1 00:00:01,195 --> 00:00:06,775 It, it takes emotional intelligence and, um, if you do not do your 2 00:00:06,775 --> 00:00:08,575 healing work, you don't have it. 3 00:00:08,855 --> 00:00:12,885 I raised my three children with the emotional intelligence of a fifteen- year- 4 00:00:12,985 --> 00:00:14,415 old, because that's where it stopped. 5 00:00:15,285 --> 00:00:16,535 That was my biggest trauma, 6 00:00:18,555 --> 00:00:20,045 and that's where it stops. 7 00:00:54,170 --> 00:00:57,220 Today, we're speaking with Tywanah Evette. 8 00:00:57,660 --> 00:01:02,080 She is a spiritual strategist, a trauma recovery facilitator, 9 00:01:02,840 --> 00:01:08,480 a woman's advocate, bestselling author, and an inspirational speaker. 10 00:01:09,370 --> 00:01:11,500 Tywanah, could you please introduce yourself? 11 00:01:11,680 --> 00:01:13,940 Let people know just a little more about you, please. 12 00:01:14,940 --> 00:01:18,250 Thank you so much, and thank you for having me here today. 13 00:01:18,430 --> 00:01:19,890 I'm really excited about this. 14 00:01:20,670 --> 00:01:25,770 Um, so I, I am actually a fourth generation, um, intuitive 15 00:01:25,830 --> 00:01:27,130 healer and psychic medium. 16 00:01:27,910 --> 00:01:36,010 Um, I help women to heal their trauma, you know, from any abuse, neglect, 17 00:01:36,350 --> 00:01:41,330 um, or even just the kids going off to college and not having an identity. 18 00:01:42,110 --> 00:01:46,320 Um, and find their purpose and step into their power. 19 00:01:47,020 --> 00:01:51,280 Um, I am also the creator of the Heal Her Summit coming up next week. 20 00:01:51,620 --> 00:01:59,000 And the, uh, book that, um, I am creating, another one, it's called Why. 21 00:01:59,000 --> 00:02:03,080 Which is a book of women's, why they didn't report abuse. 22 00:02:05,280 --> 00:02:05,900 That's awesome. 23 00:02:06,500 --> 00:02:10,300 I, I really like what you're doing, it's awesome that you're helping 24 00:02:10,300 --> 00:02:13,560 women that struggle with these things. 25 00:02:14,380 --> 00:02:18,040 Uh, many women are struggling out there. 26 00:02:18,780 --> 00:02:26,475 Our society is just really negative anymore and I, I think we need to pull 27 00:02:26,755 --> 00:02:33,795 together and come together as a nation, as people, and put an end to this abuse. 28 00:02:34,935 --> 00:02:42,055 So you've got a very interesting story and it's heart, it's heart 29 00:02:42,055 --> 00:02:47,855 wrenching, you know, so could you please just tell people your story? 30 00:02:48,114 --> 00:02:50,095 I'm just gonna shut up and let you go. 31 00:02:52,415 --> 00:02:53,855 Absolutely, it's my pleasure. 32 00:02:54,115 --> 00:02:59,215 Um, it, it is a sad story, but healing from it is amazing. 33 00:02:59,275 --> 00:03:02,615 And helping other women is just beautiful. 34 00:03:03,035 --> 00:03:10,715 But I, my father, um, when I was nine years old, my natural 35 00:03:10,775 --> 00:03:12,475 father came looking for me. 36 00:03:12,715 --> 00:03:18,715 I never knew that the father my mom had remarried wasn't my father, because 37 00:03:19,965 --> 00:03:22,675 daddy always made me feel like I was his. 38 00:03:22,735 --> 00:03:24,795 And he always made me feel like I could do anything. 39 00:03:25,735 --> 00:03:28,725 And when daddy was in my life, I remember being happy. 40 00:03:28,765 --> 00:03:34,980 But one day this man shows up at my grandmother's house and, um, 41 00:03:35,320 --> 00:03:38,900 my grandmother calls my mother and lets her know that my natural 42 00:03:38,900 --> 00:03:40,260 father came looking for me. 43 00:03:41,760 --> 00:03:45,380 So I met him a week later and his girlfriend. 44 00:03:45,560 --> 00:03:47,940 And when his girlfriend walked in my nana's house, you know, 45 00:03:47,940 --> 00:03:49,060 I greeted her with a hug. 46 00:03:49,079 --> 00:03:51,019 She was warm and beautiful. 47 00:03:52,400 --> 00:03:56,930 And when I saw him, I hid behind my grandmother. 48 00:03:58,560 --> 00:04:01,610 Um, I knew then something was off. 49 00:04:02,805 --> 00:04:06,265 And he had bought me a bunch of pretty dresses and things like that. 50 00:04:06,385 --> 00:04:09,145 I never wanted to wear them, I felt icky. 51 00:04:12,025 --> 00:04:15,965 Mom had a nervous breakdown shortly after that and lost her 52 00:04:15,965 --> 00:04:17,765 job 'cause her and daddy split up. 53 00:04:20,045 --> 00:04:23,385 And we moved to Seattle for a little while and I was really happy 54 00:04:23,395 --> 00:04:25,065 there with my aunt and my uncle. 55 00:04:26,045 --> 00:04:32,120 And she decided to go to nursing school and so she sent me to live with my father. 56 00:04:35,049 --> 00:04:39,430 The night that I arrived, I was sitting on the bed, 57 00:04:39,669 --> 00:04:42,750 I was ten years old, I, I remember I had a white dress on. 58 00:04:43,570 --> 00:04:50,469 And, um, his girlfriend, she walks past the bedroom to the door and 59 00:04:50,469 --> 00:04:52,469 she's got like baskets and trash bags. 60 00:04:52,469 --> 00:04:55,710 They were arguing and she goes, Baby, I tried. 