1 00:00:01,110 --> 00:00:03,480 Can you feel it coming? 2 00:00:03,810 --> 00:00:06,450 Something's waking up inside. 3 00:00:06,800 --> 00:00:14,800 Hearts ablaze we're standing tall breaking chains of yesterday. 4 00:00:15,600 --> 00:00:25,674 Dead America finds it's voice, in the darkness, we make choice. 5 00:00:25,984 --> 00:00:38,095 Truth and healing lead 6 00:00:40,205 --> 00:00:43,994 the way, hearts ablaze, we're here to stay. 7 00:00:44,154 --> 00:00:45,460 Rise from ashes come what may, we're finding hope in disarray. 8 00:00:45,510 --> 00:00:47,730 Today, we're speaking with Todd Smith. 9 00:00:47,910 --> 00:00:53,970 He's a podcaster, a top podcaster, his podcast is Stress Management 10 00:00:54,000 --> 00:00:56,160 for Highly Sensitive People. 11 00:00:56,790 --> 00:00:58,810 Todd, could you please introduce yourself? 12 00:00:59,150 --> 00:01:01,860 Let people know a little more about you, please. 13 00:01:02,955 --> 00:01:03,435 Thanks, Ed. 14 00:01:03,435 --> 00:01:04,545 It's great to be here. 15 00:01:04,605 --> 00:01:09,855 And, uh, I do teach stress management for highly sensitive people. 16 00:01:09,945 --> 00:01:14,025 And what that means is that, first of all, highly sensitive 17 00:01:14,025 --> 00:01:18,315 people need a little more stress management, it tends to be that way. 18 00:01:18,855 --> 00:01:24,000 Um, but the most important thing I teach is that high sensitivity is 19 00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:26,280 not a flaw, it's not something wrong. 20 00:01:26,280 --> 00:01:31,740 And this is especially tough for men, uh, because in our society, sensitivity 21 00:01:31,740 --> 00:01:36,810 is, is not looked at as a, as a good thing, uh, can be put down or thought of 22 00:01:36,810 --> 00:01:39,450 as, as feminine or something like that. 23 00:01:39,450 --> 00:01:41,520 But it's a well-researched trait. 24 00:01:41,640 --> 00:01:46,590 Uh, it was first looked at in the nineties, uh, or more deeply looked at 25 00:01:47,070 --> 00:01:51,510 by a lady named Elaine Aron, and she's written books on high sensitivity. 26 00:01:52,210 --> 00:01:59,140 It's short version is HSP, and it just means that you're more, 27 00:01:59,470 --> 00:02:01,270 you process things more deeply. 28 00:02:01,570 --> 00:02:07,420 And, uh, you, as a result, can end up with a little more overwhelm than other people. 29 00:02:07,840 --> 00:02:12,015 You also are a little more emotional or more empathetic with our other 30 00:02:12,015 --> 00:02:16,665 people and a little more sensitive to noise and lots of things going on. 31 00:02:17,295 --> 00:02:19,995 So I specialize in working with these kinds of people, I'm a 32 00:02:19,995 --> 00:02:21,625 highly sensitive person myself. 33 00:02:22,175 --> 00:02:30,210 And, uh, it is a pleasure to work with people like this because we like depth, 34 00:02:30,270 --> 00:02:32,760 we like to go in deep, we like to explore things. 35 00:02:33,150 --> 00:02:37,620 And we have special needs that are a little more risk than other people 36 00:02:37,650 --> 00:02:39,870 and need to be able to process things. 37 00:02:40,320 --> 00:02:46,350 So I teach a method of self-inquiry that allows you to fully digest any 38 00:02:46,350 --> 00:02:48,600 stressful experience and grow from it. 39 00:02:48,720 --> 00:02:53,310 And I've been doing that for probably twenty years, and, uh, and love it. 40 00:02:53,670 --> 00:02:56,850 I'm in British Columbia, Canada, I'm originally from the United States, 41 00:02:56,850 --> 00:02:58,290 I've lived all over the place. 42 00:02:58,290 --> 00:03:00,900 Married a Canadian, so that's where I ended up. 43 00:03:00,960 --> 00:03:02,400 Um, but I'm a dual citizen. 44 00:03:03,000 --> 00:03:03,570 Yeah. 45 00:03:03,930 --> 00:03:05,010 That's wonderful, Todd. 46 00:03:05,520 --> 00:03:11,220 The, the thing that I caught from your research was, a lady, 47 00:03:11,610 --> 00:03:18,060 Byron Katie, now this is where you take your inspiration from. 48 00:03:18,060 --> 00:03:25,950 And it's, it's kind of interesting what she laid out there about you have to go 49 00:03:25,950 --> 00:03:32,760 deep inside of yourself and really open up to yourself and be true to yourself 50 00:03:32,760 --> 00:03:37,230 to actually be okay with the world. 51 00:03:37,560 --> 00:03:38,665 Is that correct? 52 00:03:40,200 --> 00:03:41,400 Yeah, exactly. 53 00:03:41,490 --> 00:03:45,900 The world doesn't cooperate with what we want, not very often anyway. 54 00:03:46,290 --> 00:03:49,830 It, we can do things, we can get, we can accomplish things, we have a lot of 55 00:03:50,010 --> 00:03:53,490 control in some ways, but there's a lot of things we don't have control over. 56 00:03:54,240 --> 00:03:59,010 And one of those is how other people think and feel and react and all of that. 57 00:03:59,010 --> 00:04:05,910 And so if you go into yourself and find out where, where you stand, what 58 00:04:05,910 --> 00:04:10,410 your truth is in a situation, even if it's not what you were originally 59 00:04:10,410 --> 00:04:15,390 thinking, you can experience the same situation in a much freer way. 60 00:04:15,570 --> 00:04:17,760 And so this process is about inner freedom. 61 00:04:18,120 --> 00:04:20,820 My website's called Inner Freedom, uh, True Inner Freedom. 62 00:04:20,820 --> 00:04:27,840 And it's, it's about, um, finding your truth, not the truth of someone else. 63 00:04:27,960 --> 00:04:32,850 And it's about questioning anything in your own mind that 64 00:04:32,910 --> 00:04:35,805 is not feeling true to you. 65 00:04:35,955 --> 00:04:38,895 Like, you know, we believe a lot of stories, we get caught up in a lot of 66 00:04:38,895 --> 00:04:44,535 stories, but we end up just believing them without actually looking at it. 67 00:04:44,625 --> 00:04:48,825 And what I mean by looking at it is looking inward and seeing, 68 00:04:48,885 --> 00:04:50,355 does that really resonate with me? 69 00:04:50,415 --> 00:04:51,735 Is that really feel right? 70 00:04:51,735 --> 00:04:52,635 Is that true? 71 00:04:53,265 --> 00:04:56,145 And then seeing if there's another way of looking at it. 72 00:04:56,145 --> 00:05:00,525 So yes, a very powerful way of, of reexperiencing or reframing, 73 00:05:00,705 --> 00:05:02,145 uh, stressful experiences. 74 00:05:03,895 --> 00:05:08,805 So in essence, this is kind of what we're dealing with in our society right now. 75 00:05:09,165 --> 00:05:15,855 Uh, we, we have this highly sensitive culture and we're highly 76 00:05:16,125 --> 00:05:18,855 sensitive about a lot of things. 77 00:05:18,855 --> 00:05:24,045 But we're not really digesting the inside of the story. 78 00:05:24,495 --> 00:05:29,785 So this is causing a lot of, not only personal turmoils, 79 00:05:29,785 --> 00:05:33,285 but social turmoils also. 80 00:05:33,625 --> 00:05:34,515 Is that correct? 81 00:05:35,035 --> 00:05:36,235 Yeah, I would say so. 82 00:05:36,235 --> 00:05:36,925 Exactly. 83 00:05:37,375 --> 00:05:41,215 When you don't digest your experiences, then you're left with this kind of 84 00:05:41,575 --> 00:05:46,285 nasty feeling because you, you've got this lingering feeling of stress. 85 00:05:46,705 --> 00:05:50,895 And as a society, we're all kind of doing that, right? 86 00:05:51,015 --> 00:05:55,075 And maybe we have some big stressors to face, and that is challenging, right? 87 00:05:55,075 --> 00:05:57,985 So in all fairness, it's not easy to digest these things. 