was a big weight lifted off my chest because I, you 103 00:06:36,045 --> 00:06:38,385 know, she had the, the guts to go do it. 104 00:06:38,385 --> 00:06:44,385 But then I found myself fifty pounds overweight, back on the dating 105 00:06:44,385 --> 00:06:47,205 circuit, uh, in my mid thirties, 106 00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:51,720 you know, it's a, it was, it's a totally different world out here now. 107 00:06:51,720 --> 00:06:53,610 Because when I, when she and I met, there were no dating 108 00:06:53,610 --> 00:06:55,710 apps, there was no social media. 109 00:06:56,040 --> 00:06:59,430 You know, we actually had to go out when we were in high school and, and 110 00:06:59,430 --> 00:07:03,150 get in the car with a bunch of our boys and go hollering at girls who were 111 00:07:03,150 --> 00:07:05,760 also in cars hollering at guys, right? 112 00:07:05,760 --> 00:07:09,330 So, or go down to the mall or to the skating rink or whatever. 113 00:07:09,450 --> 00:07:11,790 And, uh, now it's, it's a totally different world. 114 00:07:12,435 --> 00:07:14,175 And, uh, I just floundered, man. 115 00:07:14,295 --> 00:07:17,505 I,I floundered on the dating circuit, this was in 2014. 116 00:07:17,925 --> 00:07:21,805 Floundered on the dating circuit for almost a whole year, about, about eleven 117 00:07:21,825 --> 00:07:27,405 months before I found, uh, another gal who sort of, I, I call her a chubby chaser. 118 00:07:27,405 --> 00:07:32,235 She sort of took pity on me, gorgeous gal. But she really liked me, and 119 00:07:32,235 --> 00:07:36,255 I, and I, same patterns emerged, I was like, Oh, I'm going all in. 120 00:07:36,255 --> 00:07:38,325 I like this girl, first girl that's nice to me. 121 00:07:38,325 --> 00:07:39,195 I'm going all in. 122 00:07:39,255 --> 00:07:42,360 Ended up in this relationship that I probably shouldn't have 123 00:07:42,360 --> 00:07:44,880 been in for four and a half years. 124 00:07:45,420 --> 00:07:50,640 And the problem with that is immediately the, the same things 125 00:07:50,640 --> 00:07:56,190 that caused the attraction to erode in my marriage, I, I started being 126 00:07:56,190 --> 00:07:58,020 that guy in this relationship. 127 00:07:58,200 --> 00:08:01,500 I immediately started going into husband mode where I thought I 128 00:08:01,560 --> 00:08:04,860 reached this imaginary finish line and I didn't have to try anymore. 129 00:08:05,430 --> 00:08:09,255 And, for her, she checked out much faster. 130 00:08:09,255 --> 00:08:12,645 She checked out mentally about two years into that relationship. 131 00:08:13,155 --> 00:08:17,235 And what, what a guy, a lot of guys don't realize is when a woman mentally 132 00:08:17,235 --> 00:08:18,675 checks out from a relationship, 133 00:08:19,500 --> 00:08:24,690 um, they can do that up to two years before filing for divorce, before 134 00:08:24,690 --> 00:08:26,730 breaking up with you, whatever. 135 00:08:26,790 --> 00:08:30,240 And what they tend to do in that time is they start socking money away, they 136 00:08:30,240 --> 00:08:35,160 start lining up male orbiters, they start making a, a, basically an exit strategy. 137 00:08:35,730 --> 00:08:37,710 And sometimes it takes, takes a while. 138 00:08:37,800 --> 00:08:41,520 And so for her, it, she was doing that pretty much the last 139 00:08:41,770 --> 00:08:43,510 two years of the relationship. 140 00:08:43,539 --> 00:08:49,600 And right near the end, uh, she started acting so bad that I, I finally was 141 00:08:49,600 --> 00:08:52,030 like, I can't deal with this anymore and I ended up breaking up with her. 142 00:08:52,660 --> 00:08:57,400 And I came to find out, uh, a while later that she was actually cheating 143 00:08:57,400 --> 00:09:02,920 on me at the end of that relationship, Um, which was, you know, a, a, a big 144 00:09:02,950 --> 00:09:05,020 sort of eye-opening moment for me. 145 00:09:05,170 --> 00:09:11,745 But that time, back on the dating circuit, this was in 2019, I 146 00:09:11,745 --> 00:09:13,155 had a much easier time, Ed. 147 00:09:13,155 --> 00:09:16,995 I had a, because I had lost all the weight, I, I, I had lost, while I was 148 00:09:16,995 --> 00:09:20,954 in that relationship, I got back into fitness, I, I lost all the fifty pounds, 149 00:09:20,954 --> 00:09:22,094 I was actually in really good shape. 150 00:09:22,094 --> 00:09:24,525 So I was able to get dates really easy this time. 151 00:09:25,125 --> 00:09:29,490 Uh, but I couldn't keep women around more than like two or three dates. 152 00:09:29,670 --> 00:09:31,230 And I was like, What am I doing wrong here? 153 00:09:31,230 --> 00:09:34,110 Like, the two biggest relationships in my life failed. 154 00:09:34,410 --> 00:09:38,160 I can't keep women around longer than two or three dates before they ghost me. 155 00:09:38,220 --> 00:09:40,140 Like, I'm clearly the problem. 156 00:09:40,140 --> 00:09:42,210 I'm clearly the common denominator here. 157 00:09:42,720 --> 00:09:47,910 And one of the, the biggest blessings of that relationship, that second 158 00:09:47,910 --> 00:09:50,640 relationship, the four and a half year one, I I, I referred to her 159 00:09:50,640 --> 00:09:55,005 as Red Pill Chick, is that she was really big into self-help books 160 00:09:55,005 --> 00:09:58,364 and audio books and she was always listening to this kind of stuff. 161 00:09:58,694 --> 00:10:01,814 and I go, Man, I bet you there's some books out there, some audio 162 00:10:01,814 --> 00:10:05,760 books, I could, I could study to figure out what I'm doing wrong. 163 00:10:05,760 --> 00:10:10,980 And so I took a deep dive in intersexual dynamics, I took a deep dive into the 164 00:10:10,980 --> 00:10:14,790 psychology of attraction, understanding where women were coming from and stuff. 165 00:10:14,790 --> 00:10:20,070 And so through that process and applying that in the dating world, I ended up in a 166 00:10:20,130 --> 00:10:25,410 men's group on Facebook called The 3% Man Group, where we were all studying a book 167 00:10:25,410 --> 00:10:27,870 called How to Be A 3% Man by Corey Wayne. 168 00:10:28,470 --> 00:10:33,345 And out of that group, I, I created my podcast, the Come On Man podcast. 169 00:10:33,345 --> 00:10:37,695 And it initially started as me interviewing other guys in the 170 00:10:37,695 --> 00:10:41,185 group who were trying to level up and get better with women. 171 00:10:41,985 --> 00:10:45,660 And the funny thing that we all realized, the guys that actually put the work 172 00:10:45,660 --> 00:10:49,440 in, is that when you level up to get better with women, it tends to make you 173 00:10:49,440 --> 00:10:51,210 better men in all areas of your life. 174 00:10:51,210 --> 00:10:53,280 It's almost like women make us better, you know? 175 00:10:53,790 --> 00:10:58,050 Just the, the qualities that women find attractive make you better in 176 00:10:58,050 --> 00:11:02,370 business, it makes you better in your social life, it just, it's, it's kind 177 00:11:02,370 --> 00:11:04,410 of an interesting, uh, phenomenon. 178 00:11:04,410 --> 00:11:07,980 It's like men and women really are meant to compliment each other in that way. 179 00:11:07,980 --> 00:11:13,380 And so, uh, so anyway, I started the podcast and from the podcast it 180 00:11:13,380 --> 00:11:17,520 started getting bigger, I started interviewing more guys in the space. 181 00:11:17,580 --> 00:11:22,050 And, uh, from there I ended up, uh, getting invited on a, a panel 182 00:11:22,050 --> 00:11:25,080 show on Saturdays with some of the more prominent guys in, in 183 00:11:25,080 --> 00:11:26,340 what we call the red pill space. 184 00:11:26,340 --> 00:11:30,345 I don't know if you're familiar with Red Pill, but, um, I got invited on a panel 185 00:11:30,345 --> 00:11:35,625 show by a guy named Rollo Tomassi who wrote, uh, a really phenomenal book series 186 00:11:35,625 --> 00:11:37,395 called The Rational Male book series. 187 00:11:37,455 --> 00:11:42,135 And, uh, went under the learning tree of all the guys in that group 188 00:11:42,165 --> 00:11:45,435 'cause they're all very seasoned, you know, mentors in the space. 189 00:11:45,435 --> 00:11:49,185 Guys that are, that coach men, psychologists, and stuff like that. 190 00:11:49,185 --> 00:11:52,360 And, uh, ended up starting coaching men myself. 191 00:11:52,750 --> 00:11:55,450 And so I've been doing that for the last several years now. 192 00:11:55,570 --> 00:12:00,040 Um, I'm in a wonderful relationship now that's going on five years and it's 193 00:12:00,040 --> 00:12:04,750 effortless just because of everything that I've learned and, uh, I apply 194 00:12:04,750 --> 00:12:06,460 it every day in my relationship. 