61 00:04:55,780 --> 00:04:57,469 I'll be back every week to do your hair. 62 00:05:01,030 --> 00:05:05,450 So that night I cry myself to sleep because I miss my mother, I'm in this 63 00:05:05,450 --> 00:05:11,490 house with this strange man, I don't like his energy, and, um, miss Jean is gone. 64 00:05:13,310 --> 00:05:19,530 And, um, my father came in that room that night and took my virginity, 65 00:05:21,770 --> 00:05:23,739 that went on for five years. 66 00:05:24,200 --> 00:05:29,700 He threatened and bullied my mother into remarrying him by using his 67 00:05:29,700 --> 00:05:33,900 status in the church and his status with the Department of Immigration 68 00:05:34,520 --> 00:05:36,099 to say he would take me permanently. 69 00:05:36,150 --> 00:05:37,219 She'd never seen me again. 70 00:05:38,200 --> 00:05:41,299 So she remarried him under those circumstances. 71 00:05:42,520 --> 00:05:45,419 But she was a nurse, so she worked nights. 72 00:05:47,440 --> 00:05:55,060 And, um, the abuse went on for five years until I had a positive pregnancy test. 73 00:05:57,420 --> 00:05:57,640 Um, 74 00:06:00,080 --> 00:06:01,240 I did not tell my mother. 75 00:06:02,620 --> 00:06:07,140 I shared with my best friend in high school that I was pregnant, 76 00:06:07,600 --> 00:06:10,700 she assumed it was my boyfriend's who had never touched me. 77 00:06:12,490 --> 00:06:16,975 And she went with me to release that child. 78 00:06:18,835 --> 00:06:22,705 Um, I held that secret thirty-two years. 79 00:06:24,505 --> 00:06:32,765 I was, uh, mom had a terminal diagnosis shortly after, and when I shared with 80 00:06:32,765 --> 00:06:38,885 her the abuse, not the pregnancy, I just said he was being inappropriate. 81 00:06:41,015 --> 00:06:44,195 She didn't know what to do, she was dying, um, 82 00:06:47,755 --> 00:06:52,015 she couldn't, she had no job, she had nothing, she couldn't support me. 83 00:06:52,995 --> 00:06:56,135 So I went and lived in the New York City group home system. 84 00:06:58,065 --> 00:07:02,525 I found comfort in becoming a mother at eighteen, um, by choice. 85 00:07:03,305 --> 00:07:03,965 And, um, 86 00:07:06,855 --> 00:07:11,585 shortly after that, when I was twenty-one, I married, of course, an abusive man. 87 00:07:11,585 --> 00:07:15,729 Because what do I know about, you know, normal good people. 88 00:07:16,349 --> 00:07:21,929 You know, I'm, I'm too traumatized to understand good people 89 00:07:21,929 --> 00:07:23,489 anymore 'cause daddy was gone. 90 00:07:24,750 --> 00:07:30,429 And, um, he was very abusive, I had two children by him. 91 00:07:32,219 --> 00:07:40,229 That ended in divorce because I was held at gunpoint while he described how he 92 00:07:40,229 --> 00:07:43,150 was gonna take the children's life and his own and leave me with that memory. 93 00:07:45,965 --> 00:07:48,775 I got away, the kids and I got away. 94 00:07:49,675 --> 00:07:54,135 And, um, I married another man who was verbally abusive and threw 95 00:07:54,135 --> 00:07:55,135 me and my kids on the street. 96 00:07:56,235 --> 00:07:57,095 So I took a break. 97 00:07:57,555 --> 00:07:59,015 I'm like, Okay, there's a pattern here. 98 00:07:59,635 --> 00:08:05,875 And I took a four year break, and I invest in myself, and I'm doing Pilates, and I'm, 99 00:08:05,895 --> 00:08:08,275 I'm, I'm feeling good and I'm doing well. 100 00:08:08,435 --> 00:08:12,635 I had gone to therapy, you know, I really felt good about myself. 101 00:08:12,734 --> 00:08:16,775 So I took a chance on dating again, and I meet this 102 00:08:17,335 --> 00:08:18,815 charismatic fourth grade teacher. 103 00:08:18,835 --> 00:08:22,615 And I'm like, Yes, I finally healed. 104 00:08:23,034 --> 00:08:25,215 How can I get much better than a fourth grade teacher? 105 00:08:27,784 --> 00:08:28,995 That man stole my soul. 106 00:08:31,385 --> 00:08:34,924 He would belittle and berate me for three days at a time, taking 107 00:08:34,945 --> 00:08:38,445 me to the point of a seizure and then saying, Go take your medicine. 108 00:08:38,475 --> 00:08:39,804 Because I have epilepsy. 109 00:08:42,585 --> 00:08:45,665 I was never good enough, I was never pretty enough, I was never this 110 00:08:45,665 --> 00:08:47,145 enough, I never did that enough. 111 00:08:48,405 --> 00:08:50,045 He was the first person 112 00:08:52,575 --> 00:09:00,400 when I met him that I realized I had never loved anyone, no man, except him. 113 00:09:02,480 --> 00:09:06,760 I loved his son, who is one of the biggest, brightest bits 114 00:09:06,760 --> 00:09:08,560 of sunshine in this world. 115 00:09:10,069 --> 00:09:11,689 He and I were very, very close. 116 00:09:13,540 --> 00:09:13,760 And 117 00:09:17,400 --> 00:09:20,319 I shared with him what happened, he was the first person I opened up to. 118 00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:25,620 He took that story to school and him and the teachers had a good 119 00:09:25,620 --> 00:09:31,305 laugh about it, even though they're mandated to report things like that. 120 00:09:32,405 --> 00:09:35,464 And he took it to his family and him and his family had a good laugh 121 00:09:35,464 --> 00:09:39,505 about it, even though his sister is a domestic violence advocate here in DC. 122 00:09:44,165 --> 00:09:47,245 I had to come to DC, my sister lost her husband suddenly. 