88 00:05:58,555 --> 00:06:03,164 But there is always a way to be peaceful in any situation. 89 00:06:03,255 --> 00:06:08,805 You do have a choice whether you're super stressed out by something, 90 00:06:08,895 --> 00:06:12,555 or you're just, you know, it got to me, but I kind of got through it, 91 00:06:12,555 --> 00:06:16,335 I kind of see my way now and I'm actually a little clearer. 92 00:06:16,365 --> 00:06:21,285 So it's a, it's a funny thing where it's easy to go into the victim 93 00:06:21,285 --> 00:06:28,185 mentality where I feel like I can't, uh, can't control myself, I can't, 94 00:06:28,185 --> 00:06:33,675 I can't control the environment, and therefore I am stuck and powerless. 95 00:06:33,795 --> 00:06:38,985 Um, and what this does is when you start asking yourself what's going 96 00:06:38,985 --> 00:06:40,845 on inside, what do you really see? 97 00:06:40,845 --> 00:06:41,925 What do you really feel? 98 00:06:42,165 --> 00:06:43,905 And is there another way of looking at this? 99 00:06:44,295 --> 00:06:45,555 You start detaching from that. 100 00:06:45,585 --> 00:06:48,495 You start seeing like, okay, there's some crazy stuff going on. 101 00:06:49,034 --> 00:06:53,234 But it doesn't have to drag me down and when I'm not being dragged down, I'm 102 00:06:53,234 --> 00:06:56,025 more empowered to help out in society. 103 00:06:56,114 --> 00:06:57,794 So yeah, it works both ways. 104 00:06:58,484 --> 00:07:04,755 Yeah, I, I find that interesting because I used to get worked up over, let's 105 00:07:04,755 --> 00:07:12,405 say, Facebook posts and I would lash out because I wasn't really thinking deep 106 00:07:12,405 --> 00:07:17,085 enough about, first off, where I was. 107 00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:22,560 You're, you're on a social site that you don't know who you're dealing with. 108 00:07:22,560 --> 00:07:29,910 All of these factors are dealing into what we are feeling about the situation. 109 00:07:30,360 --> 00:07:36,600 So instead of really digesting that and thinking about my response, 110 00:07:38,429 --> 00:07:43,799 I would just respond with those angers, those fears, those unknowns. 111 00:07:44,400 --> 00:07:53,549 So how do we step out of that and into a more structured approach to identifying 112 00:07:53,549 --> 00:08:00,419 what we want to approach and comment on, or just leave it alone altogether? 113 00:08:01,665 --> 00:08:02,925 Yeah, it's a great question. 114 00:08:03,015 --> 00:08:06,585 Um, really what we're talking about here is reaction. 115 00:08:06,675 --> 00:08:11,145 We, what you described there, that anger when we see something injust 116 00:08:11,145 --> 00:08:14,955 or we see something that just is wrong, we, the first reaction a lot 117 00:08:14,955 --> 00:08:19,125 of times is anger or is some kind of other, uh, internal reaction. 118 00:08:19,125 --> 00:08:23,595 And then we tend to just ride that, you know, we just express it and let it out. 119 00:08:23,595 --> 00:08:28,365 And sure maybe that's good and better than keeping it in a certain way, but 120 00:08:28,875 --> 00:08:30,675 in a way it's not really that effective. 121 00:08:30,765 --> 00:08:34,544 Um, and you see that with social activists in life. 122 00:08:34,544 --> 00:08:38,145 You'll see that, you know, the typical angry social activist that 123 00:08:38,145 --> 00:08:42,195 is just so pissed off that you can't even hear the message 'cause 124 00:08:42,195 --> 00:08:44,205 there's just so much anger going on. 125 00:08:44,265 --> 00:08:48,590 And so that's an extreme version of it, but that gets 126 00:08:48,590 --> 00:08:50,510 in our way of being effective. 127 00:08:50,540 --> 00:08:55,130 If we wanna really be effective in making changes in the world, then we 128 00:08:55,130 --> 00:09:01,485 have to take a step in between and work through the reaction part that happened. 129 00:09:01,785 --> 00:09:07,095 And so what you described there is exactly what I would use as a beginning point. 130 00:09:07,095 --> 00:09:11,805 So I see something on social media, it pisses me off, and then I'm like, 131 00:09:11,985 --> 00:09:13,845 Okay, why is that pissing me off? 132 00:09:13,845 --> 00:09:15,045 What is my thought? 133 00:09:15,405 --> 00:09:19,095 What am I thinking and believing about this post or about this 134 00:09:19,095 --> 00:09:21,645 person that is riling me up? 135 00:09:21,675 --> 00:09:22,185 What is it? 136 00:09:22,185 --> 00:09:25,275 And I want to get verbatim what those thoughts are. 137 00:09:25,275 --> 00:09:29,685 I'll just type them onto a little, you know, a little note and see 138 00:09:29,685 --> 00:09:32,745 if I can identify the thought that's connected to the emotion. 139 00:09:32,835 --> 00:09:37,035 This is a really powerful step because we tend to think emotions just happen, 140 00:09:37,155 --> 00:09:41,235 you know, just like a, like a, you know, earthquake just happens and 141 00:09:41,235 --> 00:09:44,535 we don't have any, we don't have any control or understanding of it. 142 00:09:45,135 --> 00:09:48,435 But emotions, although they do just happen, they always 143 00:09:48,435 --> 00:09:50,565 are connected to some thought. 144 00:09:50,805 --> 00:09:52,875 Thought, you know, mind and body are connected. 145 00:09:52,875 --> 00:09:57,375 So the emotion is the body side of it, the mind side of it is whatever 146 00:09:57,375 --> 00:09:58,455 thought you happen to be thinking. 147 00:09:58,455 --> 00:10:01,815 If you look at any emotional situation, like when you're reacting, 148 00:10:02,505 --> 00:10:07,545 you will find a, a, a thought or several thoughts connected to it. 149 00:10:07,725 --> 00:10:09,885 And now you've got a handle on that emotion. 150 00:10:09,885 --> 00:10:16,095 Now there's like an actual connecting there between that ephemeral emotional 151 00:10:16,155 --> 00:10:18,345 experience and something we can work with. 152 00:10:18,585 --> 00:10:22,005 And so once you have a statement in a specific situation, you 153 00:10:22,005 --> 00:10:23,565 can systematically question it. 154 00:10:23,565 --> 00:10:26,685 And that's what I learned from Byron Katie, is that there, she, 155 00:10:26,745 --> 00:10:28,335 she gives four simple questions. 156 00:10:28,425 --> 00:10:29,115 Is it true? 157 00:10:29,205 --> 00:10:30,825 You know, really powerful right there. 158 00:10:30,825 --> 00:10:33,495 You can spend quite a few minutes sitting in that. 159 00:10:33,915 --> 00:10:37,515 And if that isn't enough, you ask again, Can you absolutely know it's true. 160 00:10:37,545 --> 00:10:38,805 Just to see, you know? 161 00:10:38,805 --> 00:10:43,275 And, and that just gets you thinking like, Okay, you know, this person, 162 00:10:43,305 --> 00:10:47,535 let's say the thought was, let's think of like that social media situation, 163 00:10:48,045 --> 00:10:53,400 This person, uh, you know, I don't know, we'd have to get into a specific, but it 164 00:10:53,400 --> 00:10:57,030 would be like, This person doesn't care about so and so or whatever like that, you 165 00:10:57,030 --> 00:11:04,080 know, it's some kind of um, or they just, they're just crazy or, yeah, I don't know. 166 00:11:04,320 --> 00:11:08,430 And we would take the thought, whatever it is, the judgment that you have, 167 00:11:09,000 --> 00:11:10,530 and then just, is that really true? 168 00:11:10,650 --> 00:11:11,410 Are you sure? 169 00:11:11,599 --> 00:11:14,260 And it starts opening your mind to, maybe there's another side to 170 00:11:14,260 --> 00:11:17,770 that, or maybe there's something I'm missing, or it just slows you down a 171 00:11:17,770 --> 00:11:20,860 little bit and already you can feel the emotions starting to come down. 172 00:11:21,400 --> 00:11:24,790 Then you look, two other questions are, How do you react? 