195 00:12:06,490 --> 00:12:09,730 Like we've been together, We've been get, like I said, going on five 196 00:12:09,730 --> 00:12:13,510 years now we've never once had a real argument, not a, not a serious argument. 197 00:12:13,510 --> 00:12:17,285 Which when I talk to people about that, they're like, That, How is that possible? 198 00:12:18,245 --> 00:12:19,775 And I'm like, It's possible. 199 00:12:20,105 --> 00:12:24,425 It's possible when you learn, you know, relationship skills, you know? 200 00:12:24,425 --> 00:12:27,574 And a lot of us have never been taught relationship skills. 201 00:12:27,574 --> 00:12:32,795 It's, it's actually a, a, a thing that, you know, we, we tend to learn from our 202 00:12:32,795 --> 00:12:34,655 parents, you know, from our upbringing. 203 00:12:34,685 --> 00:12:36,935 We see how mom and dad interact with each other. 204 00:12:37,485 --> 00:12:41,630 We never actually really get sit down and study, you know, how, 205 00:12:41,635 --> 00:12:43,515 how, how to properly communicate. 206 00:12:43,515 --> 00:12:45,975 Because men and women communicate differently so there's, there's 207 00:12:45,975 --> 00:12:47,235 a, there's some tricks there. 208 00:12:48,315 --> 00:12:52,245 So, um, anyway, after learning all that stuff, um, now I help men. 209 00:12:52,245 --> 00:12:55,305 And, and one of the things that really motivated me, it was something 210 00:12:55,305 --> 00:12:59,055 that clicked with me last year was, uh, a lot of guys find their 211 00:12:59,055 --> 00:13:04,484 way into the space because they're in a position I was years ago. 212 00:13:04,545 --> 00:13:08,594 Where they're married, they, they'll, they'll never give up, 213 00:13:08,834 --> 00:13:11,385 um, but their relationship is not where they want it to be. 214 00:13:11,385 --> 00:13:14,145 A lot of guys are in a dead bedroom situation and a lot of guys find 215 00:13:14,145 --> 00:13:17,775 their way to the space because they're trying to find out how do I get my 216 00:13:17,775 --> 00:13:20,145 wife to have sex with me again, right? 217 00:13:20,145 --> 00:13:23,925 Like, my wife hasn't had sex with me in months, or if she does, she's not into it. 218 00:13:24,224 --> 00:13:26,670 How do I get her, like this, right? 219 00:13:26,670 --> 00:13:28,079 It's all about changing her. 220 00:13:28,109 --> 00:13:30,900 And, uh, and so a lot of guys find their way to the space and they 221 00:13:30,900 --> 00:13:35,099 realize it's not her, it's you and how you show up in the relationship 222 00:13:35,099 --> 00:13:36,660 and how you lead that relationship. 223 00:13:36,660 --> 00:13:41,670 And so, uh, so I decided I'm gonna help men in that situation never have 224 00:13:41,670 --> 00:13:43,020 to go through what I went through. 225 00:13:44,250 --> 00:13:47,130 Paul, very interesting story going on. 226 00:13:47,550 --> 00:13:53,880 Uh, I wanna start with, thank you for serving our country, it's top in my life. 227 00:13:53,880 --> 00:13:58,020 I, I really appreciate people that take the time to do that. 228 00:13:59,550 --> 00:14:07,680 The Come On Man podcast basically is, is to help yourself grow 229 00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:10,199 as you help others grow. 230 00:14:10,199 --> 00:14:11,040 Is that correct? 231 00:14:12,604 --> 00:14:16,079 That's, that's really what it started out as, uh, and I'll tell you why. 232 00:14:16,079 --> 00:14:21,810 Because a lot of people, a lot of people, what I found in the space 233 00:14:21,810 --> 00:14:23,850 is they'll study this stuff, right? 234 00:14:23,850 --> 00:14:29,340 They'll read the books just long enough to get, you know, get into 235 00:14:29,340 --> 00:14:31,050 their next relationship, right? 236 00:14:31,225 --> 00:14:35,820 Or, or just long enough in to, in order to get their wife to act a certain 237 00:14:35,820 --> 00:14:40,995 way, then they'll stop and then they will fall back on old programming. 238 00:14:40,995 --> 00:14:44,954 Because a lot of people don't realize this is that, uh, we are, our, our 239 00:14:44,954 --> 00:14:49,395 actions and our results in life come from our paradigm, our subconscious mind. 240 00:14:50,025 --> 00:14:54,944 And so we have this paradigm of how relationships should be that, and that's 241 00:14:54,944 --> 00:14:57,194 been programmed in us all, all our lives. 242 00:14:57,194 --> 00:15:01,665 And you can't undo twenty, thirty, forty years of programming after 243 00:15:01,665 --> 00:15:04,344 reading a book once, you know? 244 00:15:04,915 --> 00:15:10,829 And so, so one of the things that, uh, I realized is that I have to 245 00:15:10,949 --> 00:15:12,780 constantly study this material. 246 00:15:12,839 --> 00:15:17,819 And one of the things that forces me to have to keep this stuff on the 247 00:15:17,819 --> 00:15:22,890 forefront so I'm, it, I never fall back into complacency, is the podcast. 248 00:15:22,890 --> 00:15:26,670 The podcast forces me to keep studying this stuff so it's always 249 00:15:26,670 --> 00:15:27,719 on the forefront of my mind. 250 00:15:27,719 --> 00:15:32,954 I always have to come up with new episodes and so, yeah, it, it, it really started 251 00:15:32,954 --> 00:15:37,935 out as a way for me to keep this on the forefront of my mind, and then it just 252 00:15:37,995 --> 00:15:40,515 blew up as a way to help other men. 253 00:15:40,694 --> 00:15:42,255 And then I've, I've just found that 254 00:15:42,675 --> 00:15:46,215 helping other men is just extremely rewarding and it's 255 00:15:46,215 --> 00:15:48,165 become a mission of mine in life. 256 00:15:48,165 --> 00:15:52,365 And, and every man needs a, a mission or a purpose in life, or else he's 257 00:15:52,365 --> 00:15:57,405 gonna fall stagnant, uh, you know, he's gonna get, just let life happen to him. 258 00:15:57,435 --> 00:16:00,535 That actually ends up being, making you really unattractive. 259 00:16:00,865 --> 00:16:05,725 Women really like a guy that has a mission, a purpose, a, a sense of, of 260 00:16:05,875 --> 00:16:09,955 ambition and drive, and something that makes them want to get up in the morning. 261 00:16:10,255 --> 00:16:13,135 That's attractive to women and a lot of guys aren't like that. 262 00:16:13,255 --> 00:16:18,079 They just, you know, they get to a place, I got a job now, I, you know, I, I, I work 263 00:16:18,079 --> 00:16:22,340 nine to five, I come home, I crack open a couple of beers, I try to get my wife to 264 00:16:22,340 --> 00:16:24,199 sleep with me, she rejects me, whatever. 265 00:16:24,199 --> 00:16:27,890 I go to sleep, wake up, rinse, wash, repeat, they, that's their lives. 266 00:16:27,979 --> 00:16:29,209 It's extremely boring. 267 00:16:29,209 --> 00:16:33,500 Women hate that, and that's why women start nagging. 268 00:16:33,589 --> 00:16:36,349 You know, when a woman's nagging you, that's a sign. 269 00:16:37,339 --> 00:16:38,119 That's a sign. 270 00:16:38,119 --> 00:16:41,300 It's not, she's not trying to be mean, she's trying to 271 00:16:41,300 --> 00:16:42,780 snap you out of complacency. 272 00:16:44,694 --> 00:16:54,599 I, I have been with my wife forty-two years, married forty years, and 273 00:16:55,170 --> 00:16:59,520 I've been the rollercoaster, up and down, up and down. 274 00:17:00,089 --> 00:17:07,260 And really until I hit fifty years old, I had no clue of what the heck I was doing. 275 00:17:07,319 --> 00:17:15,135 And you know, my wife got fed up with it several times and I had no clue. 276 00:17:16,425 --> 00:17:25,244 And until I really was put on a spot and I found myself broken, then I started to 277 00:17:25,244 --> 00:17:32,534 really understand, Well, maybe this is me, like you stated in your, uh, run up here. 278 00:17:33,225 --> 00:17:38,475 That, that's really where it starts, finding that awareness and 279 00:17:38,475 --> 00:17:46,320 understanding maybe, uh, you're not the same person that your wife met. 280 00:17:46,530 --> 00:17:53,730 And through getting complacent with life, maybe you've slacked here and there. 281 00:17:54,270 --> 00:17:56,040 Figuring that out is hard. 282 00:17:56,370 --> 00:18:00,960 And then also, you know, communication, like you said, 283 00:18:01,650 --> 00:18:03,570 different worlds, men and women, 284 00:18:03,975 --> 00:18:04,935 big time. 285 00:18:05,295 --> 00:18:09,345 Uh, we're different creatures and we think different, we act different, 286 00:18:09,345 --> 00:18:12,045 our emotions come out different. 