123 00:09:47,984 --> 00:09:49,405 And when I got back 124 00:09:51,765 --> 00:09:56,104 the next day, I took an entire bottle of pills with hot coffee. 125 00:09:57,115 --> 00:10:01,704 Drank vinegar to make them melt and went and laid in the woods. 126 00:10:01,905 --> 00:10:04,974 I was tired, I was tired. 127 00:10:08,194 --> 00:10:14,145 But if anybody here believes in the ancestral plane, that's where I was taken. 128 00:10:14,834 --> 00:10:16,824 Where I saw daddy and mom. 129 00:10:18,714 --> 00:10:21,015 And mom told me I had to come back, I had a purpose. 130 00:10:21,795 --> 00:10:23,454 She told me women were waiting for me. 131 00:10:25,005 --> 00:10:29,375 I didn't understand it, and then she pushed me back in my body. 132 00:10:32,835 --> 00:10:34,875 I went on a very long healing journey. 133 00:10:35,075 --> 00:10:39,435 I moved up to DC to help my sister, they had a six month old cane corso. 134 00:10:39,435 --> 00:10:40,755 She had no idea what to do with him. 135 00:10:42,215 --> 00:10:45,565 And, um, she was devastated. 136 00:10:45,685 --> 00:10:51,405 I had never seen my sister jello, she was jello when she lost her soulmate. 137 00:10:52,505 --> 00:10:59,540 Um, my sister's this type A, you know, kind of congresswoman type. 138 00:10:59,719 --> 00:11:03,819 And to see her on the edge of the bed where she didn't even know 139 00:11:03,819 --> 00:11:06,780 how to put her stockings on, I didn't know how to process that. 140 00:11:08,790 --> 00:11:11,270 I stayed with my sister for eight months until she healed. 141 00:11:11,270 --> 00:11:15,800 But while I lived with her, that's when I knew I was a healer. 142 00:11:17,505 --> 00:11:22,595 Because while I was losing everything and everyone around me, she was healing. 143 00:11:22,915 --> 00:11:27,755 I was filtering her emotions, and even the dog's sometimes, his emotions. 144 00:11:28,595 --> 00:11:29,795 I helped him heal as well. 145 00:11:31,575 --> 00:11:35,135 I moved into my apartment, my mother's voice got undeniably loud. 146 00:11:38,205 --> 00:11:41,905 And last February she said, It is time to use your voice. 147 00:11:43,645 --> 00:11:44,505 And I'm like, To do what? 148 00:11:45,820 --> 00:11:50,840 And I look on Facebook and there's a call for podcasts, and I'm not 149 00:11:50,840 --> 00:11:52,360 even in any of the groups yet. 150 00:11:52,540 --> 00:11:56,360 You know, I, I just happened to open it and here it is. 151 00:11:57,060 --> 00:11:58,680 And I'm like, Okay, you're funny lady. 152 00:12:00,000 --> 00:12:06,070 And um, it was the first time, it was the first time that I announced 153 00:12:06,070 --> 00:12:08,390 to the world that I'm a healer, 154 00:12:08,730 --> 00:12:09,270 I'm a medium. 155 00:12:12,090 --> 00:12:16,000 And I spoke my truth and it felt good. 156 00:12:18,510 --> 00:12:26,330 And every time after that I got stronger and stronger and stronger and less 157 00:12:26,330 --> 00:12:28,450 and less afraid to speak my truth. 158 00:12:28,880 --> 00:12:32,770 Even though my children didn't wanna be a part of my lives 159 00:12:33,350 --> 00:12:35,300 understandably at the time. 160 00:12:35,780 --> 00:12:38,410 I, I understood their decision, I respected it. 161 00:12:39,060 --> 00:12:42,915 I just, you know, I would send Happy Birthday, I would send money, 162 00:12:43,295 --> 00:12:48,194 you know, cards, things like that, and let them have their space. 163 00:12:48,194 --> 00:12:50,194 They were all adults when this happened. 164 00:12:52,805 --> 00:12:57,944 And, um, I haven't shut up since, and I won't, I won't. 165 00:13:06,939 --> 00:13:08,719 Hey, that, that's awesome. 166 00:13:09,380 --> 00:13:15,800 You know, Tywanah, a lot of people need to find that passion to 167 00:13:15,850 --> 00:13:18,280 share and that guidance to give. 168 00:13:18,910 --> 00:13:23,960 Because there's so many people out there taking and they take and they 169 00:13:23,960 --> 00:13:25,800 take, but nobody wants to give. 170 00:13:26,580 --> 00:13:31,880 And that's what our world needs so much right now, is people to give back. 171 00:13:32,940 --> 00:13:36,760 And that's what we're doing here at the Dead America Podcast, we, 172 00:13:37,260 --> 00:13:43,205 we believe in stories and the, the enlightenment that people can 173 00:13:43,305 --> 00:13:46,565 get out of stories and experience. 174 00:13:47,695 --> 00:13:54,125 Every one of us has that experience and it is so important to share, 175 00:13:55,035 --> 00:13:56,885 that relieves us emotionally. 176 00:13:57,545 --> 00:14:03,125 And it, it allows us to love again, it, it really helps. 177 00:14:04,105 --> 00:14:12,755 So there's a lot of women out there that need to discover how to come to 178 00:14:12,775 --> 00:14:20,275 the forward position of life and share what's going on, my wife included. 