173 00:11:24,880 --> 00:11:26,350 What happens when you believe this thought? 174 00:11:26,740 --> 00:11:28,780 And you start seeing what actually happens. 175 00:11:28,780 --> 00:11:29,800 It's like you're on drugs. 176 00:11:29,800 --> 00:11:33,820 Like suddenly, you know, your heart starts pumping and you're, you're, you're 177 00:11:33,820 --> 00:11:37,470 getting sweaty, and you're like, you wanna, you know, hurt the other person. 178 00:11:37,470 --> 00:11:39,810 You're like, Where did these violent things come from? 179 00:11:39,810 --> 00:11:44,380 And all kinds of reactions come out, you see images from the past, or it reminds 180 00:11:44,380 --> 00:11:45,930 me of some other thing that happened. 181 00:11:46,380 --> 00:11:47,460 This is all reaction. 182 00:11:47,610 --> 00:11:52,170 So just seeing that gives you a little distance on what's going on. 183 00:11:52,530 --> 00:11:55,440 And then one of my favorite questions is, Who would you be in that same 184 00:11:55,440 --> 00:12:00,300 situation without the thought that, you know, whatever it is, They're 185 00:12:00,300 --> 00:12:03,030 crazy or whatever it is that you, you're believing in that moment. 186 00:12:03,810 --> 00:12:05,310 And it can blow your mind. 187 00:12:05,310 --> 00:12:10,800 It can open your space, like your mind to a broader space where you're 188 00:12:10,860 --> 00:12:13,740 now, you're now like, Wow, okay. 189 00:12:14,220 --> 00:12:18,420 I'm seeing what they're doing more objectively and I'm actually seeing 190 00:12:18,600 --> 00:12:23,100 how I could address that or just decide not to address, whatever's appropriate. 191 00:12:23,790 --> 00:12:26,250 But the reaction isn't there, you know? 192 00:12:26,250 --> 00:12:29,250 So this is like, there's several steps in this. 193 00:12:29,340 --> 00:12:33,060 One is writing your stressful thoughts down, gives you a little distance 194 00:12:33,060 --> 00:12:36,050 on 'em already, and then start questioning like this and it starts 195 00:12:36,070 --> 00:12:37,800 giving you more and more perspective. 196 00:12:38,370 --> 00:12:42,510 And then the final part is try turning the thought around and like seeing like where 197 00:12:42,510 --> 00:12:46,170 there, there, maybe they're not crazy, or maybe they have some valid point, 198 00:12:46,590 --> 00:12:49,440 or maybe, uh, maybe I've gotten crazy. 199 00:12:49,440 --> 00:12:52,230 You know, like just start flipping it in different ways and seeing 200 00:12:52,230 --> 00:12:53,550 if there's any truth in that. 201 00:12:54,030 --> 00:12:58,620 And it can just, if you do it gently and, and connected with your heart 202 00:12:58,620 --> 00:13:01,440 and with your experience, it can be very, very transformational. 203 00:13:01,800 --> 00:13:07,080 So that's, to answer your question, how you can take the emotional reaction 204 00:13:07,140 --> 00:13:09,330 out of it is like just slow it down. 205 00:13:09,510 --> 00:13:10,920 That's really what this process is. 206 00:13:12,150 --> 00:13:12,630 Yeah. 207 00:13:12,690 --> 00:13:18,210 You know, and it sounds really simple now that I've figured it out and 208 00:13:18,210 --> 00:13:20,730 you've obviously figured it out. 209 00:13:21,360 --> 00:13:27,540 Sometimes when we're in those situations, before we start really considering 210 00:13:28,020 --> 00:13:34,140 what we are doing in those situations, that's, that's really the trick because 211 00:13:34,830 --> 00:13:38,100 nobody else is reacting but ourself. 212 00:13:38,670 --> 00:13:45,075 So, and you've really got to understand that you control all of 213 00:13:45,075 --> 00:13:50,955 those emotions and that reaction phase is, it's hard at times. 214 00:13:51,345 --> 00:13:58,485 And my wife and I, we, we really go through this a lot because all of 215 00:13:58,485 --> 00:14:01,005 the trauma that she went through. 216 00:14:02,025 --> 00:14:08,265 We had to really get deep into those trauma issues for her to 217 00:14:08,265 --> 00:14:11,715 recognize the trigger points. 218 00:14:12,345 --> 00:14:20,085 And it, it was really hard until somebody started pointing it out, 219 00:14:20,805 --> 00:14:24,135 Hey, look, you've got to look at this. 220 00:14:24,435 --> 00:14:30,315 I can't tell you how to fix it, but I can tell you what I'm seeing. 221 00:14:31,050 --> 00:14:38,010 So I, I really think that that's really a first part in healing, is 222 00:14:38,190 --> 00:14:48,030 understanding ourself and what we despise, what makes us tick inside and out. 223 00:14:49,020 --> 00:14:49,140 Yeah. 224 00:14:49,140 --> 00:14:52,980 Well, a lot of times we judge ourselves for, for being triggered, or being 225 00:14:52,980 --> 00:14:56,430 judgmental, or, you know, we can go into a loop on, on ourselves. 226 00:14:56,430 --> 00:15:00,600 But giving yourself the space to be honest and just really be like, you 227 00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:05,160 know, I just hate this and I just, and then, you know, letting that really be 228 00:15:05,160 --> 00:15:10,740 heard or seen or in, in a, in like what I was describing before, writing it down. 229 00:15:10,740 --> 00:15:15,080 Like just see, like, it's almost like there's a part inside of us that's 230 00:15:15,080 --> 00:15:18,950 been complaining for a long time, and it's probably trauma related, 231 00:15:18,950 --> 00:15:23,450 probably hurt by something in the past, it's been, it's sitting in there and 232 00:15:23,450 --> 00:15:27,405 it's stuck and it needs to be heard. 233 00:15:27,465 --> 00:15:30,855 It needs to be met with understanding, it needs to be held 234 00:15:30,855 --> 00:15:32,295 a little bit, maybe listened to. 235 00:15:32,565 --> 00:15:36,855 Um, and so if you can do that, you know, that alone is therapeutic. 236 00:15:36,855 --> 00:15:40,815 Like, like they've done studies on that, just journaling and really getting it out 237 00:15:40,815 --> 00:15:43,935 or talking to somebody, super therapeutic. 238 00:15:44,465 --> 00:15:48,135 And so this just takes it one step further and be like, okay, so now is 239 00:15:48,135 --> 00:15:49,545 that even true what you were thinking? 240 00:15:49,545 --> 00:15:51,285 You know, sometimes it is, sometimes it isn't. 241 00:15:51,285 --> 00:15:54,155 But it's amazing to, to explore that way. 242 00:15:54,155 --> 00:15:54,215 Yeah. 243 00:15:54,485 --> 00:15:57,690 Because it gives you choice, it gives you a feeling. 244 00:15:58,110 --> 00:15:58,290 Yeah. 245 00:15:58,290 --> 00:15:58,860 Sorry, go ahead. 246 00:16:00,165 --> 00:16:01,110 I'm, I'm sorry. 247 00:16:01,290 --> 00:16:06,750 Uh, so, so these work sessions, these inner work sessions that you 248 00:16:06,750 --> 00:16:09,930 do on your podcast, very unique. 249 00:16:09,930 --> 00:16:15,780 And this is what you are actually doing in these work sessions, is allowing 250 00:16:15,780 --> 00:16:22,140 them to find out who they are instead of their thought of who they are. 251 00:16:22,680 --> 00:16:24,090 Is that correct? 