287 00:18:13,035 --> 00:18:15,885 This is hard, especially if you're a young man. 288 00:18:16,365 --> 00:18:22,185 And you know, I, it was one of the hardest things in my life when 289 00:18:22,185 --> 00:18:24,135 I had to tell my wife, Fuck off. 290 00:18:24,935 --> 00:18:27,795 You know, this isn't the way it's going to be. 291 00:18:28,575 --> 00:18:37,095 And when I was able to do that in a loving way, that's when my life 292 00:18:37,095 --> 00:18:39,825 started getting better, you know? 293 00:18:39,825 --> 00:18:44,535 And, and this, uh, what, what do you call it? 294 00:18:44,715 --> 00:18:49,545 Uh, betaization , it, it really is a thing, you know? 295 00:18:49,545 --> 00:18:54,225 And you've got to be on top of who you are, what you are, 296 00:18:54,405 --> 00:18:57,225 and why you're that person. 297 00:18:57,525 --> 00:19:00,285 What is your goal in life? 298 00:19:00,675 --> 00:19:01,665 Having a goal. 299 00:19:02,054 --> 00:19:10,485 If, if you don't, stagnation, it slides in quick and that's not attractive. 300 00:19:10,710 --> 00:19:16,020 It, it gets redundant, boring, and it causes conflict. 301 00:19:16,740 --> 00:19:22,620 So understanding who your partner is is very important, and that means being 302 00:19:22,620 --> 00:19:29,100 blunt, getting straight to the point as quick as possible, and that, that 303 00:19:29,340 --> 00:19:32,340 way you know who you're dealing with. 304 00:19:32,550 --> 00:19:38,070 Because sometimes, like you stated, it takes years to understand who you're with. 305 00:19:38,670 --> 00:19:42,150 And that's part of that complacency, isn't it? 306 00:19:43,410 --> 00:19:44,160 It is. 307 00:19:44,220 --> 00:19:48,600 Um, and I like how you said it's really hard, it's really hard for a young man. 308 00:19:48,630 --> 00:19:52,770 Um, my, my first book is called, Everything I Wish 309 00:19:52,770 --> 00:19:53,810 I Knew When I was Eighteen. 310 00:19:54,300 --> 00:19:59,610 Because after I learned all this stuff, it was just like a slap in the face. 311 00:19:59,909 --> 00:20:00,810 Like why? 312 00:20:01,149 --> 00:20:01,450 What? 313 00:20:01,470 --> 00:20:04,560 I wish someone would've told me this coming out of high school. 314 00:20:04,950 --> 00:20:09,389 That there's a, there's a, it's almost a science, you know, it really is. 315 00:20:09,480 --> 00:20:11,670 A lot of, uh, so I come out of the Red Pill space. 316 00:20:11,700 --> 00:20:17,760 Red pill started, uh, as guys swapping notes in pickup forums, right? 317 00:20:17,760 --> 00:20:19,790 How to get women to sleep with them quick, right? 318 00:20:19,790 --> 00:20:23,445 Like it, and what these guys found was there was all these tricks 319 00:20:23,445 --> 00:20:25,365 that tended to work really well. 320 00:20:25,365 --> 00:20:30,435 And so then these other guys came in with evolutionary psychology to try 321 00:20:30,435 --> 00:20:34,875 to explain, okay, well, we know this works, we know women respond to this. 322 00:20:35,265 --> 00:20:36,555 Why, right? 323 00:20:36,555 --> 00:20:40,065 And so they came in with evolutionary psychology to try to explain it. 324 00:20:40,065 --> 00:20:43,515 So it really is a science and it, and one of the things that I found 325 00:20:44,535 --> 00:20:48,315 is that it, a lot of people think that love is this thing that just 326 00:20:48,315 --> 00:20:50,145 sort of magically sort of happens. 327 00:20:50,205 --> 00:20:51,495 It works like clockwork. 328 00:20:51,555 --> 00:20:56,505 If you, if you apply it, um, like in the dating process, right? 329 00:20:56,505 --> 00:21:02,445 You apply it in a strategic way, men can actually, you can watch 330 00:21:02,445 --> 00:21:04,125 guys progress through this. 331 00:21:04,155 --> 00:21:06,135 Uh, every guy that I've ever watched study this, 332 00:21:06,135 --> 00:21:07,275 it's like clockwork, right? 333 00:21:07,275 --> 00:21:13,410 So one of the things that we found is that if you, in the beginning, you 334 00:21:13,410 --> 00:21:15,480 don't push for a relationship, right? 335 00:21:15,480 --> 00:21:19,410 You be the one that, uh, you only see her once a week, you don't 336 00:21:19,410 --> 00:21:20,940 try to occupy all of her time. 337 00:21:20,940 --> 00:21:24,490 That's what a lot of guys do, they find a girl that's nice, they try to see her ten 338 00:21:24,510 --> 00:21:26,850 times a week, like the first week, right? 339 00:21:27,000 --> 00:21:30,930 Well, you don't do that you act like, you know, you're busy and 340 00:21:30,930 --> 00:21:32,730 you try to be really busy, right? 341 00:21:32,730 --> 00:21:34,110 Be a man of, of purpose. 342 00:21:34,110 --> 00:21:39,150 You, you go out there, you only see her once a week, you wait a couple of days to 343 00:21:39,150 --> 00:21:43,760 let her wonder about you, you know, you don't text her all day long your play by 344 00:21:43,760 --> 00:21:45,560 play, like, I just ate a ham sandwich. 345 00:21:45,560 --> 00:21:46,550 Like she doesn't care. 346 00:21:46,910 --> 00:21:51,920 So you be a mystery and you'll find that women will start chasing you. 347 00:21:52,040 --> 00:21:55,280 Like if they really like you and they're like, they're trying to figure you out, 348 00:21:55,280 --> 00:21:58,880 they're, that actually draws them in and makes them more attracted to you. 349 00:21:59,180 --> 00:22:04,035 So you only see 'em once a week for the first couple weeks until she 350 00:22:04,035 --> 00:22:05,805 really wants to start seeing you a lot. 351 00:22:05,805 --> 00:22:07,995 Then she's going to reach out to you more. 352 00:22:08,235 --> 00:22:09,555 Hey, I was just thinking about you. 353 00:22:09,555 --> 00:22:11,535 Hey, I just saw this meme that made me think of you. 354 00:22:11,535 --> 00:22:13,185 Whatever, that's women chasing you. 355 00:22:13,185 --> 00:22:17,804 It's funny 'cause women are very subtle, they don't openly ask men out. 356 00:22:17,865 --> 00:22:21,615 They don't openly pursue men 'cause that's not in their nature. 357 00:22:21,615 --> 00:22:22,514 They're very passive. 358 00:22:22,514 --> 00:22:25,844 So the way women will chase you is they just sort of put themselves 359 00:22:25,844 --> 00:22:30,044 in their, in your orbit and hope you ask them out, right? 360 00:22:30,375 --> 00:22:34,004 And so you just gotta recognize this as a guy and, and when, and when you realize 361 00:22:34,004 --> 00:22:36,945 that that's what's happening, you say, Oh hey, when are you free to get together? 362 00:22:36,945 --> 00:22:38,175 And you meet up with her. 363 00:22:38,715 --> 00:22:43,034 By the seventh or eighth date, on average, women are usually in 364 00:22:43,034 --> 00:22:45,405 love and pushing for exclusivity. 365 00:22:46,080 --> 00:22:49,380 By the seventh or eighth date it, and it's like clockwork, just like I said, 366 00:22:49,380 --> 00:22:51,840 it's, it's a, a, a fascinating thing. 367 00:22:51,840 --> 00:22:55,890 You'll find that, uh, in the modern era, women will sleep with you by the, 368 00:22:55,890 --> 00:22:57,630 the second or third date on average. 369 00:22:57,780 --> 00:23:00,480 So it's like you don't have to be constantly trying to 370 00:23:01,050 --> 00:23:02,190 seduce her all the time. 371 00:23:02,190 --> 00:23:05,340 You, you know, if she likes you, she's gonna be pushing for that sort of thing. 372 00:23:05,610 --> 00:23:07,110 It's very fascinating. 373 00:23:07,170 --> 00:23:10,770 And so what you'll find is it works the same way in relationships. 374 00:23:11,040 --> 00:23:13,110 And you mentioned the betaization process. 375 00:23:13,850 --> 00:23:18,720 The betaization process is, uh, I, I have an, a free ebook for guys out 376 00:23:18,720 --> 00:23:23,340 there, uh, if they go to my website, fixdeadbedrooms.com, they can get it. 377 00:23:23,580 --> 00:23:27,480 It's, it, it's the, the eBook's called She's Made You Weak. 378 00:23:27,750 --> 00:23:31,440 And this is why attraction tends to erode over time, most men 379 00:23:31,440 --> 00:23:32,700 don't even know what's happening. 380 00:23:33,270 --> 00:23:39,420 But it's a part of a woman's evolutionary wiring to where they will test you. 381 00:23:39,794 --> 00:23:44,354 We call these shit tests, or frame checks, or fitness tests. 382 00:23:44,354 --> 00:23:46,334 Like there's lots of different words for it, it's the same thing. 383 00:23:46,334 --> 00:23:50,024 But women will subtly, they don't even know they're doing it half the time, 384 00:23:50,024 --> 00:23:51,524 it's a very subconscious thing. 385 00:23:51,524 --> 00:23:56,175 But they will test you to see if they can push your buttons, if they can 386 00:23:56,175 --> 00:24:01,650 get you mad, if they can make you change your plans, uh, if they can 387 00:24:01,740 --> 00:24:04,080 manipulate you in a, any certain way. 388 00:24:04,290 --> 00:24:09,570 And if you fail these tests, she starts losing respect for you. 389 00:24:10,350 --> 00:24:12,480 And a woman can't love a man she doesn't respect. 390 00:24:13,020 --> 00:24:18,300 And then, uh, the next part of the process is, uh, try to 391 00:24:18,300 --> 00:24:19,470 get you to be more vulnerable. 