179 00:14:20,574 --> 00:14:27,275 She went through similar things in her childhood, and it's taken 180 00:14:27,275 --> 00:14:38,324 fifty-five, fifty-six years to really start getting a, or a grasp 181 00:14:38,324 --> 00:14:42,074 on what is happening in her life. 182 00:14:43,415 --> 00:14:52,495 So how do women get out of the emotional state and into that advocate state where 183 00:14:52,495 --> 00:14:55,325 they can start sharing their story? 184 00:14:56,225 --> 00:14:57,805 First of all, you, you need help. 185 00:14:59,365 --> 00:15:05,370 Um, I had no support system, but my healing journey was designed that way 186 00:15:06,580 --> 00:15:09,920 so that I could teach how to heal. 187 00:15:11,300 --> 00:15:17,760 Um, you first have to acknowledge it within yourself because I walked 188 00:15:17,760 --> 00:15:22,000 around with a smile for all of this time while I was screaming inside. 189 00:15:22,720 --> 00:15:26,880 I had to sit and acknowledge that this actually happened, 190 00:15:29,340 --> 00:15:31,765 with me, first. 191 00:15:32,935 --> 00:15:36,675 Before you begin sharing with the world, you have to process it yourself. 192 00:15:37,935 --> 00:15:38,155 Um, 193 00:15:40,595 --> 00:15:47,605 seek help, seek guidance, um, be it a coach, therapist, you know, if, if you 194 00:15:47,635 --> 00:15:50,485 have a strong support system, great. 195 00:15:51,465 --> 00:15:55,625 Um, but I had no support system, um, other than my ancestors. 196 00:15:55,985 --> 00:15:57,305 I will never discredit them. 197 00:15:58,724 --> 00:15:59,790 Yeah, for that time. 198 00:16:00,050 --> 00:16:09,819 But, um, you gotta be honest and you have to seek the guidance and then 199 00:16:10,079 --> 00:16:12,020 you have to start taking baby steps. 200 00:16:12,720 --> 00:16:15,340 You, you may not be able to tell the big tragedy, right? 201 00:16:15,360 --> 00:16:18,380 You may not be able to, I, like, I couldn't tell my 202 00:16:18,380 --> 00:16:22,939 family until the end of 2023. 203 00:16:24,480 --> 00:16:25,460 My family didn't know. 204 00:16:27,765 --> 00:16:32,005 I told my best friend and she lost the feeling in her knees and fell 205 00:16:33,505 --> 00:16:37,595 because she was like, I can't believe you didn't tell me, I was with you. 206 00:16:38,935 --> 00:16:43,065 Um, but you have to begin sharing in little bits. 207 00:16:44,485 --> 00:16:52,145 So even if I didn't tell the big story, I started sharing tiny bits of myself. 208 00:16:53,970 --> 00:17:00,590 Um, I did have kind of a part-time coach, um, and she would advise me 209 00:17:00,610 --> 00:17:06,150 as best as she could, but my journey was designed for me to be alone. 210 00:17:07,540 --> 00:17:12,609 Um, but the, the, the first step, the first step is acknowledgement. 211 00:17:13,750 --> 00:17:15,410 You have to acknowledge that hurt. 212 00:17:16,310 --> 00:17:22,560 The second step is, we all have an inner child and that inner child is 213 00:17:22,560 --> 00:17:27,200 the one who took over when trauma was too much for the 3D body to handle. 214 00:17:28,810 --> 00:17:33,400 She's the one, or he's the one that stepped forward and took that. 215 00:17:34,780 --> 00:17:38,270 Even though you may have the memory and the physical functions of it, 216 00:17:38,890 --> 00:17:40,629 it is because of that inner child. 217 00:17:41,970 --> 00:17:43,750 Um, journaling, essential. 218 00:17:44,629 --> 00:17:49,240 It's essential to get it down on paper because when you reread that, that's 219 00:17:49,240 --> 00:17:50,960 when you realize this is your truth. 220 00:17:52,745 --> 00:17:56,685 That's when you realize, I, I, I did go through that. 221 00:17:57,865 --> 00:18:03,805 But in that journaling and in that acknowledgement comes strength because 222 00:18:03,905 --> 00:18:07,525 that's when you realize I survived that. 223 00:18:09,635 --> 00:18:11,765 Then you have to release the victim mindset, 224 00:18:14,115 --> 00:18:15,255 the woe is me. 225 00:18:16,855 --> 00:18:22,175 I behave this way, the excuses, I behave this way because this happened to me. 226 00:18:23,675 --> 00:18:24,815 You have to release that. 227 00:18:26,455 --> 00:18:26,675 Yes. 228 00:18:28,375 --> 00:18:35,355 Um, and once you release that you can stand tall and brave and begin to share, 229 00:18:35,625 --> 00:18:37,715 even if it's not worldwide like I'm doing. 230 00:18:39,145 --> 00:18:43,035 Even if it's with your family and your friends and your support system. 231 00:18:44,395 --> 00:18:49,845 Um, but those are the first three steps and they are essential. 232 00:18:52,905 --> 00:18:53,195 Yeah. 233 00:18:53,625 --> 00:18:53,915 Yeah. 234 00:18:54,375 --> 00:18:55,955 Really, that's good advice. 235 00:18:58,035 --> 00:19:01,275 Tackling it, it, you need to find support. 236 00:19:02,375 --> 00:19:11,120 And a lot of people, they, they are afraid to ask for help when that is 237 00:19:11,260 --> 00:19:17,919 one of the most critical steps of recovery is when you need help, you 238 00:19:17,919 --> 00:19:19,760 need to acknowledge you need help. 239 00:19:20,540 --> 00:19:30,220 So I found podcasting and podcasting gave me the ability to find out who I 240 00:19:30,520 --> 00:19:41,300 was and it's given me the ability to step forward with a voice and learn, by 241 00:19:41,410 --> 00:19:45,020 baby steps, how to advocate for others. 