252 00:16:24,824 --> 00:16:25,215 That's right. 253 00:16:25,525 --> 00:16:26,635 That's exactly right. 254 00:16:26,635 --> 00:16:32,175 We, we tend to identify with what we think we are and what we are thinking 255 00:16:32,385 --> 00:16:35,595 and it's not actually necessarily true. 256 00:16:35,834 --> 00:16:37,995 And what I love about it is it's open-ended. 257 00:16:38,055 --> 00:16:41,235 It doesn't mean that if you question some thought that now you're just 258 00:16:41,235 --> 00:16:45,765 gonna flip that around and now that's not, you know, it's just 259 00:16:45,770 --> 00:16:47,760 gonna be kind of without thinking. 260 00:16:47,760 --> 00:16:51,750 No, you're, we're exploring, we're doing like science on our own thoughts and 261 00:16:51,750 --> 00:16:53,250 we're saying, you know, Let's take a look. 262 00:16:53,250 --> 00:16:56,370 Let's just put all the cards on the table and see what adds up. 263 00:16:56,370 --> 00:17:00,120 And maybe there's another explanation that is better, or maybe there's 264 00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:02,970 just a more balanced way, or one that's less painful for me. 265 00:17:03,540 --> 00:17:04,410 So yes, that's it. 266 00:17:04,440 --> 00:17:10,200 We're just, we're just taking one situation at a time and looking 267 00:17:10,200 --> 00:17:11,700 at what is contained in it. 268 00:17:11,760 --> 00:17:15,060 And I can guarantee you your whole life is contained in one situation. 269 00:17:15,060 --> 00:17:19,350 So you work some minute argument with the, your wife or something, 270 00:17:19,350 --> 00:17:22,650 and it's like boom, the whole, the whole thing is in there. 271 00:17:23,130 --> 00:17:24,910 So it can be very satisfying. 272 00:17:25,060 --> 00:17:28,524 Um, you know, and I love it because it's like you're working in miniature. 273 00:17:28,585 --> 00:17:32,845 Sometimes the most minute stressful situations can be the most powerful 274 00:17:32,845 --> 00:17:35,935 to question because it's like working on a little miniature model 275 00:17:35,935 --> 00:17:39,955 or something, and all the parts are there and you're working it, but, 276 00:17:40,075 --> 00:17:42,445 uh, it's actually, it's like, Whoa. 277 00:17:42,445 --> 00:17:45,535 That's the same big stuff that I have in, in other situations. 278 00:17:45,535 --> 00:17:47,754 And so, yeah, it's very, very cool. 279 00:17:49,435 --> 00:17:49,825 Yeah. 280 00:17:49,945 --> 00:17:57,615 So when, when we do these work sessions with ourself, is it 281 00:17:57,615 --> 00:17:59,564 good to do it with a partner? 282 00:18:01,304 --> 00:18:04,034 You know, it's, I, there are two ways to do the work. 283 00:18:04,034 --> 00:18:08,504 One is with a partner and one is by yourself and in writing. 284 00:18:08,564 --> 00:18:11,294 I, I find that if you don't do it in writing, if you're doing it by yourself, 285 00:18:11,564 --> 00:18:14,895 your mind just kind of starts, you know, it's hard to hold all of it 286 00:18:14,895 --> 00:18:17,835 and it kind of, you end up kind of getting loose and, and distracted. 287 00:18:17,835 --> 00:18:23,764 But, um, either way, with a partner or in writing, can be super powerful. 288 00:18:23,805 --> 00:18:28,215 The advantage of doing it with a partner is that you feel heard by another human 289 00:18:28,215 --> 00:18:30,915 being, which is also very helpful. 290 00:18:31,485 --> 00:18:36,645 Uh, and they can hold you in answering the questions because the mind 291 00:18:36,645 --> 00:18:39,320 will try to slip out of it and try to be like, well, you know, like 292 00:18:39,915 --> 00:18:43,335 I'm just gonna go into why I think I'm still a victim. 293 00:18:43,335 --> 00:18:45,285 You know, you just kind of miss the point. 294 00:18:45,285 --> 00:18:47,745 So having someone there is really helpful. 295 00:18:47,745 --> 00:18:50,385 That's, you know, that's the service I provide to my clients, 296 00:18:50,385 --> 00:18:53,145 and you can do it with a friend, you can do it with, with anyone. 297 00:18:53,895 --> 00:18:57,795 Um, and also, you know, when you're working with someone who's 298 00:18:57,795 --> 00:19:01,035 done a lot of this work, you, they have a lot of experience. 299 00:19:01,035 --> 00:19:05,805 So you may knock on a door of like, I'm kind of looking for, to see if a 300 00:19:05,805 --> 00:19:09,765 turnaround might be true, for example, and you're like, I'm not finding anything. 301 00:19:09,945 --> 00:19:13,395 But then you're sitting with someone who's also been down this 302 00:19:13,395 --> 00:19:14,925 road and they're like, Well, yeah. 303 00:19:14,925 --> 00:19:15,645 Have you tried this? 304 00:19:15,825 --> 00:19:17,775 You know, try this and then look over here. 305 00:19:17,805 --> 00:19:22,274 And it's not like telling someone what their answers are, but it's 306 00:19:22,274 --> 00:19:25,185 saying have you looked over this side or have you checked over here? 307 00:19:25,245 --> 00:19:27,675 And often you can find little hidden gems like that. 308 00:19:28,425 --> 00:19:30,915 The advantage on the other hand of doing written work is you can do 309 00:19:30,915 --> 00:19:34,455 it anytime by yourself, you don't have to tell anybody, you can throw 310 00:19:34,455 --> 00:19:35,565 the thing out when you're done. 311 00:19:35,985 --> 00:19:41,175 Uh, it's very private and, uh, it also allows you to do it slowly so you can 312 00:19:41,175 --> 00:19:42,495 just take as much time as you want. 313 00:19:42,495 --> 00:19:46,095 Some people, like I like to do things, uh, kind of methodically, 314 00:19:46,514 --> 00:19:48,915 and so it has that advantage as well. 315 00:19:50,580 --> 00:19:52,470 Well, and reflection. 316 00:19:52,740 --> 00:19:59,610 You can always reflect back to your words because I, I really think that can, uh, 317 00:20:00,270 --> 00:20:05,550 propel you to your next stage in life because you've seen how far you've come. 318 00:20:06,210 --> 00:20:12,120 So I, I like to log it and make sure it's, I, I like podcasting, it's 319 00:20:12,120 --> 00:20:17,885 one of those things that, it's a collaboration of individuals that have 320 00:20:18,215 --> 00:20:23,975 suffered and overcame and it helps you progress a little here, little there. 321 00:20:24,035 --> 00:20:30,965 And you, you can actually ultimately decide and pinpoint 322 00:20:31,385 --> 00:20:34,565 the places you want to explore. 323 00:20:35,264 --> 00:20:40,844 So it, it's a tailor made fit for everyone that way. 324 00:20:41,330 --> 00:20:45,465 I, I really think that that's key. 325 00:20:45,465 --> 00:20:47,770 It's, it's a form of expression. 326 00:20:49,590 --> 00:20:50,160 I agree. 327 00:20:50,160 --> 00:20:50,670 Yeah. 328 00:20:50,670 --> 00:20:55,230 I, I love podcasting and I love, um, you know, the word you bring up, explore. 329 00:20:55,260 --> 00:20:56,730 I think that's one of my favorite words. 330 00:20:56,730 --> 00:20:59,700 I love exploring and that's what I think. 331 00:20:59,700 --> 00:21:04,680 If you really embark on any kind of journey of inner work, it feels like 332 00:21:04,680 --> 00:21:06,720 you're like, What am I gonna discover? 333 00:21:06,720 --> 00:21:08,220 You know, there's so much unknown. 334 00:21:08,220 --> 00:21:09,960 Like, what am I gonna learn about myself? 