392 00:24:19,470 --> 00:24:21,090 Like, I need you to open up to me. 393 00:24:21,090 --> 00:24:24,900 Like, tell me, tell me all your, your, your, your deepest, darkest secrets. 394 00:24:24,900 --> 00:24:29,250 And then what a lot of women will do is, uh, if, if there's 395 00:24:29,940 --> 00:24:33,990 continuing to lose respect for you, they use that against you. 396 00:24:34,290 --> 00:24:36,750 It's really a dirty tactic, right? 397 00:24:37,440 --> 00:24:39,615 So, it's bad. 398 00:24:39,615 --> 00:24:39,885 Yeah. 399 00:24:39,885 --> 00:24:44,415 And then one of the things that they do, which isn't a bad thing, is they try to, 400 00:24:44,475 --> 00:24:48,225 um, they try to put you to work, right? 401 00:24:48,225 --> 00:24:51,705 So they, this is where a woman will get behind you and motivate you to 402 00:24:51,705 --> 00:24:56,325 get a better job, to go for that next promotion, basically to put 403 00:24:56,325 --> 00:25:00,645 you to work so that you're providing for her and the children, right? 404 00:25:00,645 --> 00:25:04,980 And that's not a bad thing 'cause you'll find that, oh, a good woman will 405 00:25:05,040 --> 00:25:07,350 push you to move to the next level. 406 00:25:07,350 --> 00:25:09,450 Men are inherently lazy, you know? 407 00:25:09,450 --> 00:25:12,149 And that comes from our evolutionary wiring too. 408 00:25:12,149 --> 00:25:17,490 Because, uh, our ancestors were rewarded for laziness, conserving calories, not 409 00:25:17,490 --> 00:25:19,740 spending all day chasing lions and stuff, 410 00:25:19,740 --> 00:25:20,040 right? 411 00:25:20,040 --> 00:25:23,435 Like it, the, the, the people that just, you know, gathered what they needed 412 00:25:23,435 --> 00:25:26,135 and just like hunkered down, survived. 413 00:25:26,225 --> 00:25:30,095 And so we're sort of wired to be more lazy, but, and women are 414 00:25:30,095 --> 00:25:32,165 more wired to push us, right? 415 00:25:32,165 --> 00:25:33,455 And so that's not a bad thing. 416 00:25:34,475 --> 00:25:38,195 But what will happen is guys will go too hard on the provider side 417 00:25:38,195 --> 00:25:42,095 stuff and they will be workhorses. 418 00:25:42,095 --> 00:25:45,515 They will, that they will go all in on their work, they'll make sure that they're 419 00:25:45,515 --> 00:25:48,695 bringing home the bacon, they're taking care of their children, being good dads. 420 00:25:50,430 --> 00:25:53,220 Women don't necessarily find that attractive, though. 421 00:25:53,220 --> 00:25:54,990 They don't find that sexually attractive. 422 00:25:55,080 --> 00:26:00,090 And so what they'll find is that, um, they, they're not, they're no longer 423 00:26:00,149 --> 00:26:02,220 responding sexually to you anymore. 424 00:26:02,820 --> 00:26:06,330 And then now they're, they're not getting their sexual needs met, but 425 00:26:06,330 --> 00:26:09,840 they're sexual beings too, that, but they don't find you sexually attractive 426 00:26:09,840 --> 00:26:13,740 anymore 'cause now you're this beta, you know, provider workhorse. 427 00:26:15,015 --> 00:26:18,135 That's where their evolutionary selfishness starts taking in. 428 00:26:18,135 --> 00:26:21,105 They start nitpicking at things you do, you're not doing things good enough, 429 00:26:21,105 --> 00:26:24,405 they keep making you work and work and work until they, but they're, they're 430 00:26:24,405 --> 00:26:28,365 trying now to find a guy that's more sexually attractive and that's where their 431 00:26:28,365 --> 00:26:30,915 evolutionary, um, selfishness takes in. 432 00:26:30,915 --> 00:26:35,670 And they tend to, uh, give you the, I love you, but I'm not in love with you anymore. 433 00:26:36,500 --> 00:26:39,540 And then they're, they're either cheating on you or filing for divorce, right? 434 00:26:39,540 --> 00:26:42,900 It's a, it's an erosion over time that's subconscious, they 435 00:26:42,900 --> 00:26:44,040 don't even know they're doing it. 436 00:26:44,040 --> 00:26:47,280 And if you're, as a man, don't realize it's happening to you, you 437 00:26:47,280 --> 00:26:48,780 don't know how to defend against it. 438 00:26:48,780 --> 00:26:52,050 I kind of jokingly call it defending against the dark arts, you know? 439 00:26:52,620 --> 00:26:55,530 But it all starts with the the, the testing process. 440 00:26:55,590 --> 00:26:59,160 So one of the things that I teach men when I coach them is 441 00:26:59,160 --> 00:27:02,560 how to recognize a woman's test. 442 00:27:02,620 --> 00:27:06,310 Like things that they'll, they'll say, things that they'll do, and, 443 00:27:06,310 --> 00:27:09,710 uh, like a good rule of thumb is to assume everything she says or does is 444 00:27:09,710 --> 00:27:12,900 a test and act accordingly, you know? 445 00:27:13,110 --> 00:27:15,540 And there's different ways that you can handle women's tests. 446 00:27:15,600 --> 00:27:20,670 Uh, like two of the biggest ones is, uh, what we call agree and amplify. 447 00:27:20,700 --> 00:27:22,230 And the other one is acting different. 448 00:27:22,650 --> 00:27:27,030 And a lot of it, the testing, like I said before, is about seeing if she can throw 449 00:27:27,030 --> 00:27:30,900 you off center, seeing if, if, uh, she can get you up in your emotions, right? 450 00:27:30,930 --> 00:27:33,720 Like, see if she can push your buttons enough that you're, you yell at her. 451 00:27:34,814 --> 00:27:37,875 But another thing is, uh, seeing if she can manipulate you, 452 00:27:37,905 --> 00:27:39,645 get you to change your plans. 453 00:27:39,705 --> 00:27:44,085 And so that's where being able to tell a woman, No, no, we're 454 00:27:44,085 --> 00:27:45,824 doing things my way, right? 455 00:27:46,155 --> 00:27:49,544 She, she might get mad and throw a fit and a lot of guys like will 456 00:27:49,544 --> 00:27:52,574 do anything to avoid any kind of tension in the relationship. 457 00:27:52,605 --> 00:27:56,715 But you gotta understand that that tension, that tension's required 458 00:27:56,805 --> 00:27:58,125 for her to be attracted to you. 459 00:27:58,125 --> 00:28:01,155 So you don't, you embrace it and be able to tell her, No. 460 00:28:01,155 --> 00:28:05,115 Let her have her fit, don't, don't climb on her emotional rollercoaster. 461 00:28:05,115 --> 00:28:08,425 And you'll find thirty minutes later she's crawling into your lap, you know? 462 00:28:09,335 --> 00:28:14,054 So, um, but a lot of that is just her testing your strength, right? 463 00:28:14,054 --> 00:28:15,075 Is he a good leader? 464 00:28:15,075 --> 00:28:20,145 Is he, is, is he going to set the tone and, and, and lead this relationship 465 00:28:20,145 --> 00:28:22,695 and let me relax into my feminine? 466 00:28:22,754 --> 00:28:27,375 But most guys let their wives get in the driver's seat then they, you know, 467 00:28:27,375 --> 00:28:30,165 I, I saw a joke the other day where a guy goes, I could never cheat on my 468 00:28:30,165 --> 00:28:34,034 wife because she would have to plan it and then remind me about it, right? 469 00:28:34,845 --> 00:28:38,535 That's, uh, that's a woman being in charge of the relationship, being the one that 470 00:28:38,535 --> 00:28:43,245 sets the tone and leads, and that puts her in her masculine energy, which isn't 471 00:28:43,245 --> 00:28:47,155 natural to her, which makes her resent you for it, which causes attraction to erode. 472 00:28:47,175 --> 00:28:49,575 So it's like you can't do that, you have to be the leader. 473 00:28:49,575 --> 00:28:52,925 You have to be the one that sets the tone and leads that relationship. 474 00:28:54,525 --> 00:28:54,865 Yeah. 475 00:28:54,930 --> 00:28:56,340 I, I believe that a lot. 476 00:28:56,700 --> 00:29:01,410 Uh, I, I really think there's a lot of this unnatural behavior going 477 00:29:01,410 --> 00:29:08,040 on, and it's frustrating because, you know, the mainstream media is 478 00:29:08,040 --> 00:29:15,465 telling all these young people one thing, and yet, it's totally opposite 479 00:29:15,465 --> 00:29:18,375 of the reality of the situation. 480 00:29:18,675 --> 00:29:25,395 We are biological creatures and we have these certain urges, desires, 481 00:29:25,695 --> 00:29:28,935 and, and that's generalizing. 482 00:29:29,385 --> 00:29:30,615 You know, there's these 483 00:29:32,925 --> 00:29:39,585 offshoots, but generally everybody is like everybody else. 484 00:29:40,005 --> 00:29:44,835 And that's kind of the thing that makes us a tribe. 485 00:29:45,765 --> 00:29:53,985 So we, we really have to dig into that and understand that simplicity is, just 486 00:29:53,985 --> 00:29:58,305 what you said, very simple to survive. 487 00:29:58,635 --> 00:30:07,815 And if you can get back to that simplicity in living, that is really key. 488 00:30:08,115 --> 00:30:15,765 And I think our world now, it has us motivated in the wrong directions. 