242 00:19:46,250 --> 00:19:55,709 And once I started doing that, it really made me feel like I was worth, myself, 243 00:19:56,250 --> 00:20:03,070 you know, I had a worth of value where I did not understand my value before. 244 00:20:03,810 --> 00:20:12,399 So understanding you do have a gift and a, a purpose, and finding it is important. 245 00:20:14,620 --> 00:20:20,350 What's guidance to try to find that purpose in your life? 246 00:20:20,700 --> 00:20:28,430 What are those underlying, you know, steps that we have to 247 00:20:28,430 --> 00:20:31,070 take to step into that purpose? 248 00:20:33,600 --> 00:20:34,730 Your pain is your purpose. 249 00:20:37,290 --> 00:20:38,340 It's that simple. 250 00:20:39,330 --> 00:20:40,980 Your pain is your purpose. 251 00:20:41,920 --> 00:20:46,020 We, we, we don't go through these things for nothing. 252 00:20:47,845 --> 00:20:49,655 Your pain is your purpose. 253 00:20:49,915 --> 00:20:57,455 The very thing that I carried shame for my entire life is the very 254 00:20:57,465 --> 00:20:59,335 thing that makes me beautiful. 255 00:21:00,405 --> 00:21:03,935 It's the very thing that heals women. 256 00:21:06,405 --> 00:21:07,465 It was my pain. 257 00:21:08,685 --> 00:21:11,504 It was the agony, my trauma. 258 00:21:13,650 --> 00:21:15,790 You turn that into your purpose. 259 00:21:16,140 --> 00:21:19,310 Your purpose is not to be a graphic designer for Google. 260 00:21:20,370 --> 00:21:23,190 That's no one's purpose, that's someone else's vision. 261 00:21:25,340 --> 00:21:27,750 Your purpose is yours alone. 262 00:21:28,930 --> 00:21:31,550 We were born with it, we will leave with it. 263 00:21:33,410 --> 00:21:35,710 But it's your pain. 264 00:21:37,140 --> 00:21:37,910 It's that simple. 265 00:21:40,410 --> 00:21:41,510 But we overcomplicate it. 266 00:21:45,060 --> 00:21:45,940 I like that a lot. 267 00:21:48,130 --> 00:21:48,420 Yeah. 268 00:21:48,970 --> 00:21:49,260 Yeah. 269 00:21:49,530 --> 00:21:56,980 There's a lot of complications in life and understanding that you control these 270 00:21:57,120 --> 00:22:03,660 by putting boundaries on your life, the people, the places, the things, you know? 271 00:22:03,690 --> 00:22:08,665 Because those three things, people, places, and things, they control you. 272 00:22:09,045 --> 00:22:18,635 And if you learn to control that, that is when you find golden, you 273 00:22:18,635 --> 00:22:20,155 know, everything becomes clear. 274 00:22:22,295 --> 00:22:23,435 So, so, 275 00:22:24,795 --> 00:22:28,715 I, it's so funny you said people, places, and things, because 276 00:22:28,815 --> 00:22:30,995 that's what I teach on my TikToks. 277 00:22:32,295 --> 00:22:36,015 I always tell them your boundaries need to be with people, places, and things. 278 00:22:39,345 --> 00:22:39,635 Amen. 279 00:22:39,975 --> 00:22:40,645 Uh, okay. 280 00:22:40,645 --> 00:22:44,915 So let me share with you my muddy shoe theory. 281 00:22:45,655 --> 00:22:56,035 It, it's, life is like, you're a muddy shoe, and life is a muddy path, and 282 00:22:56,985 --> 00:23:01,555 life is, people, places, and things, that's the mud that collects on you. 283 00:23:02,335 --> 00:23:08,555 And if you've ever walked down a muddy trail, you know how heavy it gets. 284 00:23:08,735 --> 00:23:10,955 It gets thick and it can build up. 285 00:23:12,375 --> 00:23:16,835 You learn quickly to wipe that mud off and scrape it away. 286 00:23:17,990 --> 00:23:22,129 The good mud, the good people, places and things, they're gonna 287 00:23:22,199 --> 00:23:24,129 stay up in the tread of your shoe. 288 00:23:24,189 --> 00:23:28,370 And you can't get rid of that unless you hose it out and really 289 00:23:28,870 --> 00:23:30,689 get aggressive to get rid of that. 290 00:23:31,389 --> 00:23:39,680 So life is like a muddy shoe walking down a trail, you need to find a rock, 291 00:23:40,080 --> 00:23:47,320 a stick, uh, whatever, and get rid of that mud because that will allow you 292 00:23:47,420 --> 00:23:55,060 to be lighter, cleaner, and it, it will allow you to finish without being tired. 293 00:23:57,200 --> 00:23:59,300 So I like to share that with people. 294 00:24:01,620 --> 00:24:08,399 So Tywanah, could you tell us about the Heal Her Summit and the Why Movement? 295 00:24:10,395 --> 00:24:16,335 Yes, the Heal Her Summit of Global Movement for Survivors of Abuse is 296 00:24:16,455 --> 00:24:18,895 a summit that starts next Friday. 297 00:24:19,995 --> 00:24:25,695 Um, I've been working, I can't even tell you how hard to put this together, 298 00:24:26,595 --> 00:24:30,054 but this came straight from the divine. 299 00:24:30,205 --> 00:24:32,534 This was not something I wanted to do. 300 00:24:33,435 --> 00:24:37,855 Um, when I heard it, my, my mother is always on my right side, so 301 00:24:37,925 --> 00:24:43,675 when she said, Summit, I said, No thanks, and continued on my day. 302 00:24:44,055 --> 00:24:46,595 And the next day she goes, Summit. 