335 00:21:09,990 --> 00:21:11,400 And, and that's fun. 336 00:21:11,430 --> 00:21:16,635 I, I, I find that's, uh, that is as interesting to me as going out 337 00:21:16,635 --> 00:21:19,575 and exploring the outer world, which of course is fun as well. 338 00:21:19,575 --> 00:21:23,385 So yeah, exploring is, is where it's at, definitely. 339 00:21:24,495 --> 00:21:24,735 Yep. 340 00:21:25,304 --> 00:21:25,754 Yeah. 341 00:21:25,845 --> 00:21:30,675 Uh, and that's one of our taglines is, educate yourself. 342 00:21:30,705 --> 00:21:34,125 Lifelong learning, it's the key to everything. 343 00:21:34,485 --> 00:21:38,205 And to do that, you gotta be a curious mind. 344 00:21:38,715 --> 00:21:45,389 And it will, it will take you to places that you never would dream of. 345 00:21:46,260 --> 00:21:54,179 So how do we get, uh, people to actually look inside beyond their feelings and 346 00:21:54,270 --> 00:21:59,399 start bringing some of those issues to the forefront without a big fight? 347 00:22:01,635 --> 00:22:02,175 Yeah. 348 00:22:02,264 --> 00:22:03,555 Yeah, that's a great question. 349 00:22:04,155 --> 00:22:09,495 So normally we are not gonna take the time when we're busy to do 350 00:22:09,495 --> 00:22:12,465 something like some kind of inner work or some kind of questioning. 351 00:22:12,465 --> 00:22:15,165 It seems like, yeah, I've got a lot going on. 352 00:22:15,165 --> 00:22:19,845 I'm under the gun and there's a lot of, uh, just pressures to 353 00:22:20,175 --> 00:22:21,555 just to stay balanced in life. 354 00:22:21,555 --> 00:22:22,635 So, yeah. 355 00:22:22,635 --> 00:22:25,485 Why I'm gonna add one more thing, like, you know, all those, 356 00:22:25,725 --> 00:22:27,195 all that comes up for sure. 357 00:22:28,044 --> 00:22:33,525 But what I find is that stress is what brings me to inner work. 358 00:22:33,555 --> 00:22:38,235 Because when I get stressed enough, when something gets dire enough or 359 00:22:38,235 --> 00:22:45,975 just becomes too much, um, then at that point, my openness, I start to be open. 360 00:22:46,035 --> 00:22:50,895 I start to be receptive to taking some time, spending some time to go inward a 361 00:22:50,895 --> 00:22:53,685 little bit, doing some, some harder work, 362 00:22:53,685 --> 00:22:57,254 you know, taking a look at things, questioning what I'm believing. 363 00:22:57,725 --> 00:23:02,795 That starts to be on the table when the stress level kind of amps up. 364 00:23:03,035 --> 00:23:06,875 Um, and over time, I've been doing this work a long time 365 00:23:06,875 --> 00:23:08,165 and I actually do it every day. 366 00:23:08,165 --> 00:23:11,735 It's like become a habit of mine, but it doesn't have to be that way. 367 00:23:11,735 --> 00:23:14,855 I, I know many clients that just come in waves, they'll be like, Yeah, you 368 00:23:14,855 --> 00:23:19,865 know, I'm really needing some, some extra support 'cause I'm dealing with this. 369 00:23:19,865 --> 00:23:22,475 And then, and then they'll go away for a while and then they'll 370 00:23:22,475 --> 00:23:24,544 come back, and, and that's fine. 371 00:23:24,635 --> 00:23:29,524 Um, what I find for myself is that when I'm doing it regularly, 372 00:23:29,584 --> 00:23:33,365 it's like I'm peeling layers and layers off of my stress. 373 00:23:33,365 --> 00:23:36,725 And I'm starting to catch it earlier and earlier and earlier. 374 00:23:37,324 --> 00:23:40,834 And so for me, there's a kind of excitement that happens like, oh, okay. 375 00:23:41,465 --> 00:23:42,784 What am I gonna learn from this one? 376 00:23:42,815 --> 00:23:44,105 You know, oh, I just got triggered again. 377 00:23:44,195 --> 00:23:47,195 It wasn't a hundred percent trigger, but it was still, it got me. 378 00:23:47,555 --> 00:23:48,875 So what am I gonna learn? 379 00:23:48,935 --> 00:23:50,645 Let's put it on the table, let's take a look. 380 00:23:50,645 --> 00:23:55,355 And that curiosity starts to develop, uh, as you begin to trust yourself 381 00:23:55,355 --> 00:23:57,425 and trust, uh, a process like this. 382 00:23:58,085 --> 00:24:02,225 But I would say the motivator that gets people started is 383 00:24:02,225 --> 00:24:04,205 just, you know, stress, pain. 384 00:24:04,385 --> 00:24:04,655 Yeah. 385 00:24:06,105 --> 00:24:06,435 Yeah. 386 00:24:06,735 --> 00:24:10,304 You know, it was interesting, I watched one of your inner work 387 00:24:10,304 --> 00:24:20,054 sessions with a gal. And, you know, it was like discovering your 388 00:24:20,054 --> 00:24:24,705 true intention of your existence. 389 00:24:25,125 --> 00:24:29,205 And that's when she realized, oh. 390 00:24:31,814 --> 00:24:36,044 And then she could open up and identify more easily. 391 00:24:36,435 --> 00:24:43,695 So sometimes those intentions that we fight, they're, 392 00:24:43,784 --> 00:24:46,544 they're natural, are they not? 393 00:24:47,580 --> 00:24:48,780 Yes, absolutely. 394 00:24:48,840 --> 00:24:53,940 We're fighting, a lot of times, instinct and, you know, real strong desire 395 00:24:54,000 --> 00:24:56,460 and, and these are natural things. 396 00:24:56,520 --> 00:25:00,600 Um, there's, there's kind of different parts of us inside and 397 00:25:00,660 --> 00:25:04,770 there's a part of us that, that wants what we want and that's, there's 398 00:25:04,770 --> 00:25:06,015 nothing wrong with that, nothing. 399 00:25:06,015 --> 00:25:07,560 We don't have to change that. 400 00:25:08,190 --> 00:25:12,810 The only problem is when we, we're not able to get what we want 401 00:25:12,900 --> 00:25:14,700 because of some, whatever reason. 402 00:25:15,300 --> 00:25:18,870 And if we're still attached to getting what we want, that's 403 00:25:18,870 --> 00:25:20,640 when the stress begins to amp up. 404 00:25:21,060 --> 00:25:25,680 Otherwise, um, why not follow your heart's desire? 405 00:25:25,770 --> 00:25:28,200 Why not do what inspires you? 406 00:25:28,230 --> 00:25:28,770 Why not? 407 00:25:29,310 --> 00:25:30,330 That is not the problem. 408 00:25:30,330 --> 00:25:34,680 The problem is when life doesn't cooperate exactly the way, according to our 409 00:25:34,680 --> 00:25:38,670 plan, and then we get, we get stressed. 410 00:25:38,670 --> 00:25:44,160 So this work is for when that shows up and what it reveals is some attachment 411 00:25:44,160 --> 00:25:48,240 there that has gotten like out of balance with the, with the reality. 412 00:25:48,570 --> 00:25:53,295 Basically, it's like reality does its thing and we can be in sync 413 00:25:53,295 --> 00:25:54,855 with it or out of sync with it. 414 00:25:54,885 --> 00:25:57,585 And when we're outta sync with it, in other words, arguing with 415 00:25:57,585 --> 00:25:59,685 reality, it's super stressful. 416 00:25:59,805 --> 00:26:03,165 If we're in sync with it, like, okay, yeah, I want that, still want 417 00:26:03,165 --> 00:26:07,005 that, but life's not cooperating with that right now, so I'm good. 418 00:26:07,215 --> 00:26:11,835 Let me see what, how I can go with that and maybe down the line I'll be able to 419 00:26:11,895 --> 00:26:13,815 still be working on, towards something. 420 00:26:14,205 --> 00:26:19,020 But it's not like, I didn't get what I want, I'm a failure, or life is 421 00:26:19,020 --> 00:26:21,150 not fair, or something like that. 422 00:26:21,150 --> 00:26:29,235 So yeah, it's, it's, um, yeah, it's just being, as much as possible, 423 00:26:29,475 --> 00:26:31,415 easygoing about our desires. 424 00:26:31,415 --> 00:26:32,665 It's not that the desires are wrong. 