489 00:30:16,125 --> 00:30:22,485 We are running for money, and, uh, fame, and attention. 490 00:30:22,815 --> 00:30:24,495 Everybody wants attention. 491 00:30:26,025 --> 00:30:29,475 We're looking for it in the wrong places, is what I feel. 492 00:30:29,535 --> 00:30:32,070 What, what's your take on that? 493 00:30:33,000 --> 00:30:35,580 Uh, well, what do you mean we're, we're looking for attention in the wrong places? 494 00:30:35,580 --> 00:30:37,200 You're, like on, uh, social media? 495 00:30:37,410 --> 00:30:40,680 The, like, you know, get, getting the fake internet points? 496 00:30:41,070 --> 00:30:41,850 Yes. 497 00:30:42,030 --> 00:30:47,790 I, I, I think that is, yes, that, that is very key, Paul, because, you know, 498 00:30:47,790 --> 00:30:53,580 we are finding ourselves moving more in the direction of digital world. 499 00:30:53,969 --> 00:31:01,199 But our biological body needs to be looking for interaction in the real world. 500 00:31:01,590 --> 00:31:06,600 Uh, we used to have picnics and we, we'd have these social interactions 501 00:31:06,600 --> 00:31:13,469 in the park and people would meet and gather, and that's how we used to 502 00:31:14,129 --> 00:31:17,669 get all of our social interactions. 503 00:31:17,669 --> 00:31:22,560 Now it's generally online, so there is this. 504 00:31:23,550 --> 00:31:24,390 Diminished. 505 00:31:25,740 --> 00:31:26,730 Oh, there, it is. 506 00:31:26,730 --> 00:31:30,900 And it, it impacts us all in different ways, you know, a lot of, um, a 507 00:31:30,900 --> 00:31:35,520 lot of the social media, it's all dopamine addiction too, you know? 508 00:31:36,750 --> 00:31:39,930 When you, when you post something online and you're like constantly checking 509 00:31:39,930 --> 00:31:41,250 back, like, how many views do I get? 510 00:31:41,250 --> 00:31:42,165 How many likes did I get? 511 00:31:42,480 --> 00:31:44,340 That's, uh, that's all dopamine addiction. 512 00:31:44,760 --> 00:31:48,150 And the way, uh, it, it, it manifests itself in, in lots of 513 00:31:48,150 --> 00:31:50,190 different negative ways, you know? 514 00:31:50,250 --> 00:31:56,235 uh, for men, men who get addicted to social media and posting so that they 515 00:31:56,235 --> 00:31:59,715 get the fake internet points and stuff like that, what a lot of guys don't 516 00:31:59,715 --> 00:32:04,754 realize is that, uh, especially if they're trying to be more attractive for their 517 00:32:04,965 --> 00:32:11,564 wives or girlfriends is, doing that a lot is validation seeking behavior and, 518 00:32:12,195 --> 00:32:16,425 uh, it's not masculine to be constantly seeking validation. 519 00:32:16,815 --> 00:32:21,435 Like, it, it's actually, that's more of a, a, a, a feminine trait to be looking 520 00:32:21,435 --> 00:32:23,325 for validation and attention all the time. 521 00:32:23,415 --> 00:32:28,485 And so if you're that guy, women start looking at that going, I don't 522 00:32:28,485 --> 00:32:30,195 know why, but it, it's unattractive. 523 00:32:30,195 --> 00:32:32,955 It's because it, it goes against the nature, right? 524 00:32:33,315 --> 00:32:37,725 Um, and then a, a, a problem with women, uh, having, being, putting 525 00:32:37,725 --> 00:32:42,915 on social, putting themselves out there on social media is that they 526 00:32:42,915 --> 00:32:45,585 do get a lot of attention, especially if they're attractive, right? 527 00:32:45,585 --> 00:32:49,064 They'll get a lot of attention from other men. 528 00:32:49,575 --> 00:32:54,825 And then, uh, their hypergamous nature, um, which is, is fascinating, 529 00:32:54,825 --> 00:32:56,955 uh, there's this concept called hypergamy, right? 530 00:32:56,955 --> 00:33:00,865 And women, women's sexual strategy is hypergamy. 531 00:33:00,885 --> 00:33:03,750 And hypergamy is where a woman is typically trying to look for 532 00:33:03,750 --> 00:33:06,389 her best possible option, right? 533 00:33:06,389 --> 00:33:11,475 And a part of that is she wants a guy who's sexually attractive, 534 00:33:11,475 --> 00:33:14,565 we call those, you know, those types of traits, alpha traits. 535 00:33:14,565 --> 00:33:17,385 A lot of guys don't like the concepts of alpha/ beta, but you can, you 536 00:33:17,385 --> 00:33:21,585 can say sexually attractive and not sexually attractive, right? 537 00:33:22,065 --> 00:33:25,965 So they're looking for a guy that's sexually attractive, but who's 538 00:33:25,965 --> 00:33:27,855 also kind and nurturing, right? 539 00:33:28,095 --> 00:33:32,175 And that the kind and nurturing's the beta traits, they want a guy with both traits. 540 00:33:32,595 --> 00:33:33,075 Um. 541 00:33:33,795 --> 00:33:37,335 And so that's, that's gonna be their best possible option, a guy that 542 00:33:37,335 --> 00:33:39,495 has a, a solid mixture of both. 543 00:33:40,635 --> 00:33:44,175 And what they'll, what women, if they can't get one thing in their 544 00:33:44,175 --> 00:33:46,965 relationship, like maybe they do have the beta provider guy, right? 545 00:33:46,965 --> 00:33:49,755 That's where they put them to work and they made them the solid workhorse. 546 00:33:49,755 --> 00:33:51,285 Now he's the beta provider guy. 547 00:33:51,315 --> 00:33:55,155 Now they're looking for, that's why they cheat, they'll cheat with the pool 548 00:33:55,155 --> 00:33:56,805 boy who's more sexually attractive. 549 00:33:57,435 --> 00:34:00,960 Well, the thing is, about being on social media is, now they have a whole 550 00:34:00,960 --> 00:34:05,940 world open to them of guys who are just constantly giving them validation. 551 00:34:05,940 --> 00:34:07,740 Telling them that they're beautiful, 552 00:34:07,740 --> 00:34:09,120 like, Oh, you're so gorgeous. 553 00:34:09,120 --> 00:34:12,150 And there's all these, you know, we call them simps in the space, where 554 00:34:12,150 --> 00:34:14,760 they're, they're just constantly putting these women on pedestals, 555 00:34:14,760 --> 00:34:16,590 so they get this inflated ego. 556 00:34:17,415 --> 00:34:23,235 And now they, they get this over sense, uh, this overinflated sense of self, where 557 00:34:23,235 --> 00:34:27,105 now they're looking at the guy they're with, who, if you didn't have social 558 00:34:27,105 --> 00:34:31,545 media, he probably would be her best possible option in her immediate vicinity. 559 00:34:31,844 --> 00:34:35,895 But now she's got this worldwide thing where she's being told constantly how 560 00:34:35,925 --> 00:34:39,284 great she is, and how beautiful she is, and how she's like a ten, and she's gonna 561 00:34:39,284 --> 00:34:44,669 start looking at her average husband and go, Oh, I could do better than this. 562 00:34:44,759 --> 00:34:48,449 And then her hypergamous nature is gonna start seeking that out elsewhere. 563 00:34:48,870 --> 00:34:54,239 And then that's where, like we have this really, you know, bad, uh, you 564 00:34:54,239 --> 00:34:57,330 know, we have bad divorce rates now, people can't seem to stay together, 565 00:34:57,330 --> 00:34:58,859 relationships are in shambles. 566 00:34:59,250 --> 00:35:01,450 A lot of it is fueled by social media. 567 00:35:02,980 --> 00:35:05,565 Yes, I believe that a hundred percent. 568 00:35:05,595 --> 00:35:10,785 It, it's, it's really a good thing what we're doing here today, Paul, 569 00:35:10,785 --> 00:35:17,265 is, you know, educating the younger people that, hey, it, it's not real 570 00:35:17,265 --> 00:35:19,695 what we're dealing with in this world. 571 00:35:19,695 --> 00:35:24,195 So, you know, this is just a natural feeling that you're 572 00:35:24,195 --> 00:35:25,785 having, it's okay to be you. 573 00:35:26,730 --> 00:35:33,300 And, and that, I, I really feel will help build young people to a better 574 00:35:33,300 --> 00:35:36,270 standing or understanding, anyway. 575 00:35:37,215 --> 00:35:38,790 I, I, I, I agree. 576 00:35:38,790 --> 00:35:45,359 And, and going back to the social media thing, uh, when I realized that, uh, 577 00:35:45,540 --> 00:35:49,200 posting on social media and trying to get likes and stuff like that, uh, 578 00:35:49,200 --> 00:35:53,700 was attention seeking behavior, I, I really did an, a self-evaluation 579 00:35:53,700 --> 00:35:56,100 of my personal social media. 580 00:35:56,190 --> 00:35:58,259 And I, I realized that I was that guy. 581 00:35:58,380 --> 00:36:02,400 I was, I was posting like every dinner I had, everywhere I went, I, 582 00:36:02,400 --> 00:36:07,860 it was always selfies and whatever, and I immediately cut that out. 583 00:36:07,860 --> 00:36:11,700 If you are someone that's like my, my, one of my close friends and 584 00:36:11,700 --> 00:36:14,640 you follow me on social media, you probably never see me post anymore. 