303 00:24:46,735 --> 00:24:48,875 And I said, See, I'm talking at three next week. 304 00:24:49,024 --> 00:24:49,955 It's on my calendar. 305 00:24:50,735 --> 00:24:52,635 And I continued on with my day. 306 00:24:53,095 --> 00:24:56,795 And you remember parents back in the day when we didn't do our 307 00:24:56,795 --> 00:24:59,355 chores, how they would wake us up in the middle of the night? 308 00:25:01,445 --> 00:25:08,270 1:31 AM, it feels like something's brushing, you know, like this close 309 00:25:08,270 --> 00:25:15,910 to me and I hear Summit and I'm like, Oh God, are you kidding me? 310 00:25:15,910 --> 00:25:18,110 Like, this happens in the afterlife too? 311 00:25:18,190 --> 00:25:19,230 I thought this was over. 312 00:25:19,690 --> 00:25:24,770 And I got up and it literally just flowed through me. 313 00:25:24,930 --> 00:25:28,290 I had no name, no title, no what, what is it supposed to be? 314 00:25:28,629 --> 00:25:32,210 And it all just came to me and by the next morning, the website was done. 315 00:25:33,590 --> 00:25:36,030 I called my bestie and she's like, What are we doing? 316 00:25:37,190 --> 00:25:45,790 And so it is free, we've got speakers from all over the world. 317 00:25:47,380 --> 00:25:50,840 It is going to be powerful and impactful. 318 00:25:51,700 --> 00:25:58,900 We have dropped the ugly divide between religion and spirituality, 319 00:25:59,080 --> 00:26:01,020 and we are coming together. 320 00:26:02,979 --> 00:26:10,639 For the purpose of giving women options and showing them that they can heal. 321 00:26:10,820 --> 00:26:16,899 But the most interesting thing about it is all of us were abused 322 00:26:19,939 --> 00:26:24,360 and so, or have suffered great, great traumas. 323 00:26:25,740 --> 00:26:31,105 And we all have different specialties and modalities, we've got, you know, 324 00:26:31,764 --> 00:26:35,425 uh, people who are in church, we've got people who are Buddhist, we've got 325 00:26:35,425 --> 00:26:40,625 people who are spiritual, and we are just all coming together to love on women. 326 00:26:40,965 --> 00:26:45,175 And there are going to be, I can't even tell you how many freebies, 327 00:26:45,415 --> 00:26:46,815 downloads, free consultations, 328 00:26:47,195 --> 00:26:49,055 um, free classes, free courses. 329 00:26:49,995 --> 00:26:55,215 Um, I've got mental health specialists that, that are providing all these 330 00:26:55,615 --> 00:26:57,535 resources that, that are unknown. 331 00:26:57,535 --> 00:27:02,335 They're not like on the national registry for, for women to heal, um, 332 00:27:02,395 --> 00:27:06,335 to find, you know, shelter if they need it and, and things like that. 333 00:27:06,515 --> 00:27:12,815 So we, there are a lot of us coming together for this and, um, we've 334 00:27:12,815 --> 00:27:14,495 had our bumps in the road, but 335 00:27:16,665 --> 00:27:17,565 the right people 336 00:27:19,680 --> 00:27:25,830 are coming together with the right energy to just love on whoever's there, 337 00:27:26,020 --> 00:27:32,230 whoever's watching, and let them know that we are all out here fighting for them. 338 00:27:33,810 --> 00:27:41,430 Um, through the summit, I'm working on the summit again, and my mother goes, Why? 339 00:27:41,430 --> 00:27:42,430 And I said, I don't know why. 340 00:27:43,470 --> 00:27:45,930 We have that kind of relationship and 341 00:27:48,230 --> 00:27:48,850 it hit me. 342 00:27:50,420 --> 00:27:51,120 It hit me. 343 00:27:53,280 --> 00:27:55,780 And so I added it to the summit page. 344 00:27:56,200 --> 00:28:06,150 And it is, I am collecting 500 women's whys to place in an anthology. 345 00:28:07,710 --> 00:28:09,230 I just want one sentence. 346 00:28:11,260 --> 00:28:12,879 Why didn't you report it? 347 00:28:13,070 --> 00:28:14,600 Everybody asks us that. 348 00:28:14,660 --> 00:28:20,200 Nobody asks the offender any questions, they get away with whatever. 349 00:28:21,650 --> 00:28:26,750 But the people who are traumatized, the survivors, 'cause we're not victims, 350 00:28:28,920 --> 00:28:30,420 are the ones who are asked why. 351 00:28:31,450 --> 00:28:32,470 Why this, why that? 352 00:28:33,440 --> 00:28:42,020 And so I am collecting 500 women's whys, I am meeting with publishers, but I also 353 00:28:42,020 --> 00:28:43,820 know how to self-publish if we need to. 354 00:28:45,210 --> 00:28:48,230 And the proceeds from the book are going back to the survivors. 355 00:28:48,230 --> 00:28:50,550 That is not my money, it is not my trauma. 356 00:28:52,240 --> 00:29:00,070 Um, each page will have one woman's Why, because I'm giving her that voice. 357 00:29:00,189 --> 00:29:02,189 I don't want her mixed up in between. 358 00:29:04,449 --> 00:29:08,250 I want the impact to be that great. 359 00:29:09,705 --> 00:29:13,445 You're taking up the page, you're taking up space, and this is 360 00:29:13,445 --> 00:29:14,845 your chance to use your voice. 