425 00:26:32,685 --> 00:26:35,865 I, I, like, take for example, the desire to make money or something, right? 426 00:26:35,865 --> 00:26:37,785 Everybody has that, we need it. 427 00:26:37,815 --> 00:26:40,635 It's, if you don't make money, you're, it's, uh, out of balance. 428 00:26:40,635 --> 00:26:43,845 You're gonna end up, uh, you're gonna be starving if it comes to that. 429 00:26:44,745 --> 00:26:46,965 Um, so there's nothing wrong with that. 430 00:26:47,295 --> 00:26:51,465 It's how attached am I to it and how attached I am, am I to a 431 00:26:51,465 --> 00:26:55,230 particular way I'm getting it or having to happen in a certain way. 432 00:26:55,740 --> 00:26:57,390 Those are the things that can hang us up. 433 00:26:57,480 --> 00:27:00,240 And when it doesn't happen the way we want, we can get super stressed 434 00:27:00,240 --> 00:27:03,150 about it and a lot of survival instincts can come in and we can 435 00:27:03,150 --> 00:27:05,310 start feeling really overwhelmed. 436 00:27:05,820 --> 00:27:09,860 You question some of those thoughts, not to get rid of them, not to get rid 437 00:27:09,860 --> 00:27:12,320 of the desire, but to find balance. 438 00:27:12,530 --> 00:27:18,409 And this is a really key, uh, a key point, a key principle in the work that I do 439 00:27:19,010 --> 00:27:23,840 is that these, these opposites that we play with are about balancing each other. 440 00:27:23,899 --> 00:27:26,720 Like let's say it's that statement, I want money and you're questioning it. 441 00:27:26,720 --> 00:27:27,980 I need more money, right? 442 00:27:28,280 --> 00:27:28,790 You're questioning it. 443 00:27:28,790 --> 00:27:32,010 It's like when you're thinking that, all the energy's on that 444 00:27:32,010 --> 00:27:35,130 side and you're stressed about it 'cause you can't figure it out. 445 00:27:35,130 --> 00:27:36,900 You're not getting there and, and all that. 446 00:27:37,470 --> 00:27:40,260 You question it and you're like, Is it, is it true? 447 00:27:40,350 --> 00:27:40,590 You know? 448 00:27:40,590 --> 00:27:43,950 And who would I be without the thought that I need more money right now? 449 00:27:43,950 --> 00:27:48,150 And, and, uh, and then you flip, flip it around and say, 450 00:27:48,450 --> 00:27:49,710 Okay, I don't need more money. 451 00:27:49,710 --> 00:27:51,180 How could that be also true? 452 00:27:51,390 --> 00:27:55,800 And when you start finding examples of how not having more money right now would also 453 00:27:55,800 --> 00:27:58,590 be fine, it starts balancing things out. 454 00:27:58,850 --> 00:28:02,139 And that's the peace, that's where the peace is found. 455 00:28:02,709 --> 00:28:05,320 It's not like you're just getting rid of the desire, you're just 456 00:28:05,469 --> 00:28:06,850 balancing those two things. 457 00:28:08,709 --> 00:28:17,469 So, so you're actually training your brain to fire less of one 458 00:28:17,469 --> 00:28:20,230 chemical and more of the other. 459 00:28:20,860 --> 00:28:25,410 And that, that can actually, it, it works. 460 00:28:25,410 --> 00:28:29,520 And baby stepping that in, it, it does work. 461 00:28:30,000 --> 00:28:32,430 Uh, addiction is a big one. 462 00:28:32,490 --> 00:28:37,530 You know, what you're talking about there, you know, a lot of addicts can 463 00:28:37,590 --> 00:28:42,570 relate with that because, well, they understand the disappointment and 464 00:28:42,570 --> 00:28:46,800 then needing to recover from that. 465 00:28:47,250 --> 00:28:51,780 So it's, it's interesting what our brain will do to us. 466 00:28:52,140 --> 00:29:00,450 And if we're not aware that we can control that by just identifying what's, what 467 00:29:00,450 --> 00:29:09,060 are we surrounding ourself with and what relationship do I have to this situation 468 00:29:09,930 --> 00:29:13,200 and bringing that balance into our brain. 469 00:29:13,740 --> 00:29:18,840 It's, it's very interesting to me and I love to study people. 470 00:29:22,620 --> 00:29:24,389 Yeah, I'm, I'm with you. 471 00:29:24,450 --> 00:29:24,960 Yes. 472 00:29:25,530 --> 00:29:29,159 Um, but it, it means that we have more control than we think. 473 00:29:29,250 --> 00:29:34,200 We tend to think that these, these reactions happen and we 474 00:29:34,200 --> 00:29:35,220 don't know what to do about it. 475 00:29:35,220 --> 00:29:40,950 But really there's, there's some steps in between, between that thing 476 00:29:40,950 --> 00:29:43,350 happening to us and our reaction. 477 00:29:43,770 --> 00:29:45,360 And that's a step of thinking. 478 00:29:45,365 --> 00:29:50,190 And, and when I really look at that and really explore that, I have a lot of 479 00:29:50,190 --> 00:29:51,899 control on whether that makes sense to me. 480 00:29:51,899 --> 00:29:55,169 And, and I've, that's the cool thing about this work, uh, and why 481 00:29:55,169 --> 00:29:59,639 I do it so much for myself, is that situations that used to trigger me 482 00:29:59,639 --> 00:30:03,719 just don't even trigger me anymore because I now see how to sidestep that. 483 00:30:03,719 --> 00:30:06,279 I'm like, you know, No big deal. 484 00:30:06,310 --> 00:30:07,755 Okay, you're criticizing me. 485 00:30:08,145 --> 00:30:14,415 That's a tough one but the more I do the work on it, I'm like, Oh, you're giving me 486 00:30:14,415 --> 00:30:18,675 some feedback and it has, if there's any charge on it from your side, that's you. 487 00:30:18,705 --> 00:30:19,815 It's not really even me. 488 00:30:20,145 --> 00:30:22,740 And I'm sort of like, Okay, I'm fine. 489 00:30:22,740 --> 00:30:25,245 You know, like you can actually, I remember it's like feeling like a bullet 490 00:30:25,245 --> 00:30:29,295 went past me and I just dodged it and it went, uh, went and hit the wall somewhere. 491 00:30:29,295 --> 00:30:32,565 So that's what happens as you bring in awareness, and this 492 00:30:32,565 --> 00:30:33,795 is just one way of doing that. 493 00:30:35,945 --> 00:30:42,855 Well, now you're also balancing your IQ with EQ at the same time. 494 00:30:43,095 --> 00:30:49,455 Because if, if you're bringing up the emotional equation there, then the 495 00:30:49,785 --> 00:30:52,695 intellectual equation comes up also. 496 00:30:52,695 --> 00:30:59,175 So we're dealing with two parts of the brain and everything that we do 497 00:30:59,175 --> 00:31:01,274 takes that balance that we talk about. 498 00:31:02,024 --> 00:31:10,695 So we're dealing with a world full of sensitivity and a lot of people don't 499 00:31:10,695 --> 00:31:20,115 know how to tap into help and ask for help because of that being sensitive. 500 00:31:21,435 --> 00:31:28,410 How can we help those people understand it's okay to reach out and ask for help. 501 00:31:29,730 --> 00:31:34,860 Yeah, it takes, it takes courage, it takes humility, uh, to be able to do that. 502 00:31:34,950 --> 00:31:40,230 And, you know, I don't have a quick fix for that, but I think 503 00:31:40,620 --> 00:31:43,950 one of the things that helped me is knowing that I'm not alone. 504 00:31:44,130 --> 00:31:48,450 You know, that, that we all go through different emotional 505 00:31:48,450 --> 00:31:51,420 challenges and are affected by things. 506 00:31:51,810 --> 00:31:55,470 This is not, uh, something that's just happening to you. 507 00:31:55,890 --> 00:32:00,300 And I, I think in our society for so many decades or maybe 508 00:32:00,300 --> 00:32:03,240 centuries, it's been put aside. 