585 00:36:14,670 --> 00:36:15,630 Like never. 586 00:36:15,720 --> 00:36:19,020 Like my personal, my personal social media is completely dead. 587 00:36:19,320 --> 00:36:23,490 My professional social media is very active 'cause it's marketing really, 588 00:36:23,490 --> 00:36:26,340 you know, it's trying to get people to the podcast, or to the books, or 589 00:36:27,105 --> 00:36:28,965 to the coaching, so I have to post. 590 00:36:28,965 --> 00:36:31,275 It's not really attention seeking behavior, it's business. 591 00:36:31,305 --> 00:36:36,795 But, but, but I'll, I'll see it 'cause I'm on TikTok a lot and I see, I see 592 00:36:36,795 --> 00:36:41,625 guys, you know, making these videos for no reason other than to get internet points. 593 00:36:41,685 --> 00:36:46,229 And I'm just like, Man, if you just, if you just cut that out, you would, your 594 00:36:46,229 --> 00:36:47,790 wife would like you better, you know? 595 00:36:48,120 --> 00:36:55,470 And then women, if they, you stop putting, you know, sexy picks online and started, 596 00:36:55,560 --> 00:37:00,629 you know, really saving that for your relationship and really maybe only post, 597 00:37:01,050 --> 00:37:05,190 yeah, maybe only post things that are like family updates that are 598 00:37:05,190 --> 00:37:08,850 important, you know, so that, you know, grandma knows what's going 599 00:37:08,850 --> 00:37:10,410 on, that, that kind of stuff's okay. 600 00:37:10,410 --> 00:37:14,460 But if you're putting like thirst traps up, which a lot of women do, 601 00:37:14,460 --> 00:37:18,330 they'll put like sexy pictures of themselves up there just so they 602 00:37:18,330 --> 00:37:19,535 can get other guys' attention. 603 00:37:19,535 --> 00:37:23,540 That, that's gonna hurt your marriage, that's gonna hurt your relationship. 604 00:37:24,009 --> 00:37:30,390 So it, it, it, it would behoove both genders to not do that so much. 605 00:37:30,450 --> 00:37:34,529 Pull back from social media and, and be more present in your relationship. 606 00:37:35,100 --> 00:37:36,420 Yeah, yeah. 607 00:37:36,480 --> 00:37:44,910 And, and that, that should carry on into your personal life behavior, all of that. 608 00:37:44,910 --> 00:37:48,630 Moderation in everything that we do is key. 609 00:37:49,320 --> 00:37:57,180 So it happens with alcohol and, you know, all, all behavior depends on moderation. 610 00:37:58,470 --> 00:38:03,690 I wanna touch on setting, uh, boundaries. 611 00:38:04,419 --> 00:38:10,290 You know, I really feel that a good relationship has healthy boundaries 612 00:38:10,650 --> 00:38:17,730 and both partners should understand the boundaries within the relationship. 613 00:38:18,450 --> 00:38:23,590 What is your understanding of boundaries, Paul? 614 00:38:25,110 --> 00:38:26,940 Boundaries are, boundaries are paramount. 615 00:38:26,940 --> 00:38:30,780 But, but a lot of people don't really have a good understanding of boundaries. 616 00:38:30,780 --> 00:38:32,430 Boundaries aren't for them. 617 00:38:32,490 --> 00:38:33,421 Like, boundaries are for you. 618 00:38:33,845 --> 00:38:39,285 It's, it's rules and values you set for yourself of what you're willing 619 00:38:39,285 --> 00:38:40,785 to tolerate and what you're not. 620 00:38:41,085 --> 00:38:47,145 And, uh, a lot of people don't know how to set boundaries very well. 621 00:38:47,235 --> 00:38:49,005 Uh, there's effective ways of doing it. 622 00:38:49,665 --> 00:38:51,915 And, um, like a good example, right? 623 00:38:52,365 --> 00:38:56,610 Because one of the things that, that I, we talk about in the Red Pill 624 00:38:56,610 --> 00:39:01,200 space is, is for men, uh, women are typically drawn to a guy who has a 625 00:39:01,200 --> 00:39:03,810 dominant masculine presence, right? 626 00:39:03,900 --> 00:39:07,890 Uh, being dominant doesn't necessarily mean domineering, you know, like 627 00:39:07,890 --> 00:39:09,690 being controlling and stuff like that. 628 00:39:09,690 --> 00:39:12,810 That's not a, that's not a good attractive feature. 629 00:39:12,810 --> 00:39:15,870 But a lot of guys, when they're setting boundaries, they 630 00:39:15,870 --> 00:39:18,210 will be controlling, right? 631 00:39:18,210 --> 00:39:24,690 So, for example, uh, a, a, a, a guy might not want his wife going out 632 00:39:24,690 --> 00:39:29,430 with her single ho friends, you know, which is a good boundary to have. 633 00:39:29,529 --> 00:39:32,790 Because a, a woman that is going out with her single friends, 634 00:39:33,060 --> 00:39:36,270 if she has five single friends, she's gonna go out and act single. 635 00:39:36,450 --> 00:39:39,150 And that's typically how cheating starts. 636 00:39:39,750 --> 00:39:43,740 If she goes out and hangs out with, uh, if she's in a committed relationship or, 637 00:39:43,920 --> 00:39:48,000 you know, if she's married, she goes out and, and hangs out with married women that 638 00:39:48,000 --> 00:39:49,720 are typically happy in their marriage, 639 00:39:50,529 --> 00:39:54,210 that's gonna be, you know, a good, you know, feedback loop, 640 00:39:54,270 --> 00:39:55,710 positive feedback loop for her. 641 00:39:55,830 --> 00:39:57,140 Like, you should encourage that. 642 00:39:58,090 --> 00:40:01,620 But if she's like, if she, if you don't want her going out with her single, single 643 00:40:01,620 --> 00:40:06,810 ho friends, uh, a, a, a domineering guy will say, You are forbidden from going 644 00:40:06,810 --> 00:40:09,060 out with your single ho friends, right? 645 00:40:09,300 --> 00:40:14,100 But a, a, a good way to set that boundary, where it's not controlling and you're 646 00:40:14,100 --> 00:40:19,049 just being clear with, Hey, this is a boundary of mine, is by saying, I can't 647 00:40:19,049 --> 00:40:22,080 be in a relationship with a woman that goes out with her single ho friends. 648 00:40:22,940 --> 00:40:24,420 Because that's you. 649 00:40:24,509 --> 00:40:25,980 Like, I, I can't do that. 650 00:40:25,980 --> 00:40:29,490 You're, you're free to do it, but we can't be together, you know? 651 00:40:29,910 --> 00:40:31,920 And so that's a decision you have to make. 652 00:40:32,640 --> 00:40:37,350 And, uh, and that's a, a good way of setting that by being clear like, Hey, 653 00:40:38,339 --> 00:40:41,055 I, I don't tolerate this, you know? 654 00:40:41,295 --> 00:40:43,305 And so, uh, that's one way of doing it. 655 00:40:43,395 --> 00:40:47,975 Uh, there's a really phenomenal book I highly recommend everyone read. 656 00:40:47,975 --> 00:40:52,005 It's not one of mine, but it's one that I, I have my coaching clients read. 657 00:40:52,725 --> 00:40:54,795 It's called, When I Say No, I Feel Guilty. 658 00:40:55,185 --> 00:40:58,305 I think it came out, I wanna say it came out in the seventies. 659 00:40:58,995 --> 00:41:02,085 Uh, it's a, a phenomenal book. 660 00:41:02,085 --> 00:41:05,535 It, it starts off with your assertive bill of rights, it 661 00:41:05,535 --> 00:41:12,194 teaches you how to communicate, uh, assertively, um, effectively. 662 00:41:12,345 --> 00:41:15,555 And so a lot of people think being assertive means being aggressive. 663 00:41:15,555 --> 00:41:19,185 Like you have to yell at your wife and tell her, No, you can't do this, right? 664 00:41:19,634 --> 00:41:22,365 No, you don't have to do that at all. 665 00:41:22,365 --> 00:41:24,585 You can be very calm and still be assertive. 666 00:41:25,004 --> 00:41:27,645 And he teaches lots of techniques in that book. 667 00:41:27,765 --> 00:41:32,444 Uh, and one of them, when it comes to setting boundaries, that's probably 668 00:41:32,444 --> 00:41:35,444 the, your number one tool in the toolbox is what we call broken record. 669 00:41:36,045 --> 00:41:42,345 Where you set the boundary, which is, I don't, I don't date, I don't date women 670 00:41:42,345 --> 00:41:44,225 that go out with their single ho friends. 671 00:41:44,695 --> 00:41:47,925 And, uh, and she starts arguing about it, Oh, you're being insecure 672 00:41:47,925 --> 00:41:49,275 and dah, dah, dah, dah, or whatever. 673 00:41:49,665 --> 00:41:55,185 And you say, Maybe, maybe I am being insecure, but I don't date women that 674 00:41:55,185 --> 00:41:56,354 go out with their single ho friends. 675 00:41:56,654 --> 00:42:00,615 So the broken record is you just keep repeating the phrase over and over 676 00:42:00,615 --> 00:42:02,955 again until they get it, you know? 677 00:42:03,044 --> 00:42:07,125 And people typically, uh, you know, sometimes, like the first couple of 678 00:42:07,125 --> 00:42:09,654 times you do it, if you, especially if you're one of those people that 679 00:42:09,654 --> 00:42:14,189 are, you know, used to manipulative language being used on you and you do 680 00:42:14,189 --> 00:42:18,479 feel guilty for telling people no and stuff like that, uh, it's gonna feel 681 00:42:18,479 --> 00:42:22,529 uncomfortable the first few times you do it, but then it becomes second nature. 