361 00:29:15,225 --> 00:29:20,885 And they can use pen names, I don't care if they use SpongeBob 362 00:29:20,885 --> 00:29:23,555 Squarepants as their pen name. 363 00:29:25,735 --> 00:29:31,275 I'm the only one, my, my, my three colleagues and I, um, the, the, the three 364 00:29:31,275 --> 00:29:38,285 women who are on my team voluntarily, who donate their time, their money, and their 365 00:29:38,345 --> 00:29:45,475 energy to the causes because they believe in my purpose, we are the only ones who 366 00:29:45,475 --> 00:29:50,945 will know who that woman actually is and only so that she can receive her check. 367 00:29:54,295 --> 00:29:55,545 I like that a lot. 368 00:29:55,865 --> 00:30:02,015 You know, just that simplicity of your why. 369 00:30:02,715 --> 00:30:07,120 You know, if you can figure that one statement out, you can move mountains. 370 00:30:07,620 --> 00:30:10,680 And that's what you're doing with this movement here. 371 00:30:11,060 --> 00:30:16,480 So I congratulate you and I applaud you, and I encourage you to keep doing it. 372 00:30:16,870 --> 00:30:19,160 This is only the start is this not? 373 00:30:21,860 --> 00:30:26,640 So you, you intend more to come, of these summits then? 374 00:30:28,260 --> 00:30:29,320 The summits, yes. 375 00:30:29,500 --> 00:30:31,320 And the Why Movement, yes. 376 00:30:31,659 --> 00:30:39,080 Um, I am right now doing my studies to, um, find out the proper way to begin a 377 00:30:39,080 --> 00:30:45,879 nonprofit to help women who have been abused have the resources to heal. 378 00:30:46,580 --> 00:30:51,870 Because the first thing that offenders do is affect the finances. 379 00:30:53,760 --> 00:30:54,050 Yeah. 380 00:30:54,890 --> 00:30:55,180 Yeah. 381 00:30:55,530 --> 00:30:56,540 That, that's big. 382 00:30:57,080 --> 00:30:59,580 And you know, men, 383 00:31:01,890 --> 00:31:07,080 men, they, they can be men, let's just leave it at that. 384 00:31:07,380 --> 00:31:15,390 And, you know, so the, the point behind that is, women, you are people. 385 00:31:16,170 --> 00:31:19,950 You have a purpose and it's a very powerful purpose. 386 00:31:21,420 --> 00:31:28,790 Without you, there is none of us because you are the womb of society. 387 00:31:29,770 --> 00:31:37,460 And men, to you, you need to understand that and cherish these people. 388 00:31:38,399 --> 00:31:44,700 So we are different, men and women, but we live and cohabitate 389 00:31:45,220 --> 00:31:46,820 together and we need each other. 390 00:31:47,800 --> 00:31:52,780 So the best way to understand each other is communication. 391 00:31:54,325 --> 00:31:57,895 Stop ignoring each other and start talking to each other. 392 00:31:58,575 --> 00:32:04,215 I find that to be one of the biggest troubles that we have as society is 393 00:32:04,415 --> 00:32:06,215 learning to communicate with each other. 394 00:32:07,075 --> 00:32:09,615 What's your thoughts on that, Tywanah? 395 00:32:10,285 --> 00:32:12,455 Well, it takes emotional intelligence. 396 00:32:14,105 --> 00:32:19,725 It, it takes emotional intelligence and, um, if you do not do your 397 00:32:19,725 --> 00:32:21,445 healing work, you don't have it. 398 00:32:21,765 --> 00:32:25,125 I raised my three children with the emotional intelligence of 399 00:32:25,165 --> 00:32:27,325 a fifteen-year-old, because that's where it stopped. 400 00:32:28,155 --> 00:32:32,665 That was my biggest trauma, and that's where it stops. 401 00:32:33,525 --> 00:32:41,465 So we have a bunch of, you know, traumatized gentlemen out here who, you 402 00:32:41,465 --> 00:32:47,250 know, either their mothers turn them into narcissists or, you know, they, 403 00:32:47,250 --> 00:32:51,729 they don't wanna deal with their trauma and, and they act like five-year-olds. 404 00:32:53,020 --> 00:32:58,959 Um, so just as much as we need to heal, men need people to heal them too. 405 00:32:59,100 --> 00:33:04,479 And, and, and I am very connected to a gentleman who does heal men. 406 00:33:04,780 --> 00:33:10,560 So, you know, I, it, it's not like I can't refer them to their healing as well. 407 00:33:11,450 --> 00:33:15,910 Um, but it, it, it takes healing on both sides. 408 00:33:16,190 --> 00:33:21,190 I mean, especially, you know, when we're divorcing, and, and we've got kids from a 409 00:33:21,350 --> 00:33:26,310 previous marriage, and there's all these complications and things involved in life 410 00:33:26,450 --> 00:33:29,070 now that weren't there forty years ago. 411 00:33:31,190 --> 00:33:35,770 So gentlemen are, you know, rising up in this movement of 412 00:33:35,770 --> 00:33:37,800 they want their grandmothers back. 413 00:33:38,610 --> 00:33:43,685 And women are not saying we have a, a problem being in that space, we're 414 00:33:43,685 --> 00:33:47,365 just saying we want to feel safe. 415 00:33:49,274 --> 00:33:51,814 We want to feel protected. 416 00:33:54,585 --> 00:33:59,544 A lot of us went out and got jobs and, and climbed the corporate ladder, 417 00:34:00,635 --> 00:34:06,644 not because we wanted to leave our children with a babysitter but because 418 00:34:06,644 --> 00:34:10,605 we didn't feel safe or protected. 