509 00:32:03,240 --> 00:32:08,130 Like mental health just put to the side, emotions put to the side, and it's, 510 00:32:08,400 --> 00:32:10,320 there's a little taboo around that. 511 00:32:10,500 --> 00:32:13,330 So, luckily that seems to be changing. 512 00:32:13,510 --> 00:32:15,610 Um, but it still takes courage. 513 00:32:15,669 --> 00:32:22,060 And so I just encourage anyone to, to explore any resources, whether they're 514 00:32:22,060 --> 00:32:27,129 books, or podcasts, or anywhere where people are starting to do their work 515 00:32:27,129 --> 00:32:29,530 and starting to share, um, with others. 516 00:32:29,530 --> 00:32:31,415 And there are many groups as well, you know? 517 00:32:31,570 --> 00:32:35,580 And just where you can begin to see that you're not alone. 518 00:32:35,580 --> 00:32:40,500 Even twelve step programs are amazing, uh, where you can see, be with other people 519 00:32:40,530 --> 00:32:42,300 that are sharing the same struggles. 520 00:32:42,899 --> 00:32:48,179 If you can be in a community with other people, it starts to normalize your, 521 00:32:48,810 --> 00:32:52,830 uh, what you think is an experience that is, you need to get rid of. 522 00:32:52,919 --> 00:32:55,590 It's probably not need to get rid of, you just need to get listened to 523 00:32:56,340 --> 00:33:01,350 and then dealt with in a way that, uh, can, can be more balancing. 524 00:33:04,020 --> 00:33:05,700 You know, it's interesting. 525 00:33:06,360 --> 00:33:12,180 A good way to handle that is, there's a bunch of like Facebook 526 00:33:12,180 --> 00:33:15,060 groups that deal with these topics. 527 00:33:15,450 --> 00:33:24,510 And even if you're at the point, you're not ready to open up, just joining 528 00:33:24,510 --> 00:33:31,290 the group and be a fly on the wall and witnessing how many people are 529 00:33:31,830 --> 00:33:37,890 dealing with these different things, it, it really can help you open up 530 00:33:38,100 --> 00:33:42,330 and develop a way to express yourself. 531 00:33:42,750 --> 00:33:44,790 Because I really think that's the key. 532 00:33:44,790 --> 00:33:49,890 If, if we can't express ourselves, we're bottled up and we feel 533 00:33:49,890 --> 00:33:52,710 left out, alone, isolated. 534 00:33:54,000 --> 00:33:54,060 Yeah. 535 00:33:55,260 --> 00:33:59,190 Yeah, like there, we think that because we're experiencing something 536 00:33:59,190 --> 00:34:02,550 negative, then there's something wrong with us so we should hide it 537 00:34:02,850 --> 00:34:04,770 and try to work it out on our own. 538 00:34:04,770 --> 00:34:07,200 And then when we're feeling good, then maybe we'll come back 539 00:34:07,200 --> 00:34:09,030 out and be in the world again. 540 00:34:09,030 --> 00:34:12,360 But, you know, you're not alone. 541 00:34:12,360 --> 00:34:14,699 If you're dealing with negativity, welcome to the world. 542 00:34:15,000 --> 00:34:16,679 That's what all human beings deal with. 543 00:34:17,310 --> 00:34:21,305 And so, you know, like just seeing that is okay. 544 00:34:21,425 --> 00:34:26,855 Uh, and, and I love how you said balancing IQ with EQ because there's a certain, 545 00:34:27,885 --> 00:34:31,665 a lot of us, I think the EQ is like a little bit immature in some ways or a 546 00:34:31,665 --> 00:34:35,085 little bit, I don't know if immature is the right word, but stuck sometimes 547 00:34:35,534 --> 00:34:37,034 because it's not seeing the light of day. 548 00:34:37,034 --> 00:34:43,125 It's getting squashed and overridden by so much IQ and so much, so much of that side. 549 00:34:43,485 --> 00:34:47,929 So giving that, it's almost like talking to a little baby or something and saying, 550 00:34:48,069 --> 00:34:50,440 Hey, let's, let's hear what you think. 551 00:34:50,529 --> 00:34:51,549 Let's hear your thoughts. 552 00:34:51,549 --> 00:34:56,440 And it's gonna go, Ahh, you know, and it's gonna start being, uh, if 553 00:34:56,440 --> 00:34:59,230 you really allow it, it's gonna cry. 554 00:34:59,230 --> 00:35:03,669 It's gonna, it's gonna rant, it's gonna, it's, it's gonna sound like pure ego. 555 00:35:04,390 --> 00:35:06,790 Fantastic, that is wonderful. 556 00:35:06,790 --> 00:35:08,620 Like, welcome that in. 557 00:35:08,620 --> 00:35:11,279 Because this is the part that's been squelched for so long. 558 00:35:11,759 --> 00:35:15,720 It's not that it's, that it should be hidden away, it should be listened to 559 00:35:16,020 --> 00:35:20,520 and then questioned a little bit because it's, it's got something true going on. 560 00:35:20,520 --> 00:35:23,670 But it's, it might have, the idea might be on the wrong, you know, 561 00:35:23,670 --> 00:35:26,585 but it just might be, need a little adjustment as it comes out. 562 00:35:28,575 --> 00:35:33,854 Yeah, that, that's the illustration I was looking for right there because, you 563 00:35:33,854 --> 00:35:41,325 know, there's a lot of intelligent people out there that lack some EQ and really 564 00:35:43,484 --> 00:35:47,325 just putting them on the spot is never going to help it. 565 00:35:47,770 --> 00:35:53,205 It, it's, it's a balance thing that we have to figure out and hopefully the 566 00:35:53,205 --> 00:35:58,845 world keeps shoving this positivity out instead of the negativity. 567 00:35:59,175 --> 00:36:03,735 And I've, I've been seeing a lot of people do that, uh, turn 568 00:36:03,735 --> 00:36:09,345 theirselves and their attention to positivity instead of negativity. 569 00:36:09,585 --> 00:36:15,075 And that's when we can move mountains with whatever we do. 570 00:36:15,924 --> 00:36:21,525 So is there anything, Todd, that we haven't covered that we 571 00:36:21,525 --> 00:36:24,075 need to cover for your episode? 572 00:36:25,245 --> 00:36:29,325 Well, just, um, building on what you were saying there, I think is an, an important 573 00:36:29,325 --> 00:36:36,645 point is that, um, two things, one is that, that with a process like this, you 574 00:36:36,645 --> 00:36:39,884 can transform negativity into positivity. 575 00:36:40,035 --> 00:36:43,904 And so you can transform, not the situation, that you don't necessarily, 576 00:36:43,904 --> 00:36:48,015 you can't always change, but you can change your view of it from something 577 00:36:48,435 --> 00:36:50,174 negative to something positive. 578 00:36:50,745 --> 00:36:55,035 And then allowing, like even if you do have something negative, if you 579 00:36:55,035 --> 00:37:00,600 have a way of listening to that, being honest about it, and then challenging 580 00:37:00,600 --> 00:37:05,310 yourself on it, you can end up, uh, in a different place about it. 581 00:37:05,460 --> 00:37:09,000 And then what you thought was negative is not so, is not really negative. 582 00:37:09,000 --> 00:37:11,970 It doesn't feel negative, even though everyone would agree that 583 00:37:11,970 --> 00:37:14,160 it's, you know, not so positive. 584 00:37:14,160 --> 00:37:16,680 So it's all about how you see things. 