682 00:42:22,529 --> 00:42:27,029 And a lot of the stuff that I teach guys is, I want it to become a habit. 683 00:42:27,779 --> 00:42:31,319 I want it to become a part of your new paradigm of having a dominant 684 00:42:31,319 --> 00:42:34,350 masculine presence 'cause you'll do it without even thinking about it then. 685 00:42:34,890 --> 00:42:38,115 Um, but, but it's gonna feel uncomfortable at first. 686 00:42:38,115 --> 00:42:40,305 And it just, like anything else in life, if you wanna get 687 00:42:40,305 --> 00:42:41,745 good at it, it takes practice. 688 00:42:42,225 --> 00:42:43,455 But, uh, but yeah. 689 00:42:43,455 --> 00:42:45,195 That's a, it's a phenomenal book. 690 00:42:45,195 --> 00:42:49,575 It talks, it tells you how to, like, if your wife gets angry and starts 691 00:42:49,575 --> 00:42:53,854 yelling at you, how to stay calm and centered in those circumstances. 692 00:42:53,870 --> 00:42:57,920 Because like we talked about before, with the shit tests, if she can get you 693 00:42:57,920 --> 00:43:02,330 mad and angry and push your buttons, and you get mad, you fail her tests 694 00:43:02,390 --> 00:43:03,720 and then she loses respect for you. 695 00:43:03,720 --> 00:43:08,690 But if, if, if you are able to stay calm, like the most calm person wins. 696 00:43:09,350 --> 00:43:13,940 If you can stay calm and be able to interact with her, despite her being mad 697 00:43:13,940 --> 00:43:18,500 and yelling and whatever, you're gonna win and she's gonna have more respect for you. 698 00:43:18,500 --> 00:43:21,290 And the more respect she has for you, the more in love with you she's gonna 699 00:43:21,290 --> 00:43:25,935 be, the more she's gonna see you as her best hypergamous option, the longer your 700 00:43:25,935 --> 00:43:27,435 relationship's gonna last, you know? 701 00:43:27,645 --> 00:43:31,365 So it's, it, it ends up compounding, all this stuff compounds. 702 00:43:31,365 --> 00:43:36,075 And the, the ability to be able to tell your wife no and set boundaries is huge. 703 00:43:36,285 --> 00:43:38,205 She, she likes that structure. 704 00:43:38,205 --> 00:43:41,895 I, I was talking with another guy and he, he, he said it very well. 705 00:43:42,404 --> 00:43:46,575 He said, Imagine walking through a cave and it's dark in there 706 00:43:46,575 --> 00:43:47,985 and you can't see very well. 707 00:43:48,435 --> 00:43:53,714 Uh, as long as you can feel the sides of the cave, you feel a little more secure. 708 00:43:53,714 --> 00:43:55,214 Like, okay, I might be able to get through this. 709 00:43:55,214 --> 00:43:57,975 I can, I can kind of feel my way out of this. 710 00:43:58,365 --> 00:44:02,535 But if you go and push on the cave wall and the cave wall's collapsing, 711 00:44:02,535 --> 00:44:03,674 you're not gonna feel safe. 712 00:44:03,674 --> 00:44:05,984 You're gonna be like, Oh my God, I'm in a dark cave, I can't see 713 00:44:05,984 --> 00:44:07,515 anything, the walls are caving in. 714 00:44:08,415 --> 00:44:10,904 Boundaries are the same thing for your wife or your girlfriend. 715 00:44:11,504 --> 00:44:16,725 She's like in a cave, 'cause women, you know, they, uh, the, with their emotions, 716 00:44:16,725 --> 00:44:19,754 there's, there's, it's, it's like, it's like they're, they're the wind. 717 00:44:19,754 --> 00:44:23,295 And so they, like, one of the reasons why they like, uh, male 718 00:44:23,325 --> 00:44:26,924 masculine leadership is because it provides structure to their chaos. 719 00:44:27,495 --> 00:44:32,265 And so if you could be, if you can apply boundaries, you are providing, 720 00:44:32,759 --> 00:44:36,900 um, the walls in the cave for her to feel more safe and secure in the relationship. 721 00:44:36,900 --> 00:44:41,040 Being able to tell her no provides structure and that makes 722 00:44:41,040 --> 00:44:42,390 her feel more safe and secure. 723 00:44:42,645 --> 00:44:44,100 And, and it's, it's fascinating. 724 00:44:44,130 --> 00:44:46,980 Uh, one of my mentors in the space, a guy named Dr. Robert Glover, he's 725 00:44:46,980 --> 00:44:48,630 written some really phenomenal books. 726 00:44:49,080 --> 00:44:53,160 Um, one of the things that he said that he had to learn, like, 'cause he's 727 00:44:53,160 --> 00:44:56,310 been, I think he's, I think he's on his third, third marriage, he finally 728 00:44:56,310 --> 00:44:57,870 figured it out after his third marriage. 729 00:44:58,230 --> 00:45:02,700 But his, after his second marriage, his wife told him, Look, if you 730 00:45:02,700 --> 00:45:06,510 can't stand up to me, how can I trust you to stand up for me? 731 00:45:06,540 --> 00:45:09,900 Like, that's, that's how a lot of women think. 732 00:45:09,960 --> 00:45:13,890 And so if you can't tell her no, if you can't stand up to her nagging 733 00:45:13,890 --> 00:45:17,760 and whatever, and be able to sort of, you know, lovingly put her in 734 00:45:17,760 --> 00:45:21,660 her place, um, she won't respect you. 735 00:45:21,660 --> 00:45:24,270 And then she can't love you and she can't, she doesn't trust your 736 00:45:24,270 --> 00:45:26,940 leadership and she doesn't feel safe and secure in the relationship. 737 00:45:27,060 --> 00:45:31,350 And at the end of the day, women are security seeking creatures 738 00:45:31,350 --> 00:45:32,700 that respond to strength. 739 00:45:33,030 --> 00:45:38,580 And if, if, if you can recognize that and, and provide that structure, like she can 740 00:45:38,580 --> 00:45:42,150 relax into her feminine and, and things will be swimming in your relationship. 741 00:45:43,740 --> 00:45:47,550 That was solid advice right there and, and you laid it out well. 742 00:45:47,790 --> 00:45:54,090 Uh, I like the collapsing cave walls in the dark that, that paints a good picture. 743 00:45:54,960 --> 00:46:00,750 And, and it's very, very challenging when you're in the heat of the moment 744 00:46:00,900 --> 00:46:05,819 and that feminine chaos hits you. 745 00:46:06,900 --> 00:46:13,950 Uh, it took me years and years to figure out how to stay calm in that storm. 746 00:46:14,580 --> 00:46:20,439 And, and really it does help, not only your wife's attitude, but 747 00:46:20,505 --> 00:46:25,515 it helps yourself and it gives yourself understanding of the 748 00:46:25,515 --> 00:46:31,755 chaos that the world that surrounds you throws at you every day. 749 00:46:32,175 --> 00:46:38,025 And really that's back to that natural feeling of security, that 750 00:46:38,025 --> 00:46:40,095 sense of security is very important. 751 00:46:40,425 --> 00:46:41,900 It's not everything but. 752 00:46:43,500 --> 00:46:45,870 I was gonna say, well, that's, that's one of the big reasons 753 00:46:45,870 --> 00:46:47,790 why women test you though. 754 00:46:48,120 --> 00:46:51,180 They, you know, they're testing to see if they can, you know, push your 755 00:46:51,180 --> 00:46:55,140 buttons and throw you off center and manipulate you because she needs, she 756 00:46:55,140 --> 00:46:59,759 needs to know that life's challenges, that you're gonna be able to handle 757 00:46:59,759 --> 00:47:02,400 them and lead the family through that. 758 00:47:03,120 --> 00:47:08,645 And if, if you can't, if you can't handle her women's nonsense, like how are you 759 00:47:08,645 --> 00:47:10,535 gonna handle life's bigger challenges? 760 00:47:10,595 --> 00:47:12,785 Like, that's really where it comes from. 761 00:47:12,785 --> 00:47:14,585 And it, like, women don't even know they're doing it. 762 00:47:14,884 --> 00:47:19,355 And so the, the, the sooner men realize what's happening and how 763 00:47:19,355 --> 00:47:22,655 to handle it, uh, like, the better their relationships are gonna be. 764 00:47:23,685 --> 00:47:25,455 You know, Paul, that's very key. 765 00:47:25,905 --> 00:47:31,095 Uh, sometimes when women are in that chaotic state, they don't 766 00:47:31,095 --> 00:47:32,505 even realize they're there. 767 00:47:32,505 --> 00:47:37,995 They're just reacting the way that their subconscious mind tells them to react. 768 00:47:38,505 --> 00:47:44,774 So we're back into that, you, you gotta understand the feminine mind. 769 00:47:44,924 --> 00:47:50,535 And you have to understand the male mind model to really live in a 770 00:47:50,535 --> 00:47:54,254 harmonious situation, a relationship. 771 00:47:54,365 --> 00:47:57,825 It's, it's quite interesting how it all works. 772 00:47:58,875 --> 00:48:00,794 Our time is running short. 773 00:48:01,365 --> 00:48:05,865 Uh, do you have anything you wanna add to our conversation, Paul? 774 00:48:06,345 --> 00:48:10,875 Um, I'll just say, final thoughts on this is, uh, the, the number one 775 00:48:10,875 --> 00:48:14,625 thing I think guys, if they wanna start turning their relationship 776 00:48:14,625 --> 00:48:20,025 around and start fixing things, is learning how to handle women's tests. 777 00:48:20,085 --> 00:48:24,915 Uh, in my coaching program, uh, we start working on that on week two. 778 00:48:24,975 --> 00:48:31,035 Like week one, we look at, what we do is we do what I call a relationship autopsy. 779 00:48:31,230 --> 00:48:36,180 We look at what your relationship used to be like, where it is 780 00:48:36,180 --> 00:48:40,080 now, and, and where you think it started going downhill, you know? 781 00:48:40,290 --> 00:48:41,640 And we start evaluating that. 782 00:48:42,480 --> 00:48:47,640 But week two, we, we talk about handling women's tests because as soon as a 783 00:48:47,640 --> 00:48:53,340 guy learns how to handle her tests, he immediately puts himself back at the 784 00:48:53,340 --> 00:48:55,500 beginning of the betaization process. 785 00:48:55,860 --> 00:48:57,900 Back where she's starting to test again. 786 00:48:57,900 --> 00:49:01,710 And as soon as you start passing those tests, that's when her hamster 787 00:49:01,710 --> 00:49:03,840 wheel starts, starts running again. 788 00:49:03,840 --> 00:49:07,920 Going, Wait a second, I don't know what he's doing, but I like it. 789 00:49:08,640 --> 00:49:13,080 You know, I had, uh, what I, I, I had a client who, he, he and 790 00:49:13,080 --> 00:49:17,970 his wife, they hadn't had sex in like six months, and they were 791 00:49:17,970 --> 00:49:19,950 constantly fighting, all this stuff. 792 00:49:19,980 --> 00:49:23,130 And on week two I showed him, I told him what to do. 793 00:49:23,850 --> 00:49:27,330 And he, and I told him to have fun with it 'cause, you know, the agree and amplify 794 00:49:27,330 --> 00:49:32,160 part is where you sort of take whatever she says and you jokingly agree with 795 00:49:32,160 --> 00:49:35,879 her, and then bring it up to an absurd level and just make a big joke out of it, 796 00:49:35,879 --> 00:49:36,149 right? 797 00:49:36,149 --> 00:49:39,240 And, and basically you, you're not taking her seriously. 798 00:49:39,629 --> 00:49:45,000 Well, he did that to his wife and after that session, he, he, he, she 799 00:49:45,000 --> 00:49:49,259 was testing him in some way, he did the agree and amplify and had fun with it. 800 00:49:50,024 --> 00:49:53,294 And he go, he, he reported back, he goes, I'm not in a dead bedroom anymore, bro. 801 00:49:53,895 --> 00:49:55,875 I was like, boom, week two. 802 00:49:55,935 --> 00:49:58,814 Like, that's all, for a lot of guys, that's all it takes is 803 00:49:58,814 --> 00:50:00,854 just handling her, her test. 804 00:50:00,854 --> 00:50:03,225 So I would highly recommend you learn how to do that. 805 00:50:03,645 --> 00:50:07,334 Um, one way guys can do that, if they get my, uh, latest book, it's 806 00:50:07,334 --> 00:50:09,705 called, Get Her to Fuck You Again. 807 00:50:09,705 --> 00:50:14,525 It's a red pill guide, um, to fix a dead bedroom that came out in January. 808 00:50:14,525 --> 00:50:15,785 It's also available on Audible. 809 00:50:15,785 --> 00:50:19,445 So if you prefer to listen to it on, on audio, it's available on Audible too. 810 00:50:19,955 --> 00:50:24,335 Um, and then if guys read that book and they're still having challenges, I highly 811 00:50:24,335 --> 00:50:26,135 recommend that they book a call with me. 812 00:50:26,735 --> 00:50:27,545 It's free. 813 00:50:27,695 --> 00:50:32,650 Um, if you go to call.fixdeadbedrooms.com, they could book a call with me and if, 814 00:50:32,655 --> 00:50:36,305 if I can help you with your situation, I'll show you what that looks like. 815 00:50:36,305 --> 00:50:39,155 And if I can't, I'll at least point you in the right direction. 816 00:50:40,545 --> 00:50:41,295 Great, great. 817 00:50:41,535 --> 00:50:45,134 So, uh, do you have a call to action for people? 818 00:50:45,975 --> 00:50:48,555 The call to action would be to get the book. 819 00:50:49,755 --> 00:50:53,985 Because I, I was talking with this guy today on, uh, a lot of guys like DM me 820 00:50:53,985 --> 00:50:58,755 and stuff, and, um, this guy DM me about a video like a couple of weeks ago. 821 00:50:59,295 --> 00:51:02,985 And, you know, a lot of the guys that I work with one-on-one, uh, they're, 822 00:51:03,195 --> 00:51:06,015 they've been in, they've been married for over five years, you know? 823 00:51:06,015 --> 00:51:08,445 They've had, they've had some serious problems and stuff like that. 824 00:51:08,775 --> 00:51:12,435 Uh, this guy hadn't been married, or I think he's still dating, 825 00:51:12,435 --> 00:51:13,635 he's not even married, you know? 826 00:51:13,725 --> 00:51:18,464 And so, um, working with me, uh, it, it's, it's not gonna be in your best 827 00:51:18,464 --> 00:51:22,185 interest if you're, if you haven't been, uh, you know, married that long, right? 828 00:51:22,455 --> 00:51:24,165 So I said, Well, get the book. 829 00:51:24,285 --> 00:51:28,424 Definitely get the book and, and, and read it and start applying some of that stuff, 830 00:51:28,424 --> 00:51:30,795 and, and you'll, you'll find some success. 831 00:51:31,305 --> 00:51:35,899 And then like a week later he respo, he replied to another one of my videos going, 832 00:51:35,899 --> 00:51:37,250 Hey, can I get more information on this? 833 00:51:37,250 --> 00:51:38,899 I'm like, Well, have you read the book yet? 834 00:51:39,680 --> 00:51:42,020 And he's like, Oh, no, I haven't done that yet. 835 00:51:42,169 --> 00:51:45,529 It's, it's like people are out there looking for some kind of magic pill. 836 00:51:45,560 --> 00:51:50,089 The magic pill is to get out there and actually take some action and do the work. 837 00:51:50,330 --> 00:51:54,770 So by you, my, my best recommendation for guys is to grab 838 00:51:54,770 --> 00:51:56,180 the book and start reading it. 839 00:51:56,210 --> 00:51:58,069 Like at least take some action there. 840 00:51:58,460 --> 00:52:01,294 And then as you're reading the book, apply it. 841 00:52:01,294 --> 00:52:03,754 Start applying it, don't just read the book and put it on the shelf 842 00:52:03,754 --> 00:52:05,235 and think that you've fixed things. 843 00:52:05,254 --> 00:52:07,685 You haven't, you have to actually take action. 844 00:52:08,134 --> 00:52:13,835 Um, nothing's gonna work unless you start moving the, the needle a little bit. 845 00:52:13,865 --> 00:52:16,704 And the, the quickest way to do that would be to go get my book. 846 00:52:18,765 --> 00:52:21,015 Action makes perfection. 847 00:52:21,225 --> 00:52:23,625 You just gotta keep going, you know? 848 00:52:23,805 --> 00:52:27,674 Try, try again until you get the right formula. 849 00:52:28,274 --> 00:52:31,545 Paul, it's a blessing to have you on the show today. 850 00:52:31,785 --> 00:52:37,935 I wanna say thank you for sharing here on the Dead America Podcast and would 851 00:52:37,935 --> 00:52:44,265 you tell people one more time how to get ahold of you and get connected with you? 852 00:52:45,765 --> 00:52:46,125 Yeah. 853 00:52:46,125 --> 00:52:50,035 So I, I have a blog, it's called fixdeadbedrooms.com. 854 00:52:50,084 --> 00:52:52,274 Um, and I, I post there almost daily. 855 00:52:52,274 --> 00:52:55,125 I, I don't, I don't really post on Sundays, but I post there daily 856 00:52:55,424 --> 00:53:00,495 just various tips and tricks on how to fix your mindset, how to, 857 00:53:00,555 --> 00:53:02,834 how to rebuild that attraction. 858 00:53:02,834 --> 00:53:05,024 So that's a good free resource for people. 859 00:53:05,294 --> 00:53:08,475 And then if they go to that website, they can find my social medias, 860 00:53:08,475 --> 00:53:12,430 they can find my, they can find my podcast, they can find my books, 861 00:53:12,700 --> 00:53:13,990 they can book a call with me. 862 00:53:13,990 --> 00:53:17,560 So go to fixdeadbedrooms.com and you can find all my stuff there. 863 00:53:19,035 --> 00:53:20,654 Paul, I like what you're doing. 864 00:53:20,745 --> 00:53:21,944 Keep doing it, sir. 865 00:53:22,725 --> 00:53:23,504 Alright, thanks Ed. 866 00:53:23,504 --> 00:53:24,165 I appreciate it. 867 00:53:27,674 --> 00:53:29,355 Thank you for joining us today. 868 00:53:29,984 --> 00:53:36,194 If you found this podcast enlightening, entertaining, educational in any way, 869 00:53:36,975 --> 00:53:43,400 please share, like, subscribe, and join us right back here next week for another 870 00:53:43,400 --> 00:53:46,790 great episode of the Dead America Podcast. 871 00:53:47,090 --> 00:53:52,610 I'm Ed Watters, your host, enjoy your afternoon wherever you might be.