419 00:34:12,844 --> 00:34:13,804 I like that a lot. 420 00:34:15,275 --> 00:34:19,614 You know, that, that truth right there, men need to hear. 421 00:34:20,234 --> 00:34:26,955 And you know, stepping up and being responsible, that's 422 00:34:26,955 --> 00:34:27,995 really what it's about. 423 00:34:28,295 --> 00:34:32,324 And that emotional intelligence is key. 424 00:34:32,945 --> 00:34:34,725 And yes, you're so right. 425 00:34:34,725 --> 00:34:41,245 There's so many young men, lost, misguided, and it's up to us as a 426 00:34:41,245 --> 00:34:43,445 society to bring that back to the center. 427 00:34:43,904 --> 00:34:51,094 And I, I really see a lot of people taking part and helping bring that back. 428 00:34:51,614 --> 00:34:53,935 I, I really see a movement starting. 429 00:34:55,315 --> 00:34:56,255 Do you feel that? 430 00:34:57,695 --> 00:34:59,345 Yeah, I feel the inertia of it. 431 00:34:59,404 --> 00:34:59,904 Yes, I do. 432 00:35:01,865 --> 00:35:03,395 Yeah, that, that's really good. 433 00:35:04,055 --> 00:35:08,635 So Tywanah, is there anything that we've missed that you think we 434 00:35:08,635 --> 00:35:11,315 should discuss before we end this? 435 00:35:12,455 --> 00:35:12,675 No. 436 00:35:12,775 --> 00:35:16,755 We, we just have to heal our hurts, we have to heal our hurts. 437 00:35:17,335 --> 00:35:22,875 You can't go around, um, I use the image of a backpack full of bricks or a, 438 00:35:23,435 --> 00:35:25,075 remember those old storage locker trunks? 439 00:35:26,900 --> 00:35:31,500 I, I always tell my clients, You've got this trunk in your subconscious 440 00:35:32,400 --> 00:35:36,700 and you've put clothes, and cinder blocks, and concrete, and you're, 441 00:35:36,700 --> 00:35:38,180 and you're trying to hide it, right? 442 00:35:38,640 --> 00:35:42,259 It will never hide, it's always gonna come back in some way, shape, form, or fashion. 443 00:35:43,270 --> 00:35:44,680 It's going to show up. 444 00:35:46,150 --> 00:35:52,529 So let's chip away at it, open up Pandora's box, get it out, 445 00:35:53,480 --> 00:35:57,410 clean everything out, and replace it with goodness and self-love. 446 00:35:58,650 --> 00:36:03,319 Um, so, and I use the chakra system to do it, so 447 00:36:05,720 --> 00:36:06,009 Yeah. 448 00:36:06,480 --> 00:36:07,009 Good, good. 449 00:36:07,509 --> 00:36:10,140 You know, it, it's okay to be broken. 450 00:36:10,910 --> 00:36:15,170 Uh, all, all you need to do is find the glue to put yourself back 451 00:36:15,450 --> 00:36:19,690 together, and that glue is gonna be those people, places, and things. 452 00:36:20,440 --> 00:36:26,540 Find the right people, the right places, and the right things to put 453 00:36:26,600 --> 00:36:32,260 in your life, and that's glue that will bind you in the right way. 454 00:36:32,840 --> 00:36:34,835 So I really, 455 00:36:36,865 --> 00:36:40,435 yeah, I really love conversations like this. 456 00:36:41,885 --> 00:36:42,345 Go ahead. 457 00:36:44,325 --> 00:36:49,265 The book that I am in, um, the book that my story is in, my story is called 458 00:36:49,625 --> 00:36:53,075 Kintsugi, um, The Making of a Goddess. 459 00:36:53,575 --> 00:36:58,475 And it's a Japanese art where when a ceramic bowl falls and cracks, 460 00:36:58,745 --> 00:37:00,235 they put it back together with gold. 461 00:37:01,680 --> 00:37:03,700 It becomes more valuable than it ever was. 462 00:37:05,040 --> 00:37:09,660 And so my cracks are filled with gold now. 463 00:37:10,250 --> 00:37:15,060 I've got the most amazing friends, don't have a lot of 'em because I don't want 464 00:37:15,220 --> 00:37:22,940 'em, um, but the ones that I have, there is nothing they wouldn't do for me. 465 00:37:24,370 --> 00:37:28,230 Um, so I have my gold, my cracks are full of gold. 466 00:37:30,535 --> 00:37:31,115 That's awesome. 467 00:37:31,615 --> 00:37:36,075 You know, and, and that is a, a treasure in your life when you 468 00:37:36,485 --> 00:37:39,155 understand that simple thing. 469 00:37:41,065 --> 00:37:42,145 Tywanah, 470 00:37:42,695 --> 00:37:43,755 And my babies are healing. 471 00:37:44,375 --> 00:37:44,595 Yes. 472 00:37:45,375 --> 00:37:51,405 How can people find you, reach out to you, and get involved with you? 473 00:37:53,015 --> 00:37:58,685 Black butterfly goddess on every social media platform as well as my website. 474 00:37:59,545 --> 00:38:04,485 Um, and then the summit is heal her, all one word, .biz. 475 00:38:05,585 --> 00:38:10,715 You're a very powerful force and I appreciate what you're doing. 476 00:38:10,805 --> 00:38:14,275 Thank you for sharing it here today with us on the Dead America Podcast. 477 00:38:16,165 --> 00:38:16,675 Thank you. 478 00:38:20,485 --> 00:38:22,155 Thank you for joining us today. 479 00:38:22,855 --> 00:38:28,970 If you found this podcast enlightening, entertaining, educational in any way, 480 00:38:29,870 --> 00:38:36,210 please share, like, subscribe, and join us right back here next week for another 481 00:38:36,339 --> 00:38:39,290 great episode of the Dead America Podcast. 482 00:38:40,029 --> 00:38:45,609 I'm Ed Watters, your host, enjoy your afternoon wherever you might be.