585 00:37:16,740 --> 00:37:18,509 Uh, I think that's the first thing I wanted to say. 586 00:37:18,600 --> 00:37:23,730 Um, and then the other is, I think the key is feeling safe. 587 00:37:23,879 --> 00:37:30,899 Uh, if you don't feel safe to do, to look at something, uh, negative or something in 588 00:37:30,899 --> 00:37:36,450 yourself, some reaction, if you don't feel safe, then you're just gonna block it. 589 00:37:36,450 --> 00:37:37,410 You'll be like, You know what? 590 00:37:37,410 --> 00:37:38,759 I, I don't need this. 591 00:37:39,390 --> 00:37:44,790 And what, what I find, why I love this particular process is that 592 00:37:45,419 --> 00:37:47,430 it's like saying, You know what? 593 00:37:47,610 --> 00:37:53,580 You've been waiting, you, Mr. Ego or Mr. Pushed down emotions, you've been 594 00:37:53,580 --> 00:37:58,830 waiting for a long time to be heard and I've been putting you off, and I 595 00:37:58,830 --> 00:38:00,480 just want to hear what you have to say. 596 00:38:00,690 --> 00:38:02,700 You know, and we don't even have to turn all this around. 597 00:38:02,760 --> 00:38:06,510 Let's just, I just want to hear what you have to say and I wanna listen. 598 00:38:06,780 --> 00:38:09,705 And that starts to say, okay, you know what? 599 00:38:09,765 --> 00:38:12,345 I feel a little safer, I'll, I'll share a little bit. 600 00:38:12,945 --> 00:38:17,205 And then if we do the process, like questioning and turning around, 601 00:38:17,715 --> 00:38:22,155 then I'm, I'm almost telling the little stuck part inside of me, I 602 00:38:22,155 --> 00:38:23,565 want you to answer the questions. 603 00:38:23,565 --> 00:38:26,985 I want you to be in control of this process and I want you to be able to 604 00:38:26,985 --> 00:38:31,485 say, you know, no, that isn't really, uh, true, you know, for me anyway. 605 00:38:31,485 --> 00:38:35,785 Or I, I want you to be the one going through this process. 606 00:38:36,145 --> 00:38:40,675 And for me, just on a, just on a feeling level, it feels like, 607 00:38:41,245 --> 00:38:45,295 okay, I am allowed to be what I am. 608 00:38:45,355 --> 00:38:50,310 Which is not amazing and looking good in the world. 609 00:38:50,670 --> 00:38:54,420 I'm allowed to be where I am on an internal level, and I'm gonna be met 610 00:38:54,420 --> 00:38:58,470 with understanding, and I'm gonna be able to work through it if I want to. 611 00:38:58,529 --> 00:39:02,279 And I'm also able to say, Shut the door, and I need a break from this too. 612 00:39:02,339 --> 00:39:05,370 So safety, I think, is really important when you're ever 613 00:39:05,370 --> 00:39:06,930 doing, uh, this kind of work. 614 00:39:08,560 --> 00:39:08,960 Yeah. 615 00:39:09,350 --> 00:39:15,309 Well, you're, you're doing a lot of great work out there and people need 616 00:39:15,509 --> 00:39:19,020 that safe space to present themselves. 617 00:39:19,410 --> 00:39:25,379 So could you tell people some of the services that you do offer and how 618 00:39:25,410 --> 00:39:26,640 they can actually reach out to you? 619 00:39:29,550 --> 00:39:30,090 Sure. 620 00:39:30,090 --> 00:39:30,540 Yeah. 621 00:39:30,600 --> 00:39:37,260 So, um, you can reach out to me @trueinnerfreedom.com and, uh, I have 622 00:39:37,260 --> 00:39:42,270 a, a podcast at, uh, which is Stress Management for Highly Sensitive People. 623 00:39:42,900 --> 00:39:48,570 And, um, you know, I offer an online course and I offer private sessions, 624 00:39:48,630 --> 00:39:53,520 and those are the two main ways that I support people, uh, in doing this process. 625 00:39:53,520 --> 00:39:55,170 Really, that's, that's what I do. 626 00:39:55,170 --> 00:39:59,430 And I, I, people often ask me, Do you get tired of, like, 627 00:39:59,730 --> 00:40:01,620 dealing with people's negativity? 628 00:40:01,620 --> 00:40:06,600 And I'm like, No, it's actually, feels amazing because I'm watching it fall away. 629 00:40:06,660 --> 00:40:14,160 I'm watching the, the, um, you know, the stress get uncoiled and unraveled 630 00:40:14,160 --> 00:40:16,290 in a way and it's, it's, it's very fun. 631 00:40:16,319 --> 00:40:21,230 So yeah, if you wanna learn more about me, come on over to trueinnerfreedom.com. 632 00:40:22,305 --> 00:40:28,395 And, and that's what you do, you're a facilitator to just keep, keep 633 00:40:28,484 --> 00:40:34,694 the session on track where it's achieving some inner work instead of 634 00:40:34,694 --> 00:40:37,065 floating off to Never- Never Land. 635 00:40:37,665 --> 00:40:46,875 And that spin that we do to avoid ourself, it's important to have somebody there and 636 00:40:46,905 --> 00:40:50,115 say, Okay, let's bring it back to center. 637 00:40:50,565 --> 00:40:53,955 So I, I really appreciate what you're doing out there, Todd. 638 00:40:54,285 --> 00:40:59,025 I appreciate you being here today and sharing what you do and some 639 00:40:59,025 --> 00:41:00,675 of your great ideas with us. 640 00:41:01,635 --> 00:41:02,685 Thank you for having me. 641 00:41:02,685 --> 00:41:05,955 It's just been a pleasure talking with you and I've enjoyed every 642 00:41:05,955 --> 00:41:07,155 minute of the conversation. 643 00:41:07,245 --> 00:41:07,995 So thanks a lot. 644 00:41:20,685 --> 00:41:24,884 I spent my whole life feeding every little thing. 645 00:41:27,645 --> 00:41:31,060 The world came rushing at me like a flood. 646 00:41:33,400 --> 00:41:39,340 Folks said I was too tender, told me to grow thick skin. 647 00:41:39,340 --> 00:41:44,090 But I was drowning trying to be what I wasn't. 648 00:41:45,545 --> 00:41:49,670 And somebody showed me there's no shame in stepping back 649 00:41:52,580 --> 00:41:55,640 and knowing when to rest ain't running away. 650 00:41:58,430 --> 00:42:03,860 My heart beats different, always has, and that's all right. 651 00:42:04,700 --> 00:42:10,100 There's power in the quiet strength in needing space. 652 00:42:10,210 --> 00:42:15,440 I'm finding sacred ground where I can breathe again. 653 00:42:15,890 --> 00:42:20,190 Learning how to honor what I need. 654 00:42:20,190 --> 00:42:28,880 The questions lead me closer than the answers ever did. 655 00:42:29,600 --> 00:42:33,549 I'm claiming back the soul they said was weak. 656 00:42:34,789 --> 00:42:39,669 Through the gentle way, I'm finally free. 657 00:42:41,079 --> 00:42:48,799 The morning light don't have to burn to prove it's real. 658 00:42:51,825 --> 00:42:55,130 The voice don't have to shout to speak the truth. 659 00:42:57,860 --> 00:43:02,960 I'm done apologizing for the depth I carry here. 660 00:43:03,920 --> 00:43:07,600 My tender heart's the strongest part of me. 661 00:43:07,630 --> 00:43:15,209 I'm finding sacred ground where I can breathe again. 662 00:43:15,240 --> 00:43:20,089 Learning how to honor what I need. 663 00:43:20,089 --> 00:43:28,280 Questions lead me closer than the answers ever did. 664 00:43:28,840 --> 00:43:32,590 I'm claiming back the soul they said was weak. 665 00:43:32,920 --> 00:43:43,975 Through the gentle way, I'm finally free. 666 00:43:43,975 --> 00:43:51,630 What overwhelms can turn to grace, when I stop fighting who I am 667 00:43:53,930 --> 00:43:58,160 ever since this soul deserves a place. 668 00:43:58,790 --> 00:44:05,100 Stand and say, This is where I belong. 669 00:44:05,769 --> 00:44:11,910 I'm finding sacred ground where I can breathe again. 670 00:44:12,180 --> 00:44:16,210 Learning how to honor what I need. 671 00:44:17,450 --> 00:44:24,405 Questions lead me closer than the answers ever did. 672 00:44:24,975 --> 00:44:29,265 I'm claiming back the soul they said was weak. 673 00:44:30,165 --> 00:44:30,735 Through the 674 00:44:37,515 --> 00:44:37,895 gentle 675 00:44:41,335 --> 00:44:42,515 way, I'm finally free. 676 00:44:42,865 --> 00:44:44,404 Through the gentle way, 677 00:44:46